HAYSTACK PRINCIPLE

Written by Rosie. Established in 2017. Moved May 21st, 2019.

[badlette]

NOT THE OREO JUMPSCARE

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" What does he know anyway... "

❝ Eh. He can live with his angst and anger. We don't need'im. ❞ She bumped Tails' shoulder very lightly. Looks like a little someone needed a pick-me-up. Good thing she knows just the thing. ❝ Wanna go steal some ice-cream? ❞

[emptyzone]

beetles georg / @badlette

"I uh. Travel more often, I guess. You see some crazy stuff if you look in the right places."

She couldn't help but say as the other inquired. Quite the understatement from the woman who had probably been in more places in the last... Three? Four years? Compared to the rest of her life. Something like a giant beetle wasn't really a big deal for her anymore, in contrast to everything else she saw.

"Oh, no. I've never been bothered by bugs. Most of them don't even really bite, and if they can, they're usually not venomous enough to cause long-term issues." Jae casually motions at the beetle, "The only truly scary thing about that beetle is it's size, and it's still small in our terms. I've probably scared it more than it could ever scare me, is a good way to think about it. I won't be a sissy and scream about bugs, though." She snidely adds.

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❝ Good. 'Cause this girl doesn't work with any wusses.❞ She should get out more. Her worldwide trips had amounted to an island, another island, ANOTHER another island, a flying island, and - well, you get the picture. A lot of islands. ( Does Uncle want a vacation? Sounds like he wants a vacation ... ) Tropical weather was ideal for all sorts of creepy crawlies, but there was more to see all around the world.

❝ We should go bug hunting, my dear missus Jae. ❞ She held the creature™ back to the old woman. ❝ And not because I don't have lots of friends, let alone those who have the guts to bring me some big beetles. You'd just make a great pack mule. ❞

Yeah. Perfect.

❝ ALSO. You owe me for being gone a bit.❞

[badlette]

thetravelershub​:

     “Weeeeell, y’see — ”

     “OF COURSE we’ve invested in TERRIFYING MACHINES! We’re EVIL SPACE PIRATES — if a machine DOESN’T terrify my ARCH-NEMESIS, we have NO USE for it!”

     She didn’t need to know that the current gizmos and gadgets the Gold Bone Gang just barely managed to afford, mostly by listing the weird junk he’d stumbled across in the Mysterious Ruins on Mii-Bay, were often DESTROYED by those MEDDLESOME MIIS! Oh, but it would all be worth it in the end, to see Golbonia Land 2 standing triumphant over the wreckage of that wretched sports resort…

     “Yeah, uh — we’ve had a bunch of ‘em!” said a Small Bone. “Lots n’ lots! They scared those Wii Sports Miis real good!”

     “A-and we really thought the last one would work…” muttered a second.

     “I knew we should’ve sprung for the bowling ball-proof armor…” whispered a third.

          ❝ Oh, goody! That’s right. You are all sensible folks. ❞ She continued, honing in on the trouble of the young, pitiable army behind their leader. Despite the confidence of the leader, the lackeys were, for lack of a better word, lacking. Where’s the PIZAZZ!? Where’s the CRAZED LAUGHTER!?  These guys could stand to take some lessons. Her head darted to the left, a glove covering another snicker before it was back to business.

           ❝ I sure know a thing or two about arch-nemesis. Mine’s obnoxiously blue with an even MORE obnoxious voice. He’s as fast as lighting! But I like to think I scare him pretty good. ❞

        ... If scaring good meant ‘he sent me home crying for the 50th time last week.‘ 

          ❝ Y’know. I create machines! Bold 'bots. Maniacal Mechs. Dastardly devices. More alliterations to follow. ❞ Eggette closed part of the gap with a hop. ❝ Don’t you think it’d be nice to have an in-house robot maker for all of your EVIL SPACE PIRATE NEEDS? ❞

[badlette]

thetravelershub·:

     “GYAHAHAHA! But of course! Why WOULDN’T you be a fan of the GOLD BONE GANG, when the RRRRIDICULOUS RRRREBELS and the GLORRRRIFIED TIN CAN of a captain making up the MII FARCE insist on RRRRUINING EVERYTHING for EVERYONE?”

     And if that bumbling group of volunteer space cops hadn’t cheated during that final battle, Gold Bone would’ve still been tormenting Streetpass Galaxy! And he wouldn’t be in crushing debt with a fraction of his crew and no weapons, but he isn’t admitting that.

     “Oh, oh!” piped up a Small Bone in the crowd, hand raised in the air. “I have a question! What was your favorite scheme that we did?”

     “When we took over Planet Amyuzia, I bet!”

     “No way! Planet Roohin was way better!”

     “What about our scheme to take over Wuhu Island?”

     Dead silence. Followed by a random cough in the background.

     … well, that’ll be on the list eventually.

          ❝ Yup. Ruin everything. I’ve been THERE before. Uh-huh. ❞

          Golly, those sure were a lot of words she didn’t care about. At least until she heard the word island thrown into the mix. Okay, weirdos. You’ve got some of her interest. She hid a snicker under her breath.

           ❝ ...Take over Wuhu Island, huh? ❞ Uncle and her had taken over at least three islands, so she can’t say she hated the like-mindedness. ❝ Well, gee. With a POWERFULYL big team like yours, I’m sure it’s possible. Have you ever thought about investing in TERRIFYING MACHINES? ❞

[thetravelershub]

     “So! The Gold Bone Gang has fans, does it?”

     He’s completely ignoring the fact that the comments were aimed at Mii Force in general -

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❝ Oh yeah. Totally. Totally totes a huge Gold Bone Gang super fan. ❞ She is fucking lying through her stupid teeth. ❝ That’s me. A huge fan. ❞

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Do you think Sage is your replacement, Eggette?

