atlatios

help me complete the pokédex! https://cash.app/$AtlasLammert

[atlatios]

hey, i’m atlas!

i’m on a wild quest to collect one card for each of the 1025 pokémon — yep, every single one.

follow along to see my progress, card hauls, and maybe a few surprises along the way.

if you wanna help me catch ’em all, donations for new cards are super welcome!

let’s make this pokédream real.

atlatios | Linktree

latios fanatic

[atlatios]

atlas takes on starters

cyndaquil line

cyndaquil

12/10

the softest lil arsonist.

looks like it just woke up from a nap and is ready to burn down your problems.

timid but will fight god if you’re in danger.

this isn't just a starter—it’s your child now.

top tier. no notes.

quilava

10/10

the sleek middle evolution with hot-rod energy and flawless fire placement.

moves like a blur, acts like it knows something you don’t (it does).

still a legend, but overshadowed by the sacred bean and the final fire god.

deserves more merch and more screen time.

typhlosion

11.5/10

absolute menace when provoked.

normally chill. then the fire activates and suddenly you're in a boss battle.

looks like it hasn't spoken aloud in years but will burn your enemies for you.

hisuan typhlosion? ghostly incense demon that smells like lavender and destruction.

second only to cyndaquil, but that’s still elite status.

they are all valid. they are all family. they all deserve a warm blanket and an open field to set on fire.

[atlatios]

i don’t want a relationship.

i want to ride a rapidash into battle at dawn.

i want to lock eyes with a rival across a volcano and silently agree to throw hands.

[atlatios]

i haven’t seen a god pack. i haven’t seen a pack.

the shelves are empty. the air smells like shattered dreams and funko pops.

[pokemon]

WE hired this Dreepy to stare at you.

[atlatios]

dreepy is doing a great job

[atlatios]

where are y’all shopping?? enchanted forests?? a haunted gamestop behind a waterfall???

i opened a random pack i did manage to find—guess what i got?

nothing. bulk. a reverse common and a rare that looks like it regrets existing.

i didn’t pull a god pack, i pulled depression in cardboard form.

[atlatios]

if i don’t rip a prismatic evolutions pack soon i will simply walk into a league event with a cardboard sign that says:

“WILL TRADE SANITY FOR CARDBOARD.”

[atlatios]

i have reached the stage of grief where i’m bartering with my own wallet.

“what if i just get one more etb. just one more. surely that’s the one.”

it’s never the one.

[atlatios]

atlas takes on starters

chikorita line

chikorita – 2/10

looks like a brussels sprout with abandonment issues. constantly losing fights. cries if the wind blows too hard. gives "participation trophy" energy.

also probably smells like wet lettuce.

no thoughts, just “leeeeeaf.”

bayleef – 7/10

okay, surprisingly decent middle stage. glowy golden herb dinosaur with a leaf choker like it shops at pokémon hot topic.

still gives judgmental side-eyes but at least it looks like it might win a fight if it tries hard enough.

meganium – 4/10

chikorita put on a flower crown and thought it had character development. it didn’t.

meganium looks like it heals others but can’t heal itself. gentle soul, yes, but about as threatening as a chamomile tea.

overall rating: 4/10

meganium’s nice, bayleef’s cute, chikorita needs to be returned to the salad bar.

this is the only starter line that would lose a battle to emotional conflict.

[watkinimation]

Latias!

[atlatios]

mr. mime looks like a clown had a midlife crisis and decided to ruin everyone’s day.

it’s got human hands, fake walls, and a vibe that says “i rehearse arguments in the mirror.”

[atlatios]

i don’t care what the official pokédex says. here’s what it should say:

lickitung – "this pokémon will lick you without consent. scientists don’t study it because they hate it too."

jynx – "nobody knows what it wants. it won't stop dancing. it won't stop staring. god has left."

every time they show up i feel like my game cartridge is cursed.

delete them. salt the earth. reboot the franchise without them.

[atlatios]

legendary pokémon always show up like:

“you disturbed the sacred ruins and now i will destroy everything you love.”

sir i was just trying to catch a wooper. calm down.

[atlatios]

pikachu’s out here getting electrocuted, thrown at rocks, and still wakes up ready to fight.

me? i open one mildly stressful email and need a nap.

[pokemon]

[atlatios]

so i found this card shop today and i think i ascended

ok so picture this: you're just minding your business, walking into a random lil card shop for “a quick peek,” and BAM—

$0.50 holos. FIFTY. CENT. HOLOS. do you know what that does to a person who spent $8 on a reverse holo charmeleon in 2016?? i blacked out.

100 commons for $10. that’s TEN CENTS A CARD. i was shoveling them into my basket like a raccoon in a buffet dumpster.

buy 2 get 1 free singles. excuse me?? EXCUSE ME?? i walked out with a mini binder’s worth of babies and still had money left for lunch.

cheap SIRs. CHEAP. SIRS. like, actual reasonably priced special illustration rares. i almost cried on the floor.

AND japanese booster packs for $2.50 each. i felt like i was committing a crime. i bought six. i have no self-control. worth it.

i went in for “just a look” and came out emotionally attached to a $0.50 foil magikarp and $43 poorer.

highly recommend. 12/10. would lose financial stability there again.

[atlatios]

my babies.