We dont belong to anyone, not even ourselves.

[avoidant-attachment-culture]

Avoidant attachment culture blog

This is for those with an avoidant attachment style (dismissive or fearful) to vent, talk about experiences or send in characters that you relate to.

This blog is run by an adult. Minors may follow and interact but be mindful and intentional with your actions.

> Also see @anxious-attachment-culture

Rules

- Open with "(dismissive/fearful) avoidant attachment culture is.." for each ask.

- Do not demean other attachment styles by making negative blanket statements about their nature e.g. "anxious attachers are always x". Avoidants go through this a lot and it does not give you the right to inflict it on others.

- You may submit asks if you only have avoidant tendencies or swing between attachment styles as long as it relates to the experience of being avoidant.

- Do not submit asks talking about avoidant partners/relationships if you are not avoidant yourself.

- You may use sign offs, they will be tagged for filing.

Information posts are here: #informative

Current sign offs

#🥀🪦

#🌠🐻

#chorus

#cyprus 👤

#🦕

This is run by >> @evilsystemm <<

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

Hi everyone :) Sorry for dragging my feet on some of these asks, ive been doing really well mentally more recently and I spend less time online as a result, but i intend to carry on this blog. Things just might be a little slower because I have life stuff.

[avoidant-attachment-culture]

is asking for advice okay on this blog?

if so; what's the difference between a fearful avoidant who's leaning dismissive and a dismissive avoidant? I've never liked relying on others. I hate it. Unfortunately I am disabled, but I believe that if I was in a position where I could physically live very independently I would. I dislike connection that I can't easily get away from. Connection is more for physical reasons such as avoiding touch starvation or being able to play that one cool game that requires co-op. Connection just for connection weirds me out and the idea of committing to someone is awful. But one time, about two years ago, I got really attached to someone then proceeded to hurt them because it was freaking me out that I actually liked the connection (ew. why couldnt i just leave. i dont know what was wrong with me there sorry) and I honestly was very push-pull/disorganized/fearful around them which is very different from how I usually act and it was weird. so I might be a fearful who strongly leans dismissive as a form of protection? i don't know. now i avoid relationships both out of genuine discomfort and out of fear that ill become disorganized again. i like my solid worldviews thank you very much!

From what you described, I would speculate that you are in fact a fearful avoidant. But remember avoidant attachment is a spectrum, and you can be functionally both at the same time. Dismissive avoidants tend to be avoidant on the basis that they dont see the point of deep connection, whereas fearful avoidants are often scared of being vulnerable or trapped or dependent. I have a post on this blog about the inner experiences and differences between them if that helps at all :)

[avoidant-attachment-culture]

Fearful avoidant culture is feeling the crushing terror of losing someone because they've been distant but then realizing how free you were before you met them. Now I want that. I want them to give me my fucking life back. I wasn't tied down to them before. They made me weak and I resent them. I used to be so independent and know how to enjoy being alone 24/7 but now they're such a massive part of my life. I hate it but still love them.

I wish intimacy was possible while keeping them at arm's length and disposable. Unfortunately it's not and by welcoming ""love"" into my life, I've done this to myself. I'm a fucking idiot for letting myself get gentle and soft. It's a nice pipe dream but not worth my freedom.

If you treat me as disposable then I'll treat you as even more disposable.

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

avoidant attachment culture is not thinking you’re avoidant, and then suddenly realizing you push people away whenever they get close because you start to feel claustrophobic and like you’re losing your freedom and can physically feel the invisible borders of a relationship closing in on you.

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

Avoidant attachment culture is being really irrationally pissed off at the phrase "i miss you".

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

dismissive avoidant culture is poking someone to show their vulnerabilities. it's really interesting, and I do actually try to help! (until they try poking back. hell no. that'll cause me to run away) (i know this is questionable and unhealthy but i have more pressing issues atm)

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

Avoidant attachment (haven't figured out whether I'm dismissive or a fearful who leans dismissive yet) culture is "huh i wonder why i have an unhealthy attachment style, my parents themselves were great-" (was abused for almost a year as a child and no one believed me) (learned that caring gets you hurt at the ripe old age of 8) (experienced forced isolation for long periods of time even before the double digits)

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

fearful avoidant culture is just finding friendships impossible even though I like to talk to people:

- person with different values than me? I hate them

- person who always wants to hang out with me so I feel obligated to wait for them all the time even though I want to go wherever I want by myself? I'm disgusted by them

- person who's similar to me in many ways? I like them but I distance myself from them because then I'll have to maintain a perfect image especially for them to like me while worrying that they'll leave me one day

- same person but they can do stuff I can't? they make me spiral and feel like shit, I hate them

- I don't even want to think about being in a friend group.

- atp I don't even know if it's because I mask my stimming and other adhd traits that would make someone dislike me

and the most ironic thing is that I want all of them to like me and talk to me, even when I can't even bother to remember their names.

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

FA culture is thinking I'm healing... and then doing everything in my power to get worse again because at least then I didn't feel the need to be close to people (I strongly lean dismissive whenever shit goes to hell)

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

dismissive avoidant culture is disliking someone you used to like because they learned too much about you

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

hello high-functioning avoidants/pwAVPD could i ask what your experience w/ masking is like?

This blog is for avoidant attachment style, not avoidant personality disorder which is much more serious/severe. But if anyone has any experiences feel free to chip in :)

also, if its of any interest, a better suited blog would be: @avpdcultureis

[avoidant-attachment-culture]

Dismissive Avoidant Attachment is opening up to someone, noticing what you've done and then ghosting them for weeks because you don't want to get perceived as weak or dependent

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

Avoidant attachment culture is

Me telling you about my inherent distrust of people is a form of trust I'm sharing with you.

You're close enough to me that I can divulge that.

It also means you're close enough to feel hurt by my admission of distrust just like everyone else who doesn't understand what an intimate piece of me you've just learned.

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

fearful avoidant culture is

This is horrible. I don’t deserve to even look at a being this disgusting. I am the epitome of perfection— how have I been so burdened by careless beings like them? Why do I even stay? You’re horrible. I wish I could leave all of you.

but also

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME I CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOU MY LIFE DEPENDS ON YOU. IM SORRY PLEASE DONT GET MAD AT ME

yeah

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

securely attached person here... so...that last ask was a moment of weakness after being shocked by the news 😣. if he loves me, he'll come to me in his own time. if not, I guess I just have to be grateful for what he gave me and leave it at that 👍 also, message to you lot (i.e. the followers), you will find someone who loves you. don't lose hope xx

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[avoidant-attachment-culture]

I'm securely attached but I have a question. I just found out my ex-situationship (of over a year) quit his job to go travelling the other side of the world with no idea when he will return. I am trying to give him space (it's been 5 months since we last spoke) but if I don't ever see him again, it'd tear me up inside. I could go to his work's leaving drinks as I used to work there and have other friends I still keep in touch with. everyone tells me just to move on but no matter who I meet, I don't like them as much as him. what do I do? I miss him so much.

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