under the water

@auscalhoun: i just really like swimming.

[auscalhoun-blog]

tidal waves ☼ austin & francesca

[cescahenderson-blog]

Francesca hadn’t anticipated coming home. The thought of the space she usually shared with Austin being home was strange. She hadn’t felt at home in a long time. But, she supposed, that was to be expected. They’d been together only a short time, yet she still jumped on the opportunity to live several hours away from her moms, her dad, her step-mom…everyone she knew that wasn’t him. A nervous habit developed in childhood, Francesca stood in the bathroom, water so hot it scorched her skin. Out loud, she counted each time she rubbed the back of her hand. “Forty-six…forty-seven…” She looked at red skin. She still felt dirty, her own lies taking on a different form; dirt and germs.

Rationally, she knew it made no sense. She rinsed the rest of the soap off of her hands, only to replace it with a new batch. “One…two…three…four…” She heard the familiar way Austin walked. She hurried, counting in her head as she scrubbed at skin that screamed in anger. She shook water off and turned off the faucet. A deep breath, already prepared to fight, she slowly opened the door. She turned the light off, eyes down to the floor. She leaned against the frame, completely ready to silently accept everything he had to say to her. “Yeah, I’m back…” She whispered, despite knowing full well her words meant nothing right now. But the pointed nickname hit her ears like nails on chalkboard. She shifted, crossing her arms over her chest. Hazel hues focused on a spot on the floor.

She wanted to be gentle, tender, be the person she was when she met him. “Eight months isn’t an anniversary, Austin…” She mumbled, rolling her back off of the wall. Such a simple concept, but it almost embodied part of the issue she’d been having in their relationship. “Anniversary is annual…once a year…” He used to think the way she corrected him was the sweetest, but every time she’d done for lately had him on edge, and she could only assume this would have been no exception, but she couldn’t help herself. Useless information was the only thing she really had going for her lately.

Another gesture she knew bothered him, a shrug tugged at her shoulders. “I…I just…” She huffed, eyes finding his. “This is too much for me, okay? I tried to….” A deep breath to quell her anger and frustrations she had no right to feel. “I tried to tell you before…” She looked back down to the floor, then to her own duffle bag, pushed mostly under the bed. “This was just…too much…too fast…I’m sorry, okay? I can’t just…un-disappear. But I feel fucking smothered, okay?” The way she curse shocked her, a habit hs enever really developed. She ran her fingers through her hair, tucked unruly strands behind her ear. 

[auscalhoun-blog]

Austin listened to her words with selective hearing, catching bits and pieces of what he wanted to hear while his anger brewed. Too much; too fast. Choppy sentences that should’ve made sense but couldn’t in his state of mind. All he could focus on was the fan, his frustrations, the love that had flown out the window when he looked at Francesca. He should’ve been elated to see her, should’ve swept her into his arms and whispered how much he’d missed her. He should’ve been a lot of things, but anger certainly wasn’t one of them. The curse was what made him break, the sound foreign to his ears. Francesca never cursed. Never. As he finally clicked back to reality, gaze snapping to hers, he found an unamused grin tugging on his lips. Arrogance didn’t suit Austin one bit, and it showed in his demeanor as he raised his brows in question.

“Smothered?” Realistically, it made perfect sense. In Austin’s mind, it made zero sense. He uncrossed his arms to gesture to the both of them, a laugh falling carelessly from his lips. He didn’t give a fuck about anything in that moment. “You feel smothered? So, wait a minute. Let me get this straight. You feel smothered but you haven’t been here in... how long? Oh, I don’t know, two weeks? Three weeks? Don’t tell me about smothered when you haven’t even fucking been here, Francesca.” Flashes of texts, of calls that he’d made to her phone when she’d been away briefly popped in his mind. No doubt was he clingy, annoying for sure, but it never registered in his mind that perhaps it wasn’t all her fault that the relationship wasn’t working out.

“If you thought it was too fast, maybe you shouldn’t have moved in with me,” he shot out, pushing off from the doorframe. He didn’t dare step near her, didn’t dare try to advance on her, instead moving off to the side. Austin kicked his duffle bag near the bed in order to alleviate the frustration he was feeling, though it did no help. “If you thought it was too soon, maybe you shouldn’t have fucking stayed.” He paused, rubbing his thumb against his bottom lip before shaking his head, exasperated. “Y’know, every single time you left, I fucking sat here wondering if you’d come back, and you always came back. But this last time you up and left, I thought: Yeah, that’s it. We’re done. She’s not coming back. But see, now you’re fucking standing in front of me again, and this?” — He gestured between them again, his actions getting more and more sporadic as time passed on. — “I mean, considering whatever this is now since, y’know, I feel like I’ve been dating you for a week rather than eight months. This? I can’t fucking do it, Francesca. I can’t. We can finally fucking agree on something.”

