The guardian spirit

Indie-RP Blog for Kumon Kaito from Kamen Raider Gaim -> M!A: none multiship/-verse • s/o: bi ROLEPLAY ACCOUNT written by Airi tracking tag: _____bananabaron

[bananabaronda]

Dancing without you is like a broken pencil - pointless.... - @iwalnutbow

“Stop that bullshit, Zack. You know that you’re not dancing without me. Never. I’m always there. Watching, judging and scolding you for fucking up your steps. Like always.”

@iwalnutbow

[bananabaronda]

Yes, Zack was tempted to sell his very soul to Yggdrasil if it meant that Kaito would be able to walk the earth again. Maybe there still was a future for the two of them, he never gave up on that thought, as stupid as it may have been to even consider it as a possibility.

“You’re funny as ever.” His expression indeed lit up a bit, but still he shook his head. “But you still haven’t learnt how to lie to me. I know I still fancy you too much to let go of me.” There it was, a faint hint of his old self. Slowly he calmed down a bit, though that certainly didn’t mean he was less broken. Zack lifted his gaze to finally meet Kaitos’ eyes and gave him the most loving look he had.

“I know you’ll beat me up if I manage to resurrect you properly. But that’s worth it if it means I can properly touch you again. See, that’s how selfish you made me.”

“At least be so gair and respect my wish and let me rest here in peace. I don’t want to deal with you dickheads anymore in this forsaken live. I’m fine here and you should go out and suffer through this mess of a live that you made yourself a living hell.” he rampaged but wiht an amused undertone. Then he looked away and crossed his arms in front of hi chest. “And stop looking like a fangirly cheerleader. This is sick.” He would really loved to kick him and even set his foot into motion but Zack wouldn’t feel the pain anyway. Too bad, honestly. “And don’t blame it on me that you’re an idiot. You’ve been one before I found you. A giant one on top of it.”

[bananabaronda]

Dancing without you is like a broken pencil - pointless.... - @iwalnutbow

“Stop that bullshit, Zack. You know that you’re not dancing without me. Never. I’m always there. Watching, judging and scolding you for fucking up your steps. Like always.”

@iwalnutbow

[bananabaronda]

Once more Zack chuckled without actually being amused, even though he very well knew how much Kaito hated that. “After all this time you still seem to know me better than I know myself.” And on top of it he didn’t even wonder. “Of course it is betrayal, it doesn’t only feel like it.”, he tried to explain but wasn’t sure the other one would understand his reasoning. “You say yourself you’re always there. Always by my side. And I need to keep you that close, else I’ll go insane.” Maybe he was still a lovesick fool, but the times Zack cared about that were long gone. “That fucking tree will always be so much more than my best friend, because it is you. And trust me, I would pay any price to give your soul a proper body again.”

“Don’t you dare doing anything funny, idiot.” he warned him. Yggdrasil might be tempting for him but Kaito would prefer staying dead instead of owning those bastards anything, not to speak about what Zack would have to give. But unfortunately it wasn’t too unlikely for him to try something like that. Then he huffed and stood up. “So basically you’re asking me to leave you alone so you can live your life? Fine by me if I don’t have to see your perm-suffering face anymore. This expression sucks a lot anyway.” Kaito looked down to Zack, completly aware that this wouldn’t work on the other anyway. “Shoo, Shoo, go away, dickhead. Me and my squirrels don’t want you here until you got your shit together.”

[bananabaronda]

Dancing without you is like a broken pencil - pointless.... - @iwalnutbow

“Stop that bullshit, Zack. You know that you’re not dancing without me. Never. I’m always there. Watching, judging and scolding you for fucking up your steps. Like always.”

@iwalnutbow

[bananabaronda]

Zack couldn’t even have blamed the other one had he slapped him that very moment. “Do you think I haven’t tried that?”, he just whispered as a reply. “It’s been five years now, and here I am, you see?” Finally, he let go of the grip of his hair again that left a mess on his head, but he couldn’t care less. Heavily, his head sank back against the tree and his glassy eyes stared towards the sky without actually looking at anything. “I have tried to live. Tried to love. But in the end, the past always came crushing down on me.” For the very first time he felt like he was actually able to speak his mind to someone who understands him. Never could he have told all of this anyone, always forced to carry the baggage alone. “Does time for you feel the same as it does for me? Because you must have been damn lonely here, all of these years.” Gently he carressed Kaito’s hand with his thumb, before lifting it to his mouth to breath a kiss against transparent skin. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over you. On the outside, maybe, but not in my heart.”

