We Are Still Humanz @azteco-blog - Tumblr Blog

Whoahemian Rhapsody

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@jojofriday

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if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them

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teenagers: we are going to punch you me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmied

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teenagers: we are going to kick you me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian Christmas…

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teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch…….

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teenagers: we are going to call you mean names me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: it’s been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of Capricorn………….

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teenagers: we’re violent just for the fun of it ! me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: you’re all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.

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teenagers: we are going to spread rumors about you me *getting out my tube of rash cream*: don’t force me to give you a Chinese Whistling Garden

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teenagers: we are about to physically assault you me *pulling out cantaloupe*: seems like you rapscallions have never heard of the Screaming Astronaut

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teenagers: we are going to commit felonies me *pulling out handfuls of spaghetti*: I’m sorry you all have to experience the Kansas Turnpike …

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teenagers: i am preparing to steal an automotive vehicle me *taking out a roll of dental floss*: keep this sort of behavior up and you’re going to get the Rick Astley’s Crochet

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teenagers: i plan to do acts of physical hooliganism! me *takes a Bop It out of my pocket*: I don’t normally do this but I’ll enjoy giving you a North Carolina Senator G.K. Butterfield

animalbody

if theres a day i dont reblog this assume i died

carsonphillips

i tried taking a picture on the winnie the pooh ride at disney world and this is all i got

ima-fuckingt4ble

why do I relate so hard

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viktormaru

i havent slept in so long

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imagine being j.e.sawyer in this situation

motherfuckin normies quoting the god damned burned man not realizing they’re referring to a post-apocalyptic mormon burn victim who has an insane obsession with .45 caliber pistols and violence

madelineireland

!!AH

cheese24k

News Anchor in my area loses it over a Fat Cat that likes to swim.

missjonesie99

I don’t know what’s funnier, how she said physical activities or the snort.

auncyen

I love how she gradually loses it. She gives it her best try and then you can just hear where her composure starts breaking down.

tamhonksss

i always lose it when her voice trips into the fifth dimension as she says physical activities

hugewitches

@nekosins

meladoodle

A demon that writes messages on your mirror with blood but they’re useful messages. Like “remember you have yoga at 6 tonight”

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“You need to leave him, Karen”.

scaremoonturkey

smolbean-isaac

I am so here for this

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I just spit water all over my desk… this is amazing

narrativeninja

Brenda turned, following her friend’s trembling finger.

“Oh, that’s just Rh’lygh.”

“Its…what?”

“Yeah, he’s been a total lifesaver this semester.”

The dark figure drew closer in a shroud of mist and extended a claw like hand that slowly wrapped around Brenda’s shoulder. She glanced at her forearm, upon which strange welts arose that arranged themselves into barely intelligible runes:

Remember you need to study for that biology exam.

“Thanks, I will Rh’lygh, but I’m meeting Brian first.”

He’s no good for you Brenda.

“Rh’lygh, we’ve been over this.”

He’s a cad, Brenda.