Some Terrible Writer is Trying to Write Out Satan and Me
@badlywritten-satanandme
Hi! This is FanFic of Orange-Plum's comic "Satan and Me". You can find it @thisiskindagross . DP and banner/header are drawn by Orange. If you're on desktop my main blog has a page for the list of episodes, but if you're only on mobile you'll find them tagged "ep001, ep002, ep003" etc. You can find an information post about what this blog is here somewhere (I don't know how to post a link, but it's tagged as "wtfamIdoing").
you know whats wayyyyy easier than writing? scrolling through tumblr for hours and hours and tangentially thinking about your WIPs but not Actually working on them
Word Count: 1,397
Content Warnings:
Swearing - Heavy and frequent
Bullying - Non-physical
Excerpt:
““…Just copy what I do, and don’t talk to anyone!” Natalie began strolling through the gate in the most peculiar fashion. Her elbows seemed to be reaching for the sky and her knees came up at such a strange angle. Lucifer witnessed the least natural view of someone acting ‘natural’.”
They arrived outside the school gates, and Natalie was feeling a little nervous. Even though the school was not exactly the tightest on security, she didn’t really want to get caught out bringing a strange child onto the premises.
“Right, make sure you act like an average teenager, okay?” she turned to Satan. She couldn’t help talking to him differently because of his younger appearance, something that he pretended not to notice.
“How the fuck am I supposed to know what an ‘average teenager’ is like? This ain’t exactly my usual haunt, girl,” he responded in his usual condescending tone, which didn’t as much match his visage. His eyes, now hazel-coloured, darted around the concrete forecourt, taking in all the faces of the kids who walked past. He grunted in bitterness realising that, to pass for sixteen, he could have allowed himself a few more inches of height.
“True, true. Just copy what I do, and don’t talk to anyone!” Natalie began strolling through the gate in the most peculiar fashion. Her elbows seemed to be reaching for the sky and her knees came up at such a strange angle. Lucifer witnessed the least natural view of someone acting ‘natural’, he walked behind her exaggerating the motions, waiting for her to turn and spot him mocking her.
Unfortunately, Natalie wasn’t the first to see him marching.
“Yo, Pearson!” called a boy in uniform, tugging on his friend’s arm. Satan glanced and noticed they were pointing at him and his escort.
“Ha! Oh my fucking God, freaks!” his friend laughed in respond. Now, Natalie had been at this school since she was eleven, she was well used to the banter between school children. If any of it were ever aimed at her nowadays, she had obtained a wonderful ability to block it out. Satan, on the other hand, didn’t take to humiliation so well.
“Oh, damn. It’s Ms Carmichael, she’s the headteacher and if she sees-” Natalie broke off as she span around, seeing that Satan was no longer at her heel, “eek! No!” she panicked as she saw him striding over to the offending children.
“Say that to my fucking face, asshole!” Natalie couldn’t believe things had gone this wrong so quickly, she was a little afraid to intervene. Satan was furious as he squared up to the kid, fists clenched.
“To your face? Alright,” the stupid kid had apparently accepted the challenge, “fr-“
“THERE YOU ARE,” Natalie interrupted, but Satan looked at her and snorted, “come on, Kelvin, we need to get to class,” she placed a hand on Satan’s shoulder, which shrugged it off instantly. Satan turned and walked away so he didn’t witness the boys go back to their snickering. Natalie could feel the heat from his body coming through the navy cardigan and decided to keep her hands to herself, “wow, dude, you’re really burning up.”
“Keep this contract going for longer and I assure you I can do much worse,” he knew it wasn’t the best idea to be beating kids in public, and he didn’t need some stupid girl babysitting him. He will have only broken his nose, after all.
“Miss McAllister,” Natalie looked up to see the headteacher towering over her, and from the way she looked at Satan, Natalie knew where this was going,
“Good morning, Ms Carmichael,” Natalie gave a wide, fake grin as Ms Carmichael managed to completely ignore that Satan was staring her dead in the eye.
“And who are you, young man?” she returned Satan’s look. Harder and without fear (for, to her, he was just a young schoolboy trespassing).
