Patchwork Human

Pieces of fabric and the thread that holds them together

[awkwardmills]

[awkwardmills]

Gryffindor-

Quentin (So cliché)

Eliot (fine, whatever)

Todd

Penny 23

Slytherin-

Margo

Marina

Kady (Likely a puff, but forced the hat to say Slytherin)

Dean Fogg

Hufflepuff-

Josh

Fen

Penny 40 (He is pissed about it)

Ravenclaw-

Julia

Alice

The Head Librarian

[awkwardmills]

Better questions

1. coffee mugs, tea cups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

glass water bottles

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

bubble gum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

smart, annoying, distracted

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

cans

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

business

7. earbuds or headphones?

headphones

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows

9. favorite smell in the summer?

summer rain

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

jump roping

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

nothing

12. name of your favorite playlist?

idk

13. lanyard or key ring?

lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

marzipan

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

The Giver

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

legs propped

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

slippers

18. ideal weather?

65 with a slight breeze

19. sleeping position?

stomach, right side of face on the pillow with arm under

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a notebook, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

phone

21. obsession from childhood?

Harry Potter

22. role model?

Winston Churchill

23. strange habits?

Picking to stim

24. favorite crystal?

Labradorite

25. first song you remember hearing?

Meet Virginia- Train

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Drink a beer

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

light candles and read

28. five songs to describe you?

Fat Lip- Sum41

You’re Gonna Go Far Kid- The Offspring

The Taste Of Ink- The Used

Hand in My Pocket- Alanis Morissette

Drive- Incubus

29. best way to bond with you?

Watch my favorite tv shows with me 

30. places that you find sacred?

Lands where my ancestors are from

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A blazer and form-fitting dress

32. top five favorite vines?

Any five of Brendan Urie

33. most used phrase in your phone?

Yeah, K

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

“it’s like a SAUna in here”

35. average time you fall asleep? 

10:30ish

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

grumpy cat

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

suitcase

38. lemonade or tea?

lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

neither

40. the weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

someone had sex on the staircase in highschool

41. last person you texted?

My husband

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Jacket pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

cardigan or leather

44. favorite scent for soap?

endless weekend

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

all of them

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

tank top and undies

47. favorite type of cheese?

meh

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

cherry

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“it’s none of your business what other people think of you”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

When my best friend randomly brought The Wizard of Oz into an already far-fetched scenario

51. current stresses?

going out of town

52. favorite font?

times new roman

53. what is the current state of your hands?

itchy from poison ivy, but my nails look good

54. what did you learn from your first job?

That adults are just taller children

55. favorite fairy tale?

Hansel and Gretel

56. favorite tradition?

putting the tree up the night of Thanksgiving

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Breastfeeding, jealousy, learning to forgive

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

writing, speed-reading, strength-building, mothering well

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“thank god you’re here”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

I don’t know anything about anime

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“I’m not a solution to your problems”- Joan Holloway

62. seven characters you relate to?

Joan Holloway

Kittie Foreman

Samwell Tarley

Monica Gellar

Eliot Waugh

Betty Draper

Stef Adams Foster

63. five songs that would play in your club?

five lil john songs

64. favorite website from your childhood?

xanga

65. any permanent scars?

one on my butt from climbing out of a window in a car accident

66. favorite flower(s)?

pink tulips

67. good luck charms?

my labradorite necklace and a bracelet that says “just breathe” from a lady who is like a mother to me

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

black licorice

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

skin gets wrinkly when wet to provide better grip under water

70. left or right handed?

right

71. least favorite pattern?

animal print

72. worst subject?

math

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

onions and strawberries

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an Advil or ibuprofen?

8

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I don't remember

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Mashed

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

bamboo is the only thing I can keep alive

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

neither

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

lightning bugs

82. pc or console?

pc

83. writing or drawing?

writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

talk radio

84. barbie or polly pocket?

polly pokcet

85. fairy tales or mythology?

mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

dying in a car accident

88. your greatest wish?

that my daughter is happy

89. who would you put before everyone else?

my daughter

90. luckiest mistake?

I don’t know

91. boxes or bags?

Bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

overhead lights

93. nicknames?

mom

94. favorite season?

fall

95. favorite app on your phone?

facebook

96. desktop background?

Ravenclaw

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

three

98. favorite historical era?

the early 2000s

[awkwardmills]

Women, We Are Neglecting Our Children. Let's Talk About It.

