AxePress Yourself

Follow my whirlwind life of fucking shit up in the good old fashion American way.

[axeinpants]

My coworker just came in and started talking about her csection- considering my plan is to dossociate if im forced to have one and never speak of it again... now I just want to punch things. Fucking fucking fuck.

[axeinpantspoetry]

Tag youre it

Your turn to feel like shit

Let me stab you

With the pieces of my heart again

So you'll never for get

You broke me.

Tag

Your turn to listen

And pretend you know what youre saying.

Tag tag

Youre it

Your turn to pummel me with

Problems I cant solve

Your turn to peak into the

Tornado of your soul

And throw bricks.

Youre it.

And I'm still here....

And the storms dont chase me away

And the hurt just echoes between us

And my feet are planted while you

Contemplate the door

And im trapped....

Because youre it.

[axeinpants]

Bought myself a spooky sweater today.

[axeinpantspoetry]

Where are my people?

How do the things that teach us

We are not alone

Alienate us so much.

How do the songs that drive us

Feel so strong

When the Rythm of our souls

Disagree.

How do we find

The truth

Through all the lies

That populate

The web

That winds us all together

But strings us all apart.

How does love win

With hatred to partition.

Where do my people lie

Where do my people live.  

What stories do I subscribe to

To find

Peace with who I am.

I could trace my blood

But my color is the colonizers

Any lineage

I can trace

Is hid with shame

By my mothers mothers

Any line back to community

Is tainted

With the strain of so much hurt

I am defined

In some ways

By my palor

But many more in compassion

Where do my people lie

So entwined.

Embrace adjectives to find

Kindred spirits?

Equally confused

In the miasma

Of the mind.

Then geography embibed

What’s lost

What can I find

Push shame  to the ends

Of its lives

Then the mighty driver

Debt

Contrives

Whose stories

Are the same as mine?

Whose thoughts the same  

As mine?

Whose trauma

Does my life contrive

With or without my

,.. . consent

I breathe I am alive

I speak

Which words are mine

And which

Devined on history’s consent.  

What am I?

But so lost

In the shame of all the crimes

And the blood of the spent

That still rings in

This heart of mine

Or resonates

In the deception

We all are prescribed.

My color colonized

My blood was colonized

My ancestors

Mostly died

Holding shame so close with pride.

And the web connects

The judgement and the price

Where is love

The hate is strong

And prejudice in highlight

But what can

I reconcile

With all the anguish spent.

How do I make myself a child

Innocent

But still

Remember the memories

Of all the blood that’s rent

To bring me to the world

I know

Connect me to the rest.

In culture I’m a ghost

Either haunting or repent…

Or do I stand alone

And wait for

More to come

To find me on my throne

Of self-love and regret.

For crimes

I never meant

For lives

I’d rather not absolve

But the the victims blood erect

In standing statue epitaph

Memorialize.

What am I?

But thrown

In the chaos of this life

And washing in the blood

Try

To make some semblance

Of a good life.

Where are my people

Who are my people

What do I make

Of a story

With so many makers

With so much pride.

[perfectfeelings]

[flowerytale]

Vladimir Nabokov, from a letter to his wife Véra (24 March 1937)

[haikkun]

D(e)a(d) N(ame)

A week ago I was still carving it out

Into beaches and trees

Using fingernail

Or waterlogged twigs with no leaves

I am not going to go back

To every single place I breathed it

It would be an absurdity

It would be futility

The effort for erasure; substantially

More

Than you deserve

...

I still have a lot of

Unpacking to do:

Forgot my phone background’s

Still your computer keyboard

And that I’m supposed to dedicate books after you

The way I hold my posture, for you,

And that everything... is yours

But Dan...

I’ll say your name now

You take that back

From me

I don’t want it anymore

______________________________

Maureen Armstrong @haikkun

[questionthebox-deactivated20240]

My wildness

Isn’t reconciled

I’ll chew

A ball point pen

Then

Toss my shit

At

Your processes of decorum,

Silly

Pseudo

Intellectual-Art

Aficionados

Are just people buying things

Off

Amazon,

I realized that too late,

When I should’ve

Beat the shit outta that man,

Who’s

Every man

Now and lived

Dead and gone. 

