Documenting my HRT journey

he/him • 19 • 🇦🇺 • LGB(T) • 💉09/08/24💧

[aureamors]

Month 1 on T

Or 1 month and 1-2 weeks on T

Prominent changes

The main things that have very obviously changed is bottom growth, skin texture, appetite, libido and hair growth. I'll be discussing bottom growth, libido and all that behind an 18+ break at the bottom of the post (ha)

On skin and complexion

I am a greasy little man to say the least. I've begun to have to have a much more strict skincare and clothes/sheet washing routine because I have been so much more greasy. I also need to wash my hair a lot more bc it will not stop being nasty if i don't. My acne is really bad right now, though that may also be in part because I'm on my period rn (which I will discuss further down)

On hair

Maybe TMI, but in particular, armpit and ass hair is a lot thicker than it was before (💀💀💀), and it also grows back much faster. My ingrown hairs also seem to be way worse when I shave: I shaved the way I always have, but there's so many ingrown hairs then there usually is so I'm thinking it may be related to this? Idk man.

The hair on my head is also thickening, I have a bunch of new baby hairs growing at my hairline.

On appetite changes

My appetite has been a lot more at times then it was before. I don't know if it's fully kicked in but I will just randomly be starving a lot more (I have a bit of a poor connection to my physical needs at times so I sometimes lowkey forget to eat until I really really need to- )

On periods

I mentioned my period up above and I'll elaborate a bit on that. At first I thought I wasn't gonna have it as I was a week late and I thought I was just. Having really bad PMDD, but I ended up getting it anyways. I had normal mood swings on my period before obviously, but this time around it felt like it was a million times worse. I was so anxious and moody that I could barely function at work last week, and I was honestly having pretty bad urges to relapse (I have struggled on and off with SH and addiction over the years).

I'm better now, my period is just being it's annoying period self tho. I'm still bleeding and it hasn't stopped yet, it's a lot lighter then usual tho so hopefully that means next month it will have stopped (for context, I've always had absolutely horrendous periods- heavy asf to the point I need to wear pads designed for post children women, dizziness because of how heavy the blood loss I had was and cramps that make me unable to move because of how painful they are. It's still present, but it's not nearly as bad as it has been for several years now).

On mood

Outside of this though, my mood has been so much better than it was pre-T. I was much more anxious before and it led to me being unable to properly function socially, but now I'm a lot more confident. I'm still a bit insecure because I'm still very much not passing and stuff, but I'm getting better the more I grow into my body how I should have been. I'm already a lot more outgoing, and excited for life and the future than I was.

Less prominent but noticeable changes

My voice. My voice has started to deepen very slightly. I didn't even notice it but my sister pointed it out, and I recently retook a voice comparison video yesterday and it was slightly deeper in my natural range. It's still early days ofc but this made me very happy

This- may be a bit weird, but I think I am already noticing changes in my breast tissue already? They feel a bit more like fat rather than actual solid perky tissue and look less big (then again the latter could be because I'm starting to become a bit less dysphoric tbh). I'm hoping I go down a cupsize and they become easier to bind in future.

Confusion/questioning my sexuality again

Honestly I have no idea what is going on here at all right now. I thought I'd figured out that I was aroace and was formerly hypersexual from trauma, but now I'm thinking I may be allo. Still probably on the aroace spectrum, but idk.

Now men just kinda... 💅/hj

I think I might have just been fully apathetic and uninterested in relationships and intimacy with real people because I was super uncomfortable and dysphoric. Now, it's kind of up in the air a bit. I'm just not gonna label all that business for a while probably, I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually and I'll probably discuss this in future posts more

18+ only below - discussing bottom growth and libido n. All that 👍

My bottom growth has been pretty noticeable this far. I haven't measured it bc I think that's goofy, but it's prob a cm or 2 atp? Not much yet, but I'm so looking forward to more with it. I want to potentially get metoidio on it to make it more prominent, but I'll ofc see how it goes. Full growth is still farrrr off

I will also say that I have not gotten dry at all down there - the exact opposite actually. I hear a lot about all that business getting drier and stuff, but genuinely I get so much more down there then I ever used to. I think in part it may be because I've gotten more comfortable with my bottom growth?

This is- alot of personal info but considering this is 18+ section I'll get into it, but honestly everything sexual is *so* much better now. My libido has gotten a fair bit higher, but also I've found that the pleasure I can get from doing stuff has increased tenfold.

I think in part it is because I heavily dissociated away from myself both due to my dysphoria and trauma, but now I feel like I'm realigning with myself and - in a way I feel like I'm also reclaiming my body too. So because of that, I'm much more satisfied with what's going on with that. It's very hard to explain honestly! I would be interested to hear from other trans men with sexual trauma if they had the same or similar experiences.

I remember my psych warning me that it could be potentially jarring to have bottom growth due to my history, but this genuinely is the best thing I think could have happened for me. It's honestly helping me massively with repairing my relationship with sexual stuff, both in regards to my trauma and ofc dysphoria. It's been amazing, honestly.