“This is my… cousin… Kelvin,” Natalie stammered,
“I assume you don’t mean a first cousin, Miss McAllister. As you and I know full well you have no aunts or uncles,”
“No, not first cousin. Like…third-cousin, once-removed? My grandfather is Kelvin’s great-granduncle,”
“That would be second-cousins, once-removed,” Ms Carmichael replied, “now, I’m not sure why you’ve brought a strange child, cousin or not, kitted in our uniform into our school but we can play this two ways. Either Kelvin can go home or to his own school and we’ll speak nothing of it, or I can call your father and we can have a chat about it in my office at lunch time.” Satan had absolutely no interest in this interaction.
“Right, so I’m going ‘home’,” he said, and gave a look to Natalie that showed a request for permission, which was joined by the noise of him grinding his teeth. He was not enjoying this contract one bit.
“Oh, okay. I’ll walk you to the gate, Kelvin. Sorry, Ms Carmichael!” Natalie called back and chased Satan who had already nearly made it there, “slow down,”
“I’m just going back to your house, goddamnit. Fucking hell, kid,”
“Excuse me, but you were the one who wanted to come with me!” Satan’s face dropped when he realised she was right and this was his own fault, which made him angrier.
“I wouldn’t be here if you had decided what you wanted to do with the contract!”
“Maybe I’d have decided if you’d stop putting pressure on me!”
“Bullshit, I gave you all weekend,” the school bell rang.
“Okay, okay, okay. It’s not exactly an easy decision. And I don’t even know the terms. My father always said you need to read the fine-print before you make any kind of deal. You don’t go making bets willy-nilly based on feelings – you have to think them through.”
“So it’s my fault for not explaining everything to you! Jeez, kid, couldn’t you have worked some of this out yourself? Are you thicker than I thought?”
“It’s not like I was planning on summoning the devil! But now you’re here I want to make the most use of it,” Natalie’s voice began to get very hushed even though all the children had gone to class and there was nobody to hear them.
“What does ‘make the most of it’ mean?” he asked softly, hoping to get an answer, but Natalie chose to ignore it.
It was becoming more and more frustrating to Lucifer that he couldn’t manipulate her. She was scared of him, but it didn’t sway her. She wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, though not particularly stupid, and she had something up her sleeve. He could ask softly, he could ask aggressively; but it occurred to him that if she didn’t want to say something they she wouldn’t say it.
“I don’t want you in my house while I’m at school. Sometimes my dad comes home for lunch and we haven’t worked this thing out yet,” she breathed deep, “there’s a park around the corner,”
“Whoop-de-fucking-shit,”
“Go and sit in the park,” she said, still thinking, “That’s an order. I’ll come and find you after school and we can talk,”
Satan began to walk away, so Natalie turned to go back through the school gates. She deeply hoped an order was enough to keep him in one place for six hours. She didn’t focus on her work for a single minute the whole day because it kept crossing her mind that she didn’t know what she’d do if he wasn’t there.
At the end of the day, Natalie saw her friend, Naira, to the bus as she usually did (who gave her a big hug since something was clearly on her mind). She even ran off before anyone else, including her best friend, had a chance to say goodbye. Legging it around the corner to the park she heaved a sigh of relief to see Satan, still as a teenager, sat on a bench. She approached, gasping, and he turned his head very slowly around to see her.
“It rained,” the tone of his voice implied that he’d really had enough of this day,
“Did it? Sorry,” nobody wants to be caught in the rain, “let’s go.”
“I have one thing to say before we go anywhere,” Satan stood up and Natalie nodded for him to go on, “Kelvin?”
“Oh yeah, it’s all I could think of on the spot. I couldn’t introduce you as ‘Satan’ could I? And ‘Lucifer’ isn’t exactly a common name, either; is your name actually Lucifer?” It felt weird calling him that,
“We are not on first name terms, girl,” they began to walk, Satan leading the way, “please don’t call me Kelvin.”
Thanks!! I’m quite happy with the attention it’s gotten so far. I’m really enjoying doing it. As I said in my introductory post it’d be amazing if anybody has any input they want to give me.
Word Count: 1,580
Content Warnings:
Swearing - Heavy but infrequent
Excerpt:
““What? You aren’t so keen having people thinking you’re a Satanist? Boring,” Satan teased, knowing full-well that of all the humans joyfully willing to be associated with him, Natalie was not one of them.”
