A securely insecure human

20s

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The truth was I had always assumed that pleasure was being held in store for me, like something I was amassing in a bank account, but by the time I came to ask for it I discovered the store was empty. It appeared that it was a perishable entity, and that I should have taken it a little earlier.

– Rachel Cusk, Second Place

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I had no idea at all why things turned out the way they did, why I felt gorged with sensation at one minute and starved of it the next, where my loneliness or joy came from, which choices were beneficial and which deleterious to my health and happiness, why I did things I didn't want to do and couldn't do what I wanted. Least of all did I understand what freedom was and how I could attain it. I thought it was a mere unbuttoning, a release, where in fact - as you know well - it is the dividend yielded by an unrelenting obedience to and mastery of the laws of creation.

– Rachel Cusk, Second Place

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GenAI Art ingredients: david hockney, cat, wes anderson, studio ghibli.

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The Cat Returns

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– “..sometimes i think i’m smarter and better than everyone else not necessarily with math or science or whether something is east or west but pretty much everything else and if I could figure out my look, I’d be the most beautiful woman in the world.“

– “Sometimes I think I’m a genius and I wish I could fast forward to the part of my life where everyone knows it.”

[balfasulye]

Mistress America – Noah Baumbach – "You used to be so nice!" – "I'm the same. I'm just the same in another direction now."

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The Tale of Princess Kaguya

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What is hope? And the conclusion I’d have to venture is that hope involves working and struggling along people who are important to you. In fact, I’ve gotten to the point where I think this is what it means to be alive. - Hayao Miyazaki

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—Ellen Bass

[metamorphesque]

Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out, Richard Siken.

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Each time we don't say something we want to say, we're dying.

Yoko Ono

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I would like to be able to make a very nearly complete list, of everything that matters to me, leaving nothing out. Is that what it’s like to be afraid to die?

Amy Key – Here, For Your Amusement

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I smile, a buddha, all Wants, desire Falling from me like rings Hugging their lights. The claw Of the magnolia, Drunk on its own scents, Asks nothing of life.

Sylvia Plath – Paralytic

[cache-e]

“Had my silence really been a silence, or a loud voice that is mute?”

Clarice Lispector, The Passion According to G.H.

[latibule-e-deactivated20231012]

— Manuel Bandeira, from “This Earth, That Sky.”

[balfasulye]

Willieam Dafoe by Tim Walker