The Bright Sessions
#extradirty
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Today's Document
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YOU ARE THE REASON
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
@theartofmadeline
The Bowery Presents
todays bird
occasionally subtle
Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!
NASA
shark vs the universe
izzy's playlists!
Color Me Curious
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Monterey Bay Aquarium
PR's Tumblrdome
bliss lane
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@auliareski
I miss you.
After all this time, through those hard nights, I still miss you. I remember you through these blurry eyes and aching heart. I don't count anymore of how I still weep, how I still wake up in the middle of the night... trying to calm myself down, trying to catch my breath.
Therefore, I hope you're always fine.
I pray for you to be happy, to be at peace with yourself.
I wish, I can lift off this sadness for good.
What New Coronavirus Looks Like Under The Microscope
The images of the current outbreak of the new coronavirus have so far been very human: air travelers wearing masks, tourists stranded on cruise ships, medical workers wearing protective suits.
But new images of the virus show us what it looks like up close.
These images were made using scanning and transmission electron microscopes at the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases’ Rocky Mountain Laboratories in Hamilton, Mont. NIAID is part of the National Institutes of Health.
Emmie de Wit, chief of NIAID’s Molecular Pathogenesis Unit, provided the virus samples. Microscopist Elizabeth Fischer produced the images, and the lab’s visual medical arts office digitally colorized the images.
NIAID notes that the images look rather similar to previous coronavirus MERS-CoV (Middle East respiratory syndrome coronavirus, which emerged in 2012) and the original SARS-CoV (severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus, which emerged in 2002).
“That is not surprising: The spikes on the surface of coronaviruses give this virus family its name – corona, which is Latin for ‘crown,’ and most any coronavirus will have a crown-like appearance,” the institute explains in a blog post.
The World Health Organization formally named the disease caused by the new coronavirus: COVID-19.
Image 1: COVID-19 coronavirus is seen in yellow, emerging from cells (in blue and pink) cultured in the lab. This image is from a scanning electron microscope. NIAID-RML
Image 2: This image from a scanning electron microscope shows, in orange, the coronavirus that causes the disease COVID-19. The virus was isolated from a patient in the U.S. and is seen here emerging from the surface of cells — in gray — cultured in the lab. NIAID-RML
Image 3: In this image from a scanning electron microscope, the new coronavirus is in orange. NIAID-RML
Image 4: This image of the virus is from a transmission electron microscope. NIAID-RML
Source: NPR (LAUREL WAMSLEY)
Humans,
They only regret when they lose something, someone.
They cry,
they ask for an apologize
to the dead ones.
Is this the sadness
or the guilt
that burdens you?
Dec 20th, 2019 | 1.31 AM
https://steller.co/s/9j5MAvsHKcT
Countless words, images, and songs that have been with me for a year.
A year has passed and I'm still alive.
As I say to myself and to You now,
Thank you for choosing to stay alive, to continue this journey, and to give another meaning to this finite life.
Thank You too for always believing in Yours truly here.
I will keep on living this finite yet meaningful life
July 29th, 2019 | 11.55 PM
It's still crystal clear in my mind,
at this night... six years ago
we were there in Central Park,
you asked me
and I said yes.
--
Now, I say to myself,
"It's okay, let's walk again
to get through this tunnel,
alone,"
--
June 6th, 2019 | 9.30 PM
The worst part may be I for once wished that I would never wake up from my sleep.
It’s gonna be a year, two months from now, and it still tears me up really deep.
Why does this grief still lingers no matter all the things I have done to move forward with my life?
Should I get into amnesia so I can forget things that only hurt me?
This life seems like an empty shell, what do You want to show me?
Tell me. I don’t care about signs anymore. Tell me just like a human tells to other human. I need real words, I don’t need Your subtle signs.
I’m tired, You believe me, God, but I’m tired.
A 'Home' to Come Back
Just got back home and I thought how my day off went by so fast.
I'm aware that day by day it feels like I'm more alone. Sometimes, I feel sad because of it but I think this is part of life, isn't it? I feel even more lonely in the middle of crowd, of friends and people.
I don't think I'm isolating myself. It feels like I know that whatever I'm struggling right now, I can't burden anyone even if it's just telling them how's my condition or what I've been up to.
I will die one day, that's for sure, so I don't think whatever I've been struggling whether it's sadness or happiness will matter in the end. Having this kind of thought somehow put me at peace, because even though I can't make myself opening up about my struggle, I feel like this thought acts as a reminder that the hardships will not matter anymore.....
All this sadness and happiness only act as a decoration for our 'home' called life,
and I don't really care anymore.
I'm simply grateful You bless me with this kind of 'home': an empty space, enough for me to rest after all these hardships.
“What’s yours will find you.”
— Imam Ali Ibn Abi Talib (as)
What do You really want for me, God?
To be honest, I'm tired. Really tired. I really want to ask You, when he made a choice to leave me, was it because he always thought that I would find my way, that I would survive out of this storm?
Okay, the fact is I'm still alive. I still breathe. I still do things but I don't think that I'm fine. I don't think that I feel alive. Life is surely not the same for me anymore. I have tried to get back who I used to be, but it doesn't feel right anymore. I couldn't fake happiness when I didn't feel it inside. I find it harder to stay motivated... and at least stay pushing myself to live life.
In perspective, life is slowly turning into black and white for me that I need to balance both.