“Have you made a decision yet?” was the first thing Natalie heard at 7:10am on Monday morning. She’d stalled him for the weekend by complaining that she couldn’t think while having menstrual cramps. Satan knew enough about humans to know that she couldn’t use that excuse forever. He was getting impatient for the contract to end, and today he intended on bugging her, threatening her, whatever worked to get her to make up her mind. But Natalie was so...
“Dude... Urgh... I haven’t got time to think of your dumb contract today,” Natalie rolled in order that she’d fall on the floor, knowing it was the only way to get her body willingly out of bed, “it’s a school day and I have some homework to cram before I go,”
“I’m coming with you,” Satan informed,
“You...can’t?” Natalie, in theory, knew that the devil was going to do whatever he pleased but she severely hoped he had the decency not to go to a school. For a moment she wished she’d gone to college to do her A-levels, and had a fleeting thought of how the security team would act if a student were to walk in with the devil. She grabbed clothes from her closet and threw them to her bed, gesturing for Satan to turn around while she got changed.
“I can, and I will, I’m not leaving your side until you make up your mind about this contract. If you think I’m going to spend eternity answering to you, you’ve got another-“
“Answering to me?” Natalie paused amidst removing her pyjama top, Satan turned to see her eyes light up and realised that he had never explained this part of the deal. Damn, he should have guessed she wouldn’t have worked this one out.
“Never mind,” he tried to save himself, returning his glance away,
“Do you mean I’m in charge of you?” A cocky smirk spread across her face,
“I said, never mind,” fuck,
“How about if I order you to tell me what you meant?” Too late, she’d worked it out. Satan placed his hand over his face in mild despair, peering at the bookshelf through the gaps in his fingers.
“It’s not like you can tell me to do absolutely anything, girl. Don’t get the wrong impression. If you want something big you’re going to have to use the contract for that,” another fake sigh escaped him, “but until then, yes, you are-“ he bitterly raised his fingers into air quotes, “in charge”.
It hadn’t taken Natalie long to get dressed, she grabbed her back pack and sat at her desk, taking out her homework and a cereal bar.
“Couldn’t you have done that over the weekend?” Satan side-eyed her English homework and winced slightly in disdain. He selected a new book from her collection and reclined on her bed with it.
“I probably could have done, but you forget I was sort of dealing with an unwanted guest,” Natalie had learnt over the past few days that she could get away with a bit of cheeky rudeness towards him. She couldn’t really tell if he was offended by it, she imagined much worse things had happened to him than a bit of name-calling. Falling from heaven and apparently spending all the time after that being a miserable git. “Plus, you get better results from me under pressure,” she smiled smugly.
“You’re just lazy,”
“Well, better for you then, isn’t sloth a sin?”
For the next twenty minutes they sat in silence as Natalie finished her work and thought about whether she should really take Satan to school or not. On one hand, she could order him to stay here but she hadn’t left him alone all weekend and didn’t exactly trust him. He’d broken the spine on two of her books already; a gentle touch isn’t how you’d describe him. He was particularly good at asserting control and if she ordered him to ‘stay here’, she’d then had to add on ‘don’t break anything’, ‘don’t make any noise’, ‘don’t prank call anyone’. It just seemed like more effort than it was worth.
“See you later, sweet pea!” called her father from downstairs, leaving for work.
“Later, Dad,” Natalie called back, re-packing her bag ready for school and cramming the last bite of summer fruit Alpen into her mouth. Her father was very timely and always left the house at exactly the same time, so she could always rely on him to know when it was time for her to think about going to school.
“Okay, so you can come to school with me. But...” Natalie looked Satan up and down. The guy was basically the length of her bed, with curved horns, glowing eyes and large muscles all over his body. He wore a brown robe that left his top half fully exposed. And his old-fashioned Jesus sandals, as Natalie called them (of which Satan was less than impressed) completed the look of ‘super obviously not normal’. “Not to be ‘that guy’, but I can’t exactly go out in public with you.”