[shawnmartinique-blog]

“On a scale of one to I fucking love it, how much do you like Mexican food and getting pretty fucked up? Doing that shit by myself is really sad, so, I need someone to make me look less stupid.”

[auscalhoun-blog]

“What do you mean look less stupid?” Austin found a smile tugging on his lips in amusement. “Safe to say you do that on your own, man. I don’t know, I’d say it’s like a seven. Why?”

[mrfuckboytoyou-deactivated20180]

It was enough of a shock to feel Austin actually kiss him back to make Riley hesitate in his movements. His best straight friend – the one with a terrible girlfriend and too many emotions – was gripping his shirt nearly as much as Riley was holding his. Riley would’ve let out an honest to God whimper when he felt Austin’s fingers thread through his hair and the push from Austin’s stature above his own. His breath cut off when Austin finally pulled away, though Riley’s body didn’t move much as he stared back at the other. His lips were already red from what had just happened between the two, but Riley only clutched Austin’s shirt more in what he would unashamedly call desperation. He had never felt this vulnerable, and that’s one thing he prided himself on. The ability to not let anyone see how heartbroken and lonely and pathetic Riley O’Connell actually was. At least, anyone but Austin, now.

Riley’s expression mirrored Austin’s, despite his best attempts to make it seem like he’d planned for this, or had everything under control. He wasn’t sure what to expect now. A part of him almost dreaded these few moments, where he honestly had nothing to say. He waited for Austin to make the first move, and when he was held onto again, Riley knew this was the closest he’d felt to loving someone in their entire again. 

“Austin,” he breathed, his conscience yelling at him to pull himself together and stop. There was a difference in kissing Austin, and that was simply because he knew how much he actually cared for the other. It wasn’t enough to make Riley completely change his ways, but it was a start. “What the fuck, man?” He nearly laughed, though he had only pulled briefly away from the kiss to take another breath and push Austin back onto the couch. He moved over him, knees on either side of Austin’s hips as he settled down on his lap, finally feeling like he had more control of the situation since he was looking down on his best friend now. Riley didn’t usually take the time to look at whoever it was he was getting all hot and heavy with, but right now he was incredibly impressed and turned on by the fact that he had someone like Austin all to himself for now. He bit his bottom lip, which was already raw from the bruising kiss he’d received from Austin, leaning down to kiss him again. He fit perfectly against Austin’s hard, swimmer physique, reveling in the way he never wanted to stop doing what they were doing now. One hand was still tangled in Austin’s shirt, the other moving up to thread through Austin’s hair.

[auscalhoun-blog]

Somewhere in the midst of kissing Riley again, Austin found himself wedged between him and the couch. There was no way in hell that his mind would slow down from the onslaught of emotions that were being thrown his way, and there was definitely no way in hell that he would willingly stop kissing him even if the world was burning around them. According to his moral compass, the world most definitely was burning, seeing as how he was going against every god damned wall he’d put up in the first place. One look at Riley and every worry, every single problem he had, seemed to wash away at first sight. This time, it was different. This time, Austin wouldn’t let himself care about others. There weren’t many times he was selfish, counting only twice in childhood memories, but this, oh, he’d be as selfish as he wanted to be.

Hands tangled in Riley’s hair and lips pressing feverishly against his, a giddy feeling swelled in his chest as he pulled his best friend closer, hard frame rising to press against him even more. They were chest to chest, fabrics of clothing separating them, but the way Austin moved his lips against Riley’s, there was no mistaking it as anything but friendly. “Ri,” he breathed, eyes opening just the slightest to pull away, catch his breath. It was short lived as he found himself trailing hot kisses down his jaw, his neck, to the space on his shoulders as fingers tugged at material to broaden the expanse of skin. Red lips, bruised like his opposite’s, were wet from their lip lock as his tongue dashed out to taste a tanned physique. The tip of his tongue touched first, hard against soft before he flattened out and attached his lips. Fingers tugged at Riley’s hair, usually soft in their actions, before he dragged his hand down to slip into the back pocket of his jeans. Austin left his first mark before trailing his lips back up, nipping at skin along the way before he took the other’s swollen bottom lip between his teeth.

A hiss slipped from between his teeth, soft despite the intensity of his actions. Through Riley’s jeans he could feel the taut muscle, the hard indent rubbing against his thigh as hips ground up almost desperately. A blush on Austin’s cheeks had him releasing his bottom lip, growing hard against his best friend. “Shut up.” He could’ve felt the smile on the other’s lips even if his eyes hadn’t been open. There was an uncomfortable yet safe sort of vulnerability that came with their position as Austin slipped his hands in both back pockets, pressing the other down against him while simultaneously helping Riley. He might’ve never recognized the beauty in the blue eyes that shone with emotions he couldn’t find the words for before, but he certainly saw them now as he pressed his lips back to his best friends. I’m so sick of being left behind.