Why was that fucking idiot doing this to him? Kaito’s throat felt strangled and he looked away until he regained his composure again. The anger vanished as fast as it appeared. “Because you still live in the past. Always looking back and turning your back to the light of your future, shithead.” He sighed heavily and mildly frustrated with the man he cherished so much. “You can’t go on if you don’t want to move on deep in your heart. And don’t think you can lie to me. You never honestly tried because it feels like betrayal towards me. One step forward and five back. You walk like this. And you should really look for another best friend than a fucking tree. You need someone who slaps those dark thoughts outta your head every now and then.”

[bananabaronda]

Dancing without you is like a broken pencil - pointless.... - @iwalnutbow

“Stop that bullshit, Zack. You know that you’re not dancing without me. Never. I’m always there. Watching, judging and scolding you for fucking up your steps. Like always.”

@iwalnutbow

[bananabaronda]

Upon hearing all of his words he couldn’t stop shivering on the inside. Why had he even bothered asking? He should have known what the answer would be, and yet all he did was running voluntarily down the cliff which he knew he wasn’t able to climb back up.

Means nothing. The words pierced his heart, stung deeply, and he felt like he wasn’t able to breathe anymore. “Is that the price I have to pay for trying to blow you up?” A dry laughter escaped his lips. There literally was nothing funny about all of this. “Am I doomed to live as a psychotic madman who talks to the dead just because I was.. I am….”

He couldn’t finish his sentence, couldn’t speak any further. The hand on which his forehead lasted grabbed his hair and clenched to a fist. Of course he was alone. Of course Kaito had left him. And ther was nothing, nobody, to comfort him right now and tell him it was all just a dream, because it was not.

That unnessecary joke made him angry and he clenched his teeth. How much he would had loved it to just whip him with one of his branches right in the face to get rid of that toxic grin. “This or you get the fuck out of that shithole grave you dug for yourseld so desperately to hide away and live a proper life like the man that I wanted by my side. Live the life that is denied to me, that I can’t live anymore, you little piece of emo shit. Goddamn, Zack, look at yourself and stop pitying yourself. Get over me and everything that happened. Life goes on for you so stop wasting it, unholy shit.” God, Kaito was angry now.

[bananabaronda]

Dancing without you is like a broken pencil - pointless.... - @iwalnutbow

“Stop that bullshit, Zack. You know that you’re not dancing without me. Never. I’m always there. Watching, judging and scolding you for fucking up your steps. Like always.”

@iwalnutbow

[bananabaronda]

Zack sank to the ground himself, leaning back against the massive tree, and buried his face in one hand. Nobody, not even random strangers, should see him like that. His other hand reached out to where Kaito’s hand was supposed to be and tightened his grip to not allow him to leave once again.

“For once I want you to be honest…”, he started talking with a think voice. “Why have you left us - me? What were you chasing that was so much more important to you?”

There it was, the question he never wanted to answer because.. he simply had no satisfying answer for both of them so he turned his head around and looked up to the slightly clouded sky.

“I never asked about your past, Zack and you never did the same with me. We both know it was for a reason because the past shaped us and our beliefs. It still controls our way of thinking and our doings.” he sighed a bit because those words costed a lot of strengt. “The things that were important yesterday isn’t neseccary the same tomorrow and the day after it means nothing to you anymore.” Kaito really wasn’t able to anything else than describing the feeling he had back then and how he feels about it right now. Anything he would say now would destroy the other even more anyway so it should be the softest blow possible. There was just one thing that bothered him.

“But what makes you think that I left you? Aren’t I here? Still.”

[bananabaronda]

Dancing without you is like a broken pencil - pointless.... - @iwalnutbow

“Stop that bullshit, Zack. You know that you’re not dancing without me. Never. I’m always there. Watching, judging and scolding you for fucking up your steps. Like always.”

@iwalnutbow

[bananabaronda]

“Don’t you have anything to say in your defense?” His words were much more quiet now. “Are you just taking all of my accusations and prove me right…?” His voice cracked.

“We could have been so much, Kaito. But you became a beast hungering for power. An egocentric bastard.” With full force he punched the giant tree next to him. A bit of tree bark crackled down, slightly colored in deep red blood. But the pain in his chest was so much stronger than the pain in his knuckles.

And still he just stood there, letting Zack get rid of a bit of the immense frustration and pain that he was carrying around unnoticed by the most people around him. Kaito would have noticed it right away.... It took some time until Zack calmed down a bit and maybe he was able to feel that Kaito sat down next to him. He looked at him closely before he actually raised his voice.

“What do you really want to hear, Zack?”

[bananabaronda]

Dancing without you is like a broken pencil - pointless.... - @iwalnutbow

“Stop that bullshit, Zack. You know that you’re not dancing without me. Never. I’m always there. Watching, judging and scolding you for fucking up your steps. Like always.”

@iwalnutbow

[iwalnutbow]

“You know how tasteless and outright stupid these words sound coming out of your mouth?” Zack flickered a bitter smile. Long gone were their good times, happiness out of reach so that he barely was able to remember what it felt like.