“You must!” He declared sardonically,
“Er...can’t you change your appearance, then?” Natalie said with slight worry, she really couldn’t imagine a way to keep him inconspicuous in this form. She added some teasing to her tone because she wondered if challenging him was likely to get a better result.
“What? You aren’t so keen having people thinking you’re a Satanist? Boring,” Satan teased, knowing full-well that of all the humans joyfully willing to be associated with him, Natalie was not one of them. He had seen the bible on her shelf and noted the crucifix she presented on her dresser (but, for some reason, never wore). She was not a follower.
Natalie exclaimed quietly through gritted teeth, “I’m not a Satanist! I was on my period!” Satan enjoyed the knowledge that he caught a nerve somewhere and laughed to himself. Natalie looked at her clock, running late again, “Look, I need to go to school. If you’re going outside, I need you to not be so obvious.”
There was an inexplicable charm about Natalie. She seemed simple, as all humans were. She was uneasy around him, but not fearful – this intrigued him. As much as Lucifer hated humans, he somehow felt that Natalie was much more fun to torment than to physically harm. Although the contract was only three days old (it definitely felt like much longer) and he could have gotten away with breaking a leg or two to get out of this situation. He couldn’t help but see her pathetic cluelessness as the opportunity for a slow burn; and even though she was only seventeen, he could see potential in having her around (plus, it would buy him time until his next move). Provided she continued to be low maintenance and overall co-operative (if a little snarky about it). He took another look at her and realised she really wasn’t going to let him go out looking like this. Her persistence could very quickly become an inconvenience.
“Is that an order?” He resigned,
“Kinda,” Natalie said (she’d never been ‘in charge’ before, it would take some getting used to). She was getting more and more anxious about the time.
“This is ridiculous. Obeying a little girl with menstrual rage...” he snapped his fingers and, as instantly as his original appearance, his look changed. Now, standing before Natalie, was what seemed to be a human being. She noted the disappearance of his horns and his pointed ears. And he was wearing clothes, thank goodness.
Lucifer didn’t dislike his ‘human’ look, he used it often enough, but he didn’t want Natalie to forget just how scary and evil he could be. He made a show of disliking the change hoping this conversation to be done with and they could go.
“Fucking hell! You look like a drug dealer greaser...” Natalie was, if anything, more disgusted by this look than the original one. There was no way she could bring him anywhere near a school.
“Good,” Satan replied, the association nothing less than a compliment to him.
“No, not good. I don’t hang out with drug dealers!”
“Well, this is all you’re getting,” Satan turned on his heel and went toward the door,
“You have to look younger and...decent!” Natalie followed as they begun down the stairs, zipping up her bag while it was hanging from her shoulder. Younger!! Did she know how old he was?! This was younger!
“I’m not going to demean myself for you. I said no, and that’s final.” Natalie jogged past him on the stairs and stood in front of the front door.
“I order you to be an adorable young teen,” Satan stopped on the bottom step and scowled at her,
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“If you go like that, you’re not going to be allowed in the school. So change the look, lose the piercings. Uniform is blue shirt and grey trousers.” Satan was not happy.
Forget inconvenience, she was already becoming an irritation. But if Lucifer was a master of any ability, it was the ability to make the most of what he had, whether she was going to use this contract, break it or keep him around for longer – there were positives to all.
That is, if he could stand being around her for much longer.
“Smile!” she said to him, as they took to the street.
Word Count: 1,336
Content Warnings:
Swearing - Heavy but infrequent
Mentions of death and murder - Light, non-graphic
Excerpt:
““Explain yourself,” he turned and loomed over her, squinting. She found herself looking up, for the first time, at his yellow eyes.”
He glared over his shoulder at the girl, her face frozen and red. Lucifer couldn’t ever wish to show it, but the embarrassment was definitely mutual. As soon as the front door softly clicked shut, he left the bathroom closing the door not-so-gently behind him.
Natalie gave a sigh of relief. Glad it was over, if it even really happened. She grabbed the box of maxi pads and checked it over in case she’d missed some kind of “warning: this product summons the devil”. She blinked a few times and it occurred to her that what had just transpired must have, in fact, been a product of imagination. Perhaps she was dehydrated. That was probably it. She finished off the business that she had been in the midst of and paused before she left the bathroom. The house was quiet.
