A Stranger With A Pen

Poems in Dutch and English about anything that comes in my mind

[astrangerwithapen]

"I'm afraid to leave.

Because I'm scared that when I come back tomorrow,

You won't recognize me,

And I won't recognize you anymore."

[astrangerwithapen]

If Love is a weapon,

Than cursed I will be.

For in every war there shall be,

I will be brought to my knees.

And surrender to Love's mighty power.

For I am a believer for Her,

For I would be a sinner if She wants me to be.

If She demands to throw down my weapons,

I will do so and throw myself down alongside them,

To worship Her by her feet.

Because if Love is a weapon,

I would not mind to be faced by Her.

Cause if Love is a weapon that will show me the end,

I will only see it as a new beginning under Love's loving eyes.

[astrangerwithapen]

We reached a crossroad.

And you stand there, afraid to cross.

While I'm crossing.

And I want to come back,

But cars stop me from it.

I try to reach you,

But I can't.

You have to cross on your own.

But you don't.

Instead you walk back.

Away from me.

You embrace old memories,

And not the ones closer by.

I feel you're slipping,

Out of reach.

But I can't go back,

To bring you back.

To help you cross.

I watch you go.

And that is all I can do.

Watch you go back,

Till I am no one,

Till your memories of me have been left behind,

As you go further away.

And leave my memories behind,

Leave me behind.

[astrangerwithapen]

" I never talk about you.

Perhaps because I'm afraid that once I talk everything comes back.

The fact that I miss you but you,

You don't miss me.

The fact that even after all the hurting,

I still love you.

I mean, I claim that I hate you,

That you don't exist for me anymore.

You're just someone I used to know.

A side character that dissapeared in the background.

But when I'm alone and my mask drop,

I'm a lonely person.

When my ice heart thaws a bit,

I still ache for your love.

Your warm embrace,

Your soothing words.

But they wouldn't be the same anymore.

You wouldn't be the same anymore.

Afterall you cut me.

You made those wounds.

You froze my heart.

You made me build those tall walls to keep people like you outside.

You made me hard.

Tough.

I don't let people close because of you.

I don't trust "I love you's" anymore because of you.

You made those words taste like a poison.

Like a sick lie.

A sharp lie, ready to stab me in the back.

I don't trust you.

Even when I want to,

I can't.

So I don't talk about you.

So I don't feel those things.

So I won't miss you.

So I won't let you hurt me again."

[astrangerwithapen]

You speak and talk,

As if nothing ever happened between us.

As if the words we shouted in anger,

Were not there.

Like they dissapeared in thin air,

Like the rain washed them away.

You make jokes,

To conceal the fact that we,

We are actually not okay.

Did you truly forget?

How your words were knives?

And you stuck them in my back.

And now they are still in there,

Waiting to be taken out.

[astrangerwithapen]

" You and me,

We were never meant to work.

You were everything... Good.

While I was just... Bad.

You were building yourself up.

And if it meant taking pieces of me.

You wouldn't mind it.

You collected everything you needed,

From me.

And left me broken behind.

And I,

I said:

Thank you.

I believed that I,

Deserved that.

But I wasn't bad,

Like I first believed.

The roles got switched in my head."

[astrangerwithapen]

"I think I spilled my guts,

Told you my secrets.

And thought you would keep them safe.

I gave you a glimpse of what was left,

And all you did was take it all,

And give nothing in return.

Was it greed?

That you felt when you took every last piece of me."

[astrangerwithapen]

How do I say that everything I do,

Is to not remind me of you.

Because every simple thing takes me back to the time,

Where your words held meaning,

And they didn't feel like a silent threat.

But now as we speak,

I'm afraid that out of nowhere I will bleed.

Without knowing where the wound came from.

Or how to heal them.

So I just stay quiet,

And swallow the pain.

And keep in all the hurt.

In hope someday you will let me go

[astrangerwithapen]

You asked me: "why does it hurt you so much?"

You said: "Maybe the problem lies with you."

You shoved the blame on my plate.

And forced me to take it.

And I took it.

Because maybe the blame did lay with me.

I let you in, knowing fully well you would hurt me in the end.

I watched you break people and I allowed you to do the same to me.

I saw how you used them and I accepted the same.

Knowing that once you grew tired, you would throw me away like a broken doll.

You would make me believe that you were the victim.

That you did nothing wrong.

And how I believed it.

I couldn't believe I was so stupid.

But love makes you blind.

And I was blind while you were not.

I was in love and you,

You used me.

