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The Amazing Digital Lack of Consequences for Banning Trans Women from Existing on this Website
it would be cool if transfems were allowed to be non-binary, but even a lot of so called transfeminists on this website as categorically incapable of saying “transfems” in place of “trans women” — even those who are quick to note how we are excluded from non-binary identity & forced to overstate our identification with womanhood in order to be taken seriously
It’s getting pretty frustrating to keep explaining that “Transfems are alienated from non-binary identity” and “TME people will weaponise the existence of non-binary identity to coerce transfems away from transition” are not incompatible.
The whole point is for us to not have access to a framework of transmisogyny — thinking that all transmisogynists just don’t want us to exist at all is naive; transmisogyny is attractive to TME people specifically because it means that those of us who aren’t eradicated from public society are dependent on them and easy to coerce. Y’know, because we’re a misogynised class.
They want us to be the Other, that’s already what they were doing; your average transmisogynist is more happy to accept “non-binary” because what they mean is “third-gender”. The problem they have is isn’t us recognising that we are a different, lower class of faggotry, it’s us having access to the social technologies of the transfeminine identity, transmisogyny theory etc.
When transphobes say “Trans women don’t exist” they are not saying they believe transfems to be imaginary, they are drawing lines in the sand to politically deny us the rights afforded to women. Similarly, when they say “couldn’t you just be a femboy?” they are not saying “I respect gender non-conformity in this form more” they are saying “It would be better for me if you did not have access to the social technology of trans womanhood as recognised by the state”
There are lots of places in the world where you literally still HAVE TO assert yourself as a binary trans woman with XYZ specific experiences with dysphoria or they categorically will not allow you to access HRT or life saving surgeries. As a non-binary transfem, this is what I had to do, and I know many others who did the same.
it’s disingenuous & naive to act as though TME suggestions of “just being a femboy” are out of preference or palatability, when it’s simply to try to deny us access to the very few rights that we are entitled to — but only if we walk a very thin, highly scrutinised imaginary line.
One of my hottest transfeminist takes that I have is regarding drag and ballroom actually. Read the whole thing in depth instead of skimming it then getting mad at me.
I think that the US transfemme desire to disown drag/ballroom is a symptom of both white culture’s destruction of ancestral ties and the importance of cultural continuity, and of the predominantly white ignorance of it as a gentrified Black art form similar to how whites treat other Black art. They want a destruction of it because they see the effects and results of the gentrified version and assume that’s all there is/was.
In particular it’s frustrating because while some drag queens are cis, a lot are trans women, non-binary, or otherwise transmisogynized and drag/ballroom and the tipping culture associated with it existed in part because the transmisogynized are so fucking unemployable and it provided/s a method beyond mutual aid for the redistribution of money, through the labor of performance.
In relation to trans women, I view drag queens as a pathway to transness similar to crossdressers, femboys, (unfortunately) sissies, and similar - where although the perception of them currently may cause harm to the perception of trans women at large due to the ways they compromise with predominantly white cishetero society to allow transfemmes to explore their gender, they are, in fact, still functionally people within the spectrum of transfemininity even if they haven’t fully accepted their gender expansiveness for themselves. Harm they cause to the perception of transfemmes does not lessen them from that societal assignment, any less than we can say Caitlyn Jenner, Blair White, or Kelly Cadigan are less trans women because of the harm they’ve done to the perception of trans women. They are all, in effect, varying levels of transmisogynized whether they realize it or not.
When I was in DC I knew a lot of drag kings/queens and literally 95% of them are trans and either came to drag/ballroom as a way to explore their gender through art and/or make money bc poor, or started it and it was a gateway to unlocking their gender. Not counting the cis performers elevated by stuff like RuPaul, who is explicitly transphobic, I think I can count on my hands how many cis performers I’ve met. Hell, even with RuPaul shit a number of drag artists who have been on his shows later come out as trans (such as Bosco, who I literally grew up with), in part because they suppressed their transness publicly to maintain their career until they reached a point the blowback of coming out wound impact them less. Pulling a F1NNSTER to keep cash flowing for survival, if you will.
Iunno like. The earliest Balls we have records of were literally 1880-90s, predominantly Black (the oldest drag/ballroom performer we have records of was a Black trans woman from DC), and was one of the only safe places for trans people to exist as themselves. So I find the idea of writing it off due to a much more recent gentrification and commercialization of it as ignorant as how people often treat other demonizes or commercialized Black art.
