Elegance And Ecstacy

Happily married BYU student; psychology major and human enthusiast.

[thevindicativevordan]

speaking of spider-man editorial being antagonistic, some people just can't understand, that this job is literally believed to be the worst one in the entire industry, because his fans hate everything and everyone. which is why they grew to dislike both them and things they want to see (married Peter, MJ, etc). Wells run is literally built on that, because they fed up with this.

Finally are giving us what we want on another Earth at least.

God I'm so fucking happy, it's my dream status quo with a dream team of creators handling it. Hope the daughter is named Mayday, they can name the boy whatever they want (I think MJ should get to name him but that's unlikely to happen). Perhaps we might finally see some of the toxicity surrounding the Spider-Man comics simmer down from both fans and Marvel. Yeah I am feeling delusional, but regardless at least I am fully checked out on 616 Peter, they can do whatever the hell they want with him at this point. 6160 Peter is going to be my Spidey for as long as Hickman is steering the ship.

Expect a lot of similarities to his F4 run I reckon. He did a great job with Reed, Franklin, and Val, Sue was the weak part but she still got some good moments. Hickman came late to making comics, perhaps his “way in” he mentioned was taking a Peter who gets his powers as an adult, similar to how Hickman found his calling in life much later than most writers do (he was an architect originally iirc). God I am exuberant about this book, just praying there’s no rug pull where the Parker family all die to give Peter his new Uncle Ben moment.

[baikanon]

Name him Andrew, for Anna Watson and a nod to Garfield. Then he also mirrors Mayday

[nick-nocturne]

Was watching the old Wyomimg Incident vids, crazy that was 6 years ago now. Ive been around even before that and it feels so weird and nice to see how much youve grown. Best wishes.

You know what feels weirder?

Listening to how I used to speak! Ugh!

[baikanon]

Maybe we could get a remastered Marble Hornets vid? It’d honestly be worth having if for nothing else than balanced narration/video audio. Roughest part of a great series of videos

[baikanon]

[baikanon]

Here’s a neat background you can feel free to use.

This quote embodies one of the core aspects of vulnerability: opening up one’s heart. I think a lot of people, myself included, often talk about vulnerability like all it means is sharing sad stories or shameful secrets. It can certainly include those things, but being vulnerable can be so much more than opening yourself up for attack - it’s also about reaching out to another person. The best form of vulnerability is connecting. 

One may think of the word authentic as a synonym for vulnerability. Many of the hardest things I’ve done involving being vulnerable have been about expressing positive emotion - sharing a nice letter I’d written, telling somebody I cared for them, or asking if somebody wanted to have a serious conversation. Those things didn’t really involve me being vulnerable in the sense that I was afraid of them judging my past, but I was opening my heart to them, and inviting them to do the same.

True vulnerability is not oversharing - true vulnerability isn’t one-sided. It’s an invitation for hearts to reach one another, and form (or strengthen) a bond. 

[baikanon]

#edna st. Vincent Millay

[baikanon]

My Better Half

Growing up, I never quite grasped the meaning behind the phrase “one’s better half.” I thought it was low-key misandric; I thought it implied that the groom is inherently more coarse, vulgar, earthly, while the bride is inherently superior, better. 

Wow, has my understanding blown up since those younger days. It’s not a gag, it’s not a simple joke about one’s spouse being better then they are. I mean, it can be, but I think there’s something better to be grasped here.

My wife is my better half, because if you split me in two, and put one half with her and one half on its own, the half with her would be better. She encourages my best attributes, and tempers my worst ones. She makes me better than I am. 

She is my better half; because I am better because of her. 

[baikanon]

Moments of Portent

There are moments in a person’s life that are portentous; they come to mind unbidden, and are easy to recollect. These significant moments are individual, and can be as simple as a moment when a particular phrase or expression sticks in your heart.

One moment that comes to me virtually every time I pause and let myself be still is a line from a song: “This world is truly beautiful.” 

When I was younger, I was bothered by people who’d suffered in life in deep, seriously troubling ways. And worse, there was the knowledge that there are millions of people in pain, everyday, and plenty of people who are being mistreated in serious ways. This was obviously disconcerting, and made me unhappy.

In other words, the world could be a harsh place, and, for many people, it was. Unforgivingly so. I believe this is common for people growing up; it requires you to acknowledge issues in the world that don’t necessarily involve you directly. 

But, acknowledging the fact that there is evil in the world doesn’t make the world itself evil - the older I grow, the more I’m convinced that the world is beautiful, and most people, deep down, are basically good.

And really, there’s no way to prove it; but, it makes me a better person, and I believe it makes everybody around me a better person as well. I believe this world is truly, profoundly beautiful. 

[baikanon]

I was told that I’m like Michael from The Office; now as I watch the early episodes and remember just how painfully oblivious and rude Michael can be, I hope that they were only referring to his kicked puppy dog ways. 

At the time I was told that I was like Michael, I was watching the episodes where he’s living with Jan, and he exists in this painful almost-abused puppy dog like state. 

If they were referring to his habit of constantly hurting the people around him because he’s desperate for affection and chasing any possible way to appear cool and likable, then that’s a surprisingly deep cut. 

Or maybe I just babble like he does, with his... improvisations.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

It was a privilege to love you, and it was a privilege to let you go. Both helped shape me into the person I have become.

Beau Taplin (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

Sometimes I struggle to explain just what my last relationship meant to me, for a couple of reasons. Often, people don’t particularly care (in a casual setting) what a person means to us, or how they affected who we are; they just want to know what the end point of a relationship is. Sometimes people just want to know how things end; we tend to overlook the journey, and focus on the end point.

