waste of time

bae sunah • xxii • backup dancer • ex-trainee • failure

[baesunah-blog]

tagged by: @igniso ( might as well add @hidenite too)

tagging: whoever haven’t done it yet

rules: add as many subjects as you’d like; it can help people tagging you in aesthetically pleasing things for your muse! repost only.

tastes: cheap off brand redbull, drinks she didn’t buy, scarfed down convenience store food

smells: sweat in the studio, roses de chloé, money, her mother's perfume.

sights: lavish things that aren’t hers, endless things she desires, whirlwind of activity backstage, limelight on someone else, walls lined with mirrors, loud industry parties.

sounds: shoes squeaking on the floor, bills being shuffled, the same song played over and over, begging in between sharp intakes of breath, skin hitting skin, a priest’s sermon.

sensations: strain in her muscles, shame when the sun rises, forced smile on someones arm, closed eye bliss at the summit of a high, nails into someones back, heavy hands on her hips, desire for fame, always wanting more.

outfits: duality, dance wear, comfortable shirts, excessive accessories, fur coats, sequins and shiny things, bright colors (more info here)

body: tall, lean, pliable, hickeys and bruises, swollen lips worried between teeth, flushed cheeks on pale skin, tendinitis in left ankle, eyelid surgery, endurant, athletic. 

[eulogiac-blog]

                              reincarnation is not supposed to work this way, is it                               immortality is not supposed to work this way, is it?                                                 ( asks the questions until his throat feels like sandpaper,                                                   but to whom? who is listening? )

                               LEE SOOHYUK  –  IMMORTAL MIND, MORTAL BODY.

[bbonnied-deactivated20160331]

{ @baesunah }

what the fuck do you think you’re doing. it sits on the edge of her lips and for the first time in a while she bites it back. there goes her lipstick.

her first instinct is to turn to the man, he is not her main concern but he is the first on the list. she’s mastered the art of speaking without opening her mouth, of looking at him and bringing his nightmares alive. a woman who can stand up for herself! how revolutionary. to men like him it was all but a statement rather than a surprise. not this one. get lost.

so he does. with his tail between his leg as if she’d yanked it underneath him.

the air is rancid, smells of cheap wine and empty wallets. definitely not a place to do business. she’s here by tip only and her reason sits on the bed. the only reason she would be caught dead in an establishment such as this. startled isn’t quite the word for this female who’s mastered the art of fixing her face to a situation. 

“my place first?” she holds out the jacket previously on her body and curses the temptation it probably provided. later. everything in due time. “I’ve got your favorite ice cream and vodka.”

[baesunah-blog]

everything was embarrassing already. the cheap room and equally cheap man. bonnie’s appearance just added another layer of shame to it- a feeling sunah was already much too accustomed too. funny how she could numb it down with time.

she grabbed the jacket- a thank you muttered, yet barely audible as she stood up, turning around to put it on and using this as an opportunity to avoid her gaze a small bit longer; having to face her (justified) criticism a bit later; knowing full well that her eyes would communicate exactly what she thought in the same way it caused the man to run off like a scared child.

“sounds like a plan” she said, turning around, holding her gaze to bonnie for the first time. “thanks. for coming” she spoke, sincerely as she moved up towards the other woman, grabbing her wrist, tugging her slowly out of the room. “i don’t want to stay any longer in this place. that and your meal plan for tonight sounds more than appetizing” she turned her head, a slightly fake smile on her lips.

“i have no idea how i even ended here. i was being careful” she continued, eyebrows frowning, anger towards her own self obvious as the two women moved through the long corridors. “i feel so stupid”

[anotherfsblog]

[baesunah-blog]

anotherfsblog:

Baek Inha‘s Outfits in Ep 9&10 of “Cheese in the Trap”

[baesunah-blog]

hc + sex

meme:  send me  ‘ hc ‘  + a word and i’ll write a headcanon about it regarding my character.

sex. sex had always been somewhat of a curiosity to sunah.everything about it was interesting, drawing her to it whenshe hit puberty like most youth. maybe it was how it seemed omnipresent, let it be in the artsor in real life. maybe it was how it almost seemed taboo as well, especially inher moderately religious household. it was almost a fascination- a near anticipationbuilding up to the time where she’d get to discover it.

everything around her was pressure, from the stressful lifeof a trainee to the very standards her mother would hold her up to. masturbationwas a small escape to her that came quite naturally. wasn’t it natural afterall? that is how she justified herself as her hand slipped beneath her sheetsand in between her legs at night- a sweet escape that would bring her closer toheaven and then knock her to blissful sleep.

