introspection and such

spiritually a mermaid, hoping to be reborn as one if i speak it into existence enough

[autisicmermaid]

i adore him but lord sometimes he says the stupidest shit that makes me literally stop in my tracks

[autisicmermaid]

clocked in 3 hours worth of a appstore game today, this unemployment life is so worth it

[autisicmermaid]

today i got cancelled on for the 2nd time this week. not having other options to hang out with people other then family, is so embarrassing. so having them cancel is like solitary confinement 🫩

[autisicmermaid]

went to the park today, i’ve been spending a insane amount of time there recently just working under a tree being attacked by wasps. it’s lovely, i feel like a fairy

[autisicmermaid]

fucking fighting a fly rn, i genuinely will never recover from this fuckass fear

[autisicmermaid]

it’s hard to feel motivated to do work when all i want to do is visit the gardens again

[autisicmermaid]

i woke up at the crack of dawn to meet up with mother at a garden, had a mid caramel iced latte which i loathe caramel but apparently the simple syrup wasn’t a option even tho i’ve gotten it a million times before but alright

tasted like ass and i paid a upcharge for oat milk and half a pump of syrup

[autisicmermaid]

today i wasn’t physically able to do any work. it was completely out of my control. turns out i still cannot cope with being forced to change my plans. my head hurts and the middle of the night, i don’t think ill ever get used to that

i paced around the room for 20 mins, didn’t help but i got some steps in i guess

[autisicmermaid]

its weird how much control i give up to my problems. i wonder what little me would have thought if she knew she finally escaped her hell and got her freedom just to give it up to herself as a obsessive compulsive adult

[autisicmermaid]

being raised in a religious cult left me with some shit to process, it’s weird being in your 20s and struggling so much with introspection that you need to make a tumblr to talk your thoughts out. i wonder if i’ll ever truly speak the words im thinking to the people i love, probably not but maybe it’s better that way

hello ocean void