nope

i dont really use tumblr anymore

[serpentwife-deactivated20200820]

[shadowpeople]

free soup

[shacklefunk-deactivated20220623]

a serious cutscene: is happening

npc in the background: spinning on the x axis at 87 mph

[trilllizard666]

IN TODAY’S EPISODE OF

“BETHESDA OR BIOWARE”

[tarantuling]

if you know someone who’s scared of spiders and thinks they’re evil, show them this picture of Musgrave, my Caribena versicolor (Antilles Pinktoe Tarantula) sitting on top of his star shaped water dish and sTICKING hIS LEGGY OUT reaL FAR

[william-snekspeare]

PURPLE FUZZY

[stereocyon]

mike’s soft lemonade

[stereocyon]

mike’s tender lemonade

[coffinbutch]

mike’s not to me not if it’s you lemonade

[6xthsense]

no way fucking way....

NO fuckifn way

[drearyhours]

Vanilla Ice’s Twitter Header shows him holding a game controller posing triumphantly while being met with the steam connection error message on a dual screen setup with an illegitimate copy of windows 10

[catchymemes]

[c3rvida3]

"How to find the right glasses for your face shape", oh, bullshit. You pick ones you think a hot scientist in a bad horror movie would wear and then you just go do whatever.

[pinche-aquarius]

[bloodbending]

peter parker in the 2002 movie is fuckin…. incredible. he gets bitten by a fuckin jacked red blue spider and he doesnt say “hey someone should take me to the hospital mayhaps?” he just goes home. then the bite swells to the size of a fuckin jawbreaker but he’s like “nah i just need a nap.” then he wakes up the next day and discovers that he DOESN’T NEED HIS GLASSES ANYMORE and he has a fuckin six pack. does he flip his entire Fuck? no. he says, “cool.” iconic.

[laughingfish]

2002 peter parker had no health insurance

[cauliflowergnocchidyke]

i really hate coming out but still want my extended family to know, so my mother took it upon herself to invent the game “guess which one of my kids is gay.”

the rules are simple.

sit down with uncle so-and-so

he says something about gay people in passing

my mom says “there’s a gay person at this table right now. guess which of my kids it is!

he looks frantically between the three of us trying to figure out if she’s joking or not and trying desperately not to offend anyone but also she won’t continue with the conversation unless he makes a guess so he has to make a guess

we all enjoy his discomfort immensely

[fluffygif]

shibainu520 on ig

[fuck-kirk]

So I have my dog trained to sit when she wants pet (she used to be very wild and jumpy when we first got her, it’s been a long road) so now when she wants attention she just sits very still and stares VERY intently at you (she’s extremely non verbal and hardly makes sound in general)

So, today I let her out and didn’t realize the fence gate was wide open, and she just shoots right out at this older man and a small girl (bc she just LOVES PEOPLE. A lot) The girl kinda shrieks and the man pulls her behind him (which I get it, my dogs small but she’s still part Pitt, and she was running full throttle at them) and all of a sudden my dog just pulls up completely, full stop, and plants her ass on the ground in front of them, staring and wagging her tail.

And they just stand there, staring at each other. She’s like, vibrating with energy, waiting for pets, and these people are like “wtf” so I run up and explain and the old guy was just so thrilled honestly. The little girl starts petting her and the old dude was gushing about how trained and well behaved she is (I mean, ignoring the fact that she shot out of the gate LMAO) but like, that just made me so happy. I’ve put so much time and effort into training her and making her feel safe and comfortable after he (horrifying) past and I’m just so so proud of her.

TLDR; my dog is a good gorl and I luv her

[fuck-kirk]

This is the good girl in question

[dankmemeuniversity]

[rizaoftheowls]

Yes. Can I identify the snail? Because I will find the snail, pick it up with tongs and gloves, put it in a box, get on a boat, and drop it into the Pacific Ocean. It may not die, but if it gets back to me from there, it sure as hell deserves its reward.

[halsinsbiggernaturals]

the text says the snail’s goal is to find you, not touch/kill you. can you just, like. put the snail in a nice terrarium and enjoy life with an immortal pet snail and $10 million?

[awaiting-my-escape]

Put the snail in a hamster ball

[yan-tonz]

It Follows, 2014. 🐌

[purple-dragon-642]

I have a poisonous frog I can’t touch and we live together very happily! Adopt the death snail!

[official-daft-punk-deactivated2]

ok so the other day i was at sears. I was in the baby section. Im standing there looking at clothes and a lady who works there comes up and is like “oh are you expecting?” And i was like “uhhhh” and because im a dumbass i was like “no i already delivered.” And she was like “How long ago?” And i was just like “two weeks.” And she said “wow! You look great! When i had my first son, i looked like a mess for six months. Is it a boy or a girl?” And i was just awkwardly like “a girl….” And she asked her name and i said Chernobyl and she was like “oh what a cute name! It sounds really familiar.” And i honestly just stood there going through all that and pretending i had a human baby two weeks ago named Chernobyl because i didnt wanna tell this poor lady i was buying baby clothes for my fucking baby opossum

[itchiez-deactivated20221227]

every time i see this text post i forget the ending and every single time it decimates me

[paxamericana]

[scenereport]

I know a lot of landlords are jerks but my favorite landlord ever was an older eccentric gay man and whenever something went wrong in my apartment he would always say “I’ll send one of the boys over.” And then some absolutely shredded young man would show up in white jeans, exceptionally polite, and fix it the same day.

[yo-fuckers]

you had the only valid landlord ever

[spinals]

Industrial designer Andrew Kim has created a new Coke bottle concept that could significantly change the sodamaker’s footprint. For every 4 bottles currently shipped, the square bottle design could ship 6. This means every shipping container could hold 4,000 more bottles of Coke. Kim also considered that Americans use 2 million plastic bottles every 5 minutes, so he made the bottle itself green. It is  100% plant based, made entirely from sugar cane byproducts. Which is amusing since Coke hasn’t been made from sugar since 1985 (via Jerry James Stone)

[krawps]

 this looks so fucking cool please use this design

[tyrianprinceofrage]

BITTE!! ;^;

[lynnora-v]

I’m gonna be real here. I’m actually excited to see these designs and have great desire to see it in reality. Why? It looks futuristic and appeasing to the eyes.

The bottles has changed before, it can change now. I’m all in favor of having new bottles like this.

[mathylibrarian]

YOU COULD SET THEM ON THEIR SIDES IN THE FRIDGE AND THEY WOULDN’T ROLL