Axeinpantspoetry

"Love seeketh not itself to please, nor for itself has any care, but for another gives its ease, to build a heaven of hell's despair." ~William Blake

[axeinpantspoetry]

Precipice

I feel your familiar stones

Beneath my feet

And shall I again

Fall

To your calling.

Leap.

[axeinpantspoetry]

Tag youre it

Your turn to feel like shit

Let me stab you

With the pieces of my heart again

So you'll never for get

You broke me.

Tag

Your turn to listen

And pretend you know what youre saying.

Tag tag

Youre it

Your turn to pummel me with

Problems I cant solve

Your turn to peak into the

Tornado of your soul

And throw bricks.

Youre it.

And I'm still here....

And the storms dont chase me away

And the hurt just echoes between us

And my feet are planted while you

Contemplate the door

And im trapped....

Because youre it.

[axeinpantspoetry]

Every Time

That lock step

So far

Those dreams

Got so far

That lock step

To the star

When’d life get

So hard

When’d life get

So hard.

When’d those stars

Slip away.

When’d this heart

Start to stray.

Break down-

Those walls

Let’s break apart

Shit falls

Let’s dance down

These halls

Let’s change…

When’d the steps change.

Who changed

The steps.

Disorganized

Mess time

Dissociate 

That’s fine

Let’s try this

Let’s lie

And tell myself

It’s all fine

Don’t know the words

Find the line

Don’t miss the beat

Lost the rhyme.

Was I ever enough?

Let’s lie

Was I ever too much?

Too fine

Where was I going?

Where’s the damn line.

Fuck.

Abrupt.

This sucks-

The life out of me

This agony

Can’t find

What’s inside of me.

Can’t be

Without some goal to reach

Can’t see

Stars ahead of me

Dark and deep

Don’t breath

No peace

Can’t retreat.

Now it’s new dreams

And flashing teeth

And smashing me

Against this agony.

When do I get free

Of this rhythm 

Trapping me.

[axeinpantspoetry]

Where are my people?

How do the things that teach us

We are not alone

Alienate us so much.

How do the songs that drive us

Feel so strong

When the Rythm of our souls

Disagree.

How do we find

The truth

Through all the lies

That populate

The web

That winds us all together

But strings us all apart.

How does love win

With hatred to partition.

Where do my people lie

Where do my people live.  

What stories do I subscribe to

To find

Peace with who I am.

I could trace my blood

But my color is the colonizers

Any lineage

I can trace

Is hid with shame

By my mothers mothers

Any line back to community

Is tainted

With the strain of so much hurt

I am defined

In some ways

By my palor

But many more in compassion

Where do my people lie

So entwined.

Embrace adjectives to find

Kindred spirits?

Equally confused

In the miasma

Of the mind.

Then geography embibed

What’s lost

What can I find

Push shame  to the ends

Of its lives

Then the mighty driver

Debt

Contrives

Whose stories

Are the same as mine?

Whose thoughts the same  

As mine?

Whose trauma

Does my life contrive

With or without my

,.. . consent

I breathe I am alive

I speak

Which words are mine

And which

Devined on history’s consent.  

What am I?

But so lost

In the shame of all the crimes

And the blood of the spent

That still rings in

This heart of mine

Or resonates

In the deception

We all are prescribed.

My color colonized

My blood was colonized

My ancestors

Mostly died

Holding shame so close with pride.

And the web connects

The judgement and the price

Where is love

The hate is strong

And prejudice in highlight

But what can

I reconcile

With all the anguish spent.

How do I make myself a child

Innocent

But still

Remember the memories

Of all the blood that’s rent

To bring me to the world

I know

Connect me to the rest.

In culture I’m a ghost

Either haunting or repent. . .

Or do I stand alone

And wait for

More to come

To find me on my throne

Of self-love and regret.

For crimes

I never meant

For lives

I’d rather not absolve

But the the victims blood erect

In standing statue epitaph

Memorialize.

What am I?

But thrown

In the chaos of this life

And washing in the blood

Try

To make some semblance

Of a good life.

Where are my people

Who are my people

What do I make

Of a story

With so many makers

With so much pride.

[axeinpantspoetry]

I defy the darkness

The sedimentaryy nature of dust

I defy the cosmos

And witness

How its dark and light

Play in immensity

Born of a spiral reverberation

A golem of the grit

Thats thus escaped the

The hot and hungry flames of stars

I witness in defiance

The call of chaos

For Naught of this will last

No light does shine for ever

These stars too shall pass

And I to

Shall end and weather.

What consequence

Can dust deliver.

No, the privilege

I defy the universe, to bear,

Is just the visage

As it courses unaware.

