~{I am a Shadow...}~ multimuse persona centered rp blog // muses from each main entry // oc/dupe/crossover friendly // not spoiler free // follows from @poppyxscrolls
important to note i am bound to using the mobile app // handles various darker topics around matters of death, violence, and more seen in rules page ~{...the True Self.}
Rules of the Game // List of Masks // The True Self // Promo // Prompt Tag // Tag List
oh heart of ice and mind of gold, what am I to do with you? you are only good in small amounts, bittersweet fledgling, you are hard for most to swallow. your spirit is strong, your wit is potent, your biting essence drives even the most daring away. but why are you hiding your sweetness? I know within you, you are soft, but humanity has made you bitter. you mask your pain and sorrow with spite and sensibility. you say you do not care about trivial things, but don't you? sweetheart relax. you can let down your drawbridge, the waters are not poisoned. I know you have looked monsters in between the eyes and scoffed at them, but please, relax. you think your armor protects you but it is smothering you slowly. little owlet, when will you learn, words can only get you so far? feelings are what makes this world pulse. do not suppress your feelings. your heart can still thaw my dear. trust.
Tagged by: @limitlesspossibilities (thank you and sorry I never did this!)
Not tagging anyone this time, it's been far too long but feel free to tag me if you do this!
//going to try to answer a couple asks later now. i technically wrote most of the responses i just posted back in like january/february but basically rewrote them entirely today. most of my drafts/asks (besides two asks iirc? maybe three?) have been removed so if i didn't respond to one you wanted to do, if you still have the link please do message me about it, otherwise ill be sending and reposting starters later
also sorry for spamming the dashboard i just wanted to post everything before bed and get some asks answered rather than a queue, itll be better going forward..... -u-,;;
//thank you much, i hope i havent kept you too long either anon. <3 i had a frustrating time at my previous job, finally left, got a new job, that turned out to be even worse because of the managers/owners really pushing employees down, like i had been getting in trouble for not doing things i was never told to do and staying too late despite being the only one there closing, saw my coworkers getting yelled at for simple mistakes, couldnt take the harsh environment anymore and like 3 of us left, and just got a new job thats been so much nicer and more relaxing. got a more healthy diet, back on my medicine with health insurance, and am preparing to move into my first apartment with my boyfriend! i hope youre doing well as well!
//hey hey, just wanna say i did see this back when it was sent. it was just after i wanted to rejoin the rpc but my work was really bearing down on me so i couldn't focus on this or much of anything at the time. idk who you are behind the mask but im happy to see you again! ive held this ask with me since january, now that ive got some energy back and feeling good again im going to try to be here
"Hey!" Her jaw almost dropped as she pouted at those words, fists balled up in indignation. "I know I'm short and skinny, but you can't just say that!" Glaring at him, she poked his shoulder. "It's not like it's my choice! I just like Sojiro's curry too much. It's out of this world!" If he were here, he'd tell her to knock it off and ignore his flushed face.
"I hope Joker doesn't mind, soo... let's see here." Looking around at the back of the Monabus - or the Monamobile as she liked calling it - she discovered two containers of hot curry that smelled like heaven. "Curry found! Let's dig in! Oh, but I guess we have to... drink it. No utensils. Bleh." Almost reluctantly, she gave one to Yusuke.
One could almost see the !? appear above Yusuke's head as if in an exaggerated four-koma manga panel. It seems whatever he says to her, be it neutral or complimentary, will end in offense, won't it? Instead of wondering why that may be, he is instantly distracted by the appearance of curry. No, not just curry, THE curry. With a watering mouth and greedy eyes, he more than happily accepts the bowl out of her hands.
"I believe this would be just like a normal camping trip now, minus the bonfire and annoying bugs." His attempt at justifying the lack of utensils may fall flat, but he has no problem with that when his previous justification over not eating had already been broken by Futaba. Without another word, not even an attempt for a mumbled 'itadakimasu', he tips the bowl to his lips and straight drinks the curry, stopping for a breath in between. Not too spicy, not too bland, how perfect.
He pauses only after half the bowl has been scarved down. "It's not even cold, I wonder if that's a perk of the Metaverse?"
The idea of Shinjiro even trying to eat something she made had her chuckling. Then again, he always said in order to be a good cook, you have to taste test the food. Never would she have thought that Ryoji would be giving her some good words and help her out.
"I want to try. Never hurts to try something new." Fuuka mentioned, crossing her arms and closed her eyes tightly. The few times she saw him cooking was only ramen, chicken noodle soup, and the last one was being blocked from her mind. Maybe it was on purpose?