“I just don’t like the spectacle it makes of transness and harm it causes-“
Baby all Blackness is spectacle to crackers and An Amount of modern drag is white people doing minstrelsy of all Black women - not in the sense of gender at all but in the sense of race.
Like. A lot of Black culture in the US specifically is Big and Loud *because* of the repression of it we’ve faced and the force towards respectability politics, which has echoed to queer culture because queer culture in the US is made vast majority from Black culture. Our existence is a spectacle so why not make a show out of why they hate us and try to erase us so that they can’t get rid of even more.
Hating “the spectacle” of an actual performance art form is solidly rooted in white supremacy and white cultural notions of propriety/respectability. Many aspects of “spectacle” seen in drag are directly taken from Ballroom or adapted from it/vogueing.
In summary: traditions are meant to change with situational, cultural, and environmental need but still be sustained as part of a culture. Gentrification is a poison to this that makes it harder for those the culture belongs to to practice it as it should. White ancestral shame is a poison that makes them think they should nuke everything historic/cultural that makes them uncomfortable regardless of whether it’s theirs or whether it’s something they stole and gentrified. Also yeag like,,, it’s a job/gig income predominantly for societal “undesirables” to make money when they’re under/unemployed due to marginalization. And it’s also been gentrified to *gestures at RuPaul, et al.*
No matter what you think about drag or ballroom, poor predominantly racialized trans folks still gon be doing it because it is part of our culture no matter what tv shows and big names and people who have only seen those do to it, and it’s always going to be seen as one of the “disreputable” pathways to transness that makes other trans people look down on them because of the complicated ties to transmisogyny, because until someone publicly says the words “Im also a trans woman”, WE also view them as a personification of what we fear the world sees us as—a man in a dress—rather than an egg finding their way to gender in a way we deem unacceptable because it doesn’t align with how we think it “should” be done.
And I think that’s on us honestly, not on them. If we say it can take as long or as quickly and as easily or messily for someone to sort out their gender as needed, this also has to be extended to the transmisogynized we view as “disreputable” regardless of if/when they reach a conclusion we deem acceptable or whether they die in the shell, never able to remove their masks fully.
Aight yall gon head and eviscerate me now
as a tme person with a transfeminine sister it is extremely clear to me that we absolutely do not have an equivalent experience.
she did not experience "male socialization." when i look back on our childhood, it is easy to understand that there was no privilege to that concept. she was forced to try and shrink herself into the shape of a man, and was abused when she didn't succeed at playing the part. being "raised as a boy" only highlighted the stark incongruity between what was expected of her and what she was. this repeatedly led to her facing violence.
and to be clear i genuinely don't care if you think a rude comment from an exasperated trans woman online is as equally bad as the literal risk of her being murdered when she walks outside. this is not a competition, being the most visible is not a prize. i genuinely fear for my sister's life.
yeah. yeah.
we're all feeling normal huh
dead wife jokes banned in the house due to current events
i don't know what i was expecting
cancel your mullvad subscription
tech news today is that Mullvad VPN has gone mask-off about being the major funding source for the Swedish Orebro party, who are racist nationalists. unfortunately all discussion of this is occurring on fucking Mastodon instances i can barely load
if you are a mullvad customer (as i am) and want to get out, here is guidance from this guy
If you don't want your Mullvad fees going to fund neo-Nazis - or @mozilla VPN fees, which is rebranded Mullvad - cancel and get a refund immediately that's whose "free speech" the official account is talking about here, and that's where your fees go to EDIT: Mullvad has a 14 day refund policy. But the message below is a direct call to ask for a refund if you don't want to give money to Nazis. If Mullvad refuse a refund, call your consumer protection agency. And reverse credit card charges on the basis of deceptive refund policy representations. It's not like you ever want to be a Mullvad customer again. archive copy of Mullvad statement: https://web.archive.org/web/2026062717
Try Firefox! Free White Supremacist VPN built in!
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Ok but when you say "restorative justice" do you mean "hegemonic power structures need to provide ways for people who've done bad things to reintegrate into society" or do you mean "you, personally, someone with no hegemonic power whatsoever, need to keep forgiving people who've hurt you forever" because those are like. Pretty different.
Do you mean community as in "broad coalition of people united by some shared material interests" or do you mean "Discord server"
For the people meaning discord server:
TME/TMA isn't "creating a binary", it's describing and criticizing one that transmisogynists created and forced on us.
Do you think that describing and criticizing racism is "creating a binary" between racialized people and white people?
Certified self-love post.
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