And hungry these eyes

Evolved to see

The stars play out

Their histories.

[axeinpantspoetry]

Tempt me not

The nightmares play

Taunting games of hide and seek.

In dreams

Bare they teeth

And poison sneak to day.

Forget me not

They siren sing

As they take you

On their way.

Taunting

Hackled little things

Like cats

With favored prey.

Do they like

To live or die

Or do they think at all.

The nightmare things

That sneak

And eat

And slither speak

In dream.

[axeinpantspoetry]

My favorite flower

Withered

Without the room to grow.

Day by day

I watched it die

In glances out the window.

Those sneaky weeks

And months find ends

Before the very eye

And I havent got to

Flowered bed

To really spend the time.

Tame

The shameful weeds

And mend

The thing that dies.

My favorite flower

Once

The center of my mind

How my heart hurts

To see it

Wither

and to die.

[axeinpantspoetry]

Nightmares

There is something dreary in me Something lashes about In the dark That seems to grow Despite myself. I feel the anger in it Of me but not my own Curling brooding slavering Making itself at home Alien familiar I prescribe it Rest or sleep, a little time away And though it quiets Still it wakes Still it stalks and lurks and takes My careful cultivated peace. Something dreary wreaks Beware Its wild in my depths And though i do my best to treat To keep away it far from food I cannot help admire sometimes Its primal want for meat For truth. What do nightmares want With substance?

[axeinpantspoetry]

Hurt Fuck it hurts Every word As it exits A composition Exhibition Main attraction Flatlines As it finds the air And rings Resonates inside me Projection Of the insides of me Dead waves reaching And careless batted away. In some circles I am queen. But I keep Circling back to see My shadow Cold behind me. Reaching For warmth in hearts That do not mind me. Robbing ephagies Replaced with IM FINE me I cannot be. Not a burden But I deserve To be held kindly To have a fraction Of what I give Come back in To find me...

[axeinpantspoetry]

Jim

It hurts the most You did not listen And then on top You refused to see And then theres more You do not feel The earthquakes Here inside of me. You seem not deaf Cannot be blind But dumb i cannot say. I'll sit here yet A while longer And hope to figure Where you lay.

[axeinpantspoetry]

Monters

Woe to all You whove felt That biting tongue of life Lick you up and down Paralyzed And tasted And evilly spit out By monsters Creeping crawling Come to live Inside your head And terror Paralyzed And laid you down As dead Taken Drenched and dried And made alive with dread Woe to all Who broken Believed the lie Sung them Once to bed

[axeinpantspoetry]

The Web

We are all but dancing flies Trapped upon the web Singing see It comes to life The traitorous gossamer web He munches on us Time to time We puppets in his debt I wish to ask him Time to time Of how his victims bled Or were they shrivelled Shrunk and dried Before he fell upon Their head From his fangs Come lethal lies That ring and rise And spread But here we are Just dancing flies All strung upon His threads He orchestrates The glut designs Our journey onto Death.

[axeinpantspoetry]

It hurts the most

You did not listen

It wittles me away.

[axeinpantspoetry]

Kindness Begets Sorrow

You there bowed to lend a hand

And asked me what my troubles be

And i directed

On you my woes

And lo you looked upon my world

And ripped my answers

From the peace

Strangled them

Into rows

And told me here

My worries be

And a rage rose like

There never was

When my voice called out

And only judgement came

And from my anger

The pity grows

For you will never

Know my name.

And that is all

Really I ever wanted.

[axeinpantspoetry]

You cant help someone that doesnt want to be helped

Somewhere along their fire died

And they out there too far for you to reach

Shivering against the murky fog of grief

Designs against

They huddle in their nightmares

So full of fear

That change cannot shake them into standing

Patiently waiting on

For an ending.

Over with running

With fighting

Numb to hope

All roads lead to defeat

So convinced of lessons learned

And patterns held too deep

You cannot help someone against their wishes

Safe though they may be

[axeinpantspoetry]

Little girls in the wild

Child

Woman

Collide

Little barefoot waifs

Girls in the wild

Shove insecurity into anger

To knock them off their feet

Sharpen sticks

Little angry waifs

Little girls in the wild

Time is irrelevant

Patience obsolete

Now is all they have

Out howling on about lost dreams

Little dreaming angry maids

Girls raised in the wilds with hardened bleeding feet

[axeinpantspoetry]

If I stay

I will surely grow into the earth

And turn to stone

Slowly more numb

Without pricking at my fingers

Without upper and downer

As the world all just becomes

Heavier

I will fall asleep in her open arms

Turned to bone

I dont think life is allowed to be

Anything but a battle.