[auscalhoun-blog]

tidal waves ☼ austin & francesca

Austin ran a hand through his hair as he shoved his way into the apartment, duffel bag in tow. A long day of swim practice had his spirits down, mind exhausted, and body weary. He almost wished that he wouldn’t have to spend another night alone, briefly found his hand pressing against his phone to call Riley, hit him up for some drinks, maybe something more, but he stopped himself before he could. No doubt that Riley was his best friend, but there was even a time where they needed their time away from each other — and, truthfully, spending five days out of seven was a damn long time to spend with someone. So he shoved through, closing the apartment door and throwing his keys on the coffee table.

His duffel bag hit the floor of his bedroom before he registered the fact that he was not alone. The light was on, fan set on low, water from the tap flowing in the bathroom. He licked over his lips, frozen, and watched helplessly as the water shut off and the door opened. There he stood, like a fucking coward with his tail between his legs, staring at the woman he’d thought he’d loved with his entire being. Past-tense, given the recent circumstances that had caused his affections for her to wear away over time. His first thought was that he’d genuinely missed her. His second thought was that he was fucking furious with her. Looking at her now, the way she didn’t even seem shocked that he was home, had his body lighting with fire in the worst of ways. Wrath reared its ugly head as he found himself clenching his fists, jaw tensing as his usually bright and cheerful gaze hardened.

“You’re back,” he said, tongue feeling dry in his mouth and tone coming off cold. He pursed his lips, frustration tugging at him as he squared her up. She fucking left. Too many times to count. She fucking lied. For how long, he didn’t know, but she had. I’m such a fucking dumbass. Austin crossed his arms over his broad physique, reeking like chlorine still as his hair dried in odd patches. The clothes on his body still clung to him as if he’d just gotten out of the pool no less than five minutes ago despite it being a ten minute walk from his apartment to the pool. He leaned against the doorframe, cocking his head with a swell of arrogance that usually didn’t accompany his persona. “Thanks for letting me know you were leaving, Cesc. Really. I mean, it was so great to come home to a fucking empty apartment on the night of our fucking anniversary.”

Two key factors: Austin never used that nickname unless he was pissed, and it didn’t come out often. The second: their eight month anniversary, to be exact, where he’d spent the entire day shopping for groceries and getting recipes from his mother for the best chicken parmigiana he could get his hands on. The worst part? Austin had never cooked it a day in his life, but he’d damn near slaved away to make sure it was perfect for his girl. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

[mrfuckboytoyou-deactivated20180]

Riley wanted to be mad – but he couldn’t. Whose fault was it that Austin didn’t know? Only his own, and there really wasn’t anyone else to blame either. If Riley hadn’t been so blind, then maybe he would’ve noticed Dimitri’s lack of interest in his own personal life. Austin had of course come up in conversation, but there was never any real drive to meet him. Looking back, that was simply another sign Riley should have picked up on. But he hadn’t, and he’d suffered for it. “You couldn’t have,” he said quietly, watching as Austin took a step away from him. “You’re the only one who even knows,” he finished lamely, rubbing the back of his neck and looking out the window at the lit up San Francisco street. 

When Austin put a hand on him, Riley turned his gaze back onto his friend, barely registering the touch as it was. He felt emotionally compromised, something unusual for one as vulgar and self confident as he. “No, Austin – fuck, no. I was never going to be okay with that. I was even willing…I was so fucking desperate that I would’ve stayed if he just divorced his wife. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t bear the thought of a fucking scandal and ruining his nuclear family. Two point five kids, a dog, and a fucking white picket fence. That was the kind of stuff he found important. Not me.” Riley shook his head a little at Austin, trying to blink back the tears that stung at his eyes. He lived by that Tom Hanks line, ‘There’s no crying in Baseball’, and his life resembled a horrible game where he was thrown out at home base at the bottom of the ninth for the final out. 

