A-

The coffee smells like mornings I'm kind of a go green and tree hugger

[awesomeuglyduckling]

[possiblyawesometmblr]

If you ever trip and fall in public, get up, laugh to yourself, and say to anyone looking: “Sorry, it’s just been so long since I’ve inhabited a body.” 

[omgmoomers-deactivated20130127]

[redeyemaniac]

By the “not all men” logic, Russian Roulette is a perfectly safe game to play. Sure, one of the chambers has a bullet in it…

but not all chambers

[thesylverlining]

Best one I’ve seen. Best one.

[yyyyddmmsupremacy-deactivated20]

But a lot of pistols have 8 chambers, making the odds of dying 1 in 8, and the odds of being raped in the US is 1 in 6. 

So really, playing Russian Roulette is like

Safer.

[mascvoid]

[awesomeuglyduckling]

I just found a recipe that says "easiest pasta ever.....in 20 mins" I mean no. What would be easy is if you find me something to make quicker than 2 min noodles

[awesomeuglyduckling]

Me:makes a reference only i get and then laughs about it because i saw what i did there

[awesomeuglyduckling]

the sad moment when you realize that the cute guys are in a different queue checking in on another airplane :(

[awesomeuglyduckling]

Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he would like a drink. "I think not" answers Descartes And then he disapears

[awesomeuglyduckling]

knock knock who's there? To To who? no to whom.

[awesomeuglyduckling]

what do you get when you put root beer jn a square glass? Beer LOL

[awesomeuglyduckling]

they say a freudian slip is when you say one thing but you actually mean your mother I LOVE THIS KIND OF JOKES

[awesomeuglyduckling]

in the dorms theres a girl with her room next to mine. her alarm is set an HOUR before mine i hear it from my room and it keeps ringing till my alarm rings and she sleeps through it i fantasize about hurting her

[awesomeuglyduckling]

why is black coffee called black coffee. walla its brown

[awesomeuglyduckling]

Tips to celebrate loss of weight in an appropriate manner

-Completely stop working out -ead doritos not carrots -eat cookies not chicken -sleep immediately don't allow the food to burn

[awesomeuglyduckling]

hurts me when i sing for shazam and it doesnt recognize the song

[awesomeuglyduckling]

Parent One: My kid doesn't need to be vaccinated! Polio and Measles are practically non existent these days.

Me: That's because we all got our fucking vaccines.