Me the day Aries season starts: who the fuck want war?
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@astroslurpee
Me the day Aries season starts: who the fuck want war?
What are big signs the venus signs are into you? ;)
Venus in Aries:
They’ll treat you like a friend so you might not know honestly. They’ll likely FaceTime, suggest hangouts or actively try to see you in a physical or cyber way as a means of conveying their interest. They also light up like a light when they talk to you(you might not notice but their family and friends will). They won’t do sex talk or anything like that but they’ll be very active and energetic when it comes to you.
Key words :“taking the initiative”
Venus in Taurus:
They’ll be SLOOOWWWWW. And I mean slower than molasses chilè. They tend to be sensual and ardent so expect things like holding the door open, or if they’re a girl expect things such as fixing your shirt or pulling things out of your hair. They’re also very patient and kind hearted towards the person they like, they don’t expend much energy towards strangers a lot of the time so if they are being extra warm and fuzzy with you they are diggin you. They usually suggest staying in and or late night meets for food(not sex!). They tend to be extremely good listeners and very! Non judgemental when they like a person so you’ll often naturally feel at ease when they like you because of the aurua of compassion and care they surround you with.
Key word: “disciplined”
Venus in Gemini :
TALKATIVE! Gurl! They will talk your head off and have the brightest smile doing so. Men and women here tend to flirt like the devil when they want someone, it can turn into an investigation though if you let them! They’ll ask you all sorts of things because you become a fancy book with beautiful lilac pages that they want to graciously devour. They can lack a filter and often times can seem to talk to you more of like a friend or sibiling when the other Gemini twin pulls up to the scene. They’ll confuse you with their hot and cold actions mainly because two halves of them are at work. They will be very bubbly and open as hell when they like you! Even if they have a sun in the 8th these people will be A TELL ALL story when they like you endlessly excited to discover you. If they are atleast asking about you or curious then they aren’t feeling it.
Key words : “Mental gymnastics”
Venus in Cancer :
Shy! They aren’t easy to read and can seem a bit like the type to send you deep signals and then fly back as far as a mountain away right after. They tend to throw out hints like, offering food, subtle touching or throwing out e-vites here and there with no co-sign leaving you to figure it out which might make you feel like you’re the crazy one. Nothing is obvious with them and that’s normally how you know they like you! When you start feeling like you might “be reading to deep into it” that’s when you know they’re feeling you. They’re very nurturing and sensitive when they like you so if you notice them claming up when you raise your voice or when you (accidentally) send them the vibe you’re not in the mood, you’ll know they like you.
Key words : “interested but scared”
Venus in Leo :
Okay so I’ve seen many wrong articles about how Leo’s or Venus in Leo for the matter act when they like someone! And I’ve seen many people ask on Quora or ask.com or even lindaland and be terribly misinformed. Leo Venus isn’t “showy” nor will they send you flowers to your job like some sit-com aha! It’s not impossible but it’s not really how most of them go about it! Venus in Leo tend to be cool as a cucumber when they like someone for a long time too. It’s when they get past the curious cat stage that they start showing more viable signs! The first stage for Venus in Leo is called, curious : this much like a normal house cat is the stage in which they observe and Analyze you from a far and sometimes even through conversation. They listen to your speech, your reactions, your thoughts and feelings and can seem rather focused and koi to you during this stage! Straight faced starring, a sort of detached and distant aura, hell during this phase you might think they don’t give a rats behind about you. Phase two, enticement : this is when they have stepped into their pounce stature, they’re done observing and now are in the pre-hunting state. During this stature they are slightly more open and talkative, they are now centering their famous Leo “attention” on you and can shower you with their leo like graciousness and beautiful smiles showing that they want you to feel secure and also to let you know much like and animal after being petted that they want more of your “intimacy. “ phase three, HUNT : this is the last phase and this phase last up till marriage and so on if you make it that far! So this stature is straight forward, after they are clear of your intention and know you desire and want them and they’ve also deceived you’re worth it as they are very loyal and deep people once they find that your energy matches their long term they start their chase. This can be anything from creating intimacy, giving you their time, offering meet ups or private get togethers, being protective, openly being jealous(this is big because during phase one and two they don’t show their jealously, it’s mainly hidden and played off). And their sensitive side is even more visible.