[scarsmood-deactivated20240624]

Courage sits with me

Anger in tow

Slip through the trees

Redemption is harsh on the skin

And harsher on the blood of the damned

[flutters-of-butterfly-wings]

The drive home makes my heart

Flutter angrily in my chest;

Erratic beating the drumming of my

Soul's sorrowful song.

-------------

I met heartbreak in the tangled

Vines of my childhood;

Your lap held me higher than

Your roaming, hungry hands ever did.

My innocence gone before

Middle school.

------------------

I wish for the soft flakes of winter

Like your body hungers for spring.

We are different;

Polar opposites sitting beside each other

On the living room floor.

--------------------

I stole my heart back from

The tangled vines it was held in.

I will not be innocent,

And I will scream my sorrow

Until my lungs are empty of you.

[axeinpantspoetry]

I defy the darkness

The sedimentaryy nature of dust

I defy the cosmos

And witness

How its dark and light

Play in immensity

Born of a spiral reverberation

A golem of the grit

Thats thus escaped the

The hot and hungry flames of stars

I witness in defiance

The call of chaos

For Naught of this will last

No light does shine for ever

These stars too shall pass

And I to

Shall end and weather.

What consequence

Can dust deliver.

No, the privilege

I defy the universe, to bear,

Is just the visage

As it courses unaware.

And hungry these eyes

Evolved to see

The stars play out

Their histories.

[axeinpantspoetry]

My favorite flower

Withered

Without the room to grow.

Day by day

I watched it die

In glances out the window.

Those sneaky weeks

And months find ends

Before the very eye

And I havent got to

Flowered bed

To really spend the time.

Tame

The shameful weeds

And mend

The thing that dies.

My favorite flower

Once

The center of my mind

How my heart hurts

To see it

Wither

and to die.

[axeinpantspoetry]

Tempt me not

The nightmares play

Taunting games of hide and seek.

In dreams

Bare they teeth

And poison sneak to day.

Forget me not

They siren sing

As they take you

On their way.

Taunting

Hackled little things

Like cats

With favored prey.

Do they like

To live or die

Or do they think at all.

The nightmare things

That sneak

And eat

And slither speak

In dream.

[axeinpantspoetry]

The Web

We are all but dancing flies Trapped upon the web Singing see It comes to life The traitorous gossamer web He munches on us Time to time We puppets in his debt I wish to ask him Time to time Of how his victims bled Or were they shrivelled Shrunk and dried Before he fell upon Their head From his fangs Come lethal lies That ring and rise And spread But here we are Just dancing flies All strung upon His threads He orchestrates The glut designs Our journey onto Death.

[axeinpantspoetry]

Monters

Woe to all You whove felt That biting tongue of life Lick you up and down Paralyzed And tasted And evilly spit out By monsters Creeping crawling Come to live Inside your head And terror Paralyzed And laid you down As dead Taken Drenched and dried And made alive with dread Woe to all Who broken Believed the lie Sung them Once to bed

[axeinpantspoetry]

Jim

It hurts the most You did not listen And then on top You refused to see And then theres more You do not feel The earthquakes Here inside of me. You seem not deaf Cannot be blind But dumb i cannot say. I'll sit here yet A while longer And hope to figure Where you lay.

[axeinpantspoetry]

Hurt Fuck it hurts Every word As it exits A composition Exhibition Main attraction Flatlines As it finds the air And rings Resonates inside me Projection Of the insides of me Dead waves reaching And careless batted away. In some circles I am queen. But I keep Circling back to see My shadow Cold behind me. Reaching For warmth in hearts That do not mind me. Robbing ephagies Replaced with IM FINE me I cannot be. Not a burden But I deserve To be held kindly To have a fraction Of what I give Come back in To find me...