Bartle B. Butler. The B Stands for Bartlebey.

"I am Big Idea's newest (and first) Butler. If you need something Bartled or Butlered that'll be me. Alfred is a menace to society and a FAKE butler. he dropped out of butler school. unlike me, Bartholobey."

[thecharliepincher]

“if i smile with my teeth, bet you believe me.”

This was shocking. Teeth?" Charlie didn't know that Bartlebey had those. "I think I'd believe ya had teeth if you smiled with em, yeah."

[bartlebey]

“I’m smiling with them right now, Charles. See?” Bartlebey bared a toothy grin of what might have been thousands of teeth, endlessly spanning a deep dark void of the cosmos. So many teeth. There one in existence one second, gone again, there again. “Do you not see them, Charles? After all this time?”

[thecharliepincher]

"Oy, more teeth than a shark. I think they have lots of teeth." Chewie will fact check this later. "Dentist trip must put you out of house n' home."

[bartlebey]

“Charles! I would NEVER go to a Dentist. They’re the third warring faction of the cosmos. Butlers and Bankers, yes, I can stomach that. But Dentists? Vile things. It’s like you know nothing about me!”

[thecharliepincher]

“if i smile with my teeth, bet you believe me.”

This was shocking. Teeth?" Charlie didn't know that Bartlebey had those. "I think I'd believe ya had teeth if you smiled with em, yeah."

[bartlebey]

“I’m smiling with them right now, Charles. See?” Bartlebey bared a toothy grin of what might have been thousands of teeth, endlessly spanning a deep dark void of the cosmos. So many teeth. There one in existence one second, gone again, there again. “Do you not see them, Charles? After all this time?”

[bartlebey]

How're you feeling about seeing Kendra?

“Hesitant. Unsure. Here’s someone who is directly tied into my past working for that… Weird Prince. And does she know? My… involvement? With his… disappearance? Would she understand? It was for love. I swear. And, perhaps, freedom. But there’s so much she does not know. So much history has passed. I’m not unhappy to see her, but I admit to fear. Uncertainty. Why did she disappear and just now come back? Does she know?”

[bartlebey]

will you and Charlie ever tie the knot?

“I’m not sure he can tie a not, without hands. I’ve tied many a knot on bowties for him, though he doesn’t appreciate it. I suppose if we ever got married, I couldn’t imagine him wearing a bowtie anyway.”

[bartlebey]

honesty hour - what do you bartlebelieve in?

“Let me tell you a story, anon. A story of..

Just a small town Butler…

Living in a lonely world…

I took the midnight train going anywhere…

I met a city boy.

Born and raised in Bumblyburg.

He took the midnight train, also going anywhere…

Anyway, long story short, I Bartlebelieve in not stopping believing in LOVE.”

[bartlebey]

❛ hey, are you okay? don't fall apart on me. ❜ obviously from Charlie

Bartlebey stared at the floor, where a pair of arms lay. “Frankly, Charles, I had no idea they detached like that.”

[thecharliepincher]

"Well, 'ey! That's a new little party trick for ya."

[bartlebey]

“Do you… think they’ll reattach? I can’t even pick them up, because well, they’re down there. No offense, Charles, but I can’t be limbless! That may be fine for a vegetable of your high caliber, but for a lowly Cosmic Butler, my arms are my tools! My trade!” He was metaphorically falling apart now.

[thecharliepincher]

"One way to find out, I reckon." Charles guffawed. "Though, I'll 'ave you know I do take quite a bit of offence to that."

[bartlebey]

"Oh, Charles, this isn't about you right now. I've never been unarmed before! I... I have the cosmic right to bear arms!"

[thecharliepincher]

"You keep that 'tude up an yer arm'll end up yer ass." Charlie grumbled. "Oi. Right then. Let's seem 'em arms. Hand 'em over."

[bartlebey]

Bartlebey stared at him. "Charles. I can't hand them over." He motioned with his head at the arms on the ground. "The hands are attached to the arms." Then, with a dramatic, weepy tone, he said, "I shall be forced to retire! To be shot through the cosmic doors between universes and sent into the nether!"

[bartlebey]

❛ hey, are you okay? don't fall apart on me. ❜ obviously from Charlie

Bartlebey stared at the floor, where a pair of arms lay. “Frankly, Charles, I had no idea they detached like that.”

[thecharliepincher]

"Well, 'ey! That's a new little party trick for ya."

[bartlebey]

“Do you… think they’ll reattach? I can’t even pick them up, because well, they’re down there. No offense, Charles, but I can’t be limbless! That may be fine for a vegetable of your high caliber, but for a lowly Cosmic Butler, my arms are my tools! My trade!” He was metaphorically falling apart now.

[thecharliepincher]

"One way to find out, I reckon." Charles guffawed. "Though, I'll 'ave you know I do take quite a bit of offence to that."

[bartlebey]

"Oh, Charles, this isn't about you right now. I've never been unarmed before! I... I have the cosmic right to bear arms!"

[bartlebey]

❛ hey, are you okay? don't fall apart on me. ❜ obviously from Charlie

Bartlebey stared at the floor, where a pair of arms lay. “Frankly, Charles, I had no idea they detached like that.”

[thecharliepincher]

"Well, 'ey! That's a new little party trick for ya."

[bartlebey]

“Do you… think they’ll reattach? I can’t even pick them up, because well, they’re down there. No offense, Charles, but I can’t be limbless! That may be fine for a vegetable of your high caliber, but for a lowly Cosmic Butler, my arms are my tools! My trade!” He was metaphorically falling apart now.

