Love has all been done before

🦗 Kricket - autistic aroqueer - [He/Xem] 🦗 Icon is the aroqueer flag made of plant photos. Header is a photo of some badges I made (available at kricketeycrafts on etsy).

[aromantic-aurea]

Today’s the day! ‘The Other A in LGBTQIA+’ by AUREA is officially out today! Dive into the powerful, personal stories of the aromantic community—our voices, our experiences, our truth. Read more about it here: https://www.aromanticism.org/en/news-feed/our-book-the-other-a-in-lgbtqia-coming-out-now. Grab your copy now and help us celebrate this milestone for aromantic visibility!

[Image description: light green square graphic on a white background. Large text on the graphic reads: "Today's the day! 'The Other A in LGBTQIA+' by AUREA is officially out today!" Smaller text below it reads: "Dive into the powerful, personal stories of the aromantic community— our voices, our experiences, our truth. Grab your copy now and help us celebrate this milestone for aromantic visibility!" Below the graphic to the right is the cover of the book 'The Other A in LGBTQIA+'. At the bottom left of the image is AUREA's logo. There are squiggly patterns in the colours of the aromantic flag across the background.]

[thinking-aromanticism]

You don’t need to hold an arospec identity to have complicated or ambivalent feelings about romance. You can opt out of romantic relationships out of principle, circumstance, or simple preference without having to form an arospec identity, and you can do it even if you consider your experiences of romantic desire and attraction to be similar to what many people who identify as alloromantic and who form romantic relationships experience.

Giving critical thought to normative relationship models is both the right of all people and the basis of allyship to all people who are negatively impacted by amatonormativity. You can criticize normative expectations of romance, love, intimate relationships, attachment, and sociality without being a special type of person, and it’s good for all people to question assumptions about what kind of feelings are necessary for ethical and positive relationships and what kind of interpersonal relationships are or should be necessary for a person to live and thrive with dignity and needs met.

[redstonedust]

i think queerplatonic relationship kinda got the same treatment as nonbinary where people assume its a special third relationship status directly between the romance and friendship binary. which it CAN be but its also an umbrella for "literally anything that isnt quite friends and isnt quite romance" you can be official queerplatonic partners or you can just be something unspoken and undefinable. you can be fuckin homestuck moirails for all i care. its all queerplatonic babey. thats the point.

[specialagentartemis]

Aro and ace activism is housing reform, is well-funded public housing, is an expansion of affordable housing, is allowing single people to get affordable and public housing, is rent controls to make it possible for single people to be able to afford to live alone on a single salary.

Aro and ace activism is healthcare reform, so that no one needs to rely on a spouse for health insurance, so that healthcare is available to everybody regardless of income, so that no one’s lived experiences or basic dignity are dismissed or overridden by doctors

Aro and ace activism is well-funded and expansive public transit, so that you don’t need to have someone on hand to drive you places if you are incapacitated, so that you don’t have to pay for an ambulance if you need to get to the hospital quickly

Aro and ace activism is disability and elder care services, so that no one needs a spouse to care for them, so that no one needs children to care for them, so that marriage is not a bind for disabled people, so that people on disability who want to and can live alone can

Aro and ace activism is community-building, it’s public events, it’s free social activities, it’s mutual aid, it’s activities that bring community members together without socializing relying on just a romantic partner

Aro and ace activism is developing a culture of believing when people tell you who they are and what they want rather than assuming you know them better than they know themselves

Aro and ace activism means a better world for people without “normative” desires or “normative” social support, which means a better world for everybody

[arotechno]

when you're aro and a creator, there is something so very disheartening about people—even people you consider friends—taking little to no interest in your work if it speaks to a deeply aromantic experience. it's often so niche as to be almost anathema to them. completely unrelatable, if not almost even off-putting. at minimum things don't get people's attention if they don't involve romance. it's deeply sad and deeply lonely. so much so that you could write a poem about it, except no one would read it.

[knifearo]

would say “where’s the pride flag for aromantics who are sick and fucking tired of it all” but i think that’s just the regular aro flag

[genderkoolaid]

with all due respect to the people who love me who enjoy normie valentine's day, this is an aromantic blog and we will be aroposting for the next week. love loses here <3

congrats to Black arospecs btw! happy combination Black History Month + Arospec Awareness Week!

[spinist3r]

As someone who only really realised she was aromantic like 6 months ago, the common public perception of it is so shocking and unpleasant. I'd been out as trans and lesbian for a good while before that but people are so much more open and blatant about their aro prejudice, its fuckin messed up.

By people that are perfectly accepting of my other queerness I've been told the type of relationship I want is "disturbing"(ESPECIALLY in relation to me being aroallo), that I just haven't the right person, that I can't really know what I want yet. It is so hard to not internalise and also completely ignores the fact that yeah I may change my mind on this I haven't said otherwise! Its just what works for me right now and people need to be not assholes about it <3

[autcore]

I guess I support monogamous romance as long as it's consensual and no one's getting hurt..

[loveless-arobee]

An arogay / AroAllo gay flag I made :3

[soundtestmenu]

oh what? you're in a marriage together? haha well, okay, but don't you ever wish you could be something more? you're not really planning on being in that forever, right? don't you want something deeper one day? i mean romance is sort of shallow, don't you think? don't you want to be friends one day?