“I’ve never been an option for you, Austin,” he replied, his voice just as quiet as his friends. “You don’t fucking understand what it’s like,” he argued again, finally meeting Austin’s green eyes with his own blue. Riley felt his chest tighten at Austin’s words, “What the fuck did you just say?” he breathed, trying to take a step back but instead found himself rooted to the spot. He was entirely convinced that Austin didn’t mean a word he’d said; final comment included. “You don’t –” he closed his mouth, running a hand down his face. Riley wasn’t sure where this feeling of want had even come from, but he didn’t – couldn’t – love. Not another straight guy who was going to run back to his girlfriend the moment she expressed interest. But Riley hated over thinking things, and even if it earned him a punch in the face he grabbed Austin’s shirt, his fingers curling around the fabric as he pulled him closer. Riley wasn’t ever anyone’s first choice, and this moment felt like he was stealing time away from Francesca, when Austin could be working it out with the woman he really loved, and not stuck with his angry best friend in an apartment. “You can’t mean that,” he said slowly, leaning forward to capture Austin’s mouth in a kiss. If he was going to be shoved aside, at least he couldn’t say he didn’t try. 

[auscalhoun-blog]

Following the conversation was even harder now that Riley was trampling over his words, though the male tried his best to understand exactly what was being said. The frustration in the other’s voice made Austin’s own eyebrows twitch with mild annoyance. If there was anything he hated, the phrase you don’t understand was one of the quickest ways to spark some action into him. “So fucking help me understand,” he argued back, hands lifting just the slightest before they slapped down against his jeans. “You don’t fucking know what I do and don’t mean, Riley, so don’t even try to—”

The feel of his best friend’s lips on his had Austin cutting off his words, standing stoic and still against the other out of mere shock. Not once had he ever thought that Riley had seen him as more than a best friend, but there was no denying it now that he was holding the brunette close. It took one beat, two, three before Austin was slowly responding back, timid and nervous with fear erupting in his chest along with a million other emotions he knew he shouldn’t have had. Fingers curled into the fabric of his opposite’s shirt as his lips moved against the kiss, head tilting down to attempt a lead in the lip lock. Riley was overpowering, the feel of soft lips against his own with a hint of mint — chapstick? — and the musky scent that only he was able to produce. It was all too much, from the way Austin pulled the other closer to him in order to both deepen the kiss and slip a hand into the dark hair atop his best friend’s head.

A gentle nip at his bottom lip pulled the brunette straight out of the kiss as he leaned back just as quickly as it’d begun, breath heavy and eyes wild as he stared. “You...” His voice was weak in comparison to any other time he spoke to Riley. Green eyes blinked. He had half a mind to touch his lips, to lick them and perhaps get another taste, and it was then that he realized he was still clutching onto Riley like a vice. His chest swirled with adoration, with desires he’d wanted to forget, with absolute joy that he didn’t feel with anyone else. Not even Francesca could elicit this type of reaction in him, and he paused, took a moment to catch his breath before his mind made itself up. “Fuck it.”

Austin tugged Riley back up, lips pressing with more desperation than the last time. The feel of his best friend molding against his frame was one welcomed and craved, his fingers curling against dark hair.

[hollydavisxo-blog]

“Thanks.” Hannah followed, somewhat briskly and overtaking even on her chunky heeled boots. She hung back a little once she realized what she was doing, not wanting to turn this into a sprint. She was in a rush, but not such a rush that would leave her breathless. Besides, the guy said he knew where he was going, right? “I work at Yoodle,” she answered, immediately realizing how stupid it must sound without an explanation. She hated the name. “It’s a startup company, um, based on a food delivery app.” She was still getting a hang of it all, and when Nate first invited her to come work she didn’t have a clue what the hell that was. Or what apps even were, having used a prepaid for so long. “The pool? I didn’t know there was a pool.” He was so chipper and smile-y in his demeanor Hannah couldn’t help but mimic it, smiling herself. “I thought I had the hang of it by now. It’s the complete opposite of L.A. though. I used to drive everywhere, now it’s walking and the metro. I work in this area too, well, recently started, so maybe I just need a few more weeks to get the hang of it.”

[auscalhoun-blog]

Austin couldn’t stop the snort from bubbling up his throat even if he’d tried. What the hell kind of place was called Yoodle? His first thought was Chinese, some sort of cuisine, but he shut his trap and kept his opinions to himself before he could go and offend her once he realized his assumptions were incorrect. “That sounds pretty cool, actually. Is it any type of food or just a specific type?” He wondered if they did fast food chains like McDonald’s and Carl’s Jr., but didn’t have the courage to ask her outright lest he sound like a total idiot in front of her. The mention of swimming and, even better, a place close near his hometown had the male perking up quite a bit as he stopped at a crosswalk and pressed on the button, waiting for the indicator to say they were free to pass. “LA’s a nightmare, but I’ve gotta say that Huntington Beach might be worse. During the summer it was always a riot. Even trying to leave my neighborhood was difficult, but I guess that’s what you get for living on the beach, yeah?” He motioned for her to cross when the indicator turned orange, crossing the path but allowing space for them to take their time. “It took me a while to get used to everything, too. Luckily I had my brother to help show me where everything was. He’s the one who took me to the pool in the first place, actually. It’s not a secret that I love being in the water.”