"I can't...remember. Ramen was his go-to item because he ate so much of it he could easily make it for everyone. But, there was a dessert he made for me and the others--soft and moist in the inside. It looked like a tortilla or something else; stuff inside of it. He mentioned Mitsuru-senpai loved them as a kid." Fuuka recalled, her voice getting soft and loud every often she remembered something crucial. She opened her eyes and looked at Ryoji. "I... I want to make whatever that was."
"Yeah, that's the spirit!" Ryoji relaxes, giving her a mostly gentle pat on the shoulder as he turns back toward the counter, waiting to let her take the lead this time and make a decision. That was close! While the idea of comforting a crying girl was a fun concept, the conversation had not been so cute, so he pushes the thought out of mind. A bad day he could handle, but such a serious topic was not going to be easy to take care of. A laughing friend was probably better anyways, no?
Hm... So Fuuka didn't recall the name of the dish, eh? Ramen sounded better in the moment, but a dessert by, er, with a girl will be nice as well! He was no kitchen connoisseur by any means, but surely they can figure out the dessert and remake it with her derermination. "Soft and moist, huh... Gelatin? Flan?" He hits a rather expressive thinking pose, tapping his foot to the hard floor rhythmically. Turning back to the book he'd left on the counter, he flips around to various dessert recipes. If he could just find what she was looking for, everything would be much better for both of them. Right? "Um... Cross-ain'ts? Maybe? That sounds fancy, like Kirijo-san."
A quiet apology was given. He had to remember that humans had their own memory banks stores inside their brains, not designed like him-- to destroy and protect those who mattered to him. His directive was to remain by Aigis's side at all times. As she stated, the full moon was almost upon them, thus, preparing them for another tough battle between them and the Shadows. They had grown stronger and it's imperative that they didn't lose to them.
Hearing her concerns about her leadership strategy, Makoto wasn't sure what to say at first. Their last operation ended in a terrible tragedy. Although he was a mere machine, he knew of the cycle of life and death among humans. Perhaps the tension between the other members was the cause of this problem.
"I promise. I cannot judge you on your skills, however, I can say that all of you are... complex to understand." He had to keep what she said about his wording in mind. "Tension is inevitable. Perhaps it would be best to work on your bonds with the other members in order to prevent it from occurring during that day. I have heard that recreational activities are one of the best solutions."
'Complex'? She stops herself from commenting that he seems far more complex in her eyes. Considering Makoto's words silently, her thoughts get cut off by the small tunnel they traveled through every day. The blinding light shining off the beautiful ocean was immediately cut out by a dark, man-made structure. Though it was only a moment of shade no one else acknowledged, Aigis grimly wonders if that's a reflection of the team right now. Maybe it was a mistake to let her lead them down this path from the start. Even the first attempt at a major full moon Shadow battle nearly ended poorly, on this very track...
Metaphorically shaking the dark spiral from her head, she sighs and looks down to the floor. Turning her thoughts back to what her mechanical friend had said once more, she knew he wasn't wrong about bonding with others. But that's easier said than done. Right now people are avoiding eachother, avoiding coming home at all, grieving in their own ways, even she herself couldn't feel up for going at night.
Maybe it would be better to take it slower, cut the problem into pieces to work with. She'll have to start asking around tonight. "That's a good idea, thank you. What are some activities you would be interested in?"
The smell of coffee had always been comforting to her. Maybe it reminded her of those early mornings when her parents would get her ready for school. Or maybe it was just that she had liked the taste from a young age. Of course, she preferred it sweet but could also enjoy it stronger. Smoke rose from her drink and she watched it. Floating up and vanishing. Soon it would cool enough that it would stop. A sort of bittersweet thing, huh? She liked to watch the steam rise from hot coffee or tea. No reason really, it just seemed relaxing to her. Or maybe she just really hated endings.
She could relate to Ken. She couldn't remember the accident very well. She was the only survivor. Her parents and brother all died. It had been a challenge to accept. She had only been a child. Barely even able to understand the concept of death and loss. But everyone is forced to learn, right? People like her and Ken just had to learn a little faster -- more painfully. She had been alone. Shut down. Abandoned by the world. So she tried her best to gain approval and affection. She smiled and did all the things a girl was supposed to do. And now, even though she was older... She still felt that hole in her chest. Empty. Gaping. Unfillable. Even if she knew SEES had taken up some of the space, it was still there. And sometimes, it was still bleeding. A wound that never heals. A pain that never fades. You just get used to living with it.
She takes a small sip of her coffee. Of course, Mikoto doesn't talk about her pain. She smiles. Acts in a way that will keep people close, keep them from seeing her beneath the mask. She doesn't want to be alone anymore. She never wanted to be that pitiful little girl all alone in the hospital bed with no one visiting her.