[queerum]

Free (mostly academic) aro theory resources

On Amatonormativity

Amatonormativity, Aromanticism, and What Defines a Relationship - Rilee Granger

Amatonormativity in the Law: An Introduction - Silver Flight

"Allonormativity and Compulsory Sexuality" (chapter 6 of Encyclopedia of Queer Studies in Education) - Stephanie Anne Shelton

'I Dont Want To be a Playa No More': An Exploration of the Denigrating effects of 'Player' as a Stereotype Against African American Polyamorous Men - Justin L. Clardy

On Relationship Anarchy

The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy - Andie Nordgren

The Relationship Anarchy website

Thinking Relationship Anarchy from a Queer Feminist Approach - Roma De las Heras Gómez

Beyond romantic love – an analysis of how the dilemma of closeness vs. autonomy is handled in relationship anarchy discourse - Ricardo Guillén

The Ethics of Relationship Anarchy - Ole Martin Moen

On community

Examining aromantic and asexual inclusion in queer-serving organizations - based on Lauren Lichty's work

Exploring Aromanticism Through an Online Qualitative Investigation With the Aromantic Community: “Freeing, Alienating, and Utterly Fantastic” - James Fowler et al.

Community Listening Sessions with Aromantic People: Summary and Recommendations Report

Aurea Aro Census

Sexuality, romantic orientation, and masculinity: Men as underrepresented in asexual and aromantic communities - Hannah Tessler

On QueerPlatonic Relationships

Queerplatonic Zucchinis: A Short Primer - Omnes and Nihil (unsure)

Queering the Nuclear Family - Katie Linder

Queer(ing) consensual nonmonogamies, queering therapy: queer intimacy, kinship, and experiences of CNM in LGBTQIA+ lives - Christian Klesse et al.

On intersectionality

Intimacy and Desire Through the Lens of an Aro-Ace Woman of Color

Being Aroflux & Black - Kimberley Butler

Transitioning into Aromanticism as a Trans Student - Amethyst

Existing and Defying Stereotypes as an A-spec Disabled Person - Sapphire Crimson Claw

A Reflection on the March Carnival of Aros (several testimonies by aros of color and non-cis/non-het aros are linked in this article)

Other aro-related interesting reads

New Dimensions, New Directions: Asexualities and Aromanticism in the 21st Century - Megan Carroll et al.

Enriching the Story: Asexuality and Aromanticism in Literature - Adrienne Whisman

The Importance of Representation for Lesser-Known Sexual Identities on the Example of Asexuality and Aromanticism - Jasmin Kiechle

Experiences of Italian Asexual and Aromantic Individuals in Healthcare Settings: from Explicitly Aggressive to Affirming Interactions

Other lists of aro-related ressources (not all sources listed in these are free though)

by Aurea

The Asexuality and Aromanticism Bibliography

If you know of any other free ressource about aromanticism please consider adding to this list

[cassettecolonthree]

not only do i think people should not have to specify that their non-monogamy is ethical, some of yall need to come to grips with the fact that ur monogomy is non-ethical

[magnus-rhymes-with-swagness]

i love being openly aroallo and having it challenged almost every time it comes up. especially when i make a post celebrating aroallo identity and almost every time without fail someone is disrespectful about it. i really love it and it’s actually my favorite thing ever. place your bets on how long it’s gonna take this time!

[autcore]

Try being an aromantic ally this aro week:

Learn some aro basics [X] [X]

Remember allyship is something you do not something you are!

Read about what people's aromanticism means to them [X] [X] [X]

Uplift aro voices, especially alloaro and non-SAM aro voices.

Listen to aros about amatonormativity and how it's wrapped up in everything. This could be a starting point: [X]

Learn why things you're used to saying and doing might be amatonormative and learn how to remedy this.

[autcore]

Some more suggestions <2

Read about lovelessness and loveless alloaromanticism: [X] [X]

Consider applying what you've learnt about amatonormativity to your own life and relationships even (especially!) if you're not aro!

Bring up aromanticism in queer spaces (don't leave it to the aros at your book club to suggest an aro book!)

[peach-pot]

nothing breaks my heart more than the way that even allo people who understand what aromanticism is view aromantic ideas as inherently having no value outside of the aromantic community. I’ve seen/heard allo people say things that clearly show that they view all aromantic insights/philosophies as only being useful to aromantic people. they respond to important and well thought out ideas with a statement about their own alloromanticism, as if to say “that’s great and all, but I’m allo, so it doesn’t have anything to do with me.” there is such much wisdom to be found in aromantic perspectives, and alloros at large are only ever half listening.

[fountainpenchess]

If you cannot love through not experiencing attraction and/or desiring relationships, my community says, lovelessness offer glorious refuge. Reducing lovelessness to a lack of attraction, however, is no different from (and no more radical than) reducing love to attraction; it does nothing to question or challenge love’s omnipresence as a social construct. It fails to recognise and examine sex negativity and allo-aro antagonism. It only strips away loveless aros’ diversity in favour of a narrative that looks awfully similar to amatonormativity. The corollary is difficult for me to overlook: only certain kinds of aros are permitted the rebellion of lovelessness.

— love and attraction: yet another shape of allo-aro antagonism written by k. a. cook (follow @aroworlds)

[aroworlds]

I am intensely grateful that you've chosen to signal boost that particular essay about being a loveless allosexual aro.

Much of aro Tumblr is aware of my original loveless post, and it's been quoted/referenced here and there. (Which is amazing, don't get me wrong!) Last year's sequel, on the other hand, didn't get much traction. Yet it's everything I discuss in the post linked above that keeps me from feeling comfortable in the community and conversations that developed after I wrote my first post about being loveless.

But if I were given godlike powers to dictate which of the two posts folks should read, this post is the one I'd choose. Until people can stop correlating lovelessness with a lack of attraction, the community reclaiming this word will never truly be my sanctuary.

So thank you, @fountainpenchess. It means a lot to me.