Amethyst

Lost in the darkness, we all cry, craving to touch the sky, eventually we die | 21 |

[flowerais-deactivated20211031]

when i’m depressed, i tend to forget things. like the times i hugged someone and they hugged back tighter, the times i couldn’t stop laughing and smiling from ear to ear. the thoughtful compliments i received, the genuine looks of surprise and joy i helped put on someone’s face, and the days where nothing important really happened, but i felt happy. but forgetting these things doesn’t mean they never happened. they existed once, and they’re proof that even though i haven’t felt myself for a while, some days in my life can be pretty nice, and there will be more days like that in the future.

[autumn-ashes-glow]

The inevitable rock bottom

I didn't want to notice the difference my life had been enduring for days: the feeling of emptiness, the lack of purpose and the drastic change in the pattern of my mood. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn't actually happy. The concentration was declining and achieving goals seemed to be impossible somehow. I was sitting silently in the dark corner of my room waiting patiently for even a small atom of light to enter. But nothing happened, there wasn't a Phoenix or even a crow. That's when I knew I had hit rock bottom.

You might have heard a lot of good things about hitting rock bottom in the movies but the reality is a bit different. You lose friends, relationships and probably everything so rising back up is not that easy. I didn't know where to start from or where to put a little more effort so that the blisters on my skin wouldn't burn.

I won't say that I got out of that zone and since you would know better by sensing the gravity of my writing, it is all about the phenomenal NOW. It's all happening NOW. And my friend, I would yell and love to let you know : you are not alone.

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And what does true Freedom feel like?

I have been asking this question to myself since the beginning of the gut feeling - I might be pleasing people and aligning my choices to theirs for I am scared to watch them leave. This mongrel of a thought puts me in the backseat of the slow moving train of progress and with each passing day it feels like I am getting older. Or that the days are decreasing, soon coming to my doomed end.

I ain't writing this now to tell you that I have found the answer and would like to lecture you on becoming independent and wise. Maybe some questions do not have prefect blog type answers, maybe some answers take a lifetime to be written on the wrinkled pages of your journal to life, maybe some answers are best when you do not finish them and keep adding lines everyday.

With the advancement of age and acceptance of self, I have developed certain traits and one being - forgiving myself. It is very important for us to forgive all the mistakes and the chances we didn't take although I know it is easier said and done.

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The thought of getting out in the open and facing all of it was killing me. It was more of a challenge than a necessity. I wanted to prove the doubters wrong and nevertheless being a loser my entire life, this time I wanted to give it a solid shot. Being a woman who has lost pretty much everything in the battle of life I had nothing to fear anymore. I had nothing to lose. And that made me a dangerous bitch.

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And what was I looking for in between the lines of the ocean? The tides which crossed my feet circling the sand and breaking the course into two, giving me a glimpse of what life could have been.

Or what I have been missing living on the monotonous shore my entire life. There was something which lies on the other side of sea. What was it? Was it the life I always yearned?

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Whose winter is like mine?

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Always wanted a house with this ethnic library. Where you can get lost amidst the books and forget about the world that revolves.

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One fine night she will sleep like a child. She will choose teddy bears and not your drama over the phone. She will pray before going to bed and will thank the Almighty for this wonderful day. She would dream about fairy tales and unicorns and won't have the idea of a happy ending with a prince. In fact, she will always dwell on this little notion that she herself is the heir to the throne of any kingdom. She won't know the existence of a king.

She would want to be a Queen without a king.

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Fill my invitation code 6QVIQ to pick me! Your vote can take me to StarMaker Lite Top BillBoard!

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The fragile line

which ties you and I

is getting darker,

can you hear my laughter?

this cold chain of hearts,

keeps asking me again

is this truly the love

I'm wishing, can you think again?

I don't wanna know,

of we are forever

or forever is ours..

[fluentinswiftsongs]

That July 9th, the beat of your heart. It jumps through your shirt, I can still feel your heart.

[fluentinswiftsongs]

THE LAST GREAT AMERICAN DYNASTY // t.s

they say she was seen on occasion pacing the rocks, staring out into the midnight sea...