august

eighteen — bisexual lucy chen & angela lopez wife

[augustvandyne]

augustvandyne's materlist!

Just because there's not someone there, that doesn't mean you can't request them. Please send in anything you want and I'll let you know If I would be interested/will write

I watch a lot of TV so there's a possibility there aren't characters or shows listed here. that just means I haven't been asked or written them.

Also, there is a lot of ways I've formatted my posts so if you see a lot of different styles, that's why.

The Pitt

Cassie McKay!

full fics

lay me down 18+ coffee stains. will they, won’t they not mine to lose every lifetime (18+) quiet after the storm invisible line (18+) wingman all I've ever wanted (part two) learning to stay (check tw) make it up to me 18+ best part of my day just friends take it (18+)

headcannons

shy!r hcs

series

over time (ongoing)

Mel King!

found between sirens overwhelmed

Dana Evans!

your landing

Greys/Station 19

Addison Montgomery!

7 am come get me ice cream. a choice with me I'm here why did you leave? who did this? flustered saving grace. story for the grandkids

Maya Bishop!

the only one

Andy Herrera!

eight months labor secret four times andy had to save you, and one time she did

The Rookie

Lucy Chen!

nothing family barbecue five times lucy almost confesses (the one time she does) idiots. I love you flowers and cheesecake six months pregnant lunch date old feelings god is not on my side dodgers game turned date our girl. get out valentines day backup

Angela Lopez!

Paris almost getting caught going undercover fight falling asleep jealousy baby, baby baby jack (part two) set up. sick day

Yellowjackets

Jackie Taylor!

kiss me by the fire

Van Palmer!

braids

Lottie Matthews!

the wilderness

Shauna Shipman!

I love you, idiot a disaster

[nicothecowboy]

[santossbaby]

A/N: based off this request i received hehe plz enjoy

pairing: cassie mckay x f!reader

warnings: fluff, lesbian awkwardness (i luv gay people sm), incorrect medical knowledge (guys im not a dr mckay is bwahaha), not proofread srry

When you come to, the first thing you notice is how harsh the lights are. You're closing your eyes right after your open them, groaning at the stinging sensation. There's an annoying throb in your left wrist, the other wrist seemingly numb. You manage to peek, slowly taking in your surroundings. You were in a hospital, the emergency room by the looks of it. The world around you slowly began to fade in, the sounds of machinery and medical jargon drowning out your thoughts. Your head felt like you had been underwater and you blink a few times in an attempt to clear your mind.

You cleared your throat, the action causing a burning sensation. Thankfully, two nurses that were talking to each other nearby seemed to notice you. They smirked at each other before rushing over to you, grins on their faces.

"Well, hello you! How are you feeling?"

You tried flexing both wrists, wincing at the left wrists' dull pain. The other one still had no feeling. The pain was manageable, but what really mattered to you was figuring out how you ended up here. "I'm sorry, I don't really remember anything?"

Another knowing glance between the nurses, which made you a little worried.

The nurse on your left, whose nametag read "Perlah", began to explain that you had been rushed to the ER after you fell off a ladder at work. You had hit your head and hurt both your wrists, the one that was numb being because you had to have surgery. "We'll get you some more pain meds for the other wrist." she promised. Her mouth twitched as if she was holding in a laugh, "We are going to have to give you a lower dose that what you were given upon arrival, though."

The other nurse, Princess, giggled, "Yeah, you were a little out of it earlier."

Your face started to feel warm, your eyes closing as if that could make you invisible. "Oh God, I am so sorry... did I hurt anybody?"

"Oh, of course not ma'am!" Perlah took your numb hand comfortingly. "Sorry, we didn't mean to worry you. It's just-"

"You put the moves on Dr. McKay."

You covered your face with your hands, groaning. The nurses giggled, but you could tell it wasn't out of malice. Princess patted your shoulder and whispered, "Don't worry, I think she might've been into you."

You heard someone clear their throat, and Perlah and Princess froze like two children who had just been caught. Princess mouthed the words "good luck!" before the two of them hurry off to their next patient, leaving you alone with the doctor who had appeared behind them. She gave you a soft smile, one that made your heart skip a beat. She looked a little nervous, her eyes darting over to the computer beside your bed. She started reviewing your chart, "How are you feeling? You were out of it after surgery for a good while-"

"I just want to say I am so, so sorry if I made you uncomfortable." The doctor's hands pause over the keyboard, but you can't stop yourself. "I promise I'm not a creep, I don't just go around hitting on women, certainly not doctors who are just trying to do their job-"

Dr. McKay chuckled, shaking her head. "It's fine, really-"

"No, it's not." You felt horrible. You'd be lying if you were to say you found her unattractive, but you couldn't imagine how uncomfortable it must have been for her to get hit on while trying to help someone. "If you want to transfer my care, I completely understand-"

"Please, it's fine." She insisted. The confusion on your face made her smirk. "I never said I minded the flirting."

You were speechless, your mouth opening only to close in stupidity. You felt like you were on fire. It had been a while since you had been on a date, and you weren't exactly the type to flirt. The only reason you had been courageous enough to flirt with Dr. McKay was because you were medicated, but now you found yourself unable to speak. You mentally cursed yourself for your lack of courage.

"She's off Thursdays!"

Dr. McKay spun around, glaring at the young doctor that was standing in the doorway. She looked like a teenager, donning a purple sweater instead of a lab coat. She looked between you and Dr. McKay, then added, "And sometimes she's off on Saturdays. Hope you feel better!"

The young woman ducked out of the room, causing Dr. McKay to shake her head. You could've sworn you saw a smile on her face, but you didn't allow yourself the satisfaction. You looked down at your hands, wishing the floor would swallow you up. You cleared your throat, your voice barely above a whisper. "I'm really sorry-"

Dr. McKay held up a hand to stop you. You gave her a quick glance, noticing that there was a smile on her face. "I'm gonna give you some more pain meds, but the wrist you had surgery on is going to need a sling while it heals." She scooted her chair closer to your side, bringing a small rolling table with her. You remained silent as she began to patch you up, her eyes fixated on your wrist. You managed to sneak a few peeks at her, admiring her as she worked. At one point she caught your peeking, causing her to smirk. "You asked me to see a movie with you tonight." You closed your eyes, exhaling loudly through your nose. She didn't give you a chance to answer, though, adding, "I told you that was sweet, but I'm busy tonight."

You chewed the inside of your cheek, your entire body feeling like it was on fire. Dr. McKay glanced up from her work at you, as if expecting an answer, but all you could do was stare back dumbly. Thankfully, she made fast work of the cast, patting your wrist gently when she was done. "Should be good for a few weeks, then you'll need to come back for a checkup. Head to the pharmacy and you'll be able to leave with your meds. And take this..."

She scribbled something down on the notepad next to her computer, sliding it over to you. You squinted, expecting to see messy doctor's script, but instead you could perfectly make out numbers. It was her phone number.

You looked up at her, the grin on her face making your heart hammer. "But you said-"

"I'm busy tonight, but like Dr. Javadi said, I am off on Thursday. If you want we can go see a movie then?"

"She loves romcoms!"

