of skies and clouds @badly-written - Tumblr Blog

it’s been a month since you’ve passed and we miss you so much, acorn. hope you get treats and head rubs up there. we love you.

acorn

today’s supposed to be your second vet visit but you’re no longer here. I am left with unfinished medicine bottles, half-emptied powdered milk replacers, unopened goat milk, the cat toy you won’t get to play, and… a hole inside my chest. Your ashes made its way home but is it selfish for me to hope they should’ve brought you in one piece? If only I could turn back the time, I’d spend it every minute with you, even if the end will still be the same.

everything happens for a reason but what was the reason that made your way to our backyard—barely alive and stayed with us for two weeks, just to bid goodbye?

when will you visit me in my dreams to play again? when will i see you running on all fours? or playfully bite our hands because you want uppies?

I miss you so much and I’m afraid I’ll miss you forever.

Have you ever felt stuck with the same version of yourself for years? Like, you haven’t changed a little bit. That’s where I am now. My body was aging, but my mind was still in her teens. I wanted to leap—to make a change, but I’m afraid. I’m unmotivated. I don’t know what my purpose is, or if I even have anything at all. I didn’t want to do anything, yet I wanted to be free from this stagnant rut that I was in. The sky was sharing my misery by weeping at my existence. I got out and felt the cold breeze run down my skin. I wanted to do something today, maybe go to a café and order the usual? Go out for a walk and take pictures of nature? The buildings? Stare at the void? Watch the clouds form different shapes? I got out. I simply just got out. My feet dragged me as we strolled through the concrete pavement without knowing where to go. The trees were swaying, and the leaves joined the waltz. Some made a landing on my head while on tiptoe. People were outside, painting the whole city with colored umbrellas, but the yellows outnumbered them. Yellow? On this rainy day? “One vanilla ice cream, please.” As plain as day, I ordered my favorite, paid my bill, and looked for a seat. I was the only customer, but a few joined in after a while. Is it weird to order just ice cream? Or should I also add a dish? While looking outside the window, I saw a woman run through the awning of the nearby store, shielding herself from the rain. She was nowhere near dry, but her smile was plastered on her face—lighting up the gloomy street. If only her smile could make the rain go away, that would be good for the people outside. She then took out her phone and answered it. She was laughing as if someone knew what had happened to her. “Here’s your vanilla ice cream; anything else?” I jumped back to reality as I took the glass. Gesturing I didn’t need anything, the waiter left. I could still see the lady’s smile glimmering across the street while I took a spoon, peeking through the café window that somehow was already fogged up because of how cold it was. Maybe I, too, could smile like that again. Despite the rain. Yeah, despite the rain.

#writings #random

cheers to more productive days

#diary #random #daily life #college

some film photos that never made it to the gram

#film photography #35mm #35mm photography #filmisnotdead #minolta #fujicolor #35mm film #photography #my photos

arrived an hour earlier on our class last friday... planned to have lunch first but the barrion and cafeteria were surprisingly closed. Thought classes were cancelled but kept walking to the designated room—at the topmost floor of the high school building. I hated that location ever since freshman because there's no elevator... it's an old building, so you need to take the stairs and once you're up, you can no longer feel your body, just your spirit escaping the human realm.

I was the only person that time and your fear of ghosts will literally become nonexistent when you're thirsty and exhausted af from the hike. But hey, at least the potted plants kept me company.

#random #story time #college #diary

on a random tuesday ft. the chomky campus mascot

#cat #cats of tumblr #college

will be rooting for shohei ohtani wherever he will go... i will be his biggest fan even if the whole baseball world is against him now.

dec. 12 - 6:45 am

I dreamt about him for the first time since last year… we apologized and got back together. There were heavy tears everywhere… he proposed to me with a green ring and I said yes. It felt so real. Why now? Why did I dream of you? Perhaps, a lingering feeling? A feeling I keep on shoving down? A tiny hope that I don’t want to recognize? That my love for you wasn’t really gone?