you can call me techno (they/them). iâm aroace, genderqueer, and in my 20s. you may know me as aro tumblrâs resident (and dare i say original) outspoken soulmate critic and less-than-prolific writer. you may also know me as one of the mods on the Arocalypse discord or at the mostly-defunct @aromantic-official.
iâve been identifying as aro since 2014 and an active member of aro spaces since 2016. i was once better known on aro tumblr for my subversive short stories about soulmates from the aro perspective, but my magnum opus is the heartless, a fantasy coming-of-age story about aromanticism and the human condition. i also appeared in the 2020 Aspec Journal. these days, you can find me sporadically reblogging posts and waxing poetic about the jughead comics in between random bursts of original content. i donât tag consistently anymore. sorry about that.
find me on Arocalypse or on my mostly inactive twitter @arotechno. if you talk to me about my writing i will start clapping for praise like a well trained seal. fellow jughead comics scholars and enjoyers are welcome in my office at any time. please be my friend, i promise i donât bite (just donât ask me why i hate soulmates, or i will start crying).
(no, i will not make a carrd. iâm old and allergic to effort.)
You have no idea how good it feels to run into strangers who headcanon a character as aro. In spaces where ships are taken too seriously and around friends who just don't really care all too much about aromanticism, seeing a complete random person headcanon something that I am in real life brings me so much genuine joy
are people under the impression that aromantic people never want to have close personal relationships with the people in their lives. "oh i wish i was aro it would save me all this drama!" actually human relationships are always deep and complicated and messy and have the potential to hurt and help and change your life and being romantic is just one possible aspect of that. aromantic people want to be close to the people around them just like anyone else. and i know the real issue is that people think romantic relationships are the only way to be truly close to someone else but it's weird and off-putting to constantly hear the implication that aros are somehow fundamentally incapable of forming relationships that would impact their lives negatively cause they don't wanna go on dates with people. not even mentioning the aros who do
listen to me. if youre aro you have to be louder about it. i dont care how loud about it you are already you have to be louder. if we have to be surrounded knee deep by amatonormativity all the time every day its good for the soul to be loud and annoying about your aromanticism
youre like those people who wont shut up about their iq except its about you being aro
i don't usually post "hate" that i get but i'm making an exception because this is so fucking funny. yeah motherfucker this is my blog about being aro where i talk about being aro. man that's crazy. i'm gonna go on someone's recipe blog and complain that they post so fucking much about recipes
the block button is right there buddy you don't have to follow aro blogs if you don't want to i promise đ
i know that being aro doesn't make me smarter and more enlightened than people who aren't aro but by god sometimes it feels like the thought work it's led me to do does in fact make me smarter and more enlightened. "aro people aren't arrogant and we don't think we're better than you" well I Am.
I've been thinking a lot lately, and I think something gets lost in the conversation when it comes to the whole "ID-ing as aspec because of trauma" conversation.
Yes, it is wrong to conflate aspec identities with trauma, and it is wrong to say to an aspec person something along the lines of "what happened to make you this way." But it's not wrong because the idea of orientation and trauma being related is absurd and harmful. It's wrong because (1) that's just a deeply inconsiderate thing to say to a person, whether it's true or not, and (2) it implies that aromanticism and asexuality are an affliction that you acquire and something to be fixed, not a neutral or natural state of being and a part of one's identity.
I think in addition to those points, though, and perhaps most crucially: (3) it suggests that "healing" from one's trauma is about reverting back to baseline, back to "normal", back to who you were before, and that just isn't how it works. We already know that trauma and other experiences can rewire how your brain and body work, sometimes permanently; why should one's orientation be exempt from that?
If someone has had experiences, negative or otherwise, that lead them to feel most comfortable using an aspec label, or being in aspec spaces, and they don't feel any need to change that or go back to how they "used" to be, who am I to begrudge them the language and community that helps them make sense of their reality? Who am I to judge someone's reasons for putting a label on something as nebulous and individual and socially constructed as their sexuality, just because I feel I was "born" this way? If someone's reasons for identifying this way make you uncomfortable, why? And why should your comfort dictate what language others can use for themselves?
