A Strattland oneshot.
Rating: General
Fandom: Project Hail Mary
F/M
Summary: Eva Stratt breaks her wrist. The anesthesia makes her loopy. And our Grace has a very bad, no good, absolutely devastating five minutes.
That Funny Anesthesia Video
The infirmary on PLAN Gansu reeks of disinfectant and overworked air filters. I’m standing in the doorway, because that’s what I usually do when I’m nervous: I stand there like a bewildered houseplant. A nurse walks past me carrying a clipboard and nods, signaling that I can go in. That is great.
Eva Stratt is awake.
Twenty minutes ago, she was under anesthesia while a doctor set her wrist, which she had broken due to her habit of rushing down metal stairs while issuing orders to ensure the survival of humanity.
They used the standard cocktail of drugs: something like midazolam and propofol. The doctor said she would be "a little disoriented."
As it turned out later, in medical code, that meant she would be loopy as hell.
I step inside.
She’s propped up in the bed, her right arm wrapped in a bulky splint and sling. Her hair is loose, slightly flattened from the pillow. She looks… soft. I immediately forget why I came in the first place.
Her eyes land on me and they brighten instantly.
“Na endlich!”
She beams at me. Like I’m a puppy who just brought her a tennis ball back. My heart skips a few beats. She then squints and very seriously says something else in German.
“Wer bist du?”
I blink at her.
“…uh, sorry…? I don't speak German.”
She tilts her head, examining me like a puzzle. Then realization dawns.
“Oh!” she says again, switching languages mid-thought. “You speak English too, like that Chinese nurse. But you’re American!”
Good deduction, Stratt.
“The nurse told me,” she continues cheerfully. “that I had a surgery.”
“A procedure, yes.” I say automatically. “They just reset the bone in your arm.”
She nods solemnly.
“Yes. But I do not remember.”
I nod, but her gaze narrows. Then she gasps.
“Oh!”
Here we go again.
“You must be my husband.”
I feel my soul leave my body.
“I… what…?!”
“I saw videos!” she explains enthusiastically. “Those viral ones. Where people wake up from surgery and they... do not recognize their spouses.”
She points at me with her good hand like she’s solved a murder mystery.
“I think you must be my husband.”
I feel like I’m no longer connected to reality. What is going on here? Is there a hidden camera somewhere, and are the others playing a prank on me? No, I’ll rule that out right away. Stratt definitely wouldn’t be involved in something like that.
“Eva…”
“I’m sure of it, I know because you are exactly my type.”
My mouth falls open, but she keeps going. I can feel heat rushing to my face.
“Kind eyes.” she says, gesturing vaguely toward my face, and my heart is pounding as if it were trying to break through my chest.
“Smart-lookin’.” she continues.
I wheeze quietly.
“Very dorky. In a silly science pun T-shirt.”
She tugs lightly at the hem of my shirt, which says 'Ah! The Element Of Surprise'.
“I… this was a gift…” (It was not).
“And those slutty glasses.”
“…my glasses are not…”
“Amazing hair.” she beams as she reaches up and runs her fingers through my hair. I swear I am going to pass away. Good thing we're in the infirmary.
“I am soooo lucky.” she says, sounding genuinely delighted. “Wow.”
What. My brain attempts to process that sentence. My brain fails quite badly.
“I don’t even care that you are American.” she adds generously.
“Eva…”
“You have the whole nerdy professor look.” she continues dreamily. “It is very appealing.”
I am actively dying. I don't know whether to call for a priest or a doctor.
“Eva…” I try again.
“I always imagined someone like y…”
“Eva!” I cry out and that finally makes her pause. I take a deep breath.
We stare at each other.
She still looks extremely pleased with me. My heart is beating so rapidly that if I were the one hooked up to that heart monitor, they’d surely call a code blue.
“Okay.” I say carefully. “First of all… I’m not your husband.”
Her eyebrows knit together.
“Oh.”
“And… uh, we’re not married.”
“Oh.” her face falls a little.
“But,” I rush to add. “we do know each other.”
She looks hopeful again.
“Yes?”
“We’re… coworkers.”
She tilts her head.
“That is acceptable.”
“And technically,” I continue weakly, wincing a little. “you’re also my boss.”