Key words “The phases”
Venus in virgo:
Venus in virgos are very pragmatic when they like someone so they tend to go out of their way to help or assist someone they like. This much like Leo starts slow and then gradually builds into full on aid. They often can groom and “fix” someone when they like them usually attempting to start small but aiming pretty big as they loose the ability to observe when they’re being to “helpful.” So if they seem overly interested in your well being and health THEY LIKE U! Virgo Venus are pretty cold and inverted to strangers and don’t readily show their helpful and considerate nature unless it’s to people they trust and are close to! Be it family, lover and so on. Compassionate nature outwardly even to strangers is more Venus in the 6th. They are practical though so they will be guarded and very cautious so if they get mixed signals from you they may periodically be distant or pull back to regroup and figure out a better strategy. Much like their sun sigh counterpart they can be moody and have spells where they are less communicative then others but if they try to be kind and responsive despite these then they really like you.
Key words : “ the assistant”
Venus in Libra :
Okay so venus in Libra is chivalrous but obvious much like Aries. They don’t like sugar coating and suck at pretending so if they’re not really interested they aren’t going to lead you stray rather they’ll be blunt through their actions of their lack of interest. Venus in Libra is very flirty and smiley when they like someone and they naturally extend their hand to show you they like you! Be it an eagerness at you invitations to hang out(you’ll likely be initiating it because they tend to be more of the reciever). They tend to be very classy with it though so if they seem extra on their best behavior or dressed up around you take the hint, They are feeling UUUUU! If they also seem to get jealous at you hanging out harmlessly with others that’s also apart of the Libra Venus treatment! Venus in Libra isn’t as bad as Scorpio in the jealous department but when they like you they can act pretty diva like. Another common indicator is their sweet and rather romantic disposition that they tend to emanate towards you! They normally go great lengths to ensure your pleasure and can seem like yes men or women when ever you suggest or ask them something! You become their favorite and most important aspect so they extend quite a bit of energy towards you.
Key words : “Mr and Mrs Involved”
Venus in Scorpio :
Let’s be honest all those Scorpio forums are right! They can seem irritable, angry, grouchy and down right like ass holes with some edgy stick to their bum when they like you. They’re giving you a mask and the mask gets more fierce the more they like you. I’ll tell you a simple secret! (Feel free to kill me Scorpio’s!) they treat strangers and or people they don’t really care for or like with a sweeter more sociable air and can seem “interested” in them but that’s actually a sign of “disinterest” as Scorpio Venus tend to like depth and passion in their romances. So when they really like someone, due to their instinctual fear of rejection and being vulnerable they can seem rather mean when they know they have feelings for someone out of a need to protect themselves. The only subtle way to know immediately is if they stare! The famous Scorpio stare is very real and an easy give away of Scorpio placements! When they stare they are fantasizing, observing, plotting, processing, wanting and all. They up the ante usually by subtly testing responses or reactions through specific behavior which can make them seem weirdly distant than fiercely intimate at random times. The hot and cold behavior is also another indication but more so down the line as they tend to do this if they are having intense feelings and need to cool them off.
Key words : “The grinch”
Venus in Sagittarius :
I don’t know if you guys remember beck from “you” on Netflix but she is A PERFECT example of a venus in sag. The men and women here ARE lax when they like someone. They don’t act out of character and don’t really do any shoots and ladders to pretend or protect themselves in any way. The give away about their attraction is how relaxed and unbothered they seem by the whole ordeal! They may be a naturally serious person, or maybe a rather OCD or even someone who’s rather nervous energy but when they are around you they seem like some mobster in the middle of a poker game with a half lit cigar. They have a sort of swagger to them as if they’re just floating by and you happened to come along. That’s the thing, they like you but they also aren’t sweating it to much as they feel like the experience of romance and love should be fun and intuitively felt not all the game playing and mental thought involved. So if they are caring but supportive of your own Independent desires and wants them they def are feeing you! A great way to test it is by being more flirty and direct with them! You’ll notice them smile and even try to play it cool but trust me when they get home they light up and dance around their rooms the same as you! Just in private aha cause you know sags have to keep it “cool”
Key words : “keeping it cool”
Venus in Capricorn :
Venus in Capricorn’s are one of two things. Serious or receptive. It’s when they’re both that you might be able to say they’re interested in you. Venus in Capricorn take love and intimacy seriously so they don’t develope many long lasting crushes as they can easily be turned off by immature or more krass behavior. They can be rather somber and “picky” when they like someone so it can seem like they take on a much more intense or weighted energy when ever you’re around. You may wonder “why” is it me? “Why are they always so serious with me?!” That’s the gag they take “romance” seriously so they may be far more energetic! Bubbly and youthful everywhere else but when it comes to crushing or liking someone they put on their big girl and boy briches and get down to the serious parts. They will be very rigid and slightly stoic but they are remarkably giving and extremely tender so despite their more cold expression they will actively support your efforts and desires when conversing, they will nurture and protect you via intimacy and compassion and will handle you with respect and care! They aren’t the most fun or most showy of the Venus signs when they like you but they’re by far the most giving and the most intimate when it comes down to it.