I am very tired of the narrative that there is a sexuality/romantic orientation/gender/whatever else that you are inherently born as and if something "happens" to make you something else then it should be fixed. I already hear enough that my aromanticism and asexuality are things to be fixed, and this is how I've always been. Why would I ever want to project such an idea onto other aspec people, just because their reasons for identifying as aspec are different or perhaps even transient? It is of no material threat to me whatsoever. In fact, I think people having the language and the support to make sense of their lives and to build a life without romance and/or sex, if that's what they want, can only ever be a good thing, regardless of why they want it. They're all welcome on my shores.
When I hear "you can't ID as aro/ace because of trauma" what I actually hear is "YOUR aromanticism and asexuality are begrudgingly acceptable because you were born that way and can't help it, if you could fix it then you should, and if you weren't born that way then this is a tragedy that has befallen you and you should fix it." Maybe some people's journey with trauma does not involve "fixing" their sexuality but instead embracing what their life looks like now and being content with that. If they're okay with that, why do you care? There are people with trauma in your community who can't extricate that trauma from their identity. How is that a threat to you? How would eliminating those people from your community magically make society more understanding of aspec identities? I promise you it wouldn't. Confront your own discomfort. Your discomfort is not harm.
been getting a lot of very insightful and thoughtful responses to this post lately and i really appreciate that, both from the standpoint of building community and deeper understanding of one another and of the diversity of queer experiences, and from the standpoint of feeling validated/comforted by the notion that my thoughts on this are not as niche as they felt like they were in the moment when i was being told off elsewhere for such an idea. thanks y'all đ
*takes your hand* Look, I'm not good at this, but you really gotta move away from "I wish I weren't aro"-type sentiments, okay? They're not good for you.
I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid, what I mean is the way you're framing them isn't helpful. Is your aromanticism the reason you can't find a partner who accepts you or is the problem that people are too unaccepting of aromanticism? Is you aromanticism the reason you're scared you'll end up alone or is it because your friends choose to stop hanging out with you once they have romantic partners?
Are you scared and sad and lonely because you're aro or because we live in a deeply amatonormative society?
Idk I just don't think directing it all inward and acting like it's because there's something wrong with being aro, like there's something wrong with you, is healthy.
im sending this bc of you recent posts and like i know it isn't actually the point of them, but
i have a lot of your short stories/poems saved to the notes app on my phone. i've had them since 2018/2019. ive read them and cried and i wanted to keep them close to me so i saved them to my notes app. ive kept them even as i moved from iphone to android and i think about them often.
this is incredibly nice to hear, actually, thank you. i'm very glad they've resonated with you <2
everyone replying to that post telling me i should write the poem because they would read the poem is missing the fucking point
one, no you wouldn't. i know you wouldn't because i've written a great many things and they get double digit notes on this website. even other aros don't support aro writers very much. "i would read it" oh yeah? prove it
two, and this is crucial, there is no poem. if anything the post itself is the poem. it's not a specific poem i'm longing to write if only someone cared, it's a point about how full of meaning and complicated thoughts and emotions the aro experience is yet no one wants to engage with anything we create. i'm not going to write a poem about how isolating it feels to be an aro writer. the poem has already written itself and no one is reading it. do you get me?
Aro and ace activism is housing reform, is well-funded public housing, is an expansion of affordable housing, is allowing single people to get affordable and public housing, is rent controls to make it possible for single people to be able to afford to live alone on a single salary.
