Feminism requires honest dialogue about power, privilege, and societal expectations. This can be extremely difficult, but if we always avoid tough rhetoric or tough words in these conversations because we're worried about hurting someone's feelings, we avoid the opportunity to shift perspectives.
Feminism asks everyone (regardless of gender I might add) to critically examine how systems of power work, and this can be uncomfortable, but discomfort often precedes real change. Coddling doesn’t push anyone toward the necessary self-reflection needed to make change. I actually think it's very sexist to imply we have to be nice to men in discussions about feminism or otherwise uplift them. They are capable of critical thought and reasoning, and capable of acknowledging that systems that they are hurt by can also still benefit them.
When discussing feminism, intersectionality adds value, 110%, without a doubt, but I fear the point of it can get muddled. Recently I had someone say I was "ignoring minorities which make up the broader category of men". Besides how despicable it is to use minority groups as a "gotcha" argument, to me this reads like a "not all men" dressed in intersectionality verbage, but what the hell, I'll take a stab at it.
There is not a single axis of oppression, not a single goddamn one, that a man can experience that a woman can't. For every queer man, man of color, disabled man, or disabled queer man of color, there is a queer woman, a woman of color, a disabled woman, and a disabled queer woman of color who goes through the same plights he does but with the added noose of sexism.
When a queer man interacts with a queer woman, they are both oppressed. But guess who has more visibility in society and media in this situation? The man. When a disabled man is interacting with a disabled women, they are both oppressed. Who is more likely to be taken seriously by doctors, have their pain listened to, have research funded for their disabilities? The man. All of these things don't take away from their axes of oppression but they are ultimately benefitting in material ways a woman simply can't. That's the end of the line.
A man who seeks to be involved feminism and being an ally to our cause must engage with their privilege, and must take responsibility for it. I earnestly believe they are capable of doing such, without emotional babysitting.
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