I want to make a bullet point list for each of the Fords in the League of Fords Who Figured Out Pretty Quickly They Wouldnāt Be the One to Kill Bill. (No, I will not make up a shorter name for them.)
Since thereās a good handful, weāll be going for four points. Four points each.
Beardy Ford
- Really the big brother of the group. I donāt know if heās really that much older than the others, but his beard projects authority and heās the most emotionally stable of the Fords.
- With Bill gone, he wants to try and sell the other Fords on rebuilding the portal. Yes, thereās still some inter-dimensional risk involved, but heās a tried man and he really wants to go home.
- Apparently, he didnāt have a twin. Stanley was a good ten years younger than him in his dimension. He ended up having a pretty lonely childhood, but really enjoyed being his kid brotherās hero in his teen years.
- Heās got this big dorky coat that he carries a lot of unnecessary junk in. Might lead to a pocket dimension. Heās just gotten into the habit of stuffing whatever he wants into it. Usually just based on what he thinks heās neat. Heās kind of a goofy old man.
Marinated Ford
- So named because instead of getting a metal plate installed in his head, he chose to keep Bill from possessing him by sleeping in a vat of dream nullifying gel. He got saturated in the stuff. Stained most of his skin and hair either pink or teal. Not his face. He looks ridiculous.
- Apparently Canon!Ford stole his glasses once and heās never let go of the grudge. Beardy Ford says they can just use that glasses printer he carries to make a new pair, but the offer is rejected on principle.
- On one hand, he looks forward to not having to clean that dream null gel out of his ears every morning, on the other the idea of dreaming in general kind of makes him nervous. Heās gotten used to being mentally trapped on a deathly silent plane every night and isnāt sure heāll be able to relax without it.
- One side-effect of the gel is that his brain isnāt able to process things through dreams. He compensates for this with stream-of-consciousness vents and by having a very short fuse.
Oracle Ford
- Born with five fingers and had his first precognitive vision by the time he was three. Oracle Ford grew up convinced his life had a set path that he needed to follow. Up to cutting ties with his twin and summoning a demon when he KNEW it wouldnāt end well. Really threw him off when it turned out Bill was able to directly mess with his visions.
- Threw him off even more when he deliberately went through the portal and all of a sudden started having visions about every possible timeline in the multiverse. That was uhā¦ that was a rotten week.
- Over time he learned to filter through the mess. He can peer into the future of any dimension if he focuses hard enough. And heās got that time-tape he swiped that he can use to double back and double check any details he missed. Rampant and casual misuse of time-travel shouldnāt have any horrible consequences whatsoever.
- He wouldnāt wish the ability to see the future on anyone and is very careful to keep his visions to himself. Especially the whole Beardy Ford will never get back to his home one. That one is just uncomfortable.Ā
- He seems to believe his Stanley pushed him into the portal deliberately and has the surly loathing to go with this. Itās not clear if heās correct. Beardy Ford doesnāt seem to think so, but the two can never agree when it comes to Stan.
- He was the last of the Fords to realize he wasnāt going to be the one to kill Bill and is still pretty salty about it.
- Seems tortured and brooding but really just wants to show off his mechanical arm. None of his angst has anything to do with his fancy metal limbs.
- While his bad attitude doesnāt make him friends quickly, he seems to be very close to Oracle Ford. Thereās a strong mutual protective instinct between the two. Even though they almost never agree and Cyborg Ford is way too stubborn to actually listen to the other him who can literally see the future.
- He scoffs at the other Fords twin drama. Trying coming from a clutch of 800, you amateurs.
- Despite his sense of broad superiority to the mammalian Fords, Fish Ford is a very sociable Ford. He gets along with just about every other Ford heās met, and is usually the one stuck playing mediator when his alternative selves start to get fussy with each other.
- Fish Ford hates being called Fish Ford. Itās not descriptive.
- He was the one who introduced Marinated Ford to the dream null gel and kind of regrets it. He meant it as a quick solution until something more permanent could be figured out. He didnāt expect his other self to prefer the horrible stuff to the sensible brain surgery or ring of protective tattoos approach.
Itās not a huge deal, Fish Ford just feels like his good sense is being ignored.
Sapient Clump of Moss Ford
- Apparently he will one day get hooked up to a text-to-speech program and is able to communicate with Oracle Ford by planning out what heāll say. Itās a convoluted system and none of the other Fords believe it works.
- No one doubts Moss Ford is sapient though.
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