What a strange thing to imagine indeed, the devil? Weird. Why would she imagine that? He was kind of tall, dark and… well, you know. Perhaps she was getting a little lonely. Maybe her reproductive organs were trying to remind her that she wasn’t in a position to make babies so why did it even bother? She thought about that guy Thomas she dated for a little while and swiftly remembered why she hasn’t bothered with dating since.
Natalie strode out of the bathroom, feeling refreshed (though a little shaken). She marched across the hallway and set her foot on the top step as she was about to descend the stairs.
“In here,” came a deep, strange voice from her bedroom. Damn it.
She took another step down the stairs, hoping still that it might be her imagination (though by this point, she could be pretty certain that it wasn’t).
“Girl, get in here now!” the sharpness of his voice got Natalie moving and she went into her room, shaking. He was stood; arms crossed looking out of her window. The floor squeaked announcing Natalie’s arrival. Shit shit shit shit. There really isn’t a way of quantifying exactly all the thoughts going through Natalie’s mind, but her primary thoughts were for her safety. After-all, a very large, seemingly-strong looking man (devil or not) was in her room, beckoning her. Goodness knows for what reason he didn’t just leave when he had the chance. So what did he want with her? Was he going to kill her? She always kind of hoped she’d die peacefully in her sleep, but, with the devil around, was it ever very likely that would be the way she’d go?
She stood next to him, awaiting any indication of what he wanted, of what would happen next.
“Y…Yes?”
She was never a fan of horror movies, she couldn’t bare the silence. Her brother, two years ago, had gone through a phase of forcing her to watch them (the ‘mild’ ones, mind you, since she was only fifteen at the time), and she was always left thinking that if she were ever in a haunted house or hiding from a murderer she’d probably jump out shouting and screaming “here I am, come and get me!” purely because the tension seemed more terrifying than death itself.
(Not to mention, Natalie isn’t really someone who found it easy to be quiet)
The beast swiftly stepped to the door, taking one single stride where Natalie would have allowed three. He shut the door. Shit fuck, wank, bollucks. Shitting fuck-crap. This was it. Time to die now. Fuck.
Although…
Natalie took a second to actually pay attention to him, instead of herself, and it became apparent to her that his actions weren’t so much an expression of anger. Natalie’s dad always said that she inherited a remarkable gift from her mother; that she always saw the best in people and she was able to see through their outward expressions and perceive what they were truly feeling. No, he wasn’t really angry (though it was obvious he was wishing for Natalie to think it), but was feeling something akin to despair, exasperation maybe. What could the devil be so bothered by? She found it harder to be scared by him, knowing somewhere he could be hurting. Perhaps he needed a friend? (What a strange thing to think about Satan).
“Are you oka-“ she began
“Explain yourself,” he turned and loomed over her, squinting. She found herself looking up, for the first time, at his yellow eyes. They glowed and pulsed as she looked. Two curved horns sprouted from his head. They looked so real. Well, they must be real. But, wow, it was kind of creepy. He had long, pointed, pierced ears and as she was viewing the left one, it twitched and she realised she’d been staring.
Unbeknownst to her, Lucifer didn’t take particular issue with her staring. He took pride in his appearance, he’d taken this form to intimidate others and ensure that from one look they might realise who he was. Her staring confirmed to him that it had achieved its purpose. After she’d finished staring, she blushed and tried to answer his question. He knew she didn’t have a clue what happened, but asking her covered all bases. He wasn’t particularly worried about how to break the contract, more concerned as to why it had happened in the first place.
“I-I’m not even sure what’s going on… are-are you really-“ she bumbled,
“Yes,”
“Oh my god!”
“No,”
Natalie caught herself before laughing at her accidental pun. She wasn’t really sure but it didn’t feel like it was appropriate to laugh in front of Satan.
“What do you… what do you want from me?” she drew the courage to ask.
“From you? You’ve got nothing I want or need,”
He scanned the room and took a seat in the corner on her oversized bean bag (though it didn’t look so oversized with him sat in it).
“What happens now? What do we- what happens now?”
Satan took a deep sigh (which was purely for effect, as he had no requirement to breathe).