"Amada-kun..." She puts down the cup so she can focus her attention on him. Ken is just a kid, but she wasn't exactly planning on lying to him. Well... Not more than she lies to everyone else. Her chest felt tight as she looked down at her hands for a moment. She thought about the question. When did it get better? How long had she been asking herself that very same question?
"It... it doesn't get easier." Grief was a scar. It was not a wound that ever healed properly. "You just get better at carrying it." Something that she wished she had known a long time ago. Mikoto rarely acted mature, part of her choice to appear approachable.
"Things are really hard right now. And it all feels hopeless. I also... feel like what I'm doing aren't helping." Losing Aragaki had hurt her so badly that she still can't sleep without shedding tears. And now they had no direction. Just more questions and worries. She tried to keep up a brave face but...
"We can't give up though. Not only because of Aragaki-senpai. But because of Kirijo-san and everyone else hurt by the Shadows." Even if they weren't actually helping... If they could save just one person... "I'm scared too, Amada-kun... But... We all have to try to be brave for each other."
A pause, then a forced smile that looked very convincing. "Thank you for confiding in me. Don't bottle up your feelings. When it gets really hard, I'm here for you." Just something she wished someone had said and done for her when she was his age.
His gaze stays on the slowly cooling drink in front of him as Ken listens to her answer. It was a little more grim than he had been looking for, if he really knew what he was looking for at all, but her's was not a sentiment left without hope. It even felt like a small part of him was relieved to hear it, that the boy didn't have something 'wrong' with him to still be carrying these thoughts for over two years. Perhaps the idea had just been too nice to turn away from in his mind, that one day Ken would wake without this burden on his shoulders, or that he might move past these dark thoughts that would keep him awake at night. Now he nods in understanding, trying to accept that such a day would likely never come to pass. He would have to get used to this if there really was no other choice, it was tough now but he would hold onto what he interpreted as her promise that one day he would be able to shoulder it.
"Thank you," he finally takes a big drink, trying not to scrunch his nose at the bitterness. Even if he's gotten used to the taste, sometimes it was just an instinctual habit. Or it's just the heat, Ken tells himself. "I just keep thinking about how much harder things get, I think I might deserve a little bit of it... But the rest of you have been good people, and we're all trying to save the world." All the deaths, the betrayals, the lies, the tension... Could he really carry more? If she was right, was there nothing that could be done to ease it at all besides his own strength? If that was the case, he just has to hold himself together for her, for everyone.
'I'm scared, too.' That had honestly surprised him a bit. Mikoto had always seemed so held together and brave, like she knew what she was doing. She had cheered him up and made him feel welcome, and he had watched her doing the same for the others, he even assumed she must have a lot of friends at school from it. But everything must have left her feeling broken, too. Ken knew some of her past and how similar they were in certain unfavorable ways. It was one of the reasons he felt so comfortable opening up to her. If his leader has been so resilient for everyone, he should start being more brave for her. Even should someone else die in the upcoming months, he will stand for her.
Ken finally looks over at her, his own smile wavering and weary but eyes sincere. That darn smile Mikoto has always convinces him, somehow. "Thank you," he repeats, "I won't give up. Maybe something good will still happen for us. And, uh..." He hides his face behind the cup. "I think you're doing great. So... I'm, keep it up! And if you want, you can talk to me, too...." He doesn't expect she would really take that offer from a kid, but he would extend a hand and an ear nonetheless.
They had rescued Nanako. There was nothing to worry about, or so Naoto hoped. Looking toward the negatives was something she was wont to do. Detectives needed to steel themselves for the uncomfortable truths and unexpected forays. In Nanako’s presence, she aims to keep a mask of positivity. She’s been through enough.
The plastic chair is rather uncomfortable, and Naoto’s smile is more forced than she would like it to be. It settles into something less stilted after Nanako speaks, yet she chastises herself for only being at ease after someone much younger than her offers reassurance. It should be the other way around. “Is that so?” She knows it’s not a dream, it’s something real.
It’s a secret, of course.
“You’re a kind girl, Nanako-chan.” Naoto had been convinced her lighthearted adventures were conveyed in a droll way, perhaps they were more engaging than she had thought.
Too much praise makes Naoto the tiniest bit uncomfortable, so she changes the topic. From her bag, she produces a bundle of colored paper, the dimensions clearly meant for origami. “I thought I’d make you something today. If you’re feeling well enough, you’re welcome to try.”
The praise gives her some pride. As long as she made the older kids proud, Nanako was content. At the sight of the paper, her eyes brighten in recognition.
"Oh, I've seen those! My teacher showed us how to make foxes with it, but I don't remember how. It was called, uh, orikami, right?" She pushes herself up a little, ignoring the dull pain across her back and neck. "You know how to do them?"