This is all I can think of for now, but I'll possibly come back and edit stuff if I think of anything else. Working full time has been kicking my ass, so I've kinda just been only working and then using all my free time to recover for the next day 💀💀

[aureamors]

I'm now a bit over a month on T (contrary to the post I just posted because I kept it as a draft for some stupid ass reason). I have not been online too much overall because I've not had the time with my new job lmfao

A few things I didn't mention within that last post have happened since ofc, but I WILL stop being lazy and properly actually make an update post 💀💀

[aureamors]

Week 1 summery

It's actually now a month into it but I didn't post this ages ago for some reason. I will do a follow up 1 month post soon

Physical changes

The very first thing I noticed which began happening by day 2 was that I started smelling different. I'm super sensitive to scent so I have noticed I'm smelling different- not necessarily worse but different.

Having said that though I have also been smelling worse quicker. I've begun sweating a bit more, and that's heavily contributing I think. I've always been super hygienic, so this was pretty surprising lmao. I gotta spray more deodorant so I don't get feral and reek

The main other thing I've noticed is bottom growth - it's genuinely surprising how fast it's happening. I noticed it growing by the fourth day, and it's since grown a lot more

Mental changes

Mentally I'm doing a lot better in a LOT of ways.

I'm a lot more excited for life, and I'm feeling a hell of a lot more connected to my body. I have always had fucked up levels of dissociation and maladaptive daydreaming to get away from my reality - mainly due to how dysphoric I am/was after working through all the other inflammatory issues for it.

Now, I actually want to live my life because it isn't as much as a mental struggle to exist with severe dysphoria. It's still present because T doesn't magically work all at once overnight, but I'm already feeling so much better knowing I'm finally beginning to change.

Before, I was kind of counting down to when I wouldn't be able to take it anymore and was utterly miserable. Now I'm actually happy to be alive and live life - it genuinely feels surreal.

The only real downside I have had is that due to that initial consultation being mainly about every single possible consequence health-wise (even it it's SO uncommon, it's laid on so thick bruh), I have been stressed out about potential complications as I also have OCD and it's latched onto the things my doctor was telling me even though I am at extremely low risk for said complications 💀.

I will warn the trans OCD having dudes who are gonna go on hrt to be aware that so much of that first consult is mainly going over the absolute worst case scenario like blood clots, cancer, and shit like that. It honest to God felt like reading the back of a panadol bottle where it lists stuff like kidney failure and heart attacks on the back but like - presented as the absolute FRONT of shit 😭

[aureamors]

Bro I genuinely don't know how to talk abt this bc it's potentially a little taboo, but HDHDHFJJDNFKDNFKDN

Talking about bottom growth below cut (18+ ONLY)

I've noticed some bottom growth and I'm so SO fucking happy right now.

There's been a few small things I've noticed already (I'll make a post abt week 1 of T including everything), but a more PHYSICAL reminder that I'm on T is finally making it sink in. Like this has finally happened, it's FINALLY happening.

I genuinely don't get how so many people talk about bottom growth as unwanted or even gross - the fact that this is happening to me is the most euphoric thing I think I've ever experienced probably in life. (As dramatic as that sounds haha)

I've always had really severe bottom dysphoria, and seeing the beginning of T dick is the biggest relief and it's truly made me so happy- I cannot put into words how much this really means. I know T dick is only gonna be tiny when fully grown, but the fact that I'm growing ANYTHING resembling a dick is so HSHDHDHFJDJDJFNDIFBDIDB.

I heard it's a bit uncomfortable to deal with when it grows bigger and starts actually rubbing on stuff, so I'm a bit nervous about that, but overall I'm so excited to see the process as it grows omfg

[aureamors]

I'm so tired, so I'll probably make a proper post tomorrow that's not the batshit ramblings of a sleep deprived man about my experience, but I GOT MY FIRST T SHOT TODAY.

I thought they'd give me gel but because of my memory being rubbish and my mum's house not being a good place to be applying it, the specialist instead started me off on a half dose of the shot.

So! Day one of T: My buttcheek hurts. (Bc they inject it into a muscle in there)

My legs also hurt - though I'm not sure if this is because of T or because I'm flaring up because of how stressed I was making sure today worked out (fibro is cringe)

I'm. Honestly still processing that this day was real, both because I was dissociating like hell but also because I fucking finally got my goddamn testosterone. I'm so relieved I can't even put it into words properly. I keep passively realising that this is all real and starting to tear up because of how relieved I am.

I'm also happy because I got to actually keep my first injection bottle.