The young woman from earlier, who you assumed to be Dr. Javadi, had snuck her head into the room. She gave you and Dr. McKay an encouraging smile before sneaking back out of the room.

You could tell Dr. McKay was slightly embarrassed, which settled your nerves a little. Feeling bold, you said, "There's a new romcom with Halle Bailey that just came out, maybe we could see that?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." Dr. McKay replied softly. She stood up, moving towards the door. "I'm going to get a nurse to help discharge you, don't forget to pick up your meds before you leave, though." Before she stepped out, she gave you a wink. "See ya Thursday."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*my requests remain open, plz feel free to send in a request!*

[maplemackintosh]

So I may or may not be on my deathbed from being rained on and if I could have a last wish, I would LOVE if you could have my baby Cassie taking care of reader.

As always, you’re amazeballs ❤️

Bodies

A/N: My first one-shot where someone is sick!! I love the sick trope ngl...as someone who gets sick often and loves when people want to take care of them :) Sorry, this took so long @starryparchments, also it's a little short :( But I hope you like it!!

you can find my other works here!!

I would usually put a content warning, but I don't think there's anything that really constitutes one for this one-shot, really! Everything is safe :)

It’s the dead of winter. 

And as a teacher, that means everyone is fighting for their lives, sick or not. 

You had been really careful all week, as you had a date with your girlfriend on Friday that you absolutely weren’t going to miss. Her schedule barely aligns with yours as it is, and the day it’s supposed to happen, you were absolutely NOT getting sick if you could help it. 

You had taken precautions every minute of every day. Sanitizing desks after each child sneezed, wiping down chairs with Lysol wipes whenever the kids were outside or participating in activities that had them away from their tables, you had hand sanitizer at the ready, etc. 

All of that… to eventually end up getting sick anyway. 

That morning, you knew something was wrong because when you swallowed, there was a tickle at the back of your throat. You tried to gargle warm salt water, but that was of no use. You tried the throat numbing spray, but all you managed to numb was your mouth, and so you downed a few cups of DayQuil and said fuck it, and went to work anyway. 

You weren’t going to miss this date. That was that. 

However, throughout the day, you just somehow kept getting worse. Your eyes had begun to water, and the right nostril of your nose was running every five seconds while the left nostril was completely dry, your throat still felt like barbed wire was wrapped around it, etc. 

Everyone kept asking if you were okay, and by the time your third student asked if you were sick, you knew you weren’t fooling anyone.

Your head felt heavy, like it was packed with cotton, and every sound in the classroom landed loudly in your ears, making your head pound. The fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, drilling straight into your skull. You tried to push through, just one more worksheet, just one more read-aloud, but when you stood up, the room tilted enough that you had to grab the edge of your desk.

  “Okay,” your co-teacher said gently, already halfway across the room. “Nope. You’re done for today.”

  “I’m fine,” you tried, but your voice came out rough, betraying you.

She gave you a look. “You’re not. Go home. I’ve got this.” 

You huffed a faint, humorless laugh, but it dissolved into a cough that made your chest ache.

  “Go home,” she said more gently this time. “You’re not doing yourself, or them, any favors by staying.”

There wasn’t much fight left in you anyway at that point. The drive home was a blur of red lights and sheer willpower. You kicked your shoes off somewhere near the entryway, dropping your bag without care. You made it to your bedroom on pure autopilot before collapsing onto the bed, still in your work clothes. The mattress dipped under you, soft and welcoming, and you let out a long, shaky breath.

Your phone buzzed in your hand as you stared at the ceiling, and it was a struggle to even pick it up. It was like your fingers were stiff to the point of no return. You blinked at the screen for a second before remembering to remembering to open your messages.

You: got sent home sick :( our date isn’t happening :(

The typing bubble appeared almost instantly.

Cassie: What?

Cassie: Are you okay?

Cassie: What happened?

You smiled faintly despite how awful you felt. That was your girlfriend- straight to concern, no hesitation. But she is a doctor after all, and that’s what she’s trained to do. 

You: just feel like crap. dizzy. probably a fever idk

Cassie: Did you take your temperature?

Cassie: Are you home?

Cassie: Do you need anything?

You stared at the messages, thumbs hovering over the keyboard, but suddenly even typing felt like too much effort. Your phone slipped slightly in your grip as you sank deeper into the mattress, and your eyelids grew heavier. You’d answer her in a minute. Just a minute. You just needed to close your eyes for a second. Also, she’s probably working, so she won’t mind if you don’t reply right away…

————

You woke to knocking.

At first, you thought it was part of a dream as everything still felt distant and muffled to you. But then it came again, louder this time, pulling you up from the fog of sickness that you felt surrounded you.

Your head pounded as you sat up. The light in your room was dim now, and the sunlight outside shifted toward late afternoon. You had no idea how long you’d been out. For a moment, you didn’t even know where you were.

The knocking came again.

  “Coming,” you croaked, though it barely made a sound.

You pushed yourself out of bed, immediately regretting it as a wave of dizziness hit you. The room tilted just enough to make your stomach turn. You took a moment to steady yourself before immediately beginning to shake because of the temperature change. You grabbed the blanket off your bed, wrapped it tightly around your shoulders like armor, and shuffled toward the door.

  “I’m coming,” you muttered again. Each step felt heavier than it should, like you were wading through something like invisible molasses. You opened the door, sagging against it a little bit as you looked up at who decided to disturb your sleep. 

Cassie stood there, slightly out of breath, concern written all over her face. “Oh, baby.” 

You stared at her for a long moment, brain struggling to catch up. “…I think I might be dreaming,” you mumbled.

Her expression softened instantly. “I promise you’re not dreaming,” she said gently, stepping closer. Her hand came up to your forehead, brushing your hair back as the back of her hand pressed against your skin. Her brows knit together at the warmth radiating from you. “But you are burning up.”

You let out a weak grunt. “Mm, no. But you’re supposed to be working.”

  “Obviously not,” she said softly, turning around to shut the front door. “Okay, let’s get you back in bed. See if we can get rid of this fever, okay?”

She begins directing you back to your bedroom, but your mind is going blank except for the fact that she’s here with you. “But how did you even- you didn’t have to come- you’re gonna be fired!” you say, turning around in her arms.

She slipped an arm around your waist before you could protest. “I won’t be fired. It’s called making up an excuse so I can take care of my girl. Come on.”

  “I don’t believe you,” you murmured, leaning into her. “But I’m sorry about our date.” 

  “It’s okay, baby. Don’t worry,” she said, not arguing, just guiding you gently inside and kicking the door shut behind her. “We’ll figure out some other time to go, alright?”

Once she got you back in bed, Doctor Cassie had instantly taken over. She moved quietly, so as not to disturb you too much. Shoes off, sleeves pushed up, scanning your body like you were in the trauma bay or something. It would’ve been almost funny if you didn’t feel like death.

  “Do you have a thermometer?” she asked, already opening drawers.

  “…bathroom,” you mumbled.

 She disappeared for all of thirty seconds before returning, crouching beside you. “Open.”

You obeyed without question, too tired to do anything else. You waited in silence, your eyes drooping closed before the thermometer made a noise. She took it out from under your tongue and looked at the number on the digital screen. 