[astrangerwithapen]

This head of mine is a storming sea.

The waves are crashing over me.

It feels like its pulling me under the surface.

And no one will notice if I just sink.

This head of mine is a storming sea.

And it feels like I'm caught in the current.

I'm so tired of trying to swim,

When all I want is to float.

Yeah, I can't get out.

And I dont know how.

It feels like I'm drowning all the time.

[astrangerwithapen]

De klok gaat verder.

Zijn wijzers staan nooit stil.

En terwijl elke klokslag me meer verwijderd,

Blijven woorden me tekort schieten.

Ik wil zeggen hoeveel ik van jou hou,

Maar ik weet niet meer hoe je me zou kunnen verstaan.

Want je kijkt me aan,

Maar je ziet me niet.

Je knikt gewoon,

Maar je begrijpt me niet.

Nee, je slipt door mijn vingers heen,

Alsof ik lucht probeer te vangen.

En God weet, hoe hard ik mijn best doe,

Om van elk moment te genieten.

Nu je hier nog bent.

Maar de momenten beginnen schaars te voelen,

En ze voelen niet meer echt.

Want ik zie jou,

Je zit voor mij.

Maar jij ziet mij niet.

Niet meer.

En ik ben bang voor het moment waarop ik hallo zeg,

En jij me aanstaart terwijl je je afvraagt wie ik ben.

Ik ben bang om vergeten te worden,

Want jij neemt zoveel pagina's in,

In mijn verhaal.

Terwijl ik simpelweg uit jouw boek gescheurd zal worden.

En het enige bewijs dat ik er ooit was,

Zijn de scheuren die je hart achterlaat.

Want ik weet dat je hart me niet wilt loslaten.

Maar je brein wel.

Dus ik zeg elke keer opnieuw dat ik van je hou.

In de hoop dat ik het genoeg zeg,

Zodat je hart niet vergeten zal dat ik zielsveel van je hou,

Ookal herinner je me niet meer.

[astrangerwithapen]

The water never used to be this murky.

There used to be a time when we could see the bottom and would not be surprised at what we found in the sand.

But now, we don't.

Our next step may be right off the edge,

And we would have to swim.

Our next step may be in a piece of carbage that is polluting these waters.

It may cut us, hurt us and we may bleed.

We may turn the water red and make it harder to see.

We may take guesses and wonder if what we do will be right.

Or we may stay where we are sure there is ground under our feet.

We may be afraid of what is lurking beneath the surface.

We may go back to shore.

Or we may venture deeper.

But all I can do is wonder,

Why did this clear water turn so murky in only a mere seconds?

[astrangerwithapen]

I need you to know that I still love you.

Even when you think we have a fight.

Even when you don't know who I really am anymore.

Even when you don't say anything,

Or when you don't want to see me.

I still love you.

You may not know who you are anymore.

But I still do.

And I still love you.

And I will love you forever even when you won't remember me.

[astrangerwithapen]

My skin is not perfect.

It has scars that cover miles and miles of what used to be smooth skin.

My skin has cracks, to give you a peek of what is underneath.

But I don't think you will like what you will find when you take a look at what I hide.

Because I hide it, so it will not be found.

I hide it, so it is a story unreadt.

And I don't want readers to uncover all the twists and all the secrets in between the lines.

I don't want readers to judge what I could not tell but write.

I don't want my words to have a voice and volume.

I want them to be muted and quiet.

I want them to just be letters on a page.

Sentences locked in a cage.

[astrangerwithapen]

I'm scared to become a stranger in a story I belong.

I'm scared to just become a name on a page.

I'm scared to seem familiar but you can't really place.

[astrangerwithapen]

"Was I just a dissapointment?

Was I not enough for you?

Was I not what you wanted me to be?

Maybe there is a universe,

Where I'm still your little girl.

But I know we both would know,

That that girl would never be me.

Only an empty shell you created.

As you killed the inside,

To decorate the outside."

[astrangerwithapen]

As the Moon loved the Sun

As the moon loved the sun.

How she died every morning for her lover to rise.

How only a mere seconds were spent when she was able to see the sun and mutter those three words:

"I love you."

How she watched her lover be loved as people danced under her.

But when she rose most were gone and she was alone.

But it was okay,

She loved the sun.

And she would die every morning over and over again to make sure the sun would feel loved when she brightened the day.

She would be alone every night again,

Knowing that her lover would never be.

Because the moon loved the sun so much,

That she forgot to sometimes love herself.

The moon loved the sun.

But did the sun love the moon in return?