Balatro Confess Blog

[balatroconfessional]

A Balatro confession blog!

Felt like creating this blog since I've been seeing a lot of Balatro fans on here lately (maybe just because I've been following the tag as of late.) But a few big blogs have been talking about it so I wanted to make this before anyone else.

So got a deck you absolutely HATE? A boss blind you think is too easy 99% of the time? Another joker ship you just might love more than they love each other? Or something Balatro has forever tainted your perception of? Well feel free to say it here!

Oh if you had a crazy hand played you just have to show the world, @oddbalatrohands might be the better blog to go to!

Rules are simple (will extend over time):

Confession should relate to Balatro in some way (obviously).

Confession shouldn't be made to start/fan flames of drama somehow. This also includes speaking plain hate towards somebody.

As joker shipping is allowed, I feel it could be nesicary to say that nsfw is allowed mostly.

I will keep track of emoji anons (as best as I can).

Poll requests can be made via either DMs or an ask. (max of 12 options btw)

Currently it's just me (@octever ) as the mod. (any prns ig) I will start tagging post I've done as #modever idk why I've decided to be anonymous for so long lmao.

Confessions in queue: not right now

Emoji anons

-🂠 Blue deck anon -🎭🃏 Mime anon -♦ Diamond suit anon -🙂🧦 anon -👖 anon -🕶️ anon -🎉 anon -Abandoned Anon -🐋 anon -Triboulanon -Perkanon -Kitty

Also, join the unofficial Balatro Tumblr Discord server!

Check out the Sinners of Balatro community on Discord - hang out with 17 other members and enjoy free voice and text chat.

[balatroconfessional]

I'm bad at plasma deck

.

[balatroconfessional]

i dont ljke blueprint brainstorm yuri. cuz i imagine both blueprint and brainstorm as nonbinaries therefore it's not yuri and i don't really get why people see them as anime girls

That's the beautiful thing about headcanons, they're yours!

Though it can be sad when you see one HC overrly represented.

[balatroconfessional]

I feel like I'm in a toxic relationship with the black deck... I keep losing on ante 3 or so, quit the game out of frustration and immediately reopen the game and start a new black deck run hoping that THIS TIME surely it will be different... THIS TIME everything will work out...

It NEVER does!!! AAAAAAA

I hate the black deck‼️

Honestly probably the worst part of the black deck is the economic disadvantage.

Godspeed.

[oddbalatrohands]

has the collab with @balatroconfessional been uploaded yet?

*nope- but it's almost done! I've finished the editing of the main video, all I have to do is add some extra bits, clean it up, make a thumbnail, then I'll post it! tysm for being patient ^^

[balatroconfessional]

Poll request: if Jimbo trapped you in a time loop would you rather marry blueprint or brainstorm?

I mean... I don't THINK you need to be in a timeloop to do that, as cool as they are.

so like

gamers would you rather marry

Blueprint

Brainstorm

Voting ended onAug 22, 2025

[balatroconfessional]

Poll request:

Jimbo has decided to trap you in a time loop until you beat ante 20 on gold stakes. You also have to play with one of the following curses, of your choice

1. Every playing card is always an edditionless, sealess 7 of diamonds. Every tarot card is always death. Every planet card is always earth. Every spectral card is always incantation.

2. Blind sizes scale twice as fast

3. If you ever see the death tarot card you die in real life, beginning the loop again with none of your memories and the same curse

4. Every number in the game becomes naneinf. Good luck!

5. Every joker is a rental, and on buying has a 50% chance to be an eternal and a 50% to be perishable (including jokers that cannot normally be one or the other. If you have Oops! All sixes! then every joke is becomes both)

6. You have to play without eyes or arms (you get them back after)

7. Jimbo is playing at the same time speedrunning to beat ante 20. Whenever he beats it faster than you, you have to restart. Jimbo posses the skill of Balatro University and the luck of a Vegas high-roller

8. All jokers are always edditionless and common and you must skip every blind except boss ones

9. Instead of just beating ante 20, to leave you have to get completionist++ with only runs beating ante 38 counting towards it

10. You must play on 0.001x speed

Curse of...