Prompted by a post on social media, I took to learning some child abuse statistics, the clearest and concise data coming from the ACF's Children's Bureau website. In their records from 2013, I found something horrifying; women neglect their children at a much higher rate than men. Why am I so shocked? Maybe it is because I am a mother, or maybe it is because I am a woman who has cared for others throughout my life. Did I expect the child neglect rates to be higher in men? Absolutely. Every day I see at least one social media cry about how someone's "baby daddy" is not in their kid's life. Funny, when I stop to think of it though, my husband is more attentive with my child than I am. He is the one to run to her when she falls, give her a band-aid when she clearly doesn't need one, or even coddle her when she is just having a bad case of the "whines." That is not to say that I neglect my child, I am just stating how maybe these numbers should not have surprised me.

Of perpetrators who medically neglected the victim (a child) in 2013, 76% were women. Of perpetrators who neglected the victim in-general, nearly 63% were women. Why are we not talking about these numbers? It is really shocking to me that this has not shown up on a PSA in recent years. Now, I would like to give you updated percentages from 2014 to now, but for some reason, the sex of perpetrators has been excluded from the research findings available to me via this ACF website.

Are we too tired? Do dads just care more? Do they love differently? Is shaming women into keeping unwanted children the cause of this wide gap? I'm not making excuses for women, I truly would like to know. And to add something I thought was interesting, all forms of child abuse are higher by men and women between the ages of 25 and 34, which were the lowest ages on the chart and I can only assume from the pattern I saw that those rates get higher as the perps get younger. The reason I care is that those ages are the ages we are told are our "prime" to have healthy children. While the health and survival rates for infants go down just slightly when a mother is over 40, I am having trouble seeing how abuse and neglect are a better alternative.

I do not know the solution to fix this issue of women neglecting children, but it IS an issue. It is a quiet issue that deserves more attention. Whatever we may need to do to help, talking about it has to be the first step.

Source: “Child Maltreatment 2013.” Children's Bureau | ACF, www.acf.hhs.gov/cb/resource/child-maltreatment-2013

[awkwardmills]

“Hands Up, Zelda!”

I am in a social media group dedicated to loving the television show The Magicians. There is nothing unlovable about the show! Recently the group has been wondering why Zelda (the quirky and mildly irritating librarian) always has her elbows bent with her hands up near her shoulders. It is a compelling question because even at rest, Zelda's hands are almost always in this position and it is truly rare to see them anywhere else. I do not have an answer to this question, but I do have a theory. Zelda is a Nervous Nelly, and rightfully so. Recently, fans have had a glimpse into Zelda's childhood, which is huge because her character has been a permanent element of mystery in the show. To better understand my theory, we must take a look into what we do know about Zelda Schiff.

The first thing we know about Zelda is that she is a very strict librarian. It becomes very apparent that she is a major stickler for the rules regarding the library and the books therein. This is not totally out of the realm of possibility for a character in any show, but later we learn something dark that is attached to her employment. Zelda banished her own daughter from the library, where Zelda herself lives and works for the entirety of her life. Harriet Schiff, Zelda's daughter, is deaf and communicates through American Sign Language. Upon the first reconnection of mother and daughter, we see that Zelda is bilingual, employing ASL to communicate with her daughter. Does Zelda keep her hands at the ready to communicate with Harriet? Is this why she keeps her hands shoulder-height? Is it habitual?

Later though, we find out that Zelda's mother was a hedge-witch (a magician who was not formally trained to use their power). This is important because hedges were regarded as lesser-beings and hunted and treated poorly. These types of magicians were often times living in sketchy and/or dangerous situations, which is how Zelda likely grew-up. The library seems to have taken her in and offered her a safety she did not have as a child. Everett ( a member of the library) took her in and trained her after her mother died. This seems to have allowed a sense of safety and trust for Everett from Zelda. Below is a picture of Zelda's demeanor around her father-figure:

We are now learning that Everett may not be as "good" as Zelda thinks he is, but as you can see her hands are down when she feels comfortable.

My theory: Zelda's power is in her hands.

A woman who is all about rules is never liked, she carries a pang of huge guilt from banishing her daughter from a place that Zelda may never leave, her pride is in her organization of the library books, she needs to use sign language in order to communicate with her daughter, and she likely lived a childhood full of dangers. Of course, she keeps her hands at the ready!

I do not believe there is a single cause for Zelda's odd behavior, but more likely a propensity to always be prepared and a knowledge that without the power of her hands she is a very vulnerable person. We also learn from the show that Zelda is a very powerful magician, suggesting that it might be a ton of work for her just to control her power and her emotional state at the same time.