  “102,” she confirmed.

  “I feel it,” you muttered weakly.

That earned a small smile. “Still got some attitude. That’s a good sign.” She stood up from your bedside. “I’m getting you water. And meds. Do you have ibuprofen or acetaminophen?”

  “…kitchen cabinet,” you said, eyes already drifting shut again.

  “Hey, don’t fall asleep yet,” she called lightly as she headed out. “I need you to stay awake long enough to take your medicine.”

You just made a noise in reply. True to her word, however, she was back quickly with a glass of water in one hand and medicine in the other.

  “Sit up for me,” she said, gentler now, helping you lift your head and shoulders.

You leaned heavily into her as she held the glass to your lips. “Slow,” she murmured.

You swallowed the pills, then took a few sips of water, though even that felt like such an effort to do.

  “Good,” she said quietly. “That’s good.” Once you were settled back down, she adjusted your blanket to wrap entirely around you, but soon stopped. “Baby, you’re overheating,” she noted, already pulling the blanket back slightly. “We’re not doing the full cocoon thing right now.” You made a small protesting sound. “I know, I know,” she said softly, brushing your hair away from your face again. “But you’ll feel worse if you trap the heat.”

Her hand lingered at your temple, cool against your skin. You sighed, leaning into the touch without thinking. “Can you keep me warm then? Please? While you still have some time left?” 

  “Of course I can, sweetheart. I’ll do whatever you want.” And she’s instantly crawling into bed with you. 

  “Wait, you probably shouldn’t. You’ll get sick too.” You respond, but it’s too late as she’s already cuddled up against you, arms encircling your body. 

  “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” She whispers against your temple, and you don’t have any energy left inside you to protest any further, so you just accept it. 

  “I can hear your heartbeat.” You tell her, which makes you smile a little bit. 

  “I can hear yours too,” is all you hear as you fall asleep

———-

At some point between constantly waking up and then drifting back to sleep, you realized she hadn’t left.

  “Cassie,” you mumbled, eyes half-open. “You’re still here”

She glanced down at you from where she was sitting on the edge of your bed, one hand still resting lightly on your arm. “Yes, I am.”

  “But you have work.”

  “I left early.”

Your brow furrowed slightly. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Her expression softened, something warm and unwavering settling in her eyes. “I wanted to,” she said simply.

You didn’t have the energy to argue with that. Cassie brought you a cold cloth and laid it across your forehead, swapping it out when it warmed. She made sure you drank water every so often, even when you groaned about it. She also made sure you kept up with taking medicine every 3 hours. 

You stirred when the bed dipped slightly beside you once more. “Hey,” Cassie said softly. “Can you sit up a little? I made you something.”

You groaned quietly but didn’t argue as she helped you up again. A bowl of soup appeared in your line of vision.

  “You don’t have to eat a lot,” she said. “Just a few bites.”

  “I’m not hungry,” you mumbled.

  “I know,” she said gently. “But your body needs something.”

She waited patiently as you sighed faintly, then opened your mouth just enough for the first spoonful.

“Thank you,” she murmured.

You managed a few more before shaking your head weakly. “Can’t.”

  “That’s okay,” she said immediately. “I’m just glad you ate something.”

———-

You woke again, and the room had gone fully dark; your fever had dulled just enough to make your vision not seem as though you were spinning anymore. 

You shifted slightly under the blanket, your hand brushing against something warm.

Or rather, someone warm. Cassie.

You turned your head, squinting slightly in the low light. She was sitting beside you, one leg tucked under her, her phone resting loosely in her hand, but the second you moved, even slightly, her attention was off the device and on your face. 

  “Hey,” she said quietly. “How you feeling?”

  “…you’re still here?” you murmured.

She gave you a small smile. “Yeah,” she said. “Of course I am.”

  “You didn’t have to stay,” you said, though your voice lacked any real insistence.

She studied you for a moment, then reached out, her fingers brushing lightly along your cheek. They felt so cold against your still burning forehead. 

  “I wanted to,” she said simply. “You’re sick. I’m not leaving you alone like this. Harrison is with Chad, so think of this as our date.”

You swallowed. “…okay.”

A small, reassuring smile touched her lips. “Okay.”

She adjusted the blanket around you again before she shifted slightly closer. “Try to get some more sleep,” she murmured.

You also moved closer, but your hand found hers. Her fingers laced gently with yours, her thumb tracing slow, absent circles against your skin. The motion was a sort of reassuring action, some consistent pattern that has your body relaxing.

Your breathing evened out, and the ache in your head began to dull. The heat under your skin still lingered, but it didn’t feel as overwhelming because Cassie was here. Taking care of you. Staying exactly where she said she would.

Your grip on her hand loosened as sleep pulled you under again, but she didn’t let go. She wouldn’t let go. Not while you needed her.

[augustvandyne]

need that

[xpechorin]

WANT THAT

[jelliepuppers]

ouohhhhh my mcvadi heart...

[incorrect-at-the-pitt]

Whitaker: happy birthday trinity!

Santos: idk what this is??? Foam blocks??? Why did you get me this???

Whitaker: it’s soundproofing. If I have to hear you call Garcia or Al Hashimi daddy one more fucking time I’m gonna kill myself

[barclaysangel]

Dr. McKay: I'm excited to see how Robby will disappoint us.

[augustvandyne]

march — c. mckay

series masterlist last part next part

cassie mckay x fem!intern!reader

word count: 3.3k

summary: in the month march, you and cassie define your friendship when you show a moment of weakness and cassie comes to the rescue

warnings: swearing(?), age gap (reader is early 20s, cassie is 42), cassie fixes the shitbox car, mention of readers gf (eyeroll), cassie smoking once again, anything else???

a/n: might just start setting saturday-sunday as the day i post each part because that’s how long its taking atp. i had this basically done since tuesday but never finished it……..

march 4th, 7:01 am 

As long as you’ve worked at this hospital, or anywhere else, you’ve never been late. Not even by a minute. 

But today you were. 

You knew it wasn’t a big deal. Everyone was late every once in a while. Robby was last week. Cassie last month. 

But it made your chest pound and your mind go to places it shouldn’t. Convinced you you weren’t going to be let in through the double doors. That you would be dismissed the second you clocked in. 

But that was stupid, because that wouldn’t happen. 

It would never happen. Even though you were only an intern, didn’t really have a real place here yet, you wouldn’t be fired. 

Your car wouldn’t start this morning. Only mere days after Cassie told you to keep an eye on it, it shuttered and then.. nothing. You tried it multiple times, and it wouldn’t start. 

So many times that you had to wait for the next bus at the nearest bus stop. Then you waited an extra ten minutes because for some reason—you were sure God was behind it—it got delayed. 

So here you were, walking into the emergency department only one minute late, but your world is tilted on its axis, heart pounding so loud you can hear it. 

But then Dana doesn’t question anything when you walk through the door, Robby nods at you in a greeting, Dennis excuses himself when he almost runs into you. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal. Maybe you built this up to be something it wasn’t. Maybe—

“Well, well, well.” Cassie smirks at you once you reach your locker. She leans against one a few down from you, arms crossed over her chest. “Do you know what time it is?” 

