Iiaat to make people uncomfortable by being overempathic and oversharing? I've been told by friends that I sometimes overwhelm or make them uncomfortable with how open and forthright I am, as it feels like I'm acting as if I know them well when we only met a few months ago. I didn't even realise I was doing this, but I just tend to go into any friendship caring and impulsive. It makes me feel bad that I make people unhappy cause I don't know how to stop feeling?
This is a pretty common occurrence amongst Autistic people. Difficulties with reading nonverbal cues and/or difficulties understanding social rules can make it difficult to determine what information should be shared with which people. Many of us overshare to acquaintances or even complete strangers.
This is something I have struggled with (and still struggle with). I don’t understand why certain things shouldn’t be talked about and I tend to have a hard time figuring out what those things are unless explicitly told. This has led to some very uncomfortable situations including in the workplace. At this point, I tend to be very guarded with what I talk about at work because I’d rather not talk than get in trouble for saying something they consider inappropriate.
As far as being over-empathetic, this is something that varies amongst Autistic people. From what I know, it’s more common for Autistic people to be perceived as not being empathetic enough. Autistic people tend to experience empathy differently than neurotypicals in that we tend to be hyper- or hypo-empathetic. There are three parts of empathy: cognitive, affective, and compassionate.
knowing what others are feeling based on nonverbal cues.
Autistic people often struggle with this aspect of empathy as we tend to have a hard time understanding body language and facial expressions.
feeling with someone else; experiencing the emotional state of another person
Autistic people tend to swing to one extreme or the other with affective empathy or vacillate back and forth.
Some Autistic people feel what others are feeling too intensely which can make it hard to be supportive when others are experience difficult emotions as these emotions can be intensified in the Autistic person
Other Autistic people experience little to no affective empathy, though they may experience their own emotional reaction to someone else’s feelings that may or may not be similar to what the other person is feeling
Others still experience fluctuations in affective empathy. This is how I experience affective empathy. Most of the time, I do not feel what others are feeling, however, there have been times when I have felt along with others very intensely to the point of sobbing or laughing hysterically
feeling driven to help others/relieve the suffering of another
(there is debate about whether or not this is actually an aspect of empathy or rather something separate, but I feel it is relevant here)
Autistic people are often viewed as lacking compassionate empathy, however, many of us are highly compassionate, however, we tend to show it differently than is typical
For instance, Autistic people tend to show that we relate/understand what someone is going through by telling the story of something similar that happened to us. Most Autistic people will recognize this for what it is, however, many allistic people will perceive this as trying to one-up the other person/make the conversation about oneself.
Part of the reason we are thought to lack compassion is because many people think that a person cannot be compassionate without affective empathy. This is a myth.
As I mentioned, I don’t experience much affective empathy, I usually don’t feel what someone else is feeling. But, when I am aware that someone else is suffering, I tend to be highly driven to help, often far more driven than is typical. I may not feel what other people are feeling when they feel it, but I still don’t want other people to suffer. I still care about other people.
Of course, there are some Autistic people who do not feel driven to help others, but, from my experience with other Autistic people, we tend to be highly compassionate, even if we struggle to show it in a way that is understood.
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