With one hand he reached out to grab the wine red collar of his former team leader, but pulled away. He would never be able to hurt him physically the way Kaito had hurt him emotionally. Gritting his teeth he turnt his head away and clenched his fist. “You say you’re there, always, but in fact you stopped caring, didn’t you?”

[bananabaronda]

For the moment Kaito just stood there and watched him, his eyes wandering over that pale face. It was almost as if the man in front of him was a whole different person by now. There was no reason to become angry because Kaito simply knew better. He knew Zack better. So he just stood there, let him rage and being upset and let him blame him and Kaito also knew that this was just the beginning and that Zack had a lot more things he had to spit out.

Because both of them knew: If the Kaito in front of Zack stopped caring... it was only Zack who stopped caring in the end.

[bananabaronda]

Dancing without you is like a broken pencil - pointless.... - @iwalnutbow

“Stop that bullshit, Zack. You know that you’re not dancing without me. Never. I’m always there. Watching, judging and scolding you for fucking up your steps. Like always.”

@iwalnutbow

[bananabaron]

You should have just lived more.

“Anon….. you’re just blind. I’m still alive….”

“See? I’m living within all those beat riders.”“Because this is my living legacy….”

[bananabaronda]

Headcanon Time

✎ - taste in music/literature

When he was younger he listened to all kind of music because he found good aspects in every style but with the time he got more picky. Now he only listens to music actively when he has to choose a new track for Baron’s next choreography. But Kaito and literature… that’s nothing that goes along well. He thinks that stories are a waste of time and he only read magazines from time to time to keep up to date with the news or topics that he considers worthy enough to waste his precious time with. (He is a very slow reader because he 1.) doesn’t read very often and 2.) tries to catch every meaning of every word and this takes time)

[bananabaronda]

Headcanon Time

❅ - keeping warm/keeping cool techniques

Baron’s uniform isn’t multi-layered for no reason. You can add or take off various parts to adjust to the current weather but in Kaito’s case he is not that sensitive to heat or cold. He never sweated easily and so most of the time he wears the full set of clothes since he cares much about his perfect look. Just at the peak of summer the heat forces him down to wear their summer uniform and use a fan from time to time but only when he’s with his boys.

✄ - nervous habits

Some years ago he had the habit to chew on his underlip when he was nervous or stressed but one day, Peco randomly said that this a very girlish habit. From this day on he never did it again. Now he began to gnaw on his nails… and he hates it! He can’t stand looking like an unkempt person and good-looking hands are a must-have. He tries hard to surpress this habit and when you can watch him gnaw, he must be really stressed out and in thoughts.

[bananabaronda]

Headcanon Time

Dragon - Your most valuable treasure.

My team.

It’s this baron ring… It was the start of an era and there are so many things I connect with this… The start of Baron, the three os us growing close together, our first choreography….. all this fucking great time we spent together… living in the NOW and not thinking about tomorrows meal. It was a great time… maybe the best time of my life.

[bananabaronda]

Headcanon Time

Unicorn - Something unattainable you wish you had.

Him. The guts to deal with my feeling more openly. …. or rather another view on how to deal with this emotional stuff.

[bananabaronda]

Headcanon Time

Venus: Have you ever had your heart broken?

“Nope.”

Vesta: Do you like being home or do you try to get out whenever you can?

“I realized how much I love my home since I’m not there that much anymore. Maybe it’s this "You only now it’s worth when it’s gone”-kind of thing.“

[bananabaronda]

Headcanon Time

X - If I’ve done something I regret very much. ______I regret nothing. Everything turned out well somehow or I learned my lesson. So every single mistake was necessary for me to become the one I am right now.

[bananabaronda]

Headcanon Time

B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was. ______ How unexpected: It was Zack ….It’s mostly Zack calling for every stupid reason. A - If I’m in love. ______ I don’t fall in love. R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities. ______1. I dislike Spaghetti ______2. I have the bad habit of removing the scab of small wounds ______3. due to point 2 I have a lot of small scars on hands and arms ______4. I use Herbal Essences shampoo but switch the scent regularly ______5. clean my shoes ever third day. ______6. I own all in all 5 sets of the Baron uniform ______7. still have my first Baron uniform even though it’s ripped. ______8. I prefer tea for breakfast but never drink it though ______9. as a child I collected trading cards from Yu-Gi-Oh! _____10. I still have my collection from point 9. O - If I like my school. I’m not in school anymore. N - If you want to know how I treat my friends. I put extra work in new choreography and try to get more solo parts for the one deserving it.

[bananabaronda]

Headcanon Time

Send ♆ for a BODY headcanon.

Kaito is really proud of his body control and spends a lot of time to maintain/get in shape. He goes jogging every morning for at least one hour and before going to bed he lifts weights and does various exercises.