“Look, kid. You may not have intended to, but you’ve opened a contract with me and now you’re stuck with me until you decide to let the contract go or use it,”
“Use it? Like, make a deal with the devil?”
“You got it,”
“Wha- happens if I don’t do either of those?”
“Then you’re stuck with me. I just said that, fucking hell. I don’t like repeating myself,” Satan looked tired, bored. He looked like he couldn’t be bothered, “Look, you don’t want to be stuck with me, and I don’t want to be stuck with you. So just choose what you want or break the contract, I don’t care which.”
“I… can’t decide,” Natalie had an overwhelming feeling of strength and responsibility.
“It would benefit us both if you could not take too long, I’ve got places to be,” and he looked over at her for the first time since he sat down, making it clear to her that he would not tolerate hesitance for very long.
“Could I sleep on it? I can’t just decide on a whim, it’s a big decision,”
“Urgh, fine!” Satan got up and walked to Natalie’s bookshelf. It was filled with romance and mystery novels. He could feel her eyes watching him, forcing him to choose more carefully. He picked up ‘The Ring’ by Koji Suzuki, having read it before and knowing perfectly well that she could not derive an un-devilish opinion of him based on it. He sat back on the beanbag and opened the book at the beginning. “Your dad ever come in here?”
“No, he respects my space,” Natalie said, unintentionally trying to tell him about her family life (for whatever reason).
“Good, then I’ll be right here,”
“Right, okay…” the front door clicked open, “so can I- can I go now?”
“Whatever. Just think about breaking the contract. We’ll talk about it tomorrow,”
Satan was pretty confident this issue would be all sorted in the morning, but Natalie had other ideas.
Word Count: 1,080
Content Warnings:
Swearing, heavy but infrequent
Menstruation mention, heavy throughout
Excerpt:
“There is absolutely nothing better than the first day of your period(!) especially when you a) weren’t expecting it b) do not have anything in house to deal with it and c) you somehow manage to summon SATAN HIMSELF.”
KNOCK KNOCK
“Pumpkin...S...S...Sweetie? Are you okay in there?”
“Fine, Dad... Just fine! I’m okay!”
“Are you...are you sure?.. It’s just that I heard you scream and I’m worried you might be hurt or-“
“Dad, I’m fine! It’s just. Urgh, you know. That special week we girls have...every month,”
“Oh my. Oh dear. Yes, of course! Say no more, say no more. Urgh, look honey. Right, okay well I’ll tell you what, I’m just going to go to the shops for half an hour, washing machine is free, you know where to find the soap? If you need it, that is,”
“Thanks Dad, that’s great,”
“It’s okay pumpkin, what are dads for? Haha, anyway. You look after yourself I won’t be too long...,”
There is absolutely nothing better than the first day of your period(!) especially when you a) weren’t expecting it b) do not have anything in house to deal with it and c) you somehow manage to summon SATAN HIMSELF.
Let me elaborate on that last part.
Natalie had a very unproductive day. She just felt like absolute shit. She didn’t want to work on that essay that she’d been procrastinating for two weeks, she barely wanted to take a bath and somehow she didn’t even feel like sitting on her ass playing RPGs all day. Somehow, she found herself slumped across the sofa doing word puzzles. Every odd page of the puzzle book was a Sudoku, hashi or battleships puzzle, very often with a cross through it when her father had given up. She had just begun to wonder if the word puzzles were too hard for him, or too easy and thus not a challenge. And then came that familiar feeling down below that immediately left her with the realisation of ‘ah yes, this is why I’ve felt like utter crap all day’.
She got to her bathroom quick and opened her drawer of ‘women’s things’ to find a single tampon and a menstrual cup that she was pretty sure she did not know how to use correctly. She grabbed the tampon and did what she needed to do. She really was much more a fan of external ‘products’ (after all, toxic shock syndrome or dirty pubes actually isn’t a very difficult choice), but she was glad that she had something. She wasn’t due for another four days so she just wasn’t quite prepared.
(Seriously though, who doesn’t keep this stuff in stock throughout the month? Oh right, yeah people like Natalie)
She left the shop with a single pack of maxi pads (with wings) and a very foul mood. They didn’t have her usual brand or her second favourite go-to brand. They only had this weird brand she’d never heard of called “Orange”. It pissed her off more because the packaged was pink with weird minty coloured writing (like, it clashed so bad). It wasn’t even orange what the hell. And that bullshit story the cashier had made up about some guy coming in and stealing literally all the other pads just made it worse.