“Seven-oh-three.” You nod, already fully aware of the time.

You slam your locker a little too hard at the thought. 

“Wake up late?” Her bangs fall across her forehead messily when she tilts her head to the side. 

“No.” You turn towards her, leaning against your own locker now. She watches you, eyes lingering over your neck, where your braid falls a little too loose, and you sigh in defeat. “Fine. Maybe I hit snooze a few times.” 

“I noticed.” Her mouth is tilted up in amusement. “But that’s not all.” 

“My car might’ve.. not started this morning.” Your head falls against the locker with a thud. 

“Hm.” Cassie tilts her head back up, giving a nod, bemused by this entire interaction. “And didn’t I tell you that would happen?” 

“You didn’t use those exact words..” You scoff. 

“But pretty close.” She holds her pointer and thumb together, showing just how close her words were, eyes squinting. “So what’d you do? Call Faith?” 

“No, no.” You shake your head, stand up a little bit straighter. “I didn’t want to bother her.” 

“Okay.” She nods, presses her lips together to suppress her smile, dimples on full display. “So.. what did you do?” 

“I.. took the bus.” You shrug like it’s nothing, play with a string coming out of the hem of your scrub top. 

A laugh escapes her, “Instead of bothering your.. girlfriend— I’m sorry, are you guys dating yet? Not important. Anyways, instead of bothering Faith you.. took the bus?” 

“Yes.. and yes.” You nod along as she speaks. “We are dating now. 

“That’s good.” She smiles bright, and you almost feel like it matches the fluorescent lights outside the room. 

“I took what you said to heart. I deserve something good.” You sound so sure of yourself, like her words meant the world to you, and something blossoms in her heart. 

“I’m glad.” She chuckles softly, stepping forward to put her arm around your shoulder, walking the two of you out of the locker room. 

“So.. back to my car.” You bite the inside of your cheek, making sure this conversation doesn’t deflect into something else. 

Cassie turns her head back towards you, the two of you stopping in front of the bathroom doors. Not the most ideal place to have a conversation, but it’ll do, you thought. 

“Do you know anyone.. who could fix it? You’re the only person I really talk to here.” You sputter out, feeling the need to explain yourself. “And I need to get it fixed as soon as possible.” 

“I could fix it.” She interjects your spiral before you get too far gone. Because she knows how quickly that happens, how long it takes to get down the rabbit hole. 

“I don’t have much money saved. And I really need someone who doesn’t charge muc—“

“Gumdrop.” Her hands cover yours, stop them from flailing around, close to hitting her or yourself in the face. “I said I could fix it.” 

Her voice is soft, and maybe that’s why it entices you to listen now. Or the way her soft but calloused hands hold yours. Or the way she’s looking at you—like you aren’t a mess, but someone she sees herself in completely. 

“Really?” You perk up. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.” 

“Absolutely.” She lowers your hands so they rest in front of your waist, then she lets go. “I know things about cars. I can fix it. I already knew what it was.” 

“Are—“

“I’m sure.” Her voice is rougher this time, like it’s the only way to get through to you, and her eyes are full of promise. Like you’ve been friends for years and she’s never once lied to you. 

“Okay.” You back down slightly, shoulders less rigid than before. 

“What days are you off this week?” She questions, pulling her phone out to look at your schedules side by side. 

“Uh..” You stare at the ceiling, as if your schedule is plastered on the tiles. “Wednesday and.. Saturday.” 

“Perfect.” She nods and slides her phone back into her pocket. “I’m also off Saturday.” 

“But what about..” You put your hand out, trying your hardest to remember her son's name, but for some reason your mind is blanking. 

“Harrison?” Her face brightens, but dims just as quickly. “Chad counted that night last week as a day with Harrison so.. I won’t see him this week.” 

“What?” You ask flabbergasted, and the two of you start walking again, towards the break room this time. “What a jackass.” 

“Tell me about it.” She turns her head to look at you as you reach your destination, both of your hands reaching out for the coffee pot at the same time. “Oh, I’m sorry. You first.” 

“No, no. You go ahead.” You gesture towards the pot with an awkward laugh. 

“Okay..” She spares you a glance of amusement once again, a small smile on her face at the blush on your cheeks. 

“Anyways.. um..” You trail off as Cassie pours both of you a cup of coffee. 

“How do you take it?” She points to the styrofoam cups sitting together on the counter. 

“Two sugars. Just a splash of cream.” You instruct, and she does just that. Handing it to you after she mixes it together. “Thank you.” 

“Of course.” She gives a curt nod and makes her way to the door. “Find me before you head out tonight, yeah? I’ll give you a ride home and we can hash out the details on your car situation.” 

“Right. Yeah.” You swallow a steaming sip of coffee as Cassie leaves you alone with your thoughts, tongue and throat raw. 

march 4th, 7:22 pm 

“You ready?” Cassie lingers outside of the locker room, a tired hand wrapped around the strap of her bag, heavy head against the door frame. 

“Yeah.” You sigh, a soft smile on your lips from the weight of the day, but also from the nerves of letting someone in. 

You struggled, especially with people at work, but you wanted to let Cassie in. And that spoke volumes, at least to yourself. You’ve never actually wanted to let someone get close to you, to let someone be near you more than what you had to be. 

But it was easy for her. So maybe it was a sign to give up, let someone else try and take care of you for once, to let yourself breathe. 

“Thank you again.” You don’t look at her yet, eyes glued to the ground in front of you as you pass through the double doors, hands fidgeting with the house key in your pocket. “You don’t have to do this.” 

“I want to.” She tilts her head down. “You shouldn’t ride the bus this late at night anyways. It’s a big city. Anything could happen, you know?” 

“I know.” You look up at her with a weak smile, throat tight with emotion. “But thank you anyways.” 

She only smiles at you as you reach her car. She unlocks it and the two of you climb inside, her heat taking a minute to warm up. 

It wasn’t as cold outside as it was a few weeks ago, but it was still a bit brisk. 

“It’ll take a minute to heat up. Direct me to your place?” She lifts her eyebrows, waiting for a response from you before she pulls out of the parking lot. 

“Yeah.” You nod. “Just turn left out of here.” 

“You got it.” She puts the car in reverse so she can pull out of her spot. 

It’s quiet in the car other than the low hum of her car and your whispers of direction. You appreciate it. You haven’t talked to Cassie a lot, but you got the feeling she understood you more than anyone else did. That she knew you needed space sometimes. 

“Do you want me to play music?” Her voice is soft, probably from the distress of the day. “We don’t have to talk, but I hate the quiet.” 

That makes you see her in a different light, a woman of few words, at least around other people, who hates the quiet. 

“Sure.” You pick at the side of your nail nervously, watching out the window as the city flies past. “I live down this next road.” 

She turns the radio on, nodding to let you know she heard you, flipping her turn signal on at the right time. 

“You got it.” 

When she pulls into your driveway she looks at your car, as if she can see the engine through the hood, and you watch her carefully. 

“Um..” You sit up in the seat, letting the seatbelt fall off your shoulder with a loud noise. 

Cassie’s head turns towards you, and you feel even more awkward. You wonder if it will never not be awkward. But knowing you, it’s possible it won’t. 