some people can spot what gave them their “sexual awakening”so to speak. sunah felt a great deal of attraction to the movie virginsuicides. she didn’t understand lux’s promiscuity and yet- she craved to knowwhy the young girl did that. she related to the pressure of a difficult motherand a religious upbringing the automatic boundaries that it brought and thedesires to push them- just because that might be one of the only thing shecould control. lux’s panties with sexual poems on it; purposefully sunbathing on theroof in the smallest bikini in full display for the young boy mowing the lawnor illicit meetings for outdoors quickie- all the depictions in this movieattracted her. sunah would never know if she was really attracted to the sexualor free aspect of it.

she remained a christian though, and losing your virginity?well, that was a big affair, even though only she and the one who ‘assisted’her in that task knew it. it was thought out and she had definitely ‘chosen’the one who’d make her take that one step who in her mind truly turned her intoa woman. and even if that relationship ended sourly; she never found herselfregretting her choice although she’d still laugh at it- her acting like itwasn’t a big deal but ending up crying not because of a pseudo pain doctorstell you to try and scare you but because of theaccomplishment it weirdly brought to her- and the satisfaction of trulydiscovering sex for herself- well, and with another person.

sunah somewhat felt guilty for not preserving herself untilmarriage, or for losing her virginity way before the usual average age in korea  (at the very least to save face). but it was such arelease- something unrelated to her life, struggles or dream. a blissful momentelsewhere where all she had to worry about were basic instincts that came asnaturally as dance moves when the beat starts to play.

sex was an escape, a welcome one. and through it; that’swhen she truly felt like herself. away from hopes, pressure and expectations. nomatter how rough- it remained a sweet pleasure. a freeing one.

[baesunah-blog]

i’m going to be busy the next few days so please add me on aim @ baesunah even if we’re mutuals who’ve never spoken before- and let’s get some plotting going while i travel. xoxo

[90yoda]

                               A L L  I  K N O W  I S                                EVERYBODY LOVES ME !

[baesunah-blog]

hc + clothing

meme: send me  ‘ hc ‘  + a word and i’ll write a headcanon about it regarding my character.

don’tjudge a book by it’s cover they say- but how else are you supposed to knowit’ll be up to par without sitting down to read it, and risk discovering300 pages later than you’ve royally wasted your time? no- sunah always firmlybelieved that appearances were important. not everything- but close.

herconstant need for validation (thanks mom) expressed itself in many ways; one ofthe most obvious would be how she tried to control the way people perceivedher- sometimes by censoring herself, other times through little white lies (ohme? i study physics at snu) 

clothingwas naturally another facet of her trying to control the little she could; amake believe as she tried to pretend who she wanted to be- her clothing didafter all represent the duality in her life. the girl who has failed yet keepstrying with less dignity each time. or just the stark contrast between herlifelong dream and her much less shiny reality.

and so, if caught off guard or just busy in the relative comfort she could find in huge cements buildings and windowless practice rooms- her incarnation of the athletic girl who has spent most of her life in dance studios is obvious. her clothing is almost on the default background dancer in practice videos; calculated to look effortless on those days where she knows she’d sweat off any makeup- days she’d train from dawn to dusk (those were always surprisingly comforting to her).

the other part of this unbalanced yin and yang was the one where she tried to be what she wasn’t but craved. shopping had always been an outlet for her, a therapy, but as things went downhill it went out of hand- same for her luxurious tastes. she relishes in the gaudy and ostentatious. it’s not important if others think it’s ugly- as long as they know it was expensive. ( but her credit card debts pile up and she can only squeeze so much out of a foolish man- each new item is an extra nail in her coffin)

in the end it was fitting; the flashy clothing represented her perfectly. a try hard. a failure. the celebrity she never was trying to show the money shenever had in the first place

’

[derangcdarchive-blog]

send me  ‘ hc ‘  + a word and i’ll write a headcanon about it regarding my character.

[baesunah-blog]

MEET THE MUSE .

ɴᴀᴍᴇ . bae sunah ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ . august 8th, 1993 ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ sᴛᴀᴛᴜs . complicated ᴢᴏᴅɪᴀᴄ sɪɢɴ . leo sɪʙʟɪɴɢs . none ᴘᴇᴛs . none ᴘʜᴏɴᴇ . black lg v10 ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴏʀ ʟᴜsᴛ . love ᴄᴀᴛs ᴏʀ ᴅᴏɢs . cats ᴄᴏᴋᴇ ᴏʀ ᴘᴇᴘsɪ . coke ᴅᴀʏ ᴏʀ ɴɪɢʜᴛ . night ᴍᴇᴇᴛ ᴀ ᴄᴇʟᴇʙʀɪᴛʏ . daily basis ( work ) ᴄʜᴀᴘsᴛɪᴄᴋ ᴏʀ ʟɪᴘsᴛɪᴄᴋ . lipstick ᴄɪᴛʏ ᴏʀ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛʀʏ . city ʟᴀsᴛ sᴏɴɢ ᴘʟᴀʏᴇᴅ . trini dem girls ( nicki minaj )

ᴛᴀɢɢᴇᴅ ʙʏ . [ @hydriade​ ] [ @loretdefer ] ᴛᴀɢɢɪɴɢ .     the three people left who haven't done this and want to + master @hidenite ʀᴜʟᴇs.          tag people you want to get to know better!