She would like to say 'no' with one hundred percent confidence. She really would! But the hours he has poured LOCKED AWAY from the rest of the world to revive a program. A simple, stupid little program that shouldn't have been a big deal in the list of creations permanently lost to the Eggman Empire has had her ... concerned?

❝ It's not like that. ❞ She lied. ❝ Sage is just a coding marvel from which we can learn a lot. True Artificial Intelligence... ❞

Oof.

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hcrotorn​:

❝ Well… we could take shifts… ❞ the kit trails nervously, not entirely set on the activity, but he knows Santa isn’t real anyway. He’s not about to ruin it for his sibling, though. Can he say that? It feels… odd saying it. He supposes he’s still adjusting. Tails rubs his nose. ❝ If one of us passes out, the other can just wake us right back up! ❞

         ❝ OOOOOH. ❞ Her nodding could match Sonic’s speed at the moment.    ❝ BUT. You have to PROMISE ME if he shows up before I can wake up, you’ll shoot him for me. ❞ She held up a pinky. Serious business here. ❝ We NEED to shoot him.. ❞

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npcharacters​:

【 🤖 】 — ❝ The children’s CARD GAME? ❞    He furrows his brow in… DISAPPOINTMENT?   Second hand EMBARASSMENT?    ❝ Okay… ❞

❝ Listen.  Let’s uh…   let’s go to the PARK tomorrow and get some FRESH AIR,  okay?   I think uh,  think that’d be a good idea,  y’know? ❞

......................... I fucking HATE this family.

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npcharacters​:

【 🤖 】 — ❝ Okay  okay,  well,  I just wanted to REMIND you that no one OFFLINE…  Cares,  about ANY this stuff,  okay? ❞

                      ❝ I’m… actually a little CONCERNED that this even got OFFLINE and onto a PHONE CALL.  Wh-what is this about exactly? ❞

❝ ............... It’s a Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfic.  ❞

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npcharacters​:

【 🤖 】 — Oh dear, whatever EGGETTE was angry about, it didn’t sound IMPORTANT.

❝ Hey KIDDO, are you being chronically online again? ❞

ROLLS HER EYES.

As usual. He wouldn’t understand the nuances of ONLINE DISCOURSE and its IMPORTANCE on reality.

❝ Uncle ––– ❞

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@npcharacters​ help

          She’s pacing, and speaking OBNOXIOUSLY loud on the phone.

          ❝ You CAN’T ship those characters together. It's weird. It's also PRETTY problematic that you even ENJOY that story line. I mean. I know. I read it too, but then I stopped because -- ❞

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           ❝ Does anyone have any tips on staying awake? Tips that don’t involve caffeine... ❞ Her Uncle has allowed any caffeine since. The Incident™. ❝ Every time I try to shoot Santa, I crash around midnight. ❞ 

[badlette]

"Wanna hold it?" Jae very casually-- Too casually, mind you, offers Eggette a hercules beetle, "I just found out the other day that they sell beetle jelly to feed to these guys, pretty neat huh?"

          Do you even have to ASK? The child cares not where the elder got one of the largest insects in the world, only that it is here, in front of her, and has become the most important thing in the world. Swift, yet delicately, Eggette swiped the beetle from Jae's hands and began to dote it like one would a tiny kitten.

          ❝ ... Man, how'd you find this thing? That is pretty neat ❞ She FINALLY acknowledged Jae. ❝ And, like, more importantly. Kudos to you for catching it. It didn't creep ya out? ❞

[badlette]

" Even in death, you are chained to him, " the voice is cool, yet almost pitying and disappointed. It's a shame, really, how tethered they are to the good Doctor; after all, they had so much potential. To squander it here is saddening. There's a thoughtful pause as he paces the room, watching Eggette and thinking. " What a waste... "

          unkempt pigtails and weighted eyelids and darkening circles had eggette within their grasp, as she barely registered the voice through her caffeinated daze. a bright red jacket draped upon her like a dress, rolled yellow cuffs with a hint of warm cigarettes and oil. a scent from her childhood, the only comfort she had left.

          her peripheral vision registered the figure as shadow's shadow. ... redundant, but almost accurate. it carried slight instability within its shape that only someone on their fifth energy drink would pick up on. along with a lack of immediate (but eventual) malice.

          ❝ ... ❞

          a hallucination, then. brought on by the days she'd forced herself awake to crash course every nanoangstrom of his systems that he wasn't able to teach yet and the constant watch of the real shadow the hedgehog tear through the united zone alliance like a hack-and-slash video game.

          would he haunt the soldier for her mistakes? not being good enough to convince the king of his folly, or did part of her wish he'd finish the job, securing a suitable end for her pathetic circumstances? please, if there's anything left in there, take tails first. he shouldn't have to lose another family member. then i'll be able to say i lived without regrets ... what was she doing with herself.

          a waste, huh ... ? that might be accurate. she had no time to humor a response. her responsibilities were too great. giving in to madness would doom them both. she pulled her glasses to the side, rubbing gloves into her eyes. a quick sigh. and back to business.

          ❝ maybe it is ... ❞ she finally replied, to no one of course, ❝ ... but it's better than doing nothing ... ❞ less her life be poured down the drain.

[badlette]

❝ It’s JUST a ball of gaff tape. You’d KNOW if I was trying to kill you. ❞ Yuck, yuck, yuck ...

[badlette]

@yournamedarling​​ said: "Why not throw it at something more constructive, like a wall, or a goal post?"

          Third victim acquired.

          THROWS THE GAFF BALL DIRECTLY AT THEIR FACE.