also (and theres no pressure to answer) (respond at your own pace if iat all) (theres just very few people to have good analysis discussions with in pyre fandom these days lol) i was wondering if you happened to have any thoughts or headcanons or whatnot on our beloved Pamitha Theyn . bc she is a character that is very deeply fascinating to me but i barely see people discussing her which makes me sad bc she is so so interesting and beautiful
pammmmm. she is a really fascinating character because she really stands in like, opposition to the rest of the nightwings. the nightwings are good and fair and just and want to save the world and she's just so muddy. she drank a random bottle of mysterious liquid she found just because she wanted to die and instead it made her an alcoholic. she exiled herself because she was so deeply destroyed by her guilty and she's willing to throw the liberation rite at the slightest possibility that her sister will forgive her. which iirc she doesn't. pam lives every day in an overwhelming mix of guilt and shame that cannot be solved by any amount of cute remarks or winks or endless bottles of moonshine and you know she gets so anxious she dry retches in the bathroom on the regular.
in a cast of protagonists who are motivated by both selfless and selfish interests in being liberated, which has a lot of depth by itself, she's someone who is only interested in her own wants. her motives for forgiveness are entirely selfish; it's not about tam healing or recovering, it's about pam no longer living with the guilt of what she did. she wants her relationship with her sister back, she wants her sister to stop hurting, but above all she wants to stop feeling so deeply, sickeningly awful all the time. she wants salvation. but she can never get it! there is no universe in which she can be forgiven, and even if tam did forgive her, it wouldn't be enough. she needs to erase the event from existence but she can't. she either has to learn to live with this and let it go or die. i love her.
