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[barcodegaybitch]

i had the experience of sitting in a 6 feet deep hole in the ground in the dark alone (don’t ask why) and it was the best sensory deprivation situation in my life

i guess it feels like this when you’re buried so i can’t wait for that

[barcodegaybitch]

i need to hide in a dark room with no sounds

everything hurts

life hurts

[barcodegaybitch]

why am i so dramatic?

it was nothing she was just tired and that’s the end of the story

why does my head make up stories from another world

[mrocznaksiezniczka]

Jestem zmęczona, kurwa przemęczona. Mam dość, czemu to zawsze muszę być ja? Dajcie mi już spokój, chcę po prostu umrzeć..

[barcodegaybitch]

why the fuck do i keep getting rejected over and over again

i thought we were getting close and she just stopped even looking at me

makes me wanna die

[ksiezycowy-chlopiec]

Mam ochotę umrzeć i to bardzo.

[zyjeumierajacc]

i naprawdę, kurwa, staram się nie zabić, robię co w mojej mocy, ale są takie momenty, kiedy po prostu nie potrafię myśleć dobrze i rozpierdala mnie od środka, a jedyne wyjście jakie widzę, to smierć

[ksiezycowy-chlopiec]

;)

[ksiezycowy-chlopiec]

:)

[barcodegaybitch]

i fucked up

[barcodegaybitch]

yes indeed

[barcodegaybitch]

[barcodegaybitch]

im so done with this body

i cannot do anything without being in pain, the smallest effort causes fatigue

two days as camp coordinator and i’m dead, i’m not even able to eat from exhaustion

im tired as heeellll

help me please

[barcodegaybitch]

i wasn’t here for some time now because my life was finally feeling like it could be good

however as i said many times before something always has to get messed up

luckily (questionable) this time is my physical health and not mental

my stomach cannot handle pretty much anything at this point

even thinking about food causes pain and nausea all i can keep down without pretty much dying is suplement drink and electrolyte water

survivable but miserable

and the funny thing about all of this is the date for my doctors appointment

middle of december

i made the appointment in february

[barcodegaybitch]

having multiple panic attacks over the weekend after months without one?

maybe

am i okay?

no

am i gonna talk to someone about it?

no

[fibromyalgicaf]

To my fellow chronically ill folx,

Good on you for continuing, however that looks for you. If you are able to or have to work, good on you for continuing to show up as much as possible and doing your best! If you're studying, you're awesome, keep up the good work! If you're housebound or bedbound, good on you for pushing through the day, for contributing to online communities, for messaging friends, for loving your pet!

At the same time though, if you're struggling to keep up with all of it, it's ok to take a break. It's ok to reassess and pull back from some things. It's not just ok to look after yourself first, it's imperative.

🫶

[fibromyalgicaf]

If you're in a flare-up right now, please remember this doesn't mean you've failed; flares can happen for all sorts of reasons.

And it doesn't mean you are any less deserving of support and compassion. Ask for help and be gentle with yourself.

[barcodegaybitch]

when i was younger i used to wish for an illness that would make me lose my appetite

now that i have it and i can’t eat shit without my stomach hurting and feeling nauseous i regret ever thinking this would be cool

[barcodegaybitch]

dog walking is the best possible job ever

well… not on days when i can barely walk but people i work for fortunately understand my chronic illness