[awkwardmills]

"Boys Only Think About One Thing" and Other Mantras That Hurt Relationships

My husband and I just started having regular sex again. TMI? Too bad, we are all adults, right? My daughter is finally sleeping in her room at four and a half years old. The bedroom is where I like to have sex. It is private, secure, and comfortable. As you can imagine it was tense trying to figure out ways to have sex during the day with a toddler in the house. I breastfed to fifteen months and then we had a walker. Our daughter dropped her naps at about two years old and started sleeping twelve hours through the night instead. Quickies in odd places were the norm, but they were far and few between, and I mean really far between. I was too tired to get up in the wee hours of the morning to do it before my husband went off to work.

But I have a secret! The entire time we weren't engaging in regular intercourse, I was afraid my husband would cheat on me. The ENTIRE time. I also felt somewhat like I would deserve it if he did. It consumed at least half of my brain through days and nights. Every time he would come home even a little late my stomach dropped; fear was in the driver's seat of an already anxious person. I tried very hard not to let those feelings show and it festered into anxiety that looked to him as if it came from nowhere. Now that sex is a possibility nearly every night, I have been reflecting on those feelings.

Why? Why would I think that my extremely loyal partner would cheat? It was not because I was cheating, no- that's another harmful mantra I have heard repeated a million times. No, it was because I was taught from a very young age that "boys only want sex" and they "think with the other head" and that men "only have one thing on their mind" and "if you're not giving it to him, he will get it somewhere else." I learned those things from both of my parents and other adults in my life. It made me feel like sex set a precedent for my value in a relationship. In times when I could not have sex with my husband, those ingrained thoughts minimized the love, hard work, and all the other things I was putting into my marriage.

I don't BLAME my parents. Those things are everywhere. I'm certain advertising agents love that men and women buy into this. Why wouldn't they? There is a product for every problem- I'm looking at you 1960s Madison Avenue. I know that I cannot be the only person who feels this way. I also am not minimizing the value of sex in a relationship. It's important, but it is not the end-all.

My husband certainly loves the idea of having sex every night, but so do I. We also know that it isn't always possible, sometimes it isn't possible for longer than we'd like. No person should have to sacrifice their comfort in such an intimate way to fill someone else's wants and desires. I wouldn't expect it of him, and he doesn't of me. I really thought he would leave me. I was almost sure because I wasn't good enough. Was I? Yes, I was and I know that now. I was good enough and I am good enough through the waxing and waning of it all and I know now that I will teach my daughter that a partner (with a penis or not) will collaborate with her in all aspects of a relationship because pushing through it together when life gets in the way is really what secures a bond. These negative male stereotypes need to be killed, for the sake of all of us. I do wonder the impact this has on boys and men. Perhaps I'll look into it.

[awkwardmills]

The Last Talk

I was lying on the couch as my dad talked to me on the phone from Ohio. He kept asking if I was okay and I’d tell him yes and that I was just tired. I told him I was going to sleep and we hung up and I cried for at least an hour. Nothing about that conversation was out of the norm for a daughter and her dad. He talked about his day and I listened, and I am sure I talked about my day as well. 

But, see, it was not that conversation that broke me. It was the four years of him putting on aftershave and cologne to go “hunting” while my stepmom was working. It was being raped by his mistresses boyfriend and not being able to talk to him about because he did not want to chance getting caught. It was him telling everyone that I moved south to join the military instead of just telling them that I was working at a department store like most young adults my age. It was feeling compelled to lie and say I was enjoying the military whenever I came in contact with relatives or other victims of his lies. It was four weeks earlier when he told me he was not going to try and help get my niece out of my sister’s house while she was out smoking crack, because he “didn’t need the drama.” It was a week after that that he called me to tell me I was stupid because I had revealed to someone that my dad likes to take prescription pain medicines that are not prescribed to him. It was a week after that when he was telling me about girls my age that he texts at night when he is bored and my stepmom is working to keep them afloat and how they fawn over him and want him because he is successful and stable. It was a few days before that last call that he mentioned that he wished he had been there for me when I was a child only so he could have taught me how to be a “real American who supports our President” and that it's probably his fault that I do not love our country. This last conversation felt like a good end to our relationship. It went out with a fizzle instead of a bang. 

I grew up thinking that I owed people loyalty simply because they provided for me because that is what I was taught. That I should listen to him talk all night about his marital affairs because he remodeled my bathroom for free or because he gave me a place to live when I needed it. My mother’s side of the family taught that we should love our family no matter how terrible they are simply because they are blood. But I realize now that I only have to give the love I am capable of giving and no one has to be there to accept it if they do not find that love acceptable for receiving.