[bartlebey]

❛ hey, are you okay? don't fall apart on me. ❜ obviously from Charlie

Bartlebey stared at the floor, where a pair of arms lay. “Frankly, Charles, I had no idea they detached like that.”

[theveggieintern]

The Butler approached the young intern hesitantly. Was it true? Was she back? "Miss... Kendra?" His voice had a tremor of uncertainty. He had felt the new presence, the new shift, deep in the cosmos of his blood. The familiar face brought an uncertain memory from long ago, one of interns and weird princes, of twins who had never been born, children who had never existed who had been adopted. (From Bartlebey, a very rare not from a starter pack to get you started!)

@bartlebey

She certainly looked different. Hair bleached a platinum blonde that felt strangely fitting despite her soft brunette having stayed as it were for so long before. But those eyes were unmistakable. That oversized hoodie, always baggy, pockets stuffed with caffeinated chocolate and meal replacement bars. The glint of a locket chain just under the neckline of her shirt. She was herself. Had she ever been anybody else?

"Bartleby?" Her head tilted, familiar warmth in her chest at the sight of an old friend. "Oh my gosh! You're still working here?? Oh, it's so good to see you!"

[bartlebey]

Bartlebey was uncertain of how he felt. Mixed feelings. Strange memories. "Well... I'm not sure I'm quite... employed. Forgive my manners, but it's been such a long time. Things have... changed, quite a bit since you left. It's good to see you as well, of course. Have you been well?"

[thevtbanker]

"That yellow wallpaper is probably riddled with Arsenic." (to The Banker from The Bartlebey)

This panicked The Banker. How could he know? Was Bartlebey as all knowing as everyone said? Was The Banker even supposed to know Bartlebey's lore? He had to stop panicking. He could get past this.

"What makes you say that?" the Banker asked, as cool as a cucumber, or in this case, cool as an Asparagus.

[bartlebey]

Bartlebey was red as a tomato, if a tomato was also kind of Tim Curry as the Butler in Clue. "Oh, I don't mean to assume anything negative. I'm simply worried about you, my friend. That's a very old style of wallpaper, and that specific shade of yellow... well, let's just say I used to Butler, very briefly, for a couple, a long time ago. It didn't end well. They found that the wallpaper was to blame."

He didn't specify how long ago that was. It seemed better not to address the eternities he felt he had lived, but only sparsely remembered for convenient anecdotes.

"Have you felt well, lately?"

[thevtbanker]

He never felt well. His life was an endless sea of anxiety, panic, serial killer gene induced hysteria. There was no end, only a beginning and the persistent life he tried so hard to leave. But, much like being a serial killer, banking was in his genes.

"My old friend, My old, old friend. How kind of you to care. I promise I feel completely fine."

Phew. A good cover for the fact that he was in fact the one who laced his walls with arsenic.

[bartlebey]

Bartlebey looked around the place slowly, sighed, and said, “Perhaps you might leave these walls for a short time anyway? Come get a coffee or tea with me. It would do you good to get some fresh air. You know the old saying — or perhaps you don’t, maybe it’s a Butler thing. Death lingers on the musty walls of a too lived-in place. You must get out from time to time before life starts living you, and not the other way around.”

[thevtbanker]

The Banker swallowed hard. His friend perhaps had a point. "You'd.. really like to go get a tea with me?"

[bartlebey]

“There is nobody in this world who understands quite what the two of us have lived. Even if we’re from different factions. Forgive me for saying this, but you are the closest thing to blood that I have, in the sense that there are so few of Bankers and Butlers left in this world in particular.”

[thevtbanker]

"Yes. And we both had to go to a specialised school for our specialised skills. Lost arts, really." The Banker shed a single tear. "You truly are like a brother to me."

[bartlebey]

Bartlebey wrapped a cosmic arm over the Banker’s shoulder. “And you to me. Ah, the school days. They were strict, but… how else would we be prepared for the world we’d end up in? I know the skills of Butlering is supposed to be a secret, as is Banking I imagine, but… those schools, the Authorities. I think they’ve been gone for a long time now. Some times I think how many Butlering rules I’ve broken in just the past two years, and I realize… nobody has come to punish me. To arrest me. I’m not sure that they care or that they even survived the Old Wars.”

[thevtbanker]

"That yellow wallpaper is probably riddled with Arsenic." (to The Banker from The Bartlebey)

This panicked The Banker. How could he know? Was Bartlebey as all knowing as everyone said? Was The Banker even supposed to know Bartlebey's lore? He had to stop panicking. He could get past this.

"What makes you say that?" the Banker asked, as cool as a cucumber, or in this case, cool as an Asparagus.

[bartlebey]

Bartlebey was red as a tomato, if a tomato was also kind of Tim Curry as the Butler in Clue. "Oh, I don't mean to assume anything negative. I'm simply worried about you, my friend. That's a very old style of wallpaper, and that specific shade of yellow... well, let's just say I used to Butler, very briefly, for a couple, a long time ago. It didn't end well. They found that the wallpaper was to blame."

He didn't specify how long ago that was. It seemed better not to address the eternities he felt he had lived, but only sparsely remembered for convenient anecdotes.

"Have you felt well, lately?"

[thevtbanker]

He never felt well. His life was an endless sea of anxiety, panic, serial killer gene induced hysteria. