GABRIEL WAS PUSHING Autumn away — he knew that. It was just so hard to lie next to her every night & to think that he had no desire to give her what any other man could. He’d prayed a thousand times to find the strength to be a good husband — to love her as a man should — but that well was dried up, it seemed. Still, he needed her around. He simply couldn’t do it alone. The kids were hard enough to handle as it was. The only reason he could smile so often, was because he knew Autumn was there to take on some of the burden. Perhaps burden wasn’t the right word. The children weren’t a burden, they were a complication to an otherwise simple divorce.
“oh of course a scientist !” Gabriel parroted. How could he forget his daughter’s dream of only a fortnight ago. “my, you’re going to be very busy with all those jobs, sweetheart. Will you still remember to come visit with mommy and daddy and come to church on Sundays?” Gabriel feigned a little pout, which earned him an enthusiastic response from Abby. Mathew was standing on his own now. He could do it, so long as he put most of his weight on his father’s chest. Gabriel’s hands hovered close behind, ready to provide support as he cooed encouragement at the little boy.
Gabriel would never admit it but he thought Matthew was going to grow up to be most like him. Sure, he was only one but he was gaining personality rapidly by the day. And there was something about that smile. He had a fundamental love of life, Gabriel thought. And he hoped his son wouldn’t loose it because of the ever-pressing weight of a judgmental society, as he had. Gabriel shot Autumn a look that said: do you really want to explain what alcoholism is to a five year old? but didn’t pursue it. “strongly dislike? I can work with that,” He grinned, but it soon gave way to a sigh. Gabriel had never been one for gossip, but he could hardly say as much for his wife. He had a hard time keeping straight the rumors she told him — more often than not, he forgot about them entirely. To make matters worse she always tried to pressure Gabriel into divulging the town’s secrets. Jokingly but still, there were some secrets he was required to keep by law. “give Helen a break she’s going through a lot — self inflicted, but still. and why do we hate Mallory again? I seem to remember her being quite sweet, and I think they’d love dance,”
if all truth was told, autumn didn’t know if she’d ever loved gabriel – love loved. she didn’t know why they got married and she certainly didn’t know why they had children. she was on the side of ‘divorcing is better for the kids,’ but they had put up such an amazing front... would it be better for the kids ?? she loved them, but they’d ultimately set up a trap... and, god, she hated when she thought like that – when she thought of her children as a trap. they were her children. there was jonah and his deep, passionate interests; there was abby and her outgoing personality; there was matthew and his future developments. they weren’t traps – jesus. sure, she had to be the stern parent, but she didn’t have to think like it – jesus !!
“ just like marie antoinette, right ?? ” when abby had brought up her interest, autumn had made sure to bring up marie antoinette – she made sure to point out that one of the most successful scientists was a woman and that, no matter what boys might say, they couldn’t take that away. “ i sure hope you don’t forget about us when you’re busy winning all sorts of medals and awards !! ” she continued, humoring both her daughter and... ‘husband.’ she would always say that she loved her children equally, and she would always believe that on the surface... but it was almost the equivalent of always telling carol that she and gabriel shared the same beliefs when she really just didn’t know. so, you see, she may have had a slight inclination towards jonah – he was so much quieter ( on average, that is – there was certainly the occasional fit ), yet he had so much more passion. of course, that didn’t mean she and gabriel had recognized his behavioral difficulties – that didn’t mean she realized that his occasional ‘fits’ were actually meltdowns. but what kind of mother had a favorite child, hm ??
the other two were so much more like gabriel. abby had a certain pep, and matthew was already developing this sort of... aura that screamed ‘i’m your husband’s friend’s expy!’ “ strongly dislike, exactly. the connotation isn’t desirable, but if the kids would be interested in it, i can deal with it, ” she replied, half-defeated, half-joking. she was already the pastor’s wife in a book club with fucking carol !! what else did she have to lose ?? “ i have absolutely nothing against helen – she’s a sweet woman. carol was the one tearing her to shreds. ” – as carol often did... that bitch. she was sure carol also talked about her, she just didn’t know what she said that autumn wasn’t totally fine with ( hell yeah she cheated – he did too !! ) “ we don’t hate her, but i don’t think the kids should be around a pill-popper yet. ” – the ‘pill-popper’ was completely whispered, of course ).