1 "Sevens"

2 "Growth Hormones"

3 "Death"

4 "n̸͇̙͛̏̂̽͐̓̔̃͂̇̐̂a̷̡̡̧̮͚̟̞͖͎̭̜̳͑͂͌̈̋͑̆̏̎̚̕̚͝n̶͓͎̰̲̱͓͂̈́̿̀̋̈́͗̓i̷̞̽̍̊̌̋̿̍̊̐͒̕͘̕͝͝

5 "Capitalism"

6 "Limbless"

7 "Rush"

8 "Bland Bosser"

9 "Perfectionist"

10 "Sloth"

Voting ended onAug 22, 2025

[balatroconfessional]

Poll request:

You have to do a run starting with one of these sets of jokers. All of the jokers are eternal. Which set are you choosing?

1. Crazy joker, Devious joker, The order

2. Triboulet, certificate, marble joker, ride the bus

3. Reserved parking, smilely face, hit the road

4. 2x merry Andy, 5x negative merry Andy

5. 5x mr bones, negative mr bones

6. Luchador, chicot, matador, brainstorm, blueprint

7. Obelisk, space joker, supernova

8. Smeared joker, rough gem, vagabond

most preferable/fun challenge?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

Voting ended onAug 28, 2025

[balatroconfessional]

I just sold a polychrome credit card at $-6 so I could make room to buy the driver's license.

I did not get the driver's license 🫠🫠🫠🫠

I may have four jokers but I'm the clown in the room. At least I already got past ante 8...

YEEEEOWWWCHERS!!!

You may have won, But where's the fun in just a win?

[balatroconfessional]

My fellow fools, Balatroconfessional is for... balatro related confessions (or something that reminded you of balatro... like idk seeing something that's on a joker)

[oddbalatrohands]

*so, that collab I did with @balatroconfessional?

*WE PLAYED BALATRO MULTIPLAYER TOGETHER!!!!!!!! AND I RECORDED IT!!!!!!!! when I am done editing I will upload it to youtube :D

[balatroconfessional]

nothing compares to the absolute euphoria of the chain of events that is

:1 running into aura in a spectral pack

:2 naively yelling 'polychrome!' because thats what everyone wants from aura

:3 ACTUALLY GETTING POLYCHROME

when i tell you i completely lost composure i mean it

-abandoned anon

! ! !

[balatroconfessional]

Hey guess what Polterworx otherwise known as Jen's Almanac is know officially dead

I had no idea that existed, but that's sad.

[balatroconfessional]

ok I thought ancient joker was terrible but then I got two wins in a row with ancient joker builds and I realized all it needs is retriggers

(triboulet still better tho)

- Triboulanon

Technically Ancient Joker is just a better Bloodstone if you have all wild cards in your deck

[balatroconfessional]

hello tumblr user balatroconfessional I HAVE FINALLY DONE IT. STONE JOKER FINALLY SHOWED.

anyway marble joker + blueprint + hologram is insane . hologram numero uno lets take those multipliers to the moon

-abandoned anon

That's a pretty sillay build tbh, congrats!

[balatroconfessional]

i am CONVINCED the balatro gods just hate me specifically. guess who is still trying to get the stone joker. i was playing medusa challenge specifically to try and have more chances to get it (iii. dont pick up the tower very often in regular runs. still) and i Still have yet to find it. i managed to get an insane stone card run (breaking news: combining hologram and brainstorm on medusa challenge is Really Good) before i actually found stone joker. im desperate

-abandoned anon

AWWwww chucks pal, maybe you gotta find DNA sometime with blueprint or brainstorm.

[balatroconfessional]

*I actually don't think wild cards are that bad (still- can't wait for the buff). esp if you're running ancient joker or the gemstones

*just make sure you have retcon......

-🎉

To be honest it's more like it gets outclassed. Better than regular for the most part, but I'd rather have flat mult or something else