like i know yall dont care about straight trans men but theres a lot of other people in the lgbtq community who also dont identify as gay. some bi people and lesbians dont identify as gay, some aspec people dont identify as gay, some non-straight trans people dont identify as gay and a lot of trans women don't identify as gay. my wife is pansexual and transfem and we can be gay SOMETIMES AS A TREAT but any other time/if it comes from literally anyone besides us its fightin words, she doesnt identify as gay/being in a gay relationship because theyre not a man and i am. my wife and i have literally had issues with people calling us gay and then getting upset when we ask them not to do that. one of my ex friends (i stopped being friends with him because he was a fucking asshole to me for other reasons as well) kept calling us gay and when my wife and i told him off he apologized TO HER SPECIFICALLY for misgendering them and didnt even say anything TO ME FOR INVALIDATING MY SEXUALITY
in my personal experience as a straight trans man, i think a lot of people dont really understand that my sexuality is also queer in nature and it isnt the "default". trans people are not cis people any applying things that are true for cis people might not be true for us. i had comphet like crazy, i forced myself to date and fuck men because i felt like i had to. i experienced lesphobia growing up along with transphobia and i felt the need to conform and be with men. it was harder for me to accept myself for only liking women than being transgender, i didnt stop dating men until i was 20 years old, a year after i started hormones. being straight is something that i had to fight for as a trans man. when people are being transphobic to me and my wife they call us a gay couple. or they call me a lesbian or accuse me of liking men. and then other queer/trans people who are not straight and did not struggle to find themselves in the same way that i did (not that they didnt at all, but there was/is an extra layer due to my transness and also being straight) just dont recognize that
queer is not just another word for gay, or vice versa. you have a cisnormative view of queerness. gay is not an umbrella term for queer. if you mean queer, say queer. if someone doesnt want to be called queer, ask them what they prefer
for the record, the words my wife and i use to describe our relationship are:
-some combination of straight and queer (queerhet, transhet, ect)
we might call our relationship gay PRIVATELY BETWEEN OURSELVES, however, thats not something we really appreciate from even our friends, let alone strangers on the internet
idk like. i know a lot of people dont really care about straight trans people and especially straight trans men but like. we are also queer and we are straight because we are queer. some straight trans people also dont consider their relationships queer and thats important to accommodate, but my wife and i do. my straightness is queer, my attraction to women is both straight and queer, and my relationships are both straight and queer, on account of my transness
idk like. not to get all "straight pride" in here but a lot of yall either arent straight and trans or donr know straight trans people and you think that you understand our experiences and you dont, so please listen to us sometimes