[blake-henley-blog]

“Solid choice, that’ll see you through a zombie virus outbreak too- well, at least for a little while.”

[auscalhoun-blog]

Austin laughed. “Yeah, I guess! I think I’ll believe in an alien takeover before a zombie outbreak but I don’t think I’d want to use a bat against aliens.”

[mattdaddaryos]

inspiration (x)/(x)

[auscalhoun-blog]

text: all contacts.

Austin: Almost drove into a ditch this morning with the damn fog

Austin: The worst part? I was more worried about my car than anything else.

[mrfuckboytoyou-deactivated20180]

Riley wasn’t sure whether to be amused or insulted that Austin was so insistent on keeping his admission a secret. Of course he’d thought about Austin in that way – who wouldn’t? His best friend was all curved and sharpened muscle. It was hard not to want to touch. Riley pulled his thoughts away from that, rolling his eyes instead at Austin’s stammering. Alternatively, he would’ve opened his mouth to say something but there was really only one person who could shut him up – and that was Austin. Riley didn’t care about anyone’s opinion, unless of course it was Austin’s. All of what his friend was saying was true, but Riley would be damned if he let Austin give him that soft, compassionate look that he had now. He wanted to shrink away from Austin when he stepped back towards him, but he held his ground instead, meeting the gaze of the other. 

“Yeah,” his voice startled himself, due to the fact it was a pathetic attempt at speech unlike how he’d been yelling before. Riley shut himself off to even Austin, figuring if he didn’t that’d be the end of his problems because Austin would just try and make him feel better, but simultaneously giving all his attention to his girlfriend. So yeah, Riley was jealous. “I couldn’t. It’s fucking embarrassing. And why would you have even wanted to know, Austin? I spent my whole life thinking I wasn’t good enough but you know what? I said fuck it – but look where I fucking am.” He put his arms out to the side, shrugging his shoulders, “I can’t even talk through it because I know it won’t fucking change a thing. I’ll still be here – he’ll still be in his fucking ivory tower.” Riley still held onto the idea that Dimitri would get a divorce and come back to him, telling him he had been wrong all along. And the pathetic part was this: Riley would probably fall right back into his bed and life. He was royally fucked by love, but instead of drowning, Austin was offering him a different option.

“Two whole fucking years, Austin,” Riley was certain that wasn’t his voice cracking, but he was babbling now and couldn’t stop. “I was – I fucking loved him. I loved him so goddamn much. We fucking moved in toge–” He cut off, pacing back and forth after moving away from Austin. Being so close to his best friend only made things worse. Austin was tangible and there, a solid rock in the pieces of Riley’s ‘miserable’ life. “He didn’t want me enough for that. I was the fucking entertainment on the side. He was fucking married, Austin. Had two fucking kids and a fucking wife. I asked him how long he planned on keeping me as the fucking side piece and he couldn’t answer that.” Riley wanted to know why he had never been good enough for Dimitri – why he’d been an alternative, a second thought, instead of a first choice. He didn’t want to be Austin’s second choice, either, but with Francesca, he didn’t want a repeat of his past. “Happy? You fucking know, Austin, and what’s different? Nothing. Because you’re still with her and I’m still here. That’s why you can’t say things like that to me.”

[auscalhoun-blog]

Anything that Austin had wanted to shoot at the other had him biting his tongue when he heard the change in his best friend's tone. It wasn't often they got soft with each other, but it wasn't to be taken lightly either, and it was that exact reason that had him shutting up, if only to listen more as Riley rambled on. His eyebrows pulled together in confusion at the mention of an ivory tower, realizing shortly after that the male in question must've been one of his boyfriends. Riley never spoke about them, only small sexcapades that further proved how vanilla Austin was in the sac, but now he was going full out. He had to stop and listen to take in everything that was being said. His anger could potentially wait. His frustrations, his own problems, they could definitely wait. "Jesus," he breathed out, taking a step back from his companion. A hand went to his hair, tugging through it, and he wondered how he could've been so foolish to miss everything he'd been told. "Ri, I didn't know."

He sucked in a shaky breath as if he was the one who had bared his soul. He wanted to touch his best friend, comfort him somehow, but he wasn't sure it was wanted. A large palm was placed on Riley's forearm regardless as his gaze turned softer, lighter, a frown tugging at his usually happy features. "You should never be someone's second choice. Ever. You were okay with that?" It didn't sound like he'd been okay with it, but he didn't want to assume anything about Riley either. "Whatever the case, if you were okay with it or not, it's not something you should just... just... just hide from me, y'know? You're my best friend, man. I tell you everything." Austin worried he was guilt tripping Riley. "I'm not saying it has to be all at once. I'm just saying, I don't... I don't like you keeping this shit from me. It clearly doesn't help when you're bottling up your emotions about the whole thing."

