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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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@avymabel
Healing Is Not Linear, But God Is Constant
Mummy would have been 55 today. I always wonder what life would have been like with her here. Oddly enough, I have now lived 17 years without her—much longer than the time I had with her. In grieving Mummy, I’ve come to realize that healing is not linear. We don’t grieve the same way. Only I can grieve my loved one the way I grieved her. My triggers are different from someone else who lost their…
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Delayed Grief
I know I have been missing in action, but heart needed a place to offload so I wrote this piece. I am trying so hard to keep it together but I can’t seem to get that right in this very moment, so let’s talk about delayed grief because your girl is not dealing 😅Ps. I know I talk about my mother alot on here, but oh well, it is what it is. Tuesday morning my grandmother’s sister (the last one…
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To My Baby Brother on His 21st Birthday
So everyone who reads my blog often knows that I am a letter kind of girl, I write letters about everything and anything, today’s letter however is a bit difficult to write here’s why:
I am the 2nd born of 4 children (my mothers children that is), when my mom passed almost 12 years ago my older sister and I took on the role of mom in the house and well ever since then our younger siblings became…
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Verses on different subjects → (2 / 5)
“For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."
- 2 Peter 1:8 English Standard Version
Elise going through a very long and painful labor and cursing at harry and telling him this is all his fault and harry just takes it and is so supportive bc Elise is about to make him a dad ♥️
He’d just take whatever she has to say, both good and bad, he’d shrug off the cussing and the groans of hating him, he knows it is just in the heat of the moment, he knows she doesn’t mean anything that she is saying. She is just exhausted.
“I hate you,” She mumbles, squeezing his hand, her other one digging into the bed as she shuts her eyes,
“And I love you,” He whispers, using his free hand to push a few strands away from her forehead, “Breathe Elise, you’re doing great.” He assures her for the fourteenth hour, “Just a little bit longer,”
“You said that four hours ago!” She cries, releasing her hand, giving his hand to breathe and wiggle enough to gain a bit of feeling to it.
“I know, I am sorry,” He sighs, taking the time to shake his fingers the best he can, soon she will have his hand gripped again.
He doesn’t mind, he can take it.
He gives her a sympathetic glance, leaning down and kissing her forehead as she is breathing and relaxed for a moment.
“Fuckin’ hate you, we are not having more kids, this is it. Fuck, this is your damn fault.” She grumbles, “We had to have a baby, we just couldn’t get a dog, you had to get me knocked up.” .. “Damnit, make it stop, this is your fault, deal with it.” She whines, her hand back in his as she clutches it long and hard.
“I love you,” He repeats over and over again, attempting to be the best moral support system he possibly can be. “You’re doing so-”
“Tell me I am doing great one more fucking time I will rip your hand away.“
"You’re doing amazing,” He grins,
“You twat,” she finally cracks a small smile, “Your child is so fucking stubborn, it is definitely yours,"
"Yeah, no doubt, darling.” He smirks, nodding his head, his eyes lighting up when Elise is given the cue to push. “Just a few pushes, you can do this. I’m right here, come on, squeeze the hell out of my hand a few more times, and we can see our baby."
"Your speeches are so fucking annoying,"
"I know,” he agrees, “You’ve got this. It’ll be over soon,” he assures her, continuing to coach her for the last few minutes until the baby arrives.
Wow, Elise is definitely me.
“Look, I go forward, but He is not there, and backward, but I cannot perceive Him; when He works on the left hand, I cannot behold Him; when He turns to the right hand, I cannot see Him. But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.” (Job 23:8-10)
Friend, are you going through a hard season? Are you looking at trial after trial, feeling battle worn and weary, yet the battle is not over? Are you trying to find your way up from the water, as the raging storm keeps pushing you under water? Are you questioning God, begging Him to end this but can hear no answer?
You are not alone.
Job looked in every direction he could; but he could not see God. In the midst of trial, he sought God desperately. But Job could not see God. There was no answer to his pleas, no help coming to his aid.