It didn’t matter all that much though, since Natalie was going to be in a sensitive mood today anyway, considering what a special day it was. She felt better stomping home but didn’t quite have the jolt to slam the door as she came back. Her dad had arrived home from work and she gave him an almost friendly grunt and she dragged herself up the stairs and back to her bathroom.
She sat on the loo (a little too hard, bumped her bum a bit) and, forgetting she was wearing the tampon, got up again and stood in the absolute least attractive but essential pose that you need to be in to remove tampons (though you don’t want to see how many positions she tried to remove the menstrual cup).
“Tear here to open” was sweetly written in cursive script on the side of the box of pads. Natalie ripped off the top of the box. Did she see it? Was she being defiant? Who knows. Not sure it matters considering what happens next.
Natalie sat on the toilet, placed the pad, wiped, wiped, wiped again... and then wiped again ohmygodthatissomuchtoiletpaperwillitevenflush. Then she flushed pulled up her pants and that friendly ol’ vagina of hers happily christened the fresh, clean pad. Right away!
“Oh for fucks sake,” Natalie cringed, exasperated. She sat down and removed the pad, disposing of it. She was about to wipe and grab another one but she felt woozy for just a second.
I’m sure you expect it to have happened in a big bang or with a loud noise or something like that, but it was really rather quick. Natalie blinked her eyes and when she opened them again there he stood. Like she was imagining him at first but, nope there he was! A six-foot-two beast with horns and pointed ears. Her immediate reaction was to keep quiet, hoping that this ‘man’ wouldn’t even notice her, since he was currently facing the bathroom door. (Though I doubt she actually expected him to just shrug and disappear)
“Who dares call upon my presence?!” Natalie couldn’t tell if he was annoyed, excited, if he even knew what had happened. Like, did he know he was standing in a bathroom?
He stared at all four corners of the door and it took him maybe a second or two to realise that it was a door. He turned around to see a goofy orange-haired girl with the widest eyes he’d ever observed. She was sweating profusely, sat on the toilet. He was horrified at why someone would wish to summon him into contract while sat on the toilet and then...oh no that couldn’t have happened. He wasn’t summoned with period blood?! Humans are so fucking disgusting. He looked around to gather his evidence.
Sat atop the wooden bathroom cabinet was a box of “Orange Maxi-Pads”, below the title stating “with only two wings”. And on the depiction...yep, that was his summon symbol. He took one more peep at the girl and confirmed his other suspicion that this was a trick played on the both of them. Apparently he glared a bit too aggressively (but who cares, really?) and she gave out an “eep”, actually maybe more like an “ahhhh!”. Anyway, it was some pathetic human squeaky noise, that’s all he cared to notice. He turned to grab the door to leave when-
KNOCK KNOCK
“Pumpkin?”
And Satan just glared at the door with the thought of “what the fuck is happening right now?”.
So, I’m really bad at writing. I’m not saying I’m the worst ever or anything, but I could definitely do with some improvement. When I write it just has no flow. I like to make it seem...casual? Like, the narrator is casual (like this). Apparently that’s my downfall but whudeva.
Anyway, so I just wanted to re-write Satan and Me, because I love it so much. In theory I’m mostly following things canon though I will take a few sort of liberties with it. (you’ll see, I’m sure).
I also wanted to add the option for anybody else in the SaMily to submit asks or messages to say anything they’d like me to add in to the story? Just any little idea they’ve had that might change things a bit, or something they thought would fit really well into the story. Obviously I wouldn’t be able to do all of this but I kind of just really would like some input from others so that any deviation from the full canon plotline isn’t only from my own head? Does that make sense?
The first episode is written and queued up to release soon so hopefully someone will enjoy it!
I’m keeping secret so you can just call me Bos.
If anybody reading this doesn’t know what Satan and Me is, you can find it here @thisiskindagross. It is made by @orange-plum, who also has another comic @hereitcomescomic. Both comics are fantastic and wonderful and you should go and check them out.
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