“I can come here Saturday morning.” She treads carefully, trying not to overstep. “Just so you don’t have to pay to get it towed.” 

“That would be nice.” You grab the bag off the floor, sitting it in your lap, taking note of how she isn’t in any rush to leave. Like she actually enjoys your company. 

“Do you.. can we exchange numbers? We don’t have to, I just think it would make this easier.” She puts her hand out as she explains, flailing it around with the waves of her voice. 

“Yeah.” Your voice is a little too enthusiastic, too bold with excitement, but you try to ignore it. You pull your phone out of a pocket in your bag, handing it to her. 

She taps on it longer than you think she should, but then explains as she hands it back, “I texted myself that way I could save it.”

“Oh.” You nod slow, taking the information in, reading the short message she sent to herself, holding back a smile. 

You: It’s Gumdrop 

“You’re never gonna let that go, are you?” You look up with a smile, real, no sense of hesitance in it like many times before, and it cracks her chest open in a good way. 

“Nope.” She lets out a breathy laugh, voice going gravely with sleep. 

“I should let you go.” You reach for the door handle. “I usually go to bed around this time.” 

“This early?” She quirks an eyebrow. “Makes sense. That must be why you’re better energized than I am in the mornings.” 

It’s your turn for your chest to break open now, pride that someone doesn’t make fun of you for going to sleep so early. That she likes you, enjoys your company, despite knowing one of—or what you feel like is—your flaws. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” You shrug with a laugh bubbling in your throat. You push the door open, standing outside of it now, leaning in so you’re face to face. 

“Do you have a ride tomorrow?” She leans over the center console, elbow holding her up. 

“Um.. no.” You shake your head. “I’ll text faith—“

“I could—“ She cuts herself off. “Or.. yeah, that works too.” 

“Okay.” You laugh softly. “Um.. I’ll see you at work.” 

“Yeah.” She nods more enthusiastically than she probably should, a smile on her face, no sense of the awkwardness that you’re feeling. “I’ll see you at work.” 

 march 9th, 11:21 am 

That Saturday morning, Cassie arrives at your house just a little after eleven, giving time for both of you to wake up, get some coffee in your system. 

She knocks on the door, waits for you to come outside, tool box in hand, sunglasses perched on the bridge of her nose. 

“Nice sunglasses.” You lean against the door frame, cup of coffee in your hand. “I’d offer you a cup but.. I only have one clean.” 

“Gumdrop.” She shakes her head with a laugh, lifting the glasses to perch on top of her head. “That’s alright. I had a cup before I left the house.” 

You stand there watching her for a moment before you clear your throat, “Ready to start?” 

“Yes.” She looks at the tool box in her hand and then back up at you. “lead the way.” 

She works quietly for the most part, mainly to please you, so she doesn’t scare you off just yet. Just before she gets to know you. 

“How come there wasn’t anyone you knew to do this?” She doesn’t look up as she works, careful not to mess anything up. She really didn’t have money to buy you a whole new car. 

“I..” You shrug, wrapping your jacket further around your body, like a cover. 

“You don’t.. really seem like the type to have friends.” It was supposed to come out as an observation, but she’s sure her voice sounds more condescending, like she’s making fun of her for it. She looks up at you, eyes full of fear. “I— I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it sound like that—“

“Cassie.” You laugh. “It’s okay. I promise. And.. you’re right.” 

“I’m sorry anyway.” She shakes her head and looks back at the engine. 

“You don’t have to be.” Your arms are crossed over your abdomen as you watch her work. “You’re right. I have a hard time letting people in. Especially at work.”

She knows all of this, made mental notes of all of this last month, but it feels good to know she was right. 

“But you let me in.” Her movements become slower, telling herself it’s so she can focus on both, not make a mistake, but she was more interested in this than the engine beneath her hands. “Why?” 

“You’re easy to talk to.” Is all you say. Voice light, raw with vulnerability. You look down at the ground, too afraid to make the eye contact you know Cassie is begging you to make. 

“Good to know.” She doesn’t take her eyes off of you, watching you again, focus nowhere near where it should be. 

“I’ll make us lunch.” You cut in to make this less awkward, followed by a deep sigh to calm your pounding chest. “Anything you’re craving in particular?” 

“Something warm.” Cassie requests, a small smile on her face followed by a shiver. “It’s still pretty cold out here.” 

“Coming right up.” You promise but don’t make any movement to leave. 

“You aren’t moving.” Cassie peers over her shoulder again, a knowing smirk on her face, that she broke through to you. 

A laugh bursts up your chest, “Maybe I don’t mind your company.” 

“Maybe I don’t either.” She turns back to your car, finishing up what she was doing. 

She has you sit in the front seat and start it, making sure everything goes right, and then you thank her for fixing it. 

“Thank you again, really.” You want to put your hand on her elbow, force her to look at you, but you retract your hand just as quickly as it shot out. “You don’t understand how much I appreciate it.” 

“Of course.” She smiles at you, eyes raking over your hair, just now seeing the adorable braids. “I like your hair.” 

Your hand moves over the groves formed by the braids, a sheepish look on your face, “Oh. I just did them quickly. They aren’t that good.” 

“Gumdrop.” Her voice rasps in that way it goes when you won’t accept something she just told you, like when—you assume—she’d give her son a compliment and he’d shrug her off. 

And it makes you immediately agree, accepting that they are cute, despite the diminutive amount of time it took. 

“How’d you learn to do hair like that?” Her eyes don’t leave the top of your head, admiring the half-assed—at least in your opinion—braids on top of your head. “It’s cute.” 

“I don’t know, honestly.” You shrug. “I used to like doing hair. I’d watch videos and try to do it with my ex girlfriends.” 

“Well your work paid off.” She nods her head slightly, hoping this time the compliments settles in. 

“Thank you.” Your eyes watch over her with uncertainty, like you believe she’s lying, but you know she isn’t. 

“I know we’re.. still figuring out this friendship,” She pauses, waiting for you to freeze up, waiting for you to say that’s not what you are, but you don’t. “but I wouldn’t mind if you tried your hairstyles on me.” 

You chest clenches, and for the first time in a long time you’re glad you have someone to talk to. Not only because she offered to let you do her hair, but because you can talk about something normal, something real, and not feel like the whole world is coming down on you. 

“I would really like that.” You whisper, so low you don’t think Cassie hears it.

But then her eye sparkles, and her right dimple becomes more prominent, and she’s nodding slowly, like she’s committing this moment to memory. The moment you finally let her in. 

You clear your throat, “How about lunch?” 

“Sounds good.” She nods, one hand reaching into her pocket, pulling the pack out. 

“What are you doing?” You stop walking towards the porch, spinning around to watch her stand by your car. 

“I’m just gonna smoke before I come in.” She smacks the pack against her hand, and your eyes look up in understanding. “Is that okay?” 

Your heart warms as she lights the cigarette. At the fact that she didn’t assume she could just smoke inside. And you want to thank her, jump up and down and hug her, do something for her for not assuming. But you don’t. Because that would be weird. And you couldn’t scare off your first real friend in a long time.

“Thank you.” You stick with a nod. 

