Laughably SFW

"Reality, it struck Rimmer, was a place where bad things could happen. And bad, vile, unspeakable things had happened to him on an almost daily basis the entire period he'd spent there." Oh, yes. Some of that my way, please.

[autorimmerphilia]

another actual book that my actual work duties resulted in me stumbling across :3c

[autorimmerphilia]

actual book that my actual work duties resulted in me actually stumbling across this morning ʘ‿ʘ

yeahhhh that's right, talk viscous to me :3c

the best part? it's open-access XD *downloads free pdf*

[curiouslittletoddler]

Caregiver Guide: Go Bananas!

Bananas are a great tool for behavior correction! I propose that you keep at least two bananas on hand at all times.

The first one is a warning sign for your little. It doesn't have to be a banana actually, any fruit is fine. You just ask "You are kinda cranky sweetie. Care for a little snack?"

In case of more extreme behavior, or if you're just feeling a little devious, you can skip the first step and go straight to the second one: The peeled banana goes straight into the back of your littles pants. Nothing humbles a cranky little as much as a messy bum that does not need to be taken care of. Why is that? Well, the banana does not smell bad and it doesn't irritate really the skin. It just sits in the back of the diaper (or even underpants, it really does not matter) and does its job. You can stuff it there in like 30 seconds, and that also means that you can basically do that anywhere.

Beginning from that moment, both you and your little will know that you can 'discover' that accident when you're ready to really punish that behavior. Will you put a diaper over their underpants? Will the cleanup feature a butt plug to aid "keeping that tooshie shut"? You've got enough time to come up with fun follow ups, and in the meantime, it puts your little right where you want them to be: With a messy bum, dreading what will follow :)

[angelicxbabyyy]

Shush this is so blushy why are u giving the adults secret weapons???????? 🥺

[verticalplane]

this picture but make it alex horne

[autorimmerphilia]

A formative text from my childhood. (The dog-ear is child's own...)

Answer:

"Intelligence is no defence against stupidity"

[squirmystuffiez]

someone having a water fight and they get sprayed from face to waist, and the shock of the cold and their laughter makes them lose control of their bladder... soaked from head to foot, freezing up top and horribly warm down below }:)

Oh anon, you’re speaking my language. :)

The gasping, high pitched shuddery little breaths as they get sprayed in the face by the hosepipe and are so taken aback by the freezing cold water they struggle to heave air into their lungs. Stumbling back in surprise. The t-shirt they’re wearing is thin and so wet it webs over their tummy all see-through, as cheap white clothing tends to do. They are so overwhelmed, however momentarily, by the sucking wetness of their t-shirt on their sun warmed tummy, or perhaps the way their now soaked hair drips fat, freezing droplets sloooowly down their face, or the tight ache of cold wetness in their cheeks, that the loss of control down below doesn’t quite register at first until the stream is unavoidably thick and hissing, spreading an intense warmth through their shorts and down their legs; strangely squelchy between the toes. They’re relieved that they are at least not leaving a puddle… but the baked-dry summer earth greedily sucks up any moisture it can get, creating a little mud slick. Unlike their t-shirt, the shorts are thicker and hang heavy on their body, terribly acrid and hot with their accident on full display. How embarrassing! Oh well… at least that’s stopped them from shivering…? Once the shock has worn off and they still, dazed and dopey looking, all they can do is waddle unhappily inside, trailing glistening wetness with every step like a little slug and leaving behind speckled, muddy footprints.

Looks like that makes it 0-1…

[squirmystuffiez]

what if someone really evil 😈 tied up two other people 🤭 one of them standing pantsless and with a full bladder 🥴 and the other one sitting right below them 🫣🫣🫣

ohhhhh anon, chefs kiss. what if the one sitting had to go too though? a grumpy and very desperate A squirms and clenches over B, leaking great fat droplets and drizzles that land in slick, glimmering little beads over B’s taut, goosepimpled skin. A barking, “I cant hold it! I’m going to piss!” (on B, bc… duh, what else is B good for?), B whining and fidgeting as A’s stream sprays over them, thick and warm, but the warmth makes their own bladder pound impatiently. As A slackens—just barely— with that all-over relief, a whimpering B clutches hard between their legs as they begin to pee too, the puddle spreading thick and fast under their bum.

Head bowed, B ends up pathetically wet through, trembling and soaked-to-the-bone. A looks at them through lidded eyes, grunting an apology, but B gets the impression that they don’t really mean it… and there’ll be a lot more showers like that if they don’t both get untied soon…

[wowpindrop]

HE MAD AS HELL?!?!?!?!

[fecklesheckleshacklesschmeckles]

pinch me, i must be dreaming ʘ‿ʘ

[autorimmerphilia]

genuinely struggling to believe this is real, the amount i've fantasised about james acaster getting covered in gunge ʘ‿ʘ missed my feral peak by a couple of years but still! incredible! my two great loves, together at last!! ʘ‿ʘ

and yes it did fail to cross my mind that being in a ghostbusters movie would likely equal getting slimed... and i certainly didn't expect it to come with a bts blow-by-blow... :3

such gentle caressing! those tendrils! a cup that's like what i use! it looks so much like my first experiments with xanthan gum too, colour and everything <3

i mean, the final effect is dogshit, he might as well have just run his head under the tap, but christ almighty, those eight seconds of backstage footage, they are faultless :')

[ylly22-2]

[autorimmerphilia]

Captain Holt: I asked them if they wanted to embarrass you, and they instantly said yes.

Jake: I'm not gonna lie, that turns me on a little bit.

[boviform]

For @cazflibs.

[autorimmerphilia]

I tried to gif this once. It was much less good.

[greelin]

vampires getting the urge to be intimate w/ their partners while feeding is so fucking funny to me… like imagine you’re just sitting there eating soup but getting REALLY into it? you just. want to fuck, b/c of the soup. want to fuck the soup

[megphail]

kinkshaming vampires

[scissorbritches]

[autorimmerphilia]

I got engrossed rereading old posts on this blog recently. Consequently, I could not let this go past without reblogging it. :P

[ibrokemyownheart]

Me

[autorimmerphilia]

I’m happy about the events surrounding this blog’s existence. :)

[autorimmerphilia]

Haven't felt libidinous in weeks. Listened to my new copy of Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers and suddenly found myself getting in the mood. That canon is hardcore stuff, baby. :P

[autorimmerphilia]

Just taking a moment to remind myself how much I enjoy my icon :)

[autorimmerphilia]

[...]it’s also fun to see how Rimmer has loosened up over the decades. Here’s a guy who goes from mortification over getting soup temperature wrong, to wearing seaweed flung off weird chopsticks in front of someone else he wants to convince he has class … and just sighing it off with a wisecrack.

Always reblog That Bit In Legion :D

Interesting way of looking at it, though! Not how I read it, naturally. ;) The “wisecrack” being “it was Lister, wasn’t it? He put you off”? I read that as classic self-delusion - or at any rate, nothing more self-aware than discomfited grumbling :D

I don’t think he’s sighing it off. I think he’s super mortified, but there’s nothing he can do except sit and stew awkwardly, is there? Not really a way out of that kind of situation... ʘ‿ʘ (On that note, ask me about the shitty half-finished self-indulgence-fic I wrote once :P)

Probably the only reason he hasn’t made Mimosian Banquet Day an annual remembrance event is that the whole farce didn’t actually turn out to have harmed his career in the end :P