His hand slipped down, more towards Riley's elbow rather than the muscle of his forearm. Green eyes flickered back at forth between the pinch of Riley's brows, the taut line of his lips, the blue gaze that wavered with emotion. "If he didn't want you as a first choice, then fuck him. You don't fucking need him. I know it's not much, but you're worth more to me than anyone else I can say I've been friends with. You've never been a second option to me, and you never will be. Best friends til the end, y'know?" He bit hard on his lip. Whoever Riley was talking about, he sounded a lot like his father. "I just can't believe... I mean, you're incredible. You're a dick most of the time but that's just who you are, and I love it. I love you. Anyone who throws you away is fucking insane."

[mrfuckboytoyou-deactivated20180]

Riley was used to stepping on people to get what he wanted, but very rarely did they get back in his face. He ignored Austin’s apology, unable to really register if his friend was being sincere or not. He rolled his eyes at the fling comment, and he glared back as much as he could when Austin finally stood up. It sucked being shorter, but it was something Riley could usually deal with. In this situation, he wished he was the one glaring down, but Austin’s height put a damper on that plan. “You know exactly where I’m getting it from. You don’t just fucking tell someone you can ‘get it up’ for them. I mean what the fuck, Austin? What the actual fuck? You think that’s okay to tell people? As a fucking straight, hung up on a fucking girl, best friend?” Riley took a step back from Austin, only looking down when he realized his shoe had crunched down on some pieces of glass from the bottle of whiskey he’d thrown.

He never lost control of his anger, at least not anymore, but Austin’s words had just made him snap, and now there wasn’t really any going back from it. Riley ran a hand through his hair, turning slightly away from Austin since his words were closer to home than he’d thought, “Fuck you,” he breathed, “Fuck you and your high and mighty bullshit that you think you can pull with me. You’re not better than me – so don’t fucking talk to me like I’m a rebellious teenager who needs to sit in their room for a while. My relationship has never been any of your business, and for fucking good reason. What do you know about my life being miserable, Austin? It wasn’t – but then you wouldn’t know, would you? Too fucking worried about your own selfish needs before you even want to think about anyone besides yourself and your perfect little bitch.” Riley didn’t regret his words, but he turned back towards Austin again, able to face him, “Get out of your relationship, Austin. If you’re so goddamn unhappy. Don’t let it fucking ruin you like you’ve obviously noticed how it ruined me.”

[auscalhoun-blog]

Austin managed to get embarrassed still at the admission, hoping to blame it on something else, something like he wasn’t thinking straight, but he couldn’t lie to Riley. Annoying as it was, he couldn’t ever fucking lie to his best friend, and what he’d spoken was the honest to god truth. Not once, not twice, but three times he’d waken up in the past month after an odd dream of the boy on top of him, his mouth traveling to areas he’d only experimented with in his alone time — three fucking times, two too many to be considered a strange turn of events. He’d ignored them, truly, pushed them to the back of his mind and thought he’d just forgotten about them, but it seemed like he really hadn’t. His big mouth had ruined everything. “I didn’t even mean to tell you,” he argued back, resisting the urge to shove Riley back. “It slipped out. Fucking forget I even said it, alright? I lumped you in with Audrina and we both know neither will happen, so just- just- just forget it.”

He turned his face, breaking eye contact once Riley had fully pushed away from him. They’d never gotten this mad at each other before. A few short arguments here and there, but never a yelling match, never fists clenched and tempers flaring and fucking whiskey bottles breaking. “Don’t you fucking call her that,” he warned, stepping right back up to Riley’s frame. Granted, she was a bitch, but that was entirely besides the point. “I know it’s miserable enough that you fuck your way through San Francisco hoping you’ll feel something other than your own self-hatred for one fucking second. I know it’s miserable enough that you won’t let a single god damned person in because you’re fucking terrified.” He lowered his chin, gaze softening just the slightest. “It’s the same fucking reason I stay with her. We’re both scared. You see, but the difference between you and me is that I actually voice my concerns. Maybe too fucking much. Maybe I’m really fucking annoying, okay? But I fucking talk. I work through them. You? You fucking bury them in some bitch who’s too drunk to even function and probably can’t even remember his own fucking name.” This time, he poked an index finger to Riley’s chest. “You never fucking let me in, Riles. Do you even know what that feels like?”

