GABRIEL CONTINUED to watch Eloise with a soft expression. “you didn’t,” His words were firm, but gentle. The pastor placed a hand on her shoulder once more. “you can’t blame yourself for being born. What happened wasn’t your fault, Eloise, these things are out of our control. You didn’t hurt her, the pregnancy did — that’s different, don’t you think?” He paused, considering the best way to proceed, since this woman’s brain had clearly been damaged by years of abuse.
He opted only to listen for a while, let her speak her piece. When she finally took a breath he paused as well — there was so much to unpack here. He thought maybe she’d connect more to a personalized approach. “you know, my father was a drunk, too. I can only speak from personal experience, of course, but he wasn’t a very kind man,” He let that hang in the air, hoping Eloise was self-reflecting on the issue. “unfortunately I can’t tell you what’s right & wrong here. you have to figure that out yourself — your truths that is, not what other people tell you. You’re your own person and you’re hardly responsible for your father’s addictions. Maybe…all of this is a sign. If you’re not fueling his habits, he might smarten up, become a better man,”
Gabriel never raised his voice above a soft cadence. “we’re all afraid sometimes, it’s alright,” He said, just before his eyes fell to the small bump of Eloise’s stomach — and his voice was taken from him. Gabriel had seen that sight enough times, knew exactly what it meant. Finally, he managed a little whisper. “you’re…pregnant,” What was he supposed to say now? What guidance did she need? “I had no idea, but I think I’m starting to get the picture. How about I make you a cup of tea?” It was going to be a long night.
It was a roller coaster, the ups and downs of their conversation giving the brunette pure emotional whiplash. A huge weight lifted with Gabriel’s words: ‘What happened wasn’t your fault.’ It rang around in her brain for a moment, floating against all the negativity that remained there. Of course it wasn’t her fault for being born, Eloise knew that much, but there was a choice made that day, the choice to save her life over her mother’s--- a choice her father had always remained adamant, was the wrong one.
Her eyebrow raised at the Pastor’s own confession. Remaining silent she listened to what he said, clinging onto each word that left his lips. Alcoholism was no rarity, it was something Eloise had seen beyond count at the hospital, but each experience was dark and isolating. As a nurse, it was part of her job to counsel the family or the patient, and there were many times she had encountered her own problem in the life of another, obliviously giving sound advice to a T, yet unable to ever apply it to herself. Gabriel’s suggestion of a tough love approach towards her father pricked Eloise’ attention, her eyes meeting his once more. Yet still she remained silent, mulling over their discussion.
As soon as Eloise caught the look on the Pastor’s face, she stiffened up, tugging her cardigan to cover her stomach again. “I shouldn’t have told you.” She whispered, more a check on herself than a remark to him. As of this moment someone else knew the secret she had quite literally been carrying. Colour flushed to her cheeks, somewhat embarrassed by her confession. This was a sin, and surely he would not feel so kindly towards her now. Her pregnancy had offered nothing but mixed feelings since she had met that positive sign, and yet, she had never felt closer to her mother.