Another sticking point is that obviously my wife is the most important person in my life. At this point, nobody influences who I am or who I’ll become as much as she does. Frankly, many of my past influences have been eclipsed by her. My wife isn’t jealous by nature, but I have a drive to let her know that she has primacy in my life. Therefore, there’s only so much to be said about how another woman shaped my life.

I am truly blessed to have come to a point where I can honestly say that it was a privilege to have that relationship, however it changed or ended - we’re both happy now, and we’ve grown. I hope that she grew through me as much as I’ve grown through her. 

I don’t know if I would’ve ever wanted to be a psychologist - a family therapist, in particular - if I hadn’t loved somebody who was willing to place importance on feelings and emotional health; somebody who was willing to help, and be helped. Loving somebody who was in pain has gone on to define who I am today, in varying ways.

It was a privilege to grow sensitive to others’ pain, and learn how to listen and comfort. It was a privilege to learn that it’s not an individual’s responsibility to save another one; instead, we do our best to help and love each other. 

It was a privilege to experience heartbreak, to fall victim to my own foibles - to learn how easy it is to become self-centered, and experience the clarity that follows pulling your head out of yourself. 

Finally, it was a privilege to learn to let her go; to grow beyond something that seemed insurmountable. It was a privilege to mature, to the point of looking back without regret. It is a privilege to remember and smile.

[psych-facts]

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”

— Albert Schweitzer (via amargedom)

[baikanon]

Today, I was struck by how circumstance can turn another human into a spiritual fire starter. A man I barely knew - who seemed friendly and likeable, but nevertheless was a person I didn’t personally cavort with - gave a fantastic lesson that reinvigorated me. The way he presented material I was already familiar with, but failing to fully live up to, gave me the courage and motivation to commit to do. I’m afraid of my writing goal faltering; it already has several times. However, setbacks are natural and sometimes unavoidable. What matters is how we return after straying. Are we ashamed and eager to put a failure behind us? Or are we determined to make this moment of weakness a hiccup in hindsight; something inconsequential compared to what I’ll eventually achieve, over time and through effort.

Today isn’t a new beginning, but it is a fresh breath. And what’s wrong with that? Breathing is natural; we constantly replace old moments with new, and it’s okay with a new habit starts off like breathing: faltering, then reinvigorated. In time, it’ll be ironclad, if I don’t allow myself to quit because of a setback. I believe this is true of spirituality, and I know it is true of writing. I won’t give up, if only for the sake of my future self - I will look back on this, even if nobody reads it.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.

Henry Drummond (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

Whatever hour God has blessed you with, take it with grateful hand, nor postpone your joys from year to year, so that in whatever place you have been, you may say that you have lived happily.

- Horace

[baikanon]

Today, as I walked to Grifol’s, I made a conscious effort to not feed my mind with  videos or text; I played songs I love that I haven’t listened to in ages, and let myself just think. I reflected on the ring I played with in my fingers, and the marriage it represents. It’s funny how there seem to be “end points” or destinations for life; high school graduation, or a marriage, for example. It struck me how much marriage hasn’t ended anything in my life, but instead gave me a companion to accompany me. It’s so pleasant to have a friend I can count on, in all situations; a friend who never gives up or leaves me when they feel like it. How valuable is a spouse? Certainly much more valuable than we ever let them know. 

[psych-facts]

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Eleanor Roosevelt (via psych-facts)

Even when I’m uninspired, I want to write everyday. I’ll never be a novelist or editor - that’s not my dream - but I do dream of writing eloquently. Graceful is an adjective I strive for, and profound is something I want to communicate. I believe writing well is a beautiful dream, because writing is one of the few ways we can unabashedly express ourselves, or our inner wishes. 

I think that might be because a conversation is a tool for connection; we verbally give and take, and seek to form bonds through the words we share. Writing can be completely personal, or it can be a manifesto for the world - but either way, it’s coming from within you. Granted, great writing is often shared and receives feedback, but I think there is something intimate about words and phrases that you speak out loud only for yourself. 

Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like every time I try to express myself, I grow. I become more of me. Maybe the act of translating my feelings and memories into English makes me connect more to the world; or maybe the more of ourselves we put out there, the more of us rushes in and fills us back up. Maybe we’re like springs, tapping into something deeper and never really running dry. 

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“I can’t promise to solve all your problems but I can promise that you won’t have to face them alone.”

— Unknown

[baikanon]

I was such a cringe-worthy teenager; I wanted to solve problems, fix people, and yet insisted on acting broken. There are still many memories that can make me blush in embarrassment, but one thing I’ve never been ashamed of is trying to be there for somebody beloved.

One lesson I’ve learned in growing up is that not all problems need to be solved; sometimes they only need to be shared.

[baikanon]

Maybe the ultimate truth of goodness is that it only comes at its most sincere when it comes in the form of atonement. Maybe we could all be a bit better than we are if we simply asked for forgiveness. 

[baikanon]

I was looking through old screenshots, and was struck by this: I doubt that pain makes us better, but it can make us more profound. 

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Sometimes problems don’t require a solution to solve them; instead they require maturity to outgrow them.”

— Steve Maraboli

[baikanon]

This is how time heals all; it’s not the simple passage of time, but the additional experiences and moments of reflection that subtly change who we are. I can think of a handful of problems that, at one point or another, caused me to suffer, and I could see no solution in sight. And still other times, when I believed I’d learned all I could, and yet none of my solutions seemed to stick. And now, looking back, I can smile for people and times that once embarrassed or pained me, because I’m more than I once was; and with that comes the ability to celebrate the journey.