[mrfuckboytoyou-deactivated20180]

Riley ran a hand down his face, scrubbing at his jaw for a moment as he felt the onslaught of his five o’clock shadow. “Fucking hell, Austin!” He snapped, picking up the bottle of whiskey and throwing it at the wall. The shattering of glass didn’t bother him, but his own frustration did. Listening to Austin talk like this just upset him, and he turned on his friend, pointing a finger in his direction, “Shut up! Fucking shut up! I can’t fucking handle you and this shit you spew out every time your girlfriend doesn’t want to hang out. Boo fucking hoo. Talk to her about it. I listen to your shit every time; from your drunken rants as we stumble home to your general moping, and you know what? I at least fucking notice.” Maybe Riley was bitter. Bitter that he’d had someone for two years but he’d been far too embarrassed to introduce Austin to Dimitri even once. Then when he’d suddenly taken a 180 turn, no one had noticed but himself. Austin’s words just made him even angrier, for more than one reason. “I don’t – shut up. Shut up. You don’t even mean that. You’re fucking straight, Austin. Quit acting like I’m suddenly your experimental fling. I’m not going to be your fucking gay friend with benefits. It doesn’t work like that. I’m not – I’m not going to be a fucking kept boy again, you can take your fucking sex problems and give them to Audrina Patridge for all I fucking care.”

[auscalhoun-blog]

Everything happened too fast for Austin to properly register it all. First, the sound of glass shattering and a dent in his apartment wall. Second, the pointed finger in his face. Third, the volume of Riley’s voice and the expression that matched the anger he felt. Never, not once in his twenty-four years of living, had he been properly screamed at. His own father had never physically raised his voice, had never once had veins bulging from his neck with the force of his screaming, but Riley was doing it — unashamedly, without hesitance, and Austin was petrified. He shrunk visibly, pressing himself hard into the cushions of the couch as if it’d stop the yelling and as if it’d make him suddenly disappear. He only caught fragments of sentences, his mind too frazzled to fully take in everything — failure, coward, weak — before he was biting hard on his lip to suppress a whimper. “Stop,” he tried in vain, though his voice came out as a small croak, barely even heard to his own ears. “I’m- I’m sorry.” He didn’t know exactly what he was apologizing for, but if it’d get the screaming to stop, he’d do whatever it took. 

Weak. Coward. Pussy. Words that lingered in the darkest parts of his mind. He wasn’t weak. He wasn’t a coward. Fists tightened as he felt his fear dissipate and anger take over. It wasn’t near as much as Riley’s, but it was enough to get him to finally square him up with a stare. “I never once insinuated that I’d fuck you, so I don’t know where you’re getting that fling bullshit from.” He didn’t even know what he was saying; words kept falling from his lips without his brain registering them. “Is this the part where you beat me black and blue? Maybe you’d like to smash my head in like that fucking whiskey you just wasted.” He was standing now, although he didn’t remember ever moving. He was taller than Riley and used it to his advantage as he gave his best glare down at his best friend. “I’m sorry that you had a few fucked up relationships, Ri, but that doesn’t give you the right to fucking shit all over mine. Just because some douches made your life miserable doesn’t mean you’ve gotta go and make everyone else’s miserable, too.”

[mrfuckboytoyou-deactivated20180]

Riley loved the way he made Austin flush, simply by watching his best friend change shades each time he made another suggestive and vulgar comment. Each one was given with a smile and a wink, but inside all it did was pain him. The memories themselves used to be enjoyable, but now it just reminded him of the void he had. “Wow, so dangerous, Austin. Livin’ life on the edge with your women,” he refrained from rolling his eyes, finding a woman’s body to be way less enjoyable than any man’s he’s come across. Riley put his chin in his hand, watching Austin for a moment as he nodded as if to say ‘obviously’ at Austin’s mention of not liking her. Perhaps he was jealous, though he’d lie and say he wasn’t, but Riley couldn’t pinpoint why exactly he disliked Francesca. It was most likely because Austin turned into someone who was less enjoyable to be around when she called or texted. He sat back as Austin continued, and Riley eventually took his gaze away from the other’s to fix on his drink in his hand. “You picked someone who wanted to fuckin’ change you, but that doesn’t mean it had to be all bad,” he said slowly, wondering why he was trying to play devil’s advocate. “When shit doesn’t work out, Austin, it doesn’t fucking work out. Maybe you just can’t fucking make it happen with her. Relationships are fucking stupid – some of us just ain’t cut out for them. I couldn’t–” he choked on his words when Austin said the word cheat, and he set down the bottle of whiskey instead of drinking from it. “Fucking leave her or fucking cheat on her, don’t sit there between the lines because you’re too afraid to break up with someone who isn’t even around.”

