Losing friends is such a surreal feeling.
Excuse my trite ramblings, but I feel so tired recently.
A person. A person you've loved like your family, your life, a part of your heart and soul in their grasp just to lose it.
You've known their favourite place, what makes them stay up at night, even how they make their coffee, and now, they're just another stranger in a sea of people alike.
Except. Except what? Their gaze still pierces your soul and their voice still haunts your thoughts.
Every time you see something that reminds you of them, you lose a part of yourself all over again.
Every time you visit what used to be your favourite meeting place, an air of stillness and tension permeates you.
It's not because you hate them, but it's because you've loved them and now lost even that semblance of feeling.
Grieving a person hurts. Death is a powerful vice, her gentle hands ready to sweep anyone off the face of the earth, giving them a peaceful rest, yet a final goodbye to what once was and could've been.
But grieving a person who's alive? Who's probably doing their best now, living with the bad aftertaste of what you were? Ready to spew such poison of you that's shameful to even admit?
Grief is proof that love once existed. A lot of it in fact. However, what if the love that once burgeoned into a beautiful flower garden, is just an empty plot of dried up roots?
So this is my goodbye to you. You showed me what true friendship was, what it feels like to be loved and appreciated all at once, however, you've also shown me what it's like to be lied to, manipulated and gaslit. I'm not ashamed to have been your friend, not ashamed to have once defended you. But have you ever done the same?
I remember my gasping breaths and trembling hands as I desperately waited for you to respond, afraid for your life, only to be told to leave you alone again and again.
So I did, and I'm doing it now.
I hope to forget your face slowly, the way you did with mine.
And I hope one day, the bitter memories of our friendship will fade away the way your honesty did.
With much love and respect, Azure.
