I dont know what to do with this blog but I think I'll just use it for things I could never say to others, like my family or therapist.
I often see autism being compared to being a robot or alien. I dont feel like that. I feel like im a lonely person on an island close to the main land to see the people on it but not close enough to understand the people. Any whenever those people come to my island they dont like it. Im so close to being like them but im doing just a few things wrong. I dont plant my crops they way they do and they have to tell me so. I dont have the right crops according to them. I dress in ways they dont get and the way I talk sounds a bit too off to them. I try to explain this is the only way I know that changing a thing could destroy the island my home. But they dont care to understand they've other people on island anyways and either they can do it find or need more help so they get a pass. Im too close to them to be excused from their expectations but not like them enough to BE one of them. Part of me wishes to close off my island from other to destroy the docks and be alone. But I know I would even more miserable then because I try to do what the mainland wants but I never can because I am from an island that they will never understand. I do things their way, but the clothes they wear dont fit right and the way they set of their houses make no sense to me. I am on an island, I am close to the mainland I can see how they do things. But luke they dont understand my island I dont understand the mainland.
A story from a probably dramatic 18 year old who feels like they dont fit in now that they've starting working a real job with mostly neurotypical people. (I have one ocd coworker but theyre a big Christian and thought i would want to be cured.) Sorry for any spelling mistakes. Atleast when I worked fast food I didn't feel alone having other coworkers like me back then.