lee

some people have real problems.

[aznboi44]

2020

wow, this felt like a year of floating in space. 

i had told myself to finally stop living a life that didn’t match up with reality. and to finally try. then corona happened. 

to my dear extroverted / single / isolated friends, i thought of you often during this time of forced aloneness. i hope the unbearable days are now less frequent. an end is in sight. to those I lost touch with this year, i hope to re-connect soon.

to those who offered me human touch, interaction, thank you for the lessons, empathy, and good times. it’s been a privilege. because of you i didn’t break. sorry if i broke you.

so many lessons i learned this year i thought were embarrassing to learn so late in the game. but there’s no shame. everyone’s journey is different.

i’m proud of myself for never stopping.

[aznboi44]

Hold it up You've lost enough You've still got your luck You're miles away From the love you made Even heaven gets rough Ghosts were meant for bleeding Ghosts were meant for bleeding When you see your wall And you have it all Broken apart You follow through If you bruise it So eat your heart out It hates to hope and leave it It hates to hope and leave it So the story rolls And the golden boys And girls get tired You look for light On the blurry nights When home is hardly a word

[aznboi44]

Doublet SS17 - pjsmith | ello

Doublet SS17.

[aznboi44]

Really miss being creative...

[aznboi44]

Homophobia is homophobia. Hate is hate. By "justifying" this senseless violence with some twisted logic we're allowing hate to breed more hate, anger to turn into hatred. The vast majority of Muslims in this country have had to reconcile with the more archaic aspects of their faith. We should never tarnish a whole religion because of the actions of an individual.

[aznboi44]

He gave humankind free will, and free will becomes the essence of the whole thing. Because it's not just free will in the conscious sense, but He would have created the free will that makes the synapses and the nerve cells and the neurotransmitters, allows them to make choices. And given the opportunity to make choices, they will always choose the more, let's use that big word, salubrious way, and salubrious in the classical sense of healthy way, physically healthy, emotionally healthy, the thing that's going to make it survive most likely and provide it with the most pleasure. And the moral sense provides people with more pleasure than anything. That's been my experience, that a sense of oneself as a good person whose life isn't sacrificed for others but is based around community and love gives one a sense of self that is the greatest pleasure that anybody can have.

Sherwin Nuland

[aznboi44]

I think being human is a process. It's not something that we just are born with. We actually learn to celebrate our connection, learn to celebrate our love. And the thing about it — if you suffer, it does not imply love. But if you love, it does imply suffering. So part of the thing that I think what being human means to love and to suffer, to suffer with, though, compassion, not to suffer against. So to have a space big enough to suffer with. And if we can hold that space big enough, we also have joy and fun even as we suffer. And suffering will no longer divide us. And to me, that's sort of the human journey.

john a. powell “Opening the Question of Race to the Question of Belonging”

[chloroplst]

Henny bees

[aznboi44]

SLBMLQFBSNC, Henny

[aznboi44]

Seeing first-hand a mother who is about to bury her 30-year old son is just one of those things that’s so heartbreaking that nothing really compares to it. Always cherish your loved ones.

[aznboi44]

"The Quiet Car" // Rebecca Mock

[aznboi44]

he got a new blankie & is obsessed #xtheravedog

[aznboi44]

good morning #xtheravedog

[aznboi44]

thuggin', w/ #xtheravedog

[gradschoolproblems]

this defines everything about my writing experiences

[aznboi44]

the difference between working on my Masters thesis now and my undergrad thesis: i am 5 years older. i don't smoke a pack of cigs every other day. i don't drink coffee. i don't have an unlimited supply of adderall (unfortunately). and, i suppose i am actually considering the real-life implications (as in, how the hell it will help me get a job) of the subject i'm supposed to write about, as opposed to this crazy and idealized notion that anything i research and write about will make any real and meaningful change to the status quo, as much as a humanities study will allow anyway. 

fuck it maybe i should start over and write it on social media. or branding. or some other useless crap.

[vincentphilip-deactivated201405]

[aznboi44]

haha

[aznboi44]

the crew and me in vegas this past weekend.

college was so long ago that i had forgotten how much you learn about people when you spend an extended amount of time together, heh. but this weekend and the aftermath got me thinking: if we invest all this time and effort into building relationships and getting to know people beyond the one or two dimensions they are comfortable sharing with the world, why is that sometimes we are so quick to hone in on the one or two negative traits and let them overpower our view of the person as a whole? i don't know if it makes sense or if it is even a valid observation, but it's what i gathered from everything that happened this weekend, which was a lot. most of it unexpected, too, which prompted me to do much questioning, hence this semi coherent stream of consciousness thought vomit.

but overall, a successful vegas trip. one take-away: i wish people would reach out in times of distress. in most cases, you're not alone in thought, no matter how lonely you feel.