“For what?” She asks around the cigarette before she takes it out of her mouth, holding it between two fingers at her side. 

“Just.. thank you.” You squint from the sun, doing your best to give her a warm smile, and shrug. Because there’s so much to thank her for. 

So you stick with the generic appreciation, make your way into the house, and begin lunch.

thank you for reading! as always, likes and reposts are appreciated. i’m always open to hearing your thoughts, so feel free to comment, send an ask, or dm me!

[augustvandyne]

the third part to the cassie fic will be out sometime today (really should’ve been out saturday but i’m lazy) and a samira mohan fic will also be out either tomorrow or wednesday.

[wiinterz]

gotta fuck cassie mckay or i will cause a problem for everyone.

[mercutioyoudrunkenwhore]

Absolutely fucking rich that Robby thinks Al-Hashimi can’t handle running the ED because she paused twice when working with kids. My brother in Christ you are on the killing myself world tour right now let’s self reflect maybe

[maybe-ill-just-be-crazy]

Okay so Mckay and Javadi I ship. hard. Age gap Yuri. always and forever

[mcvadiwarpspeed]

I want to read a fic where Victoria and Cassie do the cliched "drunk married in Las Vegas" thing, with the twist being that Cassie is actually completely sober through the whole process.

[augustvandyne]

february — c. mckay

series masterlist last part next part

cassie mckay x fem!intern!reader

word count: 3.7k

summary: cassie does you a solid in the month a february, and it blossoms into something you're scared to name.

warnings: swearing, cassie is probably ooc, age gap (r is late 20s, cassie is 42), medical scenario might be inaccurate, mentions of Cassies addiction, usage of cigarettes (cassie), oc used for a partner

a/n: this was meant to come out earlier but I've been fighting demons because I think cassie is ooc but I guess its fine. I mentioned starting a taglist on my mel fic but realized some of you might not have read that, so I'll mention it here. comment if you want to be tagged. also I have a feeling this is going to be way longer than 12 chapters so bare with me. also, changed r to a intern instead because i love the cassie x r and cassie not wanting the relationship because of the power dynamic along with the age gap. happy easter to those who celebrate!

february 14th, 7:21 am

Valentine’s day was for people who hated themselves, Cassie decided early that morning when she arrived at the hospital and saw the ruckus in chairs. 

There had to have already been ten fights this morning, and she’d just gotten there. 

She sighs and makes her way out for the umpteenth time that morning, putting on her best smile, explaining nicely that they can’t do this here. 

They all nod, back away, do it another time in fifteen minutes when someone’s in line before them. 

She runs her hand over her messy ponytail, making her way back to the forgotten tablet she’d thrown down only a few minutes ago. 

“It’s someone else’s turn.” Cassie shakes her head, doesn't look up to see the runner up. “I’ve done it many times now. I’m annoyed.” 

“No problem, McKay.” Dana nodded at her, but she still didn't lift her head. “Whitaker! You’re next for the chairs brawl.” 

“What?” He looks genuinely confused. 

“Every fifteen minutes there’s a fight in chairs.” She finally looks up, a bored expression on her face. 

“Okay?” He walks forward hesitantly. “So why do I have to do it?” 

“Because I've done it ten times now.” She snaps, doesn't even bat an eye of apology. Even though she knows she should. She shouldn’t let this get the better of her. Something so minuscule.

“Okay, okay.” He puts his hands up, a fearful expression on his face. “I’ve got it handled.” 

“Great.” She looks up again, smiling this time. She walks away, tablet still in hand, not watching where she was going. 

“You better watch where you’re going, McKay. You’ll take someone out.” You step to the side just in time to avoid any collision. 

She looks up at you, holds the tablet by her side, a small smile on her face. Real this time. 

“If it’s the right person.” She shrugs jokingly. 

“Wow.” You hold a hand to your chest. “I’m deeply hurt.” 

“Not you.” She leans forward slightly to make her point, a small nod following. 

“Okay.” You laugh, smile wide and eyes way too bright for the morning. Especially on Valentine’s Day. “Where are you headed to?” 

“Uh..” She looks back at the tablet. “Patient in twelve I picked up on rounds.” 

“Okay.” You nod, gesture for her to pass you with your hand. “Mind if I join you?” 

“Sure.” She nods once, walks with you towards the room, filling you in on what you need to know. Her hand moves behind your back, careful to not get too close, her hand splaying across the door so it doesn’t hit you. 

“Thank you.” You smile again, watching her carefully, almost a second too long. 

But Cassie ignores it, maybe she had something on her face, maybe she looked uncomfortable or something, rubbing you the wrong way. 

She didn’t want that to be the case. 

She needed this right now. A good friendship. One she carefully crafted herself. One that wasn’t forced upon her. Much like the ones from med school, ones she had to make to get by. To keep herself from using, from getting behind. 

But this one. With you. Could be something real. 

Something she hoped for and wasn’t pushed into. One she didn’t push too far for. 

“You’re welcome.” Her dimple pops out, but you’re already facing the patient. 

“Mrs. Miller.” You come to the side of the bed, lowering the railing. “What’s going on?” 

“I have really bad chest pain.” You note how she rubs her chest, fingers prodding at the base of her sternum. “And I feel like I can’t catch my breath.” 

“You’re in good hands, Mrs. Miller.” Cassie holds the tablet by her side, coming to the other side of the bed. 

“Please, call me Katherine.” She puts a hand out as if the two of you offended her by using her last name. 

“Katherine.” You correct yourself. “Any past medical history we should know about?” 

“I had a heart attack about..” She frowns, trying to recall the time. “I think five years ago, now.” 

“Okay.” Cassie watches carefully, only removing her eyes for a split second to watch you. “Any history of smoking?” 

“Oh, yeah.” She laughs. “Thirty years. I just recently quit.” 

“That’s a big achievement.” You smile bright at her, watching her vitals carefully, trying not to let the worry show. But you were good at that. “How long were you trying for?” 

“Ever since my heart attack.” She says. “It was really difficult. But I managed. The grandkids make it better.” 

“That’s good. Finding something that holds you down.” Cassie doesn’t look up to catch your expression this time, too vulnerable to risk the look on your face. “My son is a real help.” 

She ignores the fact that there’s a full pack of her favorite brand in her purse.

“You understand.” The woman looks away from Cassie, then to you, who doesn’t seem interested in pushing it quite yet. 

“We have to.” She shrugs, sighing. 

“I’m going to listen to your lungs, if that’s okay?” You wait for her to give you consent, and then you unwrap your stethoscope from your neck. “Lean up for me.” 

The woman leans up, and you ask her to take a few deep breaths, moving the bell of the stethoscope around different parts of her back. 

“Okay.” You nod at her. “You can lay back now.” 

“This is a teaching hospital.” Cassie nods, finally looking at you. “What are your next steps, Dr. l/n?” 

“We are going to order some blood tests and a chest x-ray.” You notice Katherine’s expression shift, and you place a hand over hers. “Just to be safe. Okay?” 

Katherine swallows nervously, but agrees nonetheless. 

“Thank you girls.” She smiles as the two of you exit the room. 

“What did you hear?” Cassie places her hand underneath the sanitizer, waiting for it to squirt the foam into her palm. She rubs them together as you speak. 