Key word “close”
Venus in Aquarius :
They can be a bit strange! When they like you they can hit you with some doozies let me tell you! They might show you their photography, tell you about their conspiracy theories or ask you about your idea on politics and the state of our nation or maybe the nations around us or maybe even the world and the cosmic. They’ll be as talkative as Gemini and as serious and stoic as Capricorn at random moments. They value their independence and can be a bit “MIA” from time to time but make no mistake they still like you they just value their alone time and the close you get to them the more this will take place(it’s a good things though). They can be a bit friendly but like a literal friend friendly and you’ll often notice they push more for the “friendship” aspect of the flirting but also may send you vibes that they want it to be more than. This is ok, some of you may read this and be like fuck no, that sounds ridiculous. Let me explain. Venus in Aquarius like FRIENDSHIPS, they like the loose and rather intimate yet impersonal energy involved in that and normally start out that way rather than jumping straight into a romantic endeavor. So they will likely send friendly signals mixed in with more sensual signals because they genuinely instinctually want both and if they really like you on a romantic level they’ll likely push more for friends rather than outright romantic stuff.
Key words : “lets be friends”
Venus in Pisces :
SOOOOOO lets jump into this right. Venus in Pisces are an episode. They can seem evasive, perplexing and downright ghost. Venus in Pisces are very sentimental, sensitive, intimate and can entrance you in a wave of feeling and passion. When they like you they can be giving, forgiving, intimate and very physically intimate when they like you. Offering things like going to the movies(Neptune) or going out to places like parks/walks/nature or even mini retreats to cabins or beaches(Jupiter) is common. They’ll likely try to steal you away or hang out with you privately away from other people. They will often seem a bit paradoxical and distant randomly due to their Piscean nature. Sometimes they will be easy to read and the next moment they are gone for 8 weeks only to return like it never happend. They can be remarkably sweet and very considerate and loving so if they seem more close and loving with you especially and actively creating intimacy and closeness with you in a tender and soft way they def like you!
Okay that’s about all i know ♥️
~ Aries like children, but don’t like being around them for long
Taureans don’t like conservatives but they like conservationists
~Geminis don’t like listening, but they don’t like a one-way conversation either
Cancers like money but they don’t like rich people
~Leos like being on the side of the underdog, but they don’t like being one
~Virgos don’t like disorder, but they don’t like boredom either
~Libras don’t like altercations, but they can’t live without drama either
Scorpios don’t like dishonesty, but they don’t like sharing their true story either
Sagittarians don’t like drama, but they can’t live without excitement either
~Capricorns don’t like causing a scene, but they don’t like going unnoticed either
~Aquarians don’t like people, but they do like humanity
~Pisces like being alone, but they don’t like being by themselves
zodiac signs? in MY 2019?
dwarves - (march 21 - apr 19)
hobbits - (apr 20 - may 20)
nymphs - (may 21 - june 20)
angels - (june 21 - july 22)
dragons - (july 23 - aug 22)
mermaids - (aug 23 - sep 22)
banshees - (sep 23 - oct 22)
elves - (oct 23 - nov 21)
werewolves - (nov 22 - dec 21)
sirens - (dec 22 - jan 19)
vampires - (jan 20 - feb 20)
faeries - (feb 21 - march 20)
morrissey angst: i hate myself so much that i’ll die
the cure angst: i love you so much that i’ll die
Morrissey: Aries, Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius
The Cure: Taurus, Cancer, Leo, Libra, Scorpio, Pisces
The Signs as Shitty Car Mods
Aries
Taurus
Gemini
Cancer
Leo
Virgo
Libra
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Capricorn
Aquarius
Pisces
i like astrology bc im a self indulgent narcissist and reading about my chart makes me feel like im being seduced with how well it knows me
(Day)dreams about...
