A tenuous row between...

J'écrivais des silences, des nuits, je notais l'inexprimable. Je fixais des vertiges...." - Arthur Rimbaud

[atenuousrowbetween]

Eu queria ser flor,

para enfeitar caminhos.

Eu queria ser vento,

para aliviar o calor.

Eu queria ser chuva,

para matar a sede da terra.

Eu queria ser estrela,

para iluminar a noite.

Eu queria ser tudo,

menos dor.

[atenuousrowbetween]

Reminders for my future self:

"No matter how attentive you are, no matter how much you worry and strive to help someone, it doesn't matter that you took care of them while they were hospitalized, sleeping uncomfortably on a hospital couch. It doesn't matter if you're a friend or confidant; it makes no difference that you shared your favorite albums or created personalized playlists. It doesn't matter that you watched thousands of series and movies together, or helped them cope with the grief of an ex-boyfriend who committed suicide—even if it made you feel like you'll never be loved like he was. It doesn't matter how many times you gave her massages or brought her coffee in bed. It doesn't matter if you sacrificed time with your family to spend it with her and hers. It doesn't matter that you chose her to be your girlfriend, even though she felt she would never deserve to be more than a casual lover. You gave her a ring, showered her with gifts, and made her feel loved and respected. You spent hours at the bus stop with her late at night so she would feel safe. NONE OF THAT MATTERS! Some people, if not most, will always focus more on the negative aspects of everything and everyone… flaws always stand out and overshadow the good that has been done. These people have a very strong attachment to tragedy and suffering; they need to suffer because they can't accept anything good in life. You can provide countless good moments, but eventually, they will get tired of it and seek out past dramas to cling to, until you become dispensable."

[atenuousrowbetween]

And it’s all over again… In the end, hate prevails. I tried my best, and it wasn’t enough… it never is. I feel suffocated by grief and by the negative thoughts in my mind. I hate hating, but it’s all that’s left, always. It doesn’t matter if it lasted longer than before; the memories don’t matter because, for me, all of this will fade with time. It’s always about forgiving and forgetting someone, once again.

I know I loved the wrong way, I know it wasn’t perfect… but it never is. For me, it was enough just as it was, because it was the truest thing I’ve ever felt—and now I have to destroy it, little by little.

All I've been doing is wondering if it was worth it. If I knew it would end like this, if I knew that after five years all that would remain was pain, would I still have started this? Probably not. It would be better to live in a world where you were just another stranger than to have met you and now have to turn you into a stranger again.

[tingedorange]

@ tsuguaki_abe

[neon-wonderlands]

[atenuousrowbetween]

Personal transport

[lyricallymnded]

science / vision // chvrches

[digitalroot]

Visit Original Link

[fairydrowning]

"It surprises me, how a small gesture can feel so very big. How sometimes you don't realize the nervousness or sadness you were holding deep inside until the touch of someone you love lets it all out of you, like your entire body is exhaling."

– Lucy Keating, "Dreamology"

[tofuimpala]

sometimes i fear that people are patronizing carly rae jepsen. i fear that they haven’t purchased a copy of E∙MO∙TION (2015) on itunes and make those comments talking about how she is the queen of everything like it’s a Funny Exaggeration because everyone else is doing it. this is no joke. this is no meme. this is a woman who devotes her life 2 blessing us with undeniably catchy 80′s pop inspired music of the highest quality

[loveliesttime]

[womeninmusicgifs]

I think there’s a part of us that when we’re kids and we’re not aware of ourselves too much, you know, you really feel like, “I’m connected to who I am and I know what I’m about” and as you get older it’s harder and harder to reconnect to that. I think it’s a really important time after a relationship ends to get back on your beat.

[atenuousrowbetween]

You left thinking a different life would be better

[headlesssamurai]

[hifas]

[atenuousrowbetween]

Top 20: Best albums I’ve heard in 2022*

20# MUNA - MUNA

19# Soul Glo - Diaspora Problems

18# Weyes Blood - And in the Darkness, Hearts Aglow

17# Steve Lacy - Gemini Rights

16# Amber Mark - Three Dimensions Deep

15# The Beths - Expert In A Dying Field

14# Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Cool It Down

13# Ethel Cain - Preacher's Daughter

12# Beach House - Once Twice Melody

11# Quadeca - I Didn't Mean To Haunt You

10# Black Star - No Fear of Time

9# Rina Sawayama - Hold The Girl

8# The Weeknd - Dawn FM

7# Immanuel Wilkins - The 7th Hand

6# Jockstrap - I Love You Jennifer B

5# Phoenix - Alpha Zulu

4# Carly Rae Jepsen - The Loneliest Time

3# Wilderun - Epigone

2# Sudan Archives - Natural Brown Prom Queen

1# SAULT -  Earth

*This ranking was made based on the evaluation of approximately 182 albums (except: EPs, soundtracks and compilations) released between January 1st and December 28th, 2022… The criteria that divide this evaluation are: personal taste (90.25%), critical reviews (8.0%) and public opinion (1.75%).  

© atenuousrowbetween MMXXII

[mcfassyz]

[atenuousrowbetween]

 - If I fall… don’t bring me back.