“Um, what?” You look like you've been caught off guard. 

Cassie lifts her eyebrows in confusion, as if it was obvious. 

“Oh, right.” You laugh. “Crackling in the lungs. Could be fluid.” 

“Good.” She nods. “Go ahead and order those x-rays. Let me know when they get back.” 

“You got it.” You shoot her a thumbs up. 

Your phone buzzes in your pocket, and you grab it. 

You’ve been texting your date all morning long, and it made you jittery just thinking about finally getting back out there. 

She was sweet, had dark hair, freckles, and blue eyes. 

She was gorgeous and you were lucky she matched with you, of all people. 

You finally took the plunge and downloaded an app late one night last week. Worked too hard to find good pictures, perfected your bio. Scrolled for hours and only actually swiped right on three or four people. 

It was pathetic, really. But you had a resolution to uphold, so here you were, following through. And besides, you were tired of your boring life. Of not having anyone to talk to. 

“You okay?” Cassie looks at you with worry, tilting her head as she observes your face. “You look a little zoned out, there.” 

“Oh, yeah.” You smile up at her. “Just.. I have a date tonight.” 

“Oh.” Cassie lifts her eyebrows in surprise. “That’s exciting. On Valentine’s Day, though?” 

“Yeah.” You laugh. “Cliché, I know.” 

“Just a little bit.” She lifts one shoulder. “But, to each their own, right?”

She pauses, watches your pick at your nail, bite the inside of your cheek nervously. 

“Is this a good thing?” She crosses her arms over her chest. 

“Yes.” You say a little too quickly. “Yes, it’s good.” 

“You don’t seem too sure.” She laughs. 

“I’m sorry.” You look down and shake your head. “I just..” 

“Dr. McKay!” Robby shouts her name across the department floor, and she turns her head. 

“I’ll catch up with you later.” Cassie rushes out before she walks towards Robby. “I promise.” 

You smile to yourself. Maybe this was good. Not just this date, but finding someone to confide in. Your life would probably be a lot easier if you actually had a friend, someone to complain to, someone you tried to let in, despite yourself.

And sure, Cassie was twice your age, but that didn’t matter. She seems like a great person and she’d be a great friend.

february 14th, 7:30 pm

“Hey, you still going on that date?” Cassie checks her watch, frowning at the time. 

“I don’t think I’m going to make it.” You shake your head, watch the clock nervously, look down at the charts you have piled up. “I’ll just have to reschedule.” 

“You don’t need to do that.” She shakes her head. “What time are you meeting?” 

“In.. thirty minutes.” You eye the clock behind her again. 

“Well, you better go then.” She jerks her head towards the locker room. 

“Didn’t you hear me?” You scoff, but it comes out more of a laugh than anything. “There’s no way I’m getting out of here on time.” 

“I’ll cover you.” She rounds the desk, puts her hand on your shoulder as if to tell you to stand, and you comply. 

“Are you sure?” Your eyebrows pull together. “I mean..”

“I’m sure.” She chuckles, pulls her badge to log into the computer. “Most of your patients are both of ours anyways. And besides, we’re supposed to be off the clock.” 

“I can’t let you do this.” You shake your head, reaching into your pocket for your phone. “I’ll just text her to reschedule.” 

She looks at you, with that no-nonsense look, one she probably gives her son when he’s acting up, and you still your movement. 

“You don’t have plans tonight?” Your voice is weaker now, and she can tell you’re giving in. Slowly, but surely. 

“Just me and trashy television. There’s a pint of ice cream in my future.” She jokes, giving you a half smile. “Now go, before I change my mind.” 

“Okay, okay.” You put your hands up in surrender. “Thank you, so much.” 

“It’s nothing, really.” Her focus is on the computer, but she doesn’t ignore you at all. It’s a gift, you think, how she’s focused on one thing, but you still feel like you have her attention. “I’m sure you’ll repay me.” 

“Yes, of course.” You hold your hands together in front of you. “I’ll get you coffee. Tomorrow.” 

“Something to look forward to.” She turns her head towards you. “Now go. You only have..” She watches the clock. “Twenty five minutes now.” 

“Okay. Seriously, thank you.” 

She laughs to herself as she watches you hurry towards the locker room to change. 

Girls, she thinks to herself. 

So it wasn’t just her and Santos. 

She liked you more and more as the days went by. A friendship in the workplace wasn’t totally awful, and she is more convinced as the days go by. 

She checks the clock, and it reads 7:35. She was supposed to be done over half an hour ago, but now she’d probably be here another hour with all the charting that needed done. 

She didn’t mind. Really, she didn’t. 

She didn’t have any plans. And you deserved to have a little fun. From what she learned while working with you, you often didn’t share about your personable life, and she had a feeling you didn’t allow yourself much free time either.

So if she could free you for an extra hour, she’d pay the consequences gladly. 

february 27th, 7:36 am

Cassie was so late right now. 

She had to unexpectedly pick up Harrison late last night on the way home from work, something about Chad unexpectedly having to work early in the morning. 

But so did she. 

Fuck her, then. 

First she overslept, then she tried to get coffee brewing, made a whole mess on the floor when she forgot to put the cup underneath. Then she had to wake Harrison up, and by then, he’d already missed the bus. 

She drove him to school quickly, cursing when she saw it had already passed seven as she waited in the drop off line. 

She flew into the emergency department as soon as she parked, apologized profusely to Robby and Dana before she burst into the locker room. 

“I am so, so sorry.” Cassie comes in front of the nurses station once again, apologizing over and over. “Really. I take full responsibility. This was all my fault and there is no good excuse for this—“ 

“McKay.” Robby put his hand out, eyes full of concern. “Calm down.” 

“I’m sorry.” She takes a breath. 

“There’s no need to be sorry, hon.” Dana holds her glasses in her hand. “We were worried about ya, is all.” 

“Just let us know next time, please.” Robby’s glasses are on the tip of his nose as he looks down at a piece of paper. 

“Yes, of course.” She taps her hand on the table, nodding. “Where do you want me?” 

“I think..” He looks around. “There are probably patients just brought back that you could jump in on.” 

“Of course.” She walks away from the desk, finds you lingering in a corner, bag of candy in hand. 

“Well, well, well.” You smirk around your bite of candy. “I’d say you were fashionably late, but we're all wearing the same thing.” 

A laugh bursts from her lungs, unexpected but light, “True.” 

“Want one?” You hold the bag out to her. “You look like you could use a pick me up.” 

She glances at you before she reaches in for a piece, popping it into her mouth. 

“You know, we shouldn’t be eating candy at seven in the morning.” She puts her hands in her pockets.

“It’s almost eight now.” You nod. 

“Okay.” She laughs. “Gumdrop.” 

She walks past you, and you toss the empty bag into the trash can, walking quickly to catch up with her. 

“Gumdrop?” You mock with distaste. 

“Since you’re eating candy.” She pointed behind her, where you were moments ago. 

You open your mouth, then close it, then open it again, “You ate it too.” 

“But you had the entire bag. I only hand one piece.” She shrugs nonchalantly. 

You chuckle, “Okay. Whatever. I’ll come up with a nickname for you.” 

