aya

meow 20

[iambrillyant]

“yes, it’s your time to bloom. don’t worry about who misunderstood your seasons and who stopped watering you before your roots grew strong; your growth was never meant to make sense to those who only admired you when you were easy to hold.”

— billy chapata

[eyestrain-addict]

[penny-for-a-ring]

Having a younger sister is like: I was there the day you were born. Sometimes I think I know you better than anyone else. You’ve seen me on some of my worst days. I feel like you don’t know me at all. No, I don’t know why dad acts like that and please forgive me when you can’t tell mom’s voice from my own. I’m sorry that my protective nature comes out as anger. I never had anything to protect before you. No, you can’t come to the mall with me. I love it every time you ask me to stay home. I’m sorry that I left you under that roof but I couldn’t save you unless I saved me first. I live three states away but I have the blanket from the mattress we shared when we didn’t have enough money for a bed frame. Move in with me and sleep under it again. I remember things that you don’t even know happened. You’ve done and said some things I can never forgive. I forgave you five years ago. I want to scream until you understand all the things I sacrificed and protected you from. I’ll give anything so you never know.

[shisasan]

Sarah Cane, Crave Complete Plays

[ayahur]

how do i know if i love you or if i simply want to own you?

[ayahur]

i missed you a lot today

i want you all the time

i want you beside me and i want to hear you breathe so I can match my rhythm to yours.

i want to time my yawns to yours, and have our hearts beat as one.

i want to melt into your body and become a part that you’ll never be able to replace.

i know with time this want will grow to be a need

the words roll off my tongue so easily: i need you i need you i need you

i need you because it feels like my world breaks without you

i need you because i can only rest around you

i need your body next to mine so i can console my own anxious mind

i missed you a lot today

did you miss me too?

[heldbynight]

I ache for someone to sit in my mind with me,

Who wants to know the very depths of my heart and mind.

[lunamonchtuna]

cruel how loving someone rewires you permanently.

[lunamonchtuna]

— Ivan Yan (source)

[riseaboveallsposts]

I love this so much ❤️

[brokenlinesandbetterdays]

Silent scream

It’s so heavy.

It’s too much.

I can’t breathe.

The weight of it holds me under.

I’m not drowning—

but my lungs are on fire.

My eyes sting

with unshed tears.

All I can hear

is the pounding of my heart—

so loud.

I want to scream,

but I can’t.

It gets stuck in my throat.

Then finally—

the dam breaks.

And the tears flood my face,

never ending.

That’s my silent scream.

My silent plea for help.

Please,

get me out of this cage—

this unspoken cycle

of break or be broken,

of love, hate, silence,

of stab and cover-over,

pretending like nothing happened.

But I can’t take it anymore.

It’s all becoming too much,

and it’s tearing me apart.

Slowly—

each layer of skin,

through bone and sinew,

straight to my heart.

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Melissa Cox

[ayahur]

i want you to look at me and feel love not doubt.

[ayahur]

i look at myself in the mirror and it’s as if my features begin to float away from my face and onto the air around me. and they mock me and laugh and say “how pathetic you look”

i put up my own walls to not hear their taunting yet i can hear my own voice screaming.

i want to feel deserving of love. i want to be able to look at myself and not peel the skin from my face. i want to feel worth it. all these wants and i can't even begin to look in the mirror.

i wish somebody would extinguish my thoughts that grow like a flame. a low voice that lulls me away from thoughts that destroy my soul.

[monkeydizzy]

to suffer in love

is to live poetry

[ayahur]

my own mother looks at me and fails to see a flower that she so carefully raised. only a seedling that never sprouted.

[ayahur]

I have committed no sin by living my life with no shame. Rather, it would be a sin against my soul if I chose to keep myself hidden from the world.

[ayahur]

I didn’t need to choose you; it’s always been you  

[ayahur]

I don’t want a new beginning if this doesn’t work out 

New beginnings are when you want to forget the old 

To forget how deeply my love runs for you is forgetting a bit of myself 

I wouldn’t know what to do with myself 

So, I will love you till my last breathe 

even if I become a distant past for you