cw: failed suicidal attempt mentioned, suicidal ideations, and basically just the normal stuff you feel right after losing your person.
you are loved. you are worthy. you matter. please stay if you're thinking of leaving.
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i never would have thought i would click with someone i met in such a short amount of time. we were like old friends, you and i, meeting again. well, it felt like that to me.
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god, you must have seen me. you must have seen my state after the king forced the knowledge into your head. a crying and snotty mess right after reading your letter. you must have seen the state of my room as well. id like to say im embarrassed that you did. im hoping that you wouldnt tease me about it. you're dead so i guess you wouldnt.
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i tried to do it, you know? lmao. i failed. i failed because thats all i ever do. i failed just like how i failed you.
my mom saw. she was crying when she cut the rope from the ceiling. her hands were trembling, but once i could breathe again, she hugged me so tight like i was going to disappear (lol). she was begging for me to not do it again, to go to her when it gets bad. she loves me, she said, so much. i love her too. but loving someone isn't enough to save them sometimes. i think.
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is it pathetic to say i miss you, derek? i think you know i would ask this, with your infinite knowledge and all. actually, you must have answered it, maybe. i hope you said it was okay. to miss you, that is. i hope you also said you miss me too.
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i wish i met you in real life. not in that stupid block game, not in any game actually. just me and you, face to face, with nothing else stopping us.
i wish we met in a different place. park, maybe? us, skateboarding. i'd show off the tricks i learned and maybe teach you.
theres also this cafe i went before... everything. they serve delicious pastries. i would buy everything you want.
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i wish that i have anything you own. is that weird? is it weird to think about owning some dead stranger's hoodie so that i could at least have some semblance of him? that maybe i could have it as a reminder that you were once here with me?
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i want to do it, derek. i could hear them tell me to do it, but god, i cant. my hands tremble when i do. it never got this bad before. i think i was in that state again when i tried the first time. maybe that was why i couldnt remember tying the rope.
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twelve hours stuck in that state was better than losing you without ever learning about you.
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god, i miss you, derek.
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listened to pool by samia on repeat,,, it's so good :3c 𓇗
I finished the last constellation tonight. All 40 of them are now done! Went through and double checked and every stitch is in place for them and all the beads are in place. Which just leaves the milky way part to do.
Started stitching the Milky Way in. Slowly making progress on it as I am hiding the travelling thread so the back will look nice.
Looks pretty cool and keeps the readability of the other stitches. Very happy with it. Just a thousand or so to do. As they are in a grid roughly every centimetre apart.
Update on the constellation quilt. I have gotten the last Milky Way stitch done now. Which means the quilting part of this project is done. My next step will be to baste the edges down, remove the pattern, trim the quilt square, and lastly attach the binding.
Progress on the constellation quilt has come along quite a lot now. Finished the binding on the quilt over the weekend. I prefer to machine stitch the binding to the front then hand stitch the back side. It gives such a nice finish to the quilt. Took the time to measure it also and it ended up being 72" by 72" (183cm by 183cm).
With that done I could finally start removing the pattern. Which is taking both less time and more time that I thought it would. As it rips really easily so that goes fast, but the tiny corners and removing it under the beads is slow. You can now see the difference in the glow effect with it against the dark front of the quilt instead of the pattern.
Behold the stars of the constellations of the northern sky! I love how this quilt has turned out. It was a lot of fun to work on and the effect is so cool in person. Overall I would estimate it took about 90-100 hours to complete. Give or take 10 hours if you want to count the time I spent custom dying the fabric.
I made sure to get a nice photo of it in daylight. For once I also remembered to get a quilt label on it. The back really shows the difference in readability of the quilting on the ice dyed fabric compared to the solid front. Thank you everyone that has followed this. I am glad you all found joy in it.
Those that are interested, here is the pattern I used by Haptic Lab. I made the large northern hemisphere version, and plan to make the matching southern hemisphere one next year. I also got your back for the less crafty people. Haptic Lab sells finished quilts in this pattern, both as a large quilt and a small one.
I’d like to point out that this kitten is trying to entice the dog into wrestling. As it would with other kittens/cats. That feinting and then leaping back sideways? That’s an invitation to tackle. Other kittens would understand this body language.
This dog does not understand which is probably for the best, because this kitten clearly does not understand the concept of ‘weight class’
turnnoffyourmind
janainaart
blakekathryn
theartofmadeline
gummygunk
snowghoul
prguitarman