“Will it be before or after your sugar rush ends?” She smirks, stopping to put hand sanitizer on. 

“I don’t know yet. I’ll give it to you when I come up with something.” You squint at her. 

“I’m patient. Take your time.. Gumdrop.” She watches you closely before she pushes a patient's door open with her shoulder, leaving you standing in the middle of the hall. 

february 27th, 7:04 pm

When Cassie’s shift finally comes to an end, she allows herself to sigh. She allows herself to breathe, to think about more than the next step. She stops punishing herself for her actions this morning, about how one wrong step could set her back years. 

It’s a wonder the way your head can tip you towards an entirely different thought. One that had nothing to do with the previous thought. 

But that’s how Cassie's head worked. She’d think about one thing, and then it would spiral, spiral, spiral, until her mind was back on her addiction. 

Until her mind was focused on how a minuscule mistake could ruin her life entirely once again. Until she was convinced she was going to lose everything she worked for. Her son, her life, her career.

Even you, who she’d only come to know—not even really know, because nobody really knew you in this hospital—for a few weeks. Her newfound friend, mentee, someone to keep her grounded on the bad days. 

One like this. One where the gears in her head move and move until they’ve run out of oil, grinding against each other until there’s dust and she’s long gone before she’s made it three hours into the day. 

She knew it was one of those days when the yawn overtook her mid sentence, when her eyes burned and she just wanted to close them. When halfway through the day she was on her fifth cup of coffee. 

Even when she snapped at someone who didn’t deserve, someone who she didn’t even know, a mother of a child who didn’t deserve her cruelty. 

She laughs at it now, leaning against her car, a cigarette between her lips, the open flame hovering over the end, the first rush of smoke a relief to her. Especially after this long fucking day. 

She never smokes inside the car. Ever. Doesn’t need to give Chad another reason to keep Harrison away from her. It was just something to take the edge off every once in a while. 

She wasn’t addicted, per se, as she could stop all together right now and never pick up another pack, but she needed a guilty pleasure. Something to keep her from relapsing. 

“I didn’t know you smoked..” You approach her slowly, a hesitation in your steps that wasn’t there earlier in the day, but there’s no disdain in your face. 

“Only sometimes.” She shrugs one shoulder, blowing out a breath of smoke. “Only when I don’t have Harrison.” 

“It’s a nasty habit, y’know?” You lean on your own car, across from her, only inches apart. 

She jerks her chin towards yours, eyes intense with something you can’t name, full of something you don’t think you want to name. 

“You’re not the first person to tell me that.” Her eyes light up with the moonlight and she leans forward with a laugh, bent at the waist before she leans back again. “You gonna tell me to kick it?” 

“No.” You shake your head, a small shiver wracking your body, but neither of you mention it. “It’s your body. Your choice.” 

“Hm.” She hums as her lips suck in another hit. “You are the first person to say that.” 

“I’m glad to be the first.” Your finger twitches at your side, your keys making a noise as they swing back and forth. Your eyes turn to glance at the noise. 

“Am I keeping you?” Her voice rasps. 

“No, no.” You shake your head, wetting your lips, eyes drawing back up to her. 

You shift your weight awkwardly, and Cassie realizes the two of you have never really spoken, not more than outside of medical lingo and maybe two personal conversations. She also realizes that you’re an introvert, you keep to yourself, often don’t start the first conversation. 

And she chuckles quietly to herself at that, taking one last hit on her cigarette before putting it out on the bottom of her shoe. 

“What?” You quirk an eyebrow, eyes watching her every movement. 

“Nothing.” She shakes her head, eyes coming back to you once her dead cigarette is in her clenched fist. 

All you do is nod, rock on your feet back and forth, and Cassie figures you’re trying to find a way out of this. 

“Did you ever come up with something?” Cassie smirks, leaves the question open ended, gives you room to reply, ask what she means, something to keep this going. 

But she also does it to put a light ending to this day, something to smile about on the way home. Because today wasn’t just rough for her, it was rough for everyone, too trauma and death filled to even think or want to eat. 

You roll your eyes with your own smile, looking away from the way the wind muses Cassie’s red hair, “No. But don't think I’m letting you off easy. I’ll give you one. When you’re least expecting it.” 

“Sure.” Her eyes twinkle in the moonlight, and Cassie wants to distract herself from the way you search hers. So she asks the question she doesn’t know if you’ll answer. “Hey, how was that date a few weeks ago? You went, right?”

You bite the inside of your cheek, eyes glued to the ground, because you didn’t want to answer. You never want to answer questions about your personal life. But for some reason, Cassie, a divorced R2, a woman who you have a feeling has seen more of life at your age than you have, is easier to talk to than your own family. 

“Yeah, yeah.” You keep your eyes on the ground. “I went. I’ve been seeing her for two weeks now.” 

“I’m glad.” Her lip tilts up, head drawn in closer to you, enticed in the conversation. “You deserve it.” 

You let out a soft laugh, “You don’t know what I deserve.” You kick a rock at your feet, finding it hard to look back up at Cassie. 

“Sure.” You feel her gaze leave you, wandering off somewhere else. Maybe the sky, maybe the group of nurses laughing as they walk towards their cars, maybe the way the wind is lapping against the flag in the distance. “But everyone deserves something good. Even if we don’t think so.” 

Your chest beats harder, and you wonder what her backstory is, if you’ll ever find out. Because she’s got way too much wisdom for a divorced mom. 

“You’re too optimistic.” You play it off, like you would a compliment, and force yourself to look at her now. 

“Says you.” She leans her head back against her car window. 

“Oh well.” You shrug, arms crossing over your chest. “There’s only room for one of us optimists.” 

“I think PTMC could use more than one of us.” Is all she says, blue eyes twinkling like the moon over the ocean, and it reminds you too much of the beach. Too much of your family and what lies in those memories. 

“Glad we’re on the same page.” You lie through your teeth, skin itching to get out of this conversation, away from her eyes that are haunting you from three feet away. “I should get going. I’m meeting Faith tonight.” 

“I won’t keep you waiting.” She nods, assuming there’s something more, something you’re not willing to share, but she doesn’t push. She wouldn’t ever push even if she could tell there’s something going on. 

She stands there as you get into the car, another shiver controlling your body as it shakily starts. 

She knocks on your window, confusion furrowed into her eyebrows, eyes set on the hood of your car, nowhere near your face. 

“Yeah?” You ask shakily, ready to get out of here, to do all the things you hate yourself for, but do anyway. 

“Do you know your car makes a noise and shakes when you turn it on?” Her eyebrows are furrowed together as she points at the front of the car. 

“Yeah.” You nod. “I’ve been meaning to get that fixed. I haven’t had a lot of time.” 

Cassie looks at you now, nods, mouth slightly opened in the way it does when she’s deep in thought. But she doesn’t say what she’s thinking, she doesn’t want to scare you off too much. 

So she backs up an inch, smiles with a nod, and says goodnight.

[hucklenberries]

to all the people saying that trinity should’ve been the one to leave. i will hunt you all as sport

[lostlamblizzie]

me when I'm in a "wants that cookie BAD" competition and these two show up (I'm cooked)