She slowly processes this and then her eyes widen. Her shoulders slump.
“…oh.”
I have just emotionally devastated Eva Stratt. Excellent work, Grace.
But then her expression brightens again.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Then I will ask you out.”
“You… what?”
She nods, looking completely satisfied with this solution.
“Yes. Obviously.”
Obviously.
“You are my dream man.” she informs me. “I will ask you out.”
My ears are ringing. Forget code blue, let’s call the bomb squad instead, because I might actually combust.
“And I like your hair.”
She pokes at it again.
I suddenly cannot breathe. My entire existence is spiraling into a black hole of hope and terror. Because the stupid, romantic, deeply repressed part of my brain whispers: I'm her... dream man? Like… really?
Before I can respond, the PLAN Gansu’s doctor walks briskly into the room.
“Ah, hello Dr. Grace.” she says, spotting me. “I can see Stratt is already up and talking. That's good.”
Eva waves enthusiastically.
“Hello! I was just asking out my coworker.”
The doctor doesn’t even blink.
“That’s nice.” she says, checking the monitor and jots down a few things on the tablet she’s holding.
Eva leans toward me conspiratorially.
“I still think you might secretly be my husband.”
“I am definitely not.”
“We will see.”
The doctor starts adjusting the IV.
“Okay, Director Stratt, the operation was successful. Now it’s time to rest.”
Eva sighs dramatically, then looks back at me with sleepy affection.
“You should stay.” she murmurs.
My brain melts, but the doctor is already ushering me toward the door.
“Let her sleep.” she says.
I stagger out into the hallway as if I’ve just survived re-entry into the atmosphere. My heart is still pounding, and my mind keeps replaying every word she just said.
I lean against the wall of the corridor. The doctor steps out a moment later, pulling the door mostly closed behind her.
I swallow.
“Um… can I ask something?”
She looks up from her tablet.
“Sure.”
I gesture weakly toward the room.
“Will she… remember any of that?”
The doctor smiles with that sympathetic smile doctors tend to give when they know the answer is going to ruin your day. It seems to be the same everywhere in the world.
“Probably not.”
Something in my chest drops.
“The sedative we used,” she continues. “can cause temporary memory loss. Patients may talk more, but… later they usually do not remember the conversation.”
I nod slowly.
“Right.”
“By the time she wakes she’ll likely not remember.”
The hallway suddenly feels colder.
“Okay.” I say quietly with resignation.
The doctor gives my shoulder a brief pat and heads down the corridor.
For Eva Stratt, this conversation will fade away just like the anesthesia. Just a blank spot in the day. But I will remember every word.
For about five minutes in that room, the universe took on an incredibly hopeful form. And now it’s gone.
Tomorrow she’ll wake up feeling refreshed and calm, and Director Eva Stratt will be back at work with full energy. She’ll ask for reports. She’ll argue with a few engineers. She’ll eat a couple of world leaders for breakfast. Usual stuff.
And she’ll look at me just the way she always does: professional.
Completely unaware that, for a brief ridiculous moment, she told me I was everything she ever imagined.
How am I supposed to act like that never happened?
Because it did. It happened to me!!
And now it’s permanently etched in my mind like the world’s most devastating souvenir.
I push myself away from the wall and start walking down the hallway.
---
Notes:
I did not use any DeepL Wirte this time. I tried Grammarly because it's more widely known. All the remainging mistakes are mine.
Idk what this says about me but I have genuinely never been attracted to Ryan Gosling until they put him in a beanie and glasses and a yellow Gorton's fisherman jacket and made him all weepy and leaky and in space against his will.
Shout out to Ryland Grace, the first person to kill an alien, the first person to befriend an alien and the first person to breed aliens. No one is doing it like him.
Nothing more painful than when a kind stranger tells you about some random AI feature in a way that is clearly meant to be helpful and you have to choose between nodding along in despair or turning wokezilla 3000 on them
Project Hail Mary is essentially a movie about a collective humanity wish of somewhere in space, a much kinder lifeform than us will take Laika and welcome her into their humble abode
Except Laika is a math teacher named ryan gosling
Who here can tell me the speed of light? @averagecrastinator - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
discoholicmusic
prguitarman
jacobvanloon
ellievsbear