So, here I am, God. I'm just really tired mentally. If it would end up like this, why did You 'let' him be in one of critical chapter in my life?
And, so, does he ever think that...
on how his decision actually damages someone's life?
"It's lonely both up there and down here.
Is this the longest period I haven't truly talked to anybody yet ever since I decide to stop pretending I'm okay?
I never knew and expected this kind of chapter would add in my story of life.
How long has it been? Nine months already?
For people, maybe it's already nine months so that's I need to move forward with my life,
But how, do they live in my shoes?
It may be nine months for other people, but for me every single day, every time I try to close my eyes to sleep, it's been a harder time each day for the past nine months.
The fact that I am still crying over this painful separation, that I am slowly turning into someone I don't know, that I trust no one other than a very few people anymore, that I always come to You only to weep.
I also want to talk to You with a heartful smile, not with this one, not with these painful tears.
If You really believe me that I can pass this storm, I do ask You,
I do ask You to strengthen me even more, ease my heavy heart, and wipe my tears,"
"Memory is a king
Of absolute power
That is as big and soft as a palace
Whether it be regret or hope,
I have no power of choice
I am a stranger to my own will,"
You matter. ❤️️ Your presence and kindness and light could have so much impact on this world. ☀ Don’t underestimate your contributions.
Loading Penguin Hugs | Instagram | Patreon
Tbh, I'm in this state. Does this research I'm assisting with have any significance to the patients? I'm still grieving since one of patients from my MPS II research last year just passed away last month. Why is this field of study so complicated? Sometimes, I can be happy getting one result that leads me nearer to the goals but at the same time it also reminds me that it is still a long journey.
It's been one month I'm working here. I'm still in the same place but I move to different department. Instead of dealing with human genetics and all those molecular stuffs, I'm working with human heart tissue specifically infundibulum.
Just like I stated above, I'm happy that this research will bring result in form of novel testing model for drug testing in ischemia reperfusion injury. However, after reading the lab protocol I've been working on since last week, I couldn't help myself to say, "Welcome to postgrad-level research...."
Working on this as research assistant might provide me with the insight of how the dynamic of postgraduate study since I plan that one for myself.
All these complexities from preparing heart tissues, isolating mitochondria, measuring the expression of ROS and the cytosolic calcium.... God, guide me so we all can perform this work well and get the good result that will help the future treatment for the patients.
I miss you.
This exact Wednesday is just passed already.
What a song to remember, to pop out in my playlist at these minutes to midnight when I always have a trouble to sleep.
That Wednesday is over, now is Thursday.
And just like that, time has passed,
and I remain the same.
At least, I am in this void which gives me an infinite space for me to learn my path in this finite life.
To watch this alone is enough before I bid my farewell here.
How strange the idea of void where I can not define whether this is a state of content or grief.
A Good Void
I've been spending three days in my home. Nothing but resting since I've been dealing, if I could say, with the worst fever in my whole life. Whenever it comes to fever, it always takes like half to a whole day for me to get healed especially if I take my usual Decolgen.
I guess there is more story to these three days I have spent.
I won a preview ticket to the biggest book bazaar, Big Bad Wolf, which would grant me an preview pass to the bazaar the day before the official opening. Yep, the preview session is held today and I couldn't come due to my health condition. Sad, isn't it?
Well... if I were still who I used to be, I might be that sad and somehow annoyed by my own condition. Maybe, I'd likely to force myself to go to the event even if my condition isn't 100% okay.
However, some things have changed... and one of them comes to my sense now, in this rainy day at the end of February
I let myself first.
My health. My condition. My needs over my 'wants'.
Although I might be happy to visit the preview session in the bazaar today, I always keep telling myself that "I still have another days to go..."
That kind of thinking somehow happens to another things.
When I miss him, it's no longer about how I want to contact him anymore. Although the pain he left for me still lingers as much as the feeling I have for him still stands strong, I am arrived at the point where I say to myself,
"It's enough for now, let's stop, take a breath, and move forward again,"
I know that my point of view about happiness has changed a lot since that day. I no longer feel that much happy or sad whenever I feel happy or sad.
It's been like in a void.
However, it's a 'good' void, I think. A void that feels like an infinite space and time. It gives me a chance to think, a room to pray, and a shoulder to acknowledge my own emotions.
This void manifests into this kind of thinking like I said above. It lets me to let myself, to prioritize myself first. It gives me clarity to weigh anything in that happens to my life even if it's about small, daily stuffs.
For the first time in my life, this void of mine also gives me a "I have no idea what I will be and what I am going to do in the future".
It's kind of giving me the vibe that "I live for today". I tend to see now that future is shaped by who we are and what we are doing today. It's continuation of the "today" we're living.
Maybe, that's why... I stop making such a detail long-term plan for my personal goals (well... I still make one for my professional, career-based projects).
Such a different 'me' compared to who I used to be, but I don't mind.
People change, so do I.
However, I believe this change strengthens me... and, I wish this is for good.
Bogor | February 28, 2019
It's 3:45 AM here. I still haven't been able to sleep yet. While typing this to steer away the thoughts that made me crying, I am looking for more ways to think that life is beautiful and I am still able to see such happiness in my lifetime.
I don't want to give up on myself. At least, I'm staying alive for my family and my dreams.
I want to believe that life is beautiful and I will be able to see it once again.