It's long overdue:

💉 09/08/24 💧

[aureamors]

I have my appointment with the specialist who's able to prescribe me T in 2 days and I'm so excited. It's been such a long and hard road. I came out at 14, and I've had years of therapy leading up to this due to how strict all the guidelines around this are (where I am at least)

If all goes well, I'll be walking out with a prescription for gel (to work up to getting the full injections)

The relief I feel knowing that is something I can't quite put into words. When I had just come out all those years ago, and it was obvious I wouldn't be able to get care until I was an adult, I genuinely didn't believe I'd make it to this point. I tried to end it multiple times over the years with that fact in mind. I'm so glad I didn't succeed.

I'm so eternally thankful that I stayed alive to see the day where I will finally start to feel at home in my skin. It truly feels like my life is finally actually starting, and although there's this doubt in me that it will all be ripped away from me with the kind of luck I've had over these years, I'm trying to shove it away because I know that happiness is finally attainable.

I know this blog is really small, but if there are any depressed as shit trans teens who can't yet access care reading this: I was you. Care is attainable, and you will get to be who you need to be. It's really fucking hard; but you deserve to see the day where you are happy. Stay alive to see the day where you love living

[aureamors]

Leadup things to getting a T prescription

Some extra notes

This may not be the same everywhere. I'm Australian, so I'm going through this here 👍

Medicare coverage : If you're Aussie, then you'll probably be happy to hear that all of these were fully covered under Medicare (for me at least), I just needed to get all the referrals from a GP (which ofc cost money)

GPs being uneducated : Also the GP I saw to get all these referrals had no clue about any of this and I had to explicitly tell her to go on the Health Pathways website and look it up. Be prepared by just how little some doctors know when you start trying to meet all the ends across the board to get hrt 😭. Idk if it's the same everywhere else but oof

Uhhh cw for mentions of medical stuff, blood and needles

The tests I have needed to do:

- Bone density scan

- Blood tests

- ECG (doing this tomorrow most likely)

Bone density scan:

The bone density scan only took like 10 minutes- you lay on a bed on your back with your arms to your sides and wait for the scanner thing above to make its weird buzzing/shuddering noise all the way down your body taking scans of your bones and then you're done.

It was just a general/typical scan. The lady who saw me said it's just something you need to tick off the list

Main thing I'd say is don't wear anything with metal in it (from the neck down), or bring a change of clothes with no metal in them to the place that's gonna be scanning you.

Blood test:

The blood test fucking sucked I'm gonna be real. They need to measure a lot of different things and they took 5 test tubes full of blood out of me in one sitting. My arm hurts so bad DHHDJEH

Something that I've never heard talked about that was interesting with the tests tho - they had to be done while I was on the 3rd-5th day of my period. I'm not too sure why this is exactly but if you know why pls lmk 🙏

Make sure to drink a lot of water before going in and bring a bottle with you, and bring something to eat after it to get your sugars up! It was also fasting personally. I have stupid heavy periods so it may have took me out a bit extra haha

Electrocardiogram:

EDIT - The ECG is just 10 minutes, not 24 hours like I originally thought. Defo wear a crop/tank top to this rather than a binder as they will have to stick things to your chest in places that won't be accessible in a binder

Td;lr

Blood test is probably the big one you gotta be really prepared for. If you've got an aversion to needles or a phobia, you're gonna need to do a lot of preparation because even for me, who's had a lot of them over the years, it sucked.

I also talked to the lady taking blood, and she said I was lucky she didn't have to change veins because the one she chose stopped producing blood. So yeah- there could be a possibility you need to be jabbed for the test in multiple places due to the amount needed too

[aureamors]

Update

Sorry I may or may not have forgotten abt this blog 💀 I'm surprised I actually gained some followers from the first initial post, so hi people! 👋

Getting into it: I did luckily get approved for T a month back!

I've been doing some stuff in the lead up to my appointment with the specialist since, and I'll make a post on the things I've been doing probably tomorrow bc I just had a fuckton of blood sucked out of me (which is part of the things they needa do) and I am loopy as hell rn lmao

My appointment is next month, so I'm hoping to walk out of it with the prescription and first shot :))

[aureamors]

Preface

Uhhhhh hello. I will be starting testosterone soon so this blog will be for documenting that

I've rarely seen people talking about all sides of starting hrt in one place (the good, the bad, and the ugly), so I'm gonna do this when I start it just so people who were like me when I was first looking into side effects and actual potential downsides among the good things can get education on all parts of at least my experience. It ofc won't be universal, but yeah

I'm not quite sold yet on if I should make an age cut off for this as I do want people to be able to educate themselves freely, however if I do end up getting into more sexual territory (as yeah. All sides of the experience lmao) I will mark it as 18+ and if I see any minors interacting w those posts, I'll block

I'm open to any questions that may arise about my experiences as I post them, in fact I encourage them bc I want people to be as educated as they are in this day and age there's kind of a lot of misinformation about being trans out there rn 💀

I'll probably slowly post stuff on my experience with being trans before I accessed hormones, as well as my other mental conditions because they have effected me getting hrt (will probably be in multiple parts bc uh. I've been openly trans since 14, and I'm now 19 lmao) at some point soon.