But that didn’t stop Job from believing the beautiful truths. He knew that God had not forgotten about him. God knew the way he would take, He knew the trials and sorrows Job had to endure. Job knew that God had a purpose in the trial, and that this wasn’t to punish Job. No, rather God would bring something good out of it all and the trial would come to an end eventually. Job’s faith would be tested but he would grow, he would be purified and sanctified in these hard times.
Spurgeon writes, “This is one of the marks of a true child of God, – that, even when God smites him, he still longs for his presence.” Let us be those children who trust God, even when we cannot see Him. Let us trust His goodness, even when we cannot feel His presence near. Let us trust that this will all come to an end and it will be good – because we know God is always faithful to carry us through.
Dear engagement ring,
First of all, I remember the day I got you like it was yesterday. You could say it was the happiest day of my life.
But it wasn’t the diamonds I was so happy about, but rather the guy who gave them to me. When people glance at you, they might see precious stones placed almost perfectly on a rose gold band, but what I see is something so much better. I see the special person who gave you to me.
I guess that is your purpose after all, to symbolize love, but what is love really? I feel as though you can’t measure love by the number of gifts you give someone. Don’t get me wrong, chocolate, flowers and nice dates are definitely a good thing(as a matter of fact I am a typical gift girl), but I measure love by what I do for someone else. I know that love doesn’t come easy, but it comes with sacrifices.
When I wear you, it proves that someone loves me so much that they are willing to commit to a life together. It’s nice to know that you won’t have to do things alone. So, I thank you, ring, for giving me that comfort.
I also thank you for being there in times when things weren’t so clear, and important choices had to be made. Marriage is not all butterflies and roses, but it is definitely worth it when you’ve found the right person to share it with. That’s why I look to you when I need a reminder of how much my fiancé loves me.
It is also not a bad thing to feel special when someone wants to take a look at you. Hearing all of the ooh’s and ahh’s when people lift my hand to look at you is an uplifting feeling, but I can’t help but blush and think about my wonderful fiancé while receiving all of this attention. I know that he is proud of you as well and wants you to be shown off to all of my friends(he says the first thing he looks at when I come into his presence is you😅).
Your purpose, though, is not to make others jealous, but rather give others hope that there is a possibility for lifelong happiness in a marriage. All people need to do is have patience. Your purpose is to make everyone who wears you feel special.
I appreciate all that you have done for me so far, and I can’t wait for the day when you gain another friend: my wedding band. You are the promise and the band is the reassuring symbol that the love between my fiancé and I will last forever.
I know this may all be what you say as “cheesy,” but if love wasn’t cheesy at times, what fun would that be? You get all of the heart racing, palm sweating nervousness when you’ve found the person you want to love forever, and that’s just how it is supposed to be.
I just want to say thank you once and for all for the amazing opportunity you have given me to spend the rest of my life with the person I love so dearly.
Stay sparkly and shiny.
Sincerely,
Avy
Source:Google
Nothing you face is unknown to God. Let God help you move from panic to calm, fear to assurance, and weakness to strength by the power of His Spirit.
Make me admit stuff?
1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? 3. Have you taken someones virginity? 4. Is trust a big issue for you? 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? 6. What are you excited for? 7. What happened tonight? 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? 9. Is confidence cute? 10. What is the last beverage you had? 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? 14. What are you going to spend money on next? 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? 18. The last time you felt broken? 19. Have you had sex today? 20. Are you starting to realize anything? 21. Are you in a good mood? 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? 24. What do you want right this second? 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? 34. Listening to? 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? 38. Who did you last call? 39. Who was the last person you danced with? 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? 44. Do you tan in the nude? 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? 47. Who was the last person to call you? 48. Do you sing in the shower? 49. Do you dance in the car? 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? 53. Is Christmas stressful? 54. Ever eat a pierogi? 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? 57. Do you believe in ghosts? 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? 59. Take a vitamin daily? 60. Wear slippers? 61. Wear a bath robe? 62. What do you wear to bed? 63. First concert? 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? 65. Nike or Adidas? 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? 69. Ever take dance lessons? 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? 71. Can you curl your tongue? 72. Ever won a spelling bee? 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? 74. What is your favorite book? 75. Do you study better with or without music? 76. Regularly burn incense? 77. Ever been in love? 78. Who would you like to see in concert? 79. What was the last concert you saw? 80. Hot tea or cold tea? 81. Tea or coffee? 82. Favorite type of cookie? 83. Can you swim well? 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? 85. Are you patient? 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? 87. Ever won a contest? 88. Ever have plastic surgery? 89. Which are better black or green olives? 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? 91. Best room for a fireplace? 92. Do you want to get married?