Sun in 12th: Being famous; being popular; living authentically; being admired; being inspirational; achieving great things
Moon in 12th: A safe; comfortable, and secure place they call home; their mother; nighttime; being in a relationship with someone they can be vulnerable and emotional with; being nurtured
Mercury in 12th: Being intelligent; being academically successfull; talking/presenting something to a bigger audience; knowing a lot
Venus in 12th: Love; a fairy tale relationship; showing, receiving, and giving affection; being well-liked; being loved
Mars in 12th: Taking action; being active; fighting; being a leader; war; being fit/physically strong; confrontations & conflict
Jupiter in 12th: Being a Guru/Teacher/Mentor; Philosophy; the Universe and what is beyond our knowledge; being a source of wisdom/inspiration
Saturn in 12th: Being successful; being an authority; being independent; being disciplined and mature
Uranus in 12th: Revolutions or being a revolutionary; space; other life forms, consciousnesses; ideas; the future; shocking/surprising others; being unexpected
Neptune in 12th: Other worlds; the sea; fairy tales; romance; space; peace; goodness; far away places; being ethereal/otherworldly
Pluto in 12th: Power; being an authority/leader; destruction; end-of-world scenarios; change; growth; dark expressions of sexuality; being mysterious
Signs as interesting ancient greek words
Aries: οἰνομέλι - a combination of somehing strong and sweet
Taurus: νηπενθές -something capable of causing oblivion of grief or suffering.
Gemini: ἁμαρτία - fatal flaw leading to a tragic end, usually in tragedies and refearing to hero or a heroine
Cancer: μετάνοια - process of experiencing a “breakdown” that resukts in positive psychological re-building or “healing”
Leo: ὕβρις - foolish pride and overconfidence
Virgo: καλόν - the ideal of both physical and moral beauty especially
Libra: εὔνοια - beautiful thinking, bond that forms between two people when speaking
Scorpio: φωσφαινε - blur of colors you get after rubbing your eyes
Sagittarius: κάθαρσις - cleansing, purification; process of purgating deepest emotions, sorrow, fear through art, and resulting in renewal.
Capricorn: σωφροσύνη - ideal that you can reach the highest purity, temperence, moderation and self control if you have an excellent character and peaceful mind
Aquarius: άκαταλαμβάνειν - the impossibility to comprehend the universe, limit of human knowledge
Pisces: εύδαιμονια - “human flourishing”, virtue, ultimate good that a person can achieve
If she ask you for your star sign she’s actually entertaining the thought of being with you.
She just wants to know why she finds you so annoying
Both
How the signs text
Aries- Replies with k to everything
Taurus- Leaves in the middle of a conversation
Gemini- Sends 5 texts at once instead of one paragraph
Cancer- Replies to your text by calling you
Leo- Has a smooth response to everything
Virgo- Starts to respond to your text, but puts down their phone before even hitting send
Libra- Uses punctuation all the time
Scorpio- Will send you “Did you hear what happened??” Then ghosts you for hours
Sagittarius- Replies with a perfect gif every time
Capricorn- Is a perfect texter
Aquarius- Replies with a 500 word essay
Pisces- Responds with emojis instead of actual words
Reblog with your opinion on whether or not you believe in cusps
Sixth house;
In the 5th house, the joyous encounter with our inner star was celebrated with luxurious parties, theatrical performances and fantastic displays of talent and brilliance. Having spent so many nights enjoying a greater, happier aspect of being alive, we wake up to find that our home is dusty and messy. Champagne glasses pile up, waiting to be cleaned. Candles are still burning in their holders. There are food and wine stains in the tapestries, and the garden needs tending to.
This is where some of us come after having suffered some disillusionment: the world is not as fun as we’d like it to be. First of all, we’re bound to a physical body’s limitations, one that needs care, attention and affection, otherwise it’ll eventually fall to illness and eventually fester and putrefy. The sixth house is related to health in its most holistic sense, once we consider that one’s physical health depends on one’s state of mind. After all, if we’re able to find harmony within and be at peace with the personality we found in the 5th house, we’re extremely likely to take good care of ourselves and treat our bodies with responsibility and respect. This is also why this house is associated more specifically to nutrition and hygiene.
The opposition between the 6th and 12th houses also leads to an interesting fact: the 6th house is where we find mundane activities that may complement and solve part of our karma. This can be attained mainly through the 6th house’s association to the way we service others while expecting nothing in return. The 6th house not only represents everyday activities we must perform because someone has to do them, but it also symbolizes that when we do them charitably, focusing on healing ourselves and others, we readjust our karma and purify ourselves.