[baesunah-blog]

                                the story - the facts - the rules

                                        ❝ fall six times, stand up seven ❞                                                         sunah  • xxii  • failure

              reblog  •  follow  •  original character  •  selective  •  literate  •  aim available

[hidenite-archived]

as hide glances up, he is baffled by the irony of a walking rainbow quilt mocking his undoubtedly superior footwear. his brows raises, a disbelieving scoff slipping his lips.

“please, jesus cosplays as me,” he states matter-of-factly, easily dismissing her snide remark while he tightens the laces. once he ties a perfect ribbon at the top, he leans back on his palms to give the girl another onceover; only now does he notice how much prettier that face would be had it not been caked in make up thicker than his coc… aine lines. 

( but hey, nothing a little facial couldn’t make look better. )

when his eyes falls on the piece of clothing slung over her arm, he uses his foot to nudge the ivory fur rug on the marble floor, his chin tilting in the direction of it. “this is more fitting if you’re looking for more fur rugs to stitch up and wear on yourself, don’t you think?”

[baesunah-blog]

she raises an unimpressed brow at the reply. bad taste and bad attitude? what a fucking winner she had on her hands here. but he was cute- and obviously rich enough to dress the worst money could buy. a thick wallet is always attractive. the ultimate way of compensation for any fault; god-awful sandals included.

a scoff escapes her at his excuse for a comeback, jutting her chin to point towards said rug, trying to not drop the mass of clothing in her arms. “well at least that’ll still be in season. do you need me to sit you down and explain the concept behind ‘winter’?”

“oh, if you want a toga to go with those shoes, they have great one strap dresses over there that might do the trick.” she added, before trying to make her way around the shoe boxes for the register.

[baesunah-blog]

@hidenite

she hesitated as she stared at the the price tag, mind slowly calculating how much she could get away with on her cards (and to think people said she was bad at math) before finally swinging a final piece of overly expensive clothing over her arm. backing away, sunah felt her foot hit against something, looking down to see a shoebox; one among many.

her eyes naturally trailed to the man sitting on the couch next to them. she could have stopped on his face; fawning over the chiseled look of it, or lusted over the obviously tailored clothing he was wearing (probably custom made; she thought to herself); but instead her gaze was fixated on his shoes- the terrible excuses for sandals on his feet.

so terrible she didn’t know if it was a joke; one of those ‘it’s so bad it’s almost good’ situations. but as she looked down once more, she couldn’t help herself and keep her mouth from running.

“it’s january in seoul- what could you need those for, to cosplay as jesus?”

after all money clearly couldn’t buy you taste

[sungkyunglee-blog]

[baesunah-blog]

dawn; ljd&bsn

@wisceral

she held back a swear as she dropped her purse, reminding herself at the last moment she needed to be quiet as she entered the code on their keypad of their front door.

he had chosen the code- of course.

she pushed the door in, quietly shutting it behind her, almost sighing in pleasure as she finally got to kick off the heels she wore that evening. pulling out her phone, she frowned as she saw the time. 5:57 AM. but what truly made her cringe was the notification drawer.

battery almost empty. 7% left.

4 missed calls.

6 unread texts from: jude.

so she decided to go the easy way as always. she’d slip into her room, get some well needed rest and deal with the consequences (aka having to face him) whenever she woke.

it was in those moments she was thankful he was such a workaholic. she didn’t have to deal with him until late at night when he finally wound up home.

barefoot, sunah tiptoed through the entryway, turning as she hit the main room to drop her purse and phone on the kitchen counter (she’d deal with those later as well). she yawned as she turned on herself, ready to retreat to her room.

she had, however, not expected to see the very man she was trying to avoid sitting on the pristine white couch of their large living room.

“jude” she let out, her voice an unsettling mix between a gasp and a whisper; surprise and apprehension an unsavory cocktail within her.

“i- you’re up early. i didn’t want to wake you up. i’m sorry” she muttered, frozen in place, eyes avoiding his- instinctively going to the door to her room. fight or flight instinct kicking in, consciousness telling her to pick the latter.

[florentien]

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[sungkyunglee-blog]