Aro and ace activism is healthcare reform, so that no one needs to rely on a spouse for health insurance, so that healthcare is available to everybody regardless of income, so that no oneâs lived experiences or basic dignity are dismissed or overridden by doctors
Aro and ace activism is well-funded and expansive public transit, so that you donât need to have someone on hand to drive you places if you are incapacitated, so that you donât have to pay for an ambulance if you need to get to the hospital quickly
Aro and ace activism is disability and elder care services, so that no one needs a spouse to care for them, so that no one needs children to care for them, so that marriage is not a bind for disabled people, so that people on disability who want to and can live alone can
Aro and ace activism is community-building, itâs public events, itâs free social activities, itâs mutual aid, itâs activities that bring community members together without socializing relying on just a romantic partner
Aro and ace activism is developing a culture of believing when people tell you who they are and what they want rather than assuming you know them better than they know themselves
Aro and ace activism means a better world for people without ânormativeâ desires or ânormativeâ social support, which means a better world for everybody
It's been said before, but I wish that the concept of non-averse/repulsed aces and aros was used to lift up and give a platform to sex and romance favourable aspecs as opposed to saying it in a way that tries to encourage aspecs to conform to an allonormative society or to make us seem palatable to allos because we can still engage with sex and romance in a "normal" way. I don't like seeing sex favourable aces and romance favourable aros be used as a "gotcha!!" rather than a valid identity that coincides with any other stance
It's okay it's okay!! The self-contained identity can still participate in a way that appeals to wider society!! You don't have to worry your pretty little head over these freaks and weirdos potentially going their whole lives without engaging with sex and or dating anyone. The ace can still be handing out water bottles at the orgy and writing the filthiest smut you've ever seen! The aro is being the best wingman you can ask for and writes the most beautiful romantic poetry you've laid your eyes on! The ace can still fuck and suck and be kinky af but don't you dare ask me how I feel about sex favourable aces outside of that niche OR how they still don't feel sexual attraction and aren't 1-1 with an allosexual. Same goes with aros! They can still conform and marry people and live the perfect nuclear family lifestyle! Isn't that perfect? Aren't they doing exactly what we expect they should do regardless of sexual orientation?
Always remember The Golden Rule: Allos are wrong and never to be trusted about these things and don't listen to a single thing they say. Each allo who responds to an ace or aro with this type of rhetoric must submit a 15 page essay explaining the intricacies of being aspec in our society. Aspecs get a free pass
So we begin! Since I was asked (years ago atp) this question about the intersection of my identity as Chinese Diaspora with my orientation, I realized there was a LOT going on there - and as a person who loves to think too much about aromanticism đžđžđžÂ Iâve been really excited about sharing this series!!!
But yeah, I did want to say I recognize that there are weird undertones to some of my parents behaviours - even if I would be considered lucky for not having harsh âtigerâ parents đ  Please donât take this portrayal as me saying I think this is better, or the comments on slide 5 are okay ⊠this is just the reality of my life, it did shape my relationship with my culture, **and I want to depict it as honestly as possible đ€·đ»
To end off on a lighter (?) note: Yes, the Updates being alluded to previously. I am not actually a girl sorry about that yâall. I will talk more about this once Iâm done posting this batch of comics but for the time being just go with whateverâs in my bio, donât worry about it đ
Iâm curious, for all my other aro folk (and I guess not aro queer people if youâre reading this?) how do you feel your cultural background intersected with your identity, if at all?