Her admission to desire to test out every combination of bean and preparation technique made him curious about what could be made. A lot of times, experimentation died when a satisfactory result was reached, precluding potentially better results from being discovered. He would bring up his own experimentation with cooking, but his results would make for a poor comparison and this wasn't a competition. "It's a good way to get more experience and also get a taste for other's preferences, both for now and later." Practice makes perfect after all.
He wasn't trying to embarrass or flatter her. There was a definite gentleness to her, a gentleness that didn't lurch into the area of fear of damage. Mistakes can happen anywhere and stagnation is worse than failure. He wanted to comment that her fidgeting with her hair was a really cute look for her, but at that point, he felt that he would be simply fishing for compliments to try and get on her good side.
Unaware of what his prior demeanor had influenced and precluded, he sought to keep a more upbeat mood. It wasn't a point of not trusting her, it was a matter that he didn't want to burden her with his problems and the fact that he feels that she wouldn't believe him if he told her given the unbelievable nature of what he would say.
"I'll do everything I can to make it a good time for the meeting. Honestly, excited to meet your friend after getting to know you Haru-chan." There was a balance of similarities and differences between friends, so he was curious yet excited about the comparison between Haru and her friend.
"I'll make sure to bring various drinks to help meet focus. If you ever get to testing bean and preparation combinations, feel free to give me a call if you want someone to taste it." Given the large portion of combinations are unknown territory, it was a good way to help and to wake himself up.
She shoots Nobu a soft smile at the overall understanding. His insights have been intriguing and honestly helping her view of the future steady itself somewhat. "That sounds delightful, I think this meeting will go well!"
Haru sips her drink to get a good taste before slowly stirring a bit of sugar into her cup as she considers his taste-testing proposal. She had already asked one person.... But then again, a larger sample size would provide more feedback!
"I would appreciate your presence and thoughts, then! Of course, I can compensate your time as well. I would never ask you to help for free," she begins on the cake, making sure not to speak with any food left in her mouth.
//Mini update, I do mean to respond more but my new supervisors suddenly changed my shifts to 1-9 in the afternoon all week which means I have very little time to write (doing crochet for my sister to wake up, going to work, not having energy to write at 10 pm and later) so I'm a lot slower than I meant to be. The good news is I found a new job that hopefully will accept me! And if not I am still looking, hopefully I will have some more time off and can get back because I really just want to write again.
//Just wanted to drop by and say I know I just kinda got back into things, but I do have a two week vacation that I will be spending out of state with two very important people to me. So... I may or may not write during that time. 😅 I really want to and have ideas for some of the drafts but it's just a busy time and I should focus on my packing and being ready to go instead of on my phone lol. I might answer some but it's unlikely, I can try to answer like dms or silly stuff, maybe some character memes I have saved, during the time but if we have a currently going or previously going thread it might just be another minute. Sorry!
"Is Gakky popular with girls back home? I've never seen Kanji with anyone besides us." He asked in an innocent manner that showed genuine curiosity and not the teasing tone he'd use with the other guys.
From both personal experience and a strong bias towards his own overexuberant flair, he didn't see much appeal in a bad boy besides the coolness factor. Even then, Sensei was way cooler while also being stoic, kindhearted, and a little weird sometimes. Teddie, meanwhile, was an adorable pretty boy. Everyone's got their place.
"Pizzazz is..." He paused to think of a good way to explain, lightly tapping two of his fingers together, "...a warm, fuzzy feeling you have deep inside. It gets bigger and bigger while shining through. Then..."
"Bam!! Shoo! Woo!" He flung his arms around in rapid fire poses. Standing, kneeling, even his legs weren't safe from the suddenly spasm of motions. "It all explodes into an enormous fountain of energy! You've got to let it out with all you've got into one big show for the ages!"
Aigis has to pause to think again on his new question. This was a rather insightful conversation, all things considered. And considered they were. "Aragaki-san surely fits the stereotype well, but perhaps is more of a 'bad boy with a heart of gold'. With rather softer moments and hobbies, he may even be more popular than I realized. Tatsumi-san seems to also fit the archetype to an extent, but his rudeness comes off as aggression more than stoicism, which may explain driving the girls away."
She nods at her own analysis, interesting that they both have a 'bad boy' type in their respective teams, now that she thought about it. Were there other parallels? Well, their leaders had the same power, so perhaps there were... Now the Aeon holder was somewhat curious what her own archetype would be, and who her 'mirror', so to speak, in the other team was, if any.
Paying close attention to Teddie's explanation of delivering pizzazz, she nearly jumps back in shock at his sudden movements and noise. "I see. That is a lot. I'm... not sure I am capable of doing so. But I will try."
Aigis mimics his arm flailing and shouts in a slightly less monotonous call, "Bam!! Shoo! Woo!..."
