idk if you are the person to talk to about this but I like your TikToks and you seem trustworthy
The man who says he loves me is completely ignoring me. He promised that he would love me to the ends of the earth and that he would never leave me but he has stoped talking to me. He used to talk to me constantly but now has been ignoring me completely for over a week. I try to spend time with him but he says he was busy. When I did spend an hour with him he deliberately tried to be as unhelpful as possible and get me to go away. I have always tried to do everything he asked me for but whenever I let him down even slightly he keeps telling me about how far he would go for me but that I would not do the same. He keeps giving me difficult things to deal with and ignoring my requests to help me with them. He keeps giving me gifts that are more trouble than they are worth, and won’t take them away from me. I try to help him but he doesn’t tell me what he wants me to do and then gets angry when I don’t do it. I still love him but sometimes find myself resenting him and I hate myself for it. I don’t know what to do.
a talk on communication and unhealthy relationship patterns 🤍
first of all, hey div! im so glad you decided to reach out to me, i really appreciate that i'm someone you deem trustworthy and ofc that you like my tiktoks!! ⊹ ࣪ ˖ if you ever need any one-on-one personal convos defo reach out to me there or here on tumblr, my dms are open to everyone <33 (and that goes for you lot reading this too!!)
i'm really sorry that you're going through this, this sounds totally devastating and confusing. from what you've written to me, theres a big difference in what he says to then how he behaves. someone can tell you they'll love you to the ends of the earth, but if theyre consistently ignoring you, refusing to communicate etc... its very contradictory.
stand outs
hes been ignoring you for at least a week, despite previously talking to you constantly
when you did get to have time together, it was as if he was pushing you away
he compares his supposed devotion to your slightest flaws or let downs, which leaves you feeling guilty
he expects you to solve difficult problems but doesn't support you the same way
he gets upset when you dont meet expectations he hasn't clearly communicated.
now to me, this looks like a HEAVY weight. none of these patterns are healthy ways to resolve any conflicts or to maintain the relationship. i want you to know that from what i've heard, its completely understandable that you feel this way.
the point that i highlighted, i've been in a similar situation. i just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in these types of situations, it can be an awful feeling! :(
you also said something i found important. "I still love him but sometimes find myself resenting him and I hate myself for it."
resentment never makes you a bad person. it grows when someone is unheard, taken for granted, or emotionally neglected. its not something to hate yourself for, its literally just proof that something isnt working for you in the relationship. besides, hating yourself for your feelings wont change anything will it? its adding more pressure to what you already have going on, and we definitely dont need that.
my advice
i think its worth asking yourself these three questions.
has he genuinely told you why hes pulling away? or is it a simple lack of communication?
when you express that you're hurt, does he listen, or does he go straight to making the conversation about how much he does for you?
do you feel secure with him more often than anxious?
if the answers are majority the unhighlighted parts.. the relationship needs an honest convo. you deserve to know where you stand instead of being left wondering.
you could say smth like...
im feeling a bit hurt and confused. lately i feel as if youve been ignoring me, and when we do spend time together it feels distant and awkward, and sometimes as if you dont want me there. i need to understand whats changed. if something is wrong, id rather you tell me honestly than leave me guessing.
now, if hes willing to engage in a conversation with full honesty, thats somewhere to start.
if he dismisses your feelings, continues these patterns, or makes you feel guilty for bringing this up? thats definitely some information to take in...
either way, you dont deserve to be left feeling like you have to earn someone's affection while they withdraw theirs. love should not leave you constantly guessing whether you're wanted.
in conclusion,,
i hope this advice has been of some good use... i just want you to make sure you're feeling validated about your thoughts and feelings, i don't think any of the points you've made have been wrong at all! it's normal to feel that way!
if anyone else has any good advice, or relates at all, please do let us know in the comments! its always nice to hear that you're never alone, no matter what situation you're in. keep it nice and friendly 💓
if you ever have any more questions, or have an update for us next time, defo check in anonymously or dm me privately! i'm always here for a chat.
if anyone else out there feels like they need something like this, you can drop in a question or a story in my ask ava section on my blog!! thank you so much for reading you lot!!
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