[Image Descriptions:
Cover: An image of Celia, wearing a rich teal-green Qi Pao dress with golden yellow accents. Her hair is held in a half up style, with a traditional chinese hairpin featuring an orange chrysanthemum pinned in her ponytail. She is also wearing jade earrings and has a warm red ochre eyeliner, and a white ring on her right middle finger.Â
She holds a red and yellow fan up to her chest as she stands diagonally on an angle on the cover. Bold red lettering falls on either side of her body in both English and Chinese. One side says âChineseâ in both languages, while the other says âCanadianâ. The entire cover is framed within golden Chinese style decorative borders.Â
Slide 1: Celia speaks directly to the reader, âI put, in my very first comic, that I am Chinese Canadian, on top of being gray-aromantic and a girl.âÂ
There is an asterisk next to the word girl. A small note in the corner reads: âSo ⊠funny story Iâm not a girl actually but my point still stands.âÂ
Slide 2: A split panel shows her looking off to the side, then back up to the reader as she continues speaking.Â
âI donât know what everyone else thinks when they read those two words together - and to be honest, I donât know what I think when I remember Iâm Chinese, either.â
Slide 3: âThe thing is, Iâm not really that connected to Chinese culture (or even share a similar experience to other descendants of Chinese immigrants in North America).â
She sits on the floor, surrounded by a plethora of culturally relevant objects from her childhood. These include the following:Â
A calendar with an illustration of a rabbit in a traditional art style, representative of the Chinese Zodiac calendars often given out at Lunar New Year at Chinese grocery stores.Â
A bottle of âFlorida Waterâ cologne, tiger balm, and eagle oilÂ
A clay pot and rabbit sculptureÂ
A comb, a traditional Qi Pao, and vintage pursesÂ
A Chinese calligraphy practice sheet, ink block, and brushÂ
Slide 4: âMy mother had always hated Chinese culture (due to the fact she was bullied a lot for being outspoken and independent when she grew up), so she kept me away from it as a child.â
The shot switches to a scene from Celiaâs childhood. A young version of Celia is guided by her mother (whose face is not visible in the panel) away from a group of people talking in front of a chalkboard at Chinese school.Â
She says to her child: âTheyâre judgemental, shallow, and will stab you in the back in the nastiest way possible - Iâm doing you a favour here.âÂ
Slide 5: A continued montage of scenes from childhood split into multiple panels.Â
The first panelâs narration says: âMy parents donât have a lot of expectations for me, they definitely never cared if I did well in school. âÂ
The scene shows the child version of Celia holding a report card to her parents. She says âI got mostly Aâs and Bâs but I only got a C in Social Studiesâ. Her mom looks vaguely unimpressed, and says âCool, thanks for telling us. Thatâs okay, but you could do better ⊠pay more attention in class next time.â Her dad just says âehâ.Â
The second panelâs narration says: âThey never forced me to do any extracurriculars or sports.âÂ
The scene shows Celia reading on the bed. Off screen, a parent says âyou really should participate in more activities, it doesnât even have to be sportsâ. She says âI donât want toâ, and the parent just responds âok, if you absolutely wonât âŠâÂ
The third panelâs narration says âThey never wanted to show off my achievements either.â
The scene shows a teen version of Celia holding up a card, saying âMama, baba, I have a 95 average! And Iâm the head of [redacted] now!]. A parent off screen responds âThatâs a lot, we wish you wouldnât push yourself this muchâ, to which they reply âohâŠâ Â
Slide 6: The shot jumps back to the current Celia, who is speaking at the reader again with an incredulous expression. She says, âThey even strongly encouraged me to find a boyfriend in highschool for, and I quote, âexperienceâ,â while making air quotes with her hands.Â
Slide 7: Celia continues, holding a finger up to her face while she ponders.Â
âSo when asked to cover âTraditional Asian Thoughtsâ and how they affected my identity ⊠I almost wanted to say Iâm not qualified to talk about it.âÂ
Slide 8: She says, âBut after thinking about it some more, I realized that even though I personally havenât been subjected to a lot of the stereotypical traditional East Asian beliefs from my family or community -âÂ
An asterisk is put next to the âEast Asian Beliefsâ. A small note in the corner reads âTo clarify, Iâm not even 100% sure if I know what they exactly are. Iâm really removed from East Asian diaspora culture and I donât have many East Asian friends who are actually in touch with their culture.âÂ
Slide 9: âIt still affects how other people see me, and by extension, my aromanticism.âÂ
An abstracted scene of Celia from the behind shows her staring out at a sea of blank faces staring back downwards at her. ]
we are born whole @arotechno - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
