Back on this shit, because I’m tired of feeling like I’m being unreasonable for it. And we need some intellectual honesty here.
I’m glad Heated Rivalry exists in the sense that it pushes back against homophobia in sports. I’m not mad about that part. I will never complain about gay men being visible in spaces that historically tried to erase or brutalize us.
But my problem is that people keep calling this “amazing representation,” and that just… isn’t true. Not in any meaningful way.
The kind of queer man being centered here is about as privileged as it gets.
White or white-passing.
Hyper masculine. Sculpted, hairless, conventionally hot.
Cis. Able-bodied. Barely neurodivergent, if at all.
Rich. High-paying job. Multiple properties. Social power.
The kind of man who, if his family rejected him, would still land on his feet because money, status, and desirability would cushion the fall.
That’s who gets elevated. That’s who gets the love story. That’s who gets framed as proof that things are “getting better.”
And I’m sorry, but putting the most protected, insulated, socially rewarded version of a queer man on a pedestal is barely representation at all.
It’s not challenging power. It’s reassuring it.
Most MLM media does this. Especially MLM media made for mass consumption. Especially stuff marketed as “progressive.” It keeps queerness palatable by wrapping it in masculinity, wealth, whiteness, and safety. It says: look, these gay men are fine. They’re just like straight men, but they kiss. No need to feel uncomfortable. No need to change anything.
Meanwhile, queer men who are poor, disabled, neurodivergent, visibly queer, fat, aging, brown or Black, gender-nonconforming, or genuinely vulnerable don’t get centered. We don’t get epic romances. We don’t get to be the face of “love wins.” At best, we’re side characters. At worst, we’re invisible.
So when people gush about this as peak representation, it honestly pisses me off. Because what they’re really celebrating is how easily these men fit into the existing hierarchy. How non-threatening their queerness is. How little the world has to bend to accommodate them.
That’s not liberation. That’s assimilation with better lighting.
And I’m not saying these stories shouldn’t exist. I’m saying they shouldn’t be treated as the gold standard. They shouldn’t be held up as the answer to queer visibility while so many of us are still erased, struggling, or barely surviving.
I don’t want crumbs. I don’t want to clap because someone let the most privileged gay men at the table.
I want representation that actually reflects the messiness, the precarity, the exhaustion, the tenderness, the anger, the uneven ground so many of us stand on.
If that makes people uncomfortable, good.
Queerness was never supposed to be comfortable for power.
I also need to say this, because people keep acting like it’s some kind of trump card.
Yes, the showrunner, Jacob Tierney, is a gay man. That does not magically make this work immune from critique.
He is one gay man with one subjective experience of queerness. His experience is not universal. It is not the standard. And being gay does not prevent someone from unconsciously reinforcing the same hierarchies and desirability politics that already dominate MLM media. Especially when those hierarchies benefit him or align with what is culturally rewarded.
Queer men are not a monolith. Gay men can absolutely reproduce exclusion, privilege, body politics, whiteness, class insulation, and assimilationist fantasies without even realizing they’re doing it. Being marginalized in one axis does not erase power in others.
And here’s the part people really don’t want to grapple with.
This story is not even being built primarily for queer men.
Tierney has openly acknowledged that Heated Rivalry is an adaptation of MLM media written by a woman, for women, and that women are a better market for MLM stories than queer men ourselves. He has explained this plainly. And that’s bleak. Brutal, actually.
Because what that means is that queer men are not the core audience for stories about our own lives, bodies, relationships, and desires. We are the subject matter, not the stakeholders. The emotional labor, the aesthetics, the fantasies, and the framing are optimized for a demographic that does not live the consequences of what’s being portrayed.
And if women are the primary market for MLM media, then yes, that comes with responsibility. Social responsibility. Ethical responsibility. Narrative responsibility.
And overwhelmingly, that responsibility is ignored.
Instead, what happens is this quiet, entitled slide into ownership. Women as the dominant market start treating MLM stories as something they own, not something they are guests in. Our relationships become a genre. Our bodies become a fantasy space. Our trauma gets flattened or prettied up. Our diversity gets filtered out if it complicates the romance or disrupts desirability.
And when queer men point this out, we’re told we’re being ungrateful. Or nitpicky. Or ruining the fun. Or that we should just be happy we’re included at all. Or misogynistic. Or at worst the F slur (yep, plenty of women have called me that word when trying to talk about this stuff as if it will get me to shut up or something)
That is deeply fucked up.
Because inclusion without agency is not liberation. Visibility without care is not progress. And being consumed is not the same thing as being represented.
So when people say “but the showrunner is gay” or “but women love this,” it doesn’t solve the problem. It actually explains it.
This is queerness curated to be safe, sexy, aspirational, and profitable for people who are not the most vulnerable queer men. It’s not asking audiences to confront the reality of queer precarity. It’s asking them to enjoy a fantasy where queerness slots neatly into wealth, masculinity, whiteness, and power.
And again, I’m not saying these stories shouldn’t exist.
I’m saying they should stop being treated like the pinnacle of queer representation. I’m saying people need to stop acting like critique is an attack, and start listening to the queer men who are still not being centered, still not being seen, still not being protected by this kind of visibility.
Because if MLM media keeps being shaped primarily by what straight women want to consume, then it will keep failing queer men who don’t fit the fantasy.
And I’m done pretending that’s acceptable.
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