The 6th allows our outstanding 5th house personality to revaluate itself, so that it notices how it can be useful in this world. Because we have already found that we are especial and worthy of admiration in the 5th house, we’re able to work in the 6th house with courteousness and respectfulness, and this is why this house describes how we work in groups towards a common goal, thus ruling over how we deal with our work environment, self-discipline, submissive roles and coworkers. The sixth house is where we find that living on Earth, under Mother Nature’s rules, is no joke; we develop a profound respect for all natural things of this planet, especially when we notice how useful and valuable we can be, and this is also why this house is associated with our attitudes towards animals and the natural world.
Sun in the 6th house: a wise noble kneels in front of their people, vowing to a life of service; the crown reflects modest sheets of divine sunlight. This is someone who feels closer and closer to their true purpose as they put themselves into other people’s service. Being useful, distributing knowledge, arranging, organizing and taking care of others is what ignites this placement’s true light. Those with this placement are likely to stand out in their workplace because of their attitudes towards coworkers and the work itself. This Sun benefits a lot from healthy habits and a stable, reliable routine, and this is also a symbol for an incredible respect towards nature and life’s subtle, amazing details. As the 6th house is the house of alchemy, it is likely that the features of the Sun sign improve remarkably over time, as the individual learns with their own experience.
Moon in the 6th house: a devoted nurse feels their patient calmy leave this world, as the life in their hands quietly vanishes to somewhere unknown; the air seems enchanted with the natural grace of an everyday miracle. The individual’s ability to protect and nourish themselves and others is more evidently expressed through the service they pay for others and through their care towards mundane matters. A symbol for an outstanding ability to heal other people’s bodies and minds, this Moon likes to keep stable routines from which she can quietly control her entire life structure while keeping her feelings in harmony. There’s a strong emotional attachment to the concept of being perfect and maybe pure or holy that may permeate this Moon’s inclination to heal and solve other people’s problems.
Mercury in the 6th house: a professor helps one of their students, calmly explaining concepts as they draw on a blackboard, revealing fantastical truths of a mundane knowledge. Here, the individual is useful and convenient through the service of their intellectual and mental faculties, which are sharp and refined. People with this placement are usually technical perfectionists because of their eye for details that are often neglected by others. Their communicative abilities are best when they’re used to enlighten other people or absorb knowledge that might be useful for their own selves. Their minds are usually focused on everything that may make people’s days better, improving everything they set themselves to do. This placement also suggests a mental interest in health topics and teaching professions.
Venus in the 6th house: a figure wakes up before dawn, cleaning and organizing the house so that it can be perfect for the evening reception. Sweet and caring, Venus here demonstrates her affection by fixing people’s lives in the smallest details. People with this placement usually like taking care of their health, body and mind, and they’ll often extend this care to those around them. There’s a notable interest in serving others and improving their lives for the better with one’s kindness and knowledge. This is someone who can be seen happily cooking for their partner, solving their problems in secret and a conflict-dissolving presence in the work place. Venus here is also a master of understanding how the world works through a deep analysis of natural laws, producing a humble but extremely rich knowledge on what makes people tick. This is because Venus here is extremely introspective and quite analytical of her own self, as she desires to reflect nature’s perfect and pure structure.
Mars in the 6th house: an honourable warrior returns to their kingdom, bringing with them all sorts of unimaginable treasures discovered in their perilous quest. People with this placement experience excitement and a rush of pioneering energy when they’re into other people’s service. They’re competitive in their workplace and they usually don’t work as submissively as other 6th house placements do. This is a symbol of passion for solving other people’s problems and also improving their life in some way, while also drawing attention to the fields of health and therapies.
Jupiter in the 6th house: a farmer quietly works on their lands; the Sun rises slowly from distant mountains, distributing strings of gold as he rises. The wind blows; birds play cheerfully in the air. The great benefic favours hard-working attitudes here. The personality is usually quite introspective without losing its brilliance, producing a wise and generous individual who’s much interested in improving the world and helping people. Jupiter here feels great when dealing with mundane, everyday activities, and his teachings reveal a secret knowledge with spiritual implications. There is a magical wisdom in every completed quotidian task.
Saturn in the 6th house: an artisan works patiently with their products, painting careful details to their work of art; behind them, lay a dozen discarded imperfect attempts. People with this placement have a strong sense of what perfection looks like, and they always feel like they’re bound for doing their best, whatever it takes. There’s always something to improve here, so the individual may feel restless and never content with their own performance. Because this is the house of internal harmony, disharmonic and criticizing thoughts are heavily punished by Saturn’s presence, manifesting as health problems, limitations surrounding the work environment and one’s ability to work in groups. A symbol of an overthinker, Saturn here emphasizes the need for rebuilding one’s own sense of reality and self-worth, while also highlighting the importance of charitable activities, maintaining a healthy body and purifying the mind’s depreciating thoughts.
