Signing Off
This is not a post saying that I'm going on an indefinite hiatus. This is a post of saying goodbye to my blog/s and Tumblr itself.
Tumblr's my safe space since college (2016 or 2017) nung pinush ako ni @ssoulsearching na maging active ulit dito and use my blog again for my thoughts and poems. I met and talked to a lot of people, have great online friends who became real life friends, and I even met my past relationship here on this blogging site.
Babaengmadaldal was my outlet for everything I cannot put into words to even say to my friends. Kung kilala mo ako in person, you'll know na I'm quiet at some point and won't even open up my problems. Kung may ikukwento man ako, that's just the tip or summary of the story unless sobrang bigat na niya for me na ikukwento ko bawat detalye. Nabuhay ang babaengmadaldal para sabihin lahat ng thoughts ko para kapag kinuwento ko na siya sa mga kaibigan ko, hindi na siya mashadong mabigat, hindi na dala ng kwento ung mga emosyon na nasa likod noon.
2020 was very challenging. I lost people for the first half and gained friends for the next half. I got my shit together, love and took care of myself more, became more confident on my face and body, and even lose a lot of weight.
I've been thinking about saying goodbye to Tumblr simula nung hindi na ako nagpo-post, nung nag-uninstall ako ng app, at nagre-reblog na lamang ako ng mga posts ng mga friends ko just to keep this blog active or something like that. I am not good with goodbyes, I don't even like that word but someone made me realize na, hindi mo mapipigilan ang isang tao kung gusto niya umalis sa buhay mo. So, here I am, saying goodbye to babaengmadaldal, and my other blogs linked to it (blissvoyager, balahurangmanunulat, beatthenorm, babaengmadaldal-personalrba, and bitchimrantingshutup).
I know na, I'll be having a hard time opening up to people and sharing my problems, and even argue and speak up. I'm going and planning to keep everything to myself again because I learned it the hard way nung pinaramdam sa'kin na, my words will be used against me to break me all over again. Now, I know that I can't even trust my words. Thank you for making me realize that in that way.
Another reason is, Tumblr is not my safe space anymore. I know myself, I'm good at repressing memories. Kinakalimutan ko lahat kapag sobrang sama o masakit siya for me kaya kahit ung masasaya, nakakalimutan ko na rin because of that. Tumblr became my keeper of memories, and now, I want to forget everything. Iiwanan ko na ang safe space ko para maging safe space niya away from me, iykyk.
Btw, as a person na maraming kilala dito & maraming alam na kwento behind every blogger I know (ofc, 'di ko ikukwento mga sinabi niyo sa'kin, secrets are safe hanggang sa paglisan ko), please know kung kanino kayo magtitiwala. Maraming taong mapagpanggap dito na kunwari nakikinig sa mga kwento mo pero bina-backstab na pala kayo o nakikichismis lang at wala naman talagang pakialam sa kwento mo. Maging mapagmasid, okay? Ingat kayo.
Here are some photos of myself for the fourth quarter of 2020
That's it. Good bye, Tumblr.
Good bye, babaengmadaldal.