Please?
You’re me. Also, I’m you. I realize that the thought that someone else understands every motion and feeling and word is almost too much. If you love me, in passing, like the tulip that will never die, then it’s enough. You’ve done your job. You fill me.
Anne Sexton - from A Self-Portrait in Letters (via watchoutforintellect)
I never expected her. Sometimes people sneak up on you and suddenly you don’t know you ever lived without them.
Elle Kennedy, The Deal (via wordsnquotes)
Time is cruel to everybody, it makes no exceptions.
Tatiana Flores (via wnq-writers)
Word😅
I want to reach for God the way I reach for my phone. When I’m bored, when I’m uncomfortable, when I need answers or entertainment, when I’m lonely and need someone to talk to.
Cory Asbury (via breanna-lynn)
Footprints in the Sand, a beautiful poem! Poem written by Mary Fishback Powers, Footprints walking by the seashore. When you saw only one set of footprints in the sand, it was then that I carried you.
If you are struggling and need a reminder of how loved you are, please read this. He’s always there. Always. Feel free to reach out to me as well!
Lots of love,
Abby
I want you With your chapstick, coffee and glasses; I want you With your lipstick, dress, and heels. I want you In your tears and your frustration; I want you In your smiles and your laughter. I want you On the days where you sleep in and only get up to lay around all day; I want you On the days where you rise at dawn and don’t stop moving until the sun goes down. I want you When, “Really, everything’s okay,” but you are not; I want you When you can’t stop laughing, even though the joke was made hours ago. I want you Surrounded by flowers, on spring and summer days; I want you Surrounded by fallen leaves, on autumn and winter days. I want you At the times when you feel your best; I want you At the times when you feel your worst. I want you Through rain or shine, or both at the same time. I want you when everything goes according to plan; I want you in the nonsense. Oh, darling - I want every bit of you, always.
I will write love letters to myself || 04/17 E. scre4mingsunshine (via wordsnquotes)
Today the most amazing guy in the whole wide world turns a year older, yes my forever Boyfriend, and I can’t begin to express how excited I am💃🏼💃🏼
My heart is full not only because God has blessed you with yet another year but because I get to share this moment with you. Today I thank our Daddy for bringing you into this world, and into my life, I wouldn’t have had it any other way because you my darling are perfectly tailored just for me😉 You have had a huge role in shaping me into the person I am today. Constantly motivating, consistently caring, and unconditionally loving Me for me. You have become my 911 call, my 4am'er— the person I run to, sometimes literally, when I come across life’s obstacles and hardships. You know my past & my family, so you understand why I take forever to speak my mind or shy away from confrontation. Conversation with you happens easily and effortlessly(most times at least😊). But our silent comfort with each other is something I have come to cherish, And while our time together seems like forever to some, it has really only just begun.
Thank you for it all. For your reassurance when I doubt myself. For the endless laughter between us. For your hand to hold, whether it is there because of an automatic reflex or guidance. For your love even during the darkest times. For all your actions and words that have brought me so much happiness and total bliss. Finally thank you for everything we have yet to share together.
This year will be your best year yet, God will use you in ways you never thought possible, your territory will be enlarged and his Grace will follow you in everything you do, I declare this in the mighty name of Jesus.
Ps. I love you now and forever❤ #Ak22