Uranus in the 6th house: a sudden storm rages during the night, fustigating trees and sending loose things in the air; in the morning, everything’s strangely out of place. Uranus here has some trouble working with his peers. The individual born under this placement deals very differently with all 6th house affairs, so they may struggle maintaining a predictable routine or habits. Uranus propagates divine, inconvenient messages of how work should be done, defying traditions while trying to show how simple things can be handled with changes here and there. The individual surely has an unusual way of serving others and can be rather rebellious whenever they find themselves in submissive positions.
Neptune in the 6th house: a vaporous figure prays passionately by an altar, so that all worldly pain and suffering can be soothed. Neptune is here dissolving the 6th house’s clear limits and boundaries. The individual, then, becomes highly aware of other people’s problems, and may have some trouble when establishing limits between them and others in this aspect. This is generally someone who’d die to solve other people’s problems, but they usually lack the 6th house’s typical discipline for doing so in a safe way, and so they may engage in sacrificial attitudes to fulfill loving fantasies of saving all people from disgrace and loss. Neptune here favours services that improve other people’s mental and spiritual conditions. Mundane activities are typically regarded as tiring, boring or highly infused with beautiful fantasies of a dreamy world.
Pluto in the 6th house: a dark wizard mutters ancient words, casting a forbidden healing spell. Pluto here indicates a strong and introspective personality that tends to overanalyze itself and others. Problems and health issues are carefully and fearlessly dissected, and so the individual usually develops a passionate obsession towards their duties and work. People with this placement stand out for the power that seems to emanate from their knowledge, and the Soul deeply desires to help others with its unique abilities and powerful way of dealing with the world. Those who seek the help of people with this placement often feel like they’ve been through a surgery and that the root of their problem has been violently attacked or even removed, and they’ll never be the same again, leaving us at a state of wonder: how did they came to be so powerful?
Detail: Edmund Leighton, “The King and the Beggar-maid”; 1898.
I find peace and beauty in…(check venus) 🌷
[don’t know your venus sign? check here (x)]
Aries: raw emotions and energy, quick and high paced thrills, assertion of self.
Taurus: music, high quality items, weighted worth, and fabrics, anything soft and comforting.
Gemini: speech, poetry, conversation, learning new things, and languages.
Cancer: the moon, home, maternal acts, soft blankets, cooking, and emotions.
Leo: the theatre, high fashion, confidence, castles and royalty, children, and art of all kinds.
Virgo: the small things, healing, cleanliness, perfection, and attention to detail.
Libra: simplicity, music, the arts, partnership and romance, and congenial interactions.
Scorpio: secrets, deep bonds and connections, occult art, and the small details.
Sagittarius: motivation, positivity, different cultures and religions, new experiences.
Capricorn: planning ahead, career mindedness, commitment, class, and hard work.
Aquarius: people, new information, social connections, and charity.
Pisces: fantasy, servitude, spiritual transcendence, and soulful connection.
the signs as vines
aries: this is how i enter my house… WHAT’S UP FUCKERS
taurus: whaddup im jared and im 19 and i never fucking learned how to read
gemini: two brooos chillin in a hot tuuuub 5 ft apart cause theyre not gay
cancer: ahh stop i could’ve dropped my croissant
leo: when there’s too much drama at school, all you gotta do is, walk awAyaYaY
virgo: “there’s only one thing thats worse than a rapist. boom” “a child”
libra: hi im renata bliss and im your freestyle dance teacher
scorpio: from the manatee country fair linda carson abc 7 would you not eat my pants?? AGHHHHHH
sagittarius: “are dey helium balloons?” “yeah” “ah for fuck’s sake” “i told ye, the car’s not made for helium balloons” “AHH were flying away”
capricorn: look at- its freaking bats i love halloween
aquarius: can i get a waffle?? can i pLEASE get a waffle???
pisces: look at all those chickens!!
WHAT THE SIGNS NEED MORE THAN ANYTHING
Aries: a reality check
Taurus: a line of coke and a karaoke machine
Gemini: a slap and a mood stabilizer
Cancer: a box of tissues and a block of chocolate
Leo: a room without mirrors
Virgo: a xanax
Libra: a backbone
Scorpio: to be escorted into hell
Sagittarius: to sit still
Capricorn: a joint
Aquarius: to listen to some jazz
Pisces: to stop the double persona thing