Erwin x Reader |Unspoken Love|
“I don’t love you, I’m sorry”.
Those few words, those six small words, left a deep gash inside your chest.
It suddenly hurt to breathe, it hurt to live.
You loved him more than you loved yourself. And he didn’t love you back.
“You know, you should just do it y/n. The worst he can say is no; he’s not going to bite your head off because he’s not Levi”, Hanji reassures you, awkwardly patting your back.
Since Hanji had discovered your certain feelings directed to the commander himself, she had pushed you to confess.
“I don’t know, Hanji...”, you mumble out, chewing on your finger nails.
Hanji slumped over the table you two were sitting at loudly. “But y/nnnnnn I want little Erwins running around!”, she groans loudly, making you slap a hand over her mouth.
“Hanji!”, you whisper-yell as you try to conceal your red cheeks. She only giggles loudly, making you cover your eyes in embarrassment. Deciding there was no easy way out of this, you give in.
“Fine, I’ll do it, just please stop”, you sigh out defeated. Hanji’s eyes brighten instantly as she grabs your wrist. “Where are we going?”, you manage out as she drags you out of the mess hall.
“To Erwin’s office of course!”, she gleams excitedly.
Sooner than you would have liked, you’re standing in front of the familiar door. You and Erwin were pretty close because you had been placed in his squad soon after you joined the Survey Corps. You also agreed to help him with his paperwork because he was always so busy.
Swallowing a lump in your throat, you raise your hand to gently rap on the wooden door.
“Erwin?”, you try to say, but your voice ends up cracking.
His deep voice answers you immediately. “Come in, y/n”.
You slowly push the door open and close it behind you. Erwin is sitting at his desk, mountains of paperwork surrounding him.
“What do you need y/n?”, he speaks out, slightly stretching.
You suddenly become very nervous. You can hear the blood pounding in your head, and you can feel your hands starting to shake.
“I, um- needed to tell you something sir”, you choke out, looking at the floor.
Erwin only raises a single eyebrow. “Is something the matter?”, he asks, concern laced in his tone.
“No! Um, no, everything’s okay”. No it’s not.
He seems as if he doesn’t believe you but stays quiet about it.
“I wanted to let you know that...” “Don’t chicken out now y/n!”, you scream internally. “Its now or never”.
“I love you!”, you blurt out, face burning red from embarrassment soon after.
Erwin looks shocked. You expected him to confess his love to you and kiss you right then. But he didn’t.
“Y/n, please sit down”. Erwin gestures to the chair nearest you. Shakily, you sit yourself down. He looks conflicted before speaking.
“As you know, we’re in the military”. You shake your head slightly in understanding. “And you know our positions are very different”, he continues while looking at his hands. “I don’t love you, I’m sorry. You’re just a cadet, a friend to me”, he whispers out gently, avoiding your gaze.
Your heart stings madly, as if someone had stabbed you with a knife. Your lungs constrict and you can’t seem to breathe.
“I understand sir”, you rasp out as you quickly stand up. “I’ll be going now”, you say quietly, as you open the door.
“Y/n-”. You hear a chair being moved quickly. Before he can get to you, you close the door and run to Hanji’s lab.
Guilt and surprise overtook Hanji when she saw your distraught state. She had never expected for Erwin to reject you, especially the way he did. What a mystery...
~Timeskip, 2 weeks later~
It had been a few weeks since you had spoken to Erwin. You had stopped showing up to assist him with his work, and you purposely ignored and avoided him. You knew it wasn’t his fault he didn’t love you, but still, it hurt you badly.
Today was an expedition, which meant you’ll have to see him again. You promised yourself you wouldn’t get distracted by it and to stay focused.
Erwin’s squad, including you, had split up to direct the mob of titans in different directions so Levi’s squad could eliminate them.
About ten minutes later, the task was done and the squad at joined back together. But, there was no white horse. There was no Erwin.
Frantically, your eyes scan the area in search of your commander.
“Erwin!”, you scream out, turning your horse around abruptly.
“Y/n! You can’t turn around, we have to move forward!”, your team-mate says, but you ignore him and move on. It was difficult to see past the blur of trees. Everything looked the same until you say it.
The poor horse had been traumatized, running past you at a wild speed. And then you say him.
Erwin was captured in an abnormal’s large hand. The beast smiled at him menacingly as it pulled him towards it’s mouth.
You couldn’t let him die. You couldn’t.
Quickly, you let out a loud cry as you slice into the beasts arm, releasing Erwin. Unfortunately, the titan had caught one of your wires, flinging you into a tree. A sickening crack filled the air as you hit the stump. Your body crumpled to the ground as you cried out in agony. You were going to die. You were going to die.
A loud groan was heard and the ground shook beneath you, making you cry out in pain. Black spots danced in your vision as pain engulfed your entire being.
“Y/n!”, a faint voice called out. Soft footsteps were heard. “Y/n, stay with me, stay with me”, a familiar voice pleaded. Your head had been gently moved to something soft. The pain began to become too powerful, and your eyes began to close. “No, please don’t. Please don’t go”. The person was now crying, you could hear. You cough pitifully as the darkness consumes your body.
You felt cold. Everything was black and you couldn’t see.
“Please”, you hear a faint voice say.
“Hello?”, you call out, walking towards the voice.
“Please wake up”, the voice says again. Wake up?
Suddenly it all comes back- the expedition, finding Erwin, getting hurt.
“Erwin, I’m okay”, you say back, trying to communicate with him.
“Why would you do that? Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?”, he says, softly, as if he was crying.
“I should be suffering, not you”.
“Erwin, don’t say that”, you plead, even though you know he can’t hear you.
“I love you, I love you so much! I’m sorry I couldn’t say it, I’m sorry I was too scared!”
Immediately, pain hits you hard as you open your eyes. You take deep, ragged breathes in as you cough loudly.
Warm hands help you sit up gently as you finish coughing. Once your fit stops, you’re immediately engulfed in a tight embrace.
“I thought I lost you”, Erwin’s deep, soothing voice cracks out. Warm droplets of water stain your shirt as he gently sobs.
“You were dead, I watched you die!”, he cries out softly, almost like a child.
This was all happening so fast. All built up emotions flooded out as you began to cry too.
Once you two calm down you bask in gentle silence. “I love you”, Erwin mumbles into your neck. “I love you so much”.
Your eyes widen in surprise. He really loved you?
“B-but you said you didn’t and-”
“I know what I said”, he cuts you off quickly. Taking a deep sigh in he finally speaks.
“I was scared. I was so god damn scared of getting too close to you and one of us dying. But when I thought I had lost you, I realized that I couldn’t live without you. I realized its worth the chance. I’m sorry for lying to you, I’m so so sorry”. I love you, I love you”, he says passionately, gazing into your eyes and gently rubbing your cold hands.
Softly, you rest your smaller forehead against his.
Swiftly, he grabs your face with his large hands and kisses you as if he’s been waiting for this moment for a long time.
Those few words, those simple words had mended your two broken hearts.
Those words had brought meaning into your lives.
Those words would bond you two forever, and even death could not part you.
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