[auscalhoun-blog]

Austin couldn’t focus on much else besides his own admission, the words still haunting in his head: Sometimes I wish I could cheat. His father, the bastard that he was, had cheated on his mother and left her heartbroken. His father, who he once looked up to, had a child with his mistress and ended up marrying her later on after the divorce went through. His father, who he now resented, had been a cheater. Austin Calhoun was not a cheater; yet that didn’t stop him from admitting it out loud, a deep dark desire that he was unaware he possessed. He was not a cheater — but god, he knew, he knew, he’d do it if he could. “Maybe the change was for the better,” he mused quietly, voice leveled down after he’d fidgeted uncomfortably. “Apparently I’m an alcoholic, so... I don’t- I don’t really know. Maybe she and Daniel were right, but it’s- it’s not even that bad. I don’t have a problem.” He very well did have a problem, seeing as how he’d had to have his car keys physically removed from him after too much to drink at the bar on most nights. He shook his head, looking at Riley with an expression that bordered on hurt, on utterly devastated, on immense fury for the situation he’d put himself in. “I can barely get it up for anyone else.” Pathetic. God, how he felt pathetic admitting that. “Jesus, it’s only for like, Audrina Patridge and you, but I mean—” Oh. Austin clamped hard on his bottom lip, green eyes widening. Dear fucking god. He’d just said that out loud.

[auscalhoun-blog]

call: cherry

Cherry: [She pursed her lips, she knew what she had to do, but she couldn't tell him. Ever.] What are you going to do? Do you think you'll talk to her about it? Do you think she even /knows/ what she's doing is bothering you so much? [Cherry put her phone between her ear and her shoulder, using her free hands to rearrange some of her cupcakes in the cabinets].

Austin: I'm sure she knows. And if she doesn't... I mean, I've gotta tell her eventually, right? [He hummed out, closing his eyes as he imagined all the different ways it could go. In his head, there weren't any good endings. The thought almost made him feel sick. Out of habit, one that he'd meant to break long ago, he started picking at a loose thread in his jeans.] I'll figure it out. I'm probably annoying you with this- this bullshit. [He paused, hoping that he wasn't coming off as awkward. Lately it's all he felt - awkward and annoying and a nuisance to everyone. It wasn't comforting in the slightest.] What're your plans for the rest of the night?

[blake-henley-blog]

“Ha-ha. But seriously, you should never keep your gun under lock and key, if there’s some sort of emergency you’d never get to it in time.”

[auscalhoun-blog]

He smiled, though quickly realized that it came off condescending. “That’s what I’ve got a bat for. Stays next to my bed just in case anyone tries to break in. Luckily I can say it hasn’t happened. Not yet, at least, and hopefully never.”

[hollydavisxo-blog]

Hannah was in a dire situation, with the people she was supposed to meet in about fifteen minutes time probably already there waiting for her, and her boss counting on her. “Could you? I mean, is it on your way?” She didn’t want to inconvenience him even though he seemed more than ready to do it. “Not so new, but terrible with directions. I thought I had this part of the city down considering I work here, but turns out a simple coffee run can make me lose all sense of direction.” The four cups she was holding in the cup holder were starting to get cold, too.

[auscalhoun-blog]

Austin parted his lips as a quiet ah escaped him, nodding his head. “Definitely on my way. Besides, I really don’t mind. I’ve been meaning to stop by there again.” He was tempted to suggest he hold the coffee instead, but found himself holding back only in fear of looking foolish. He scratched the back of his head after tugging his left hand out of his pocket, blunt fingernails slipping against short brunette hair. He needed to get it cut soon. “Where do you work? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.” Austin started in the direction of the museum, figuring that she’d want to start heading that way. “I work a few blocks from the museum down at the pool. I tend go to there when I’m bored and need a good read, but I’ve pretty much got the whole place memorized by now.” He chuckled, the sound light and airy in his chest. “Directions are the fucking worst, let me tell you. When I first moved up here, I got lost here quickly. You learn, though. There is hope.”

[hollydavisxo-blog]

“You wouldn’t know the way to SFMOMA, would you? I was given directions but I think I…screwed them up.” She knew what the huge building was supposed to look like, and it felt like she was nowhere near it. Maybe ten blocks in the opposite direction, even.

[auscalhoun-blog]

Austin perked up at the familiar name. The museum was one of his third favorites to spend his time, the first being the pool and the second being the bar. He’d walked there so many times he’d lost count. “Definitely, yeah. I can take you there if you want?” He put his hands in his pockets as he waited for her to answer, cheerful grin on his features. “It’s actually down a bit. A few turns here and there, but it’s not that hard to find your way.” He looked at her confused expression with little worry. “Sorry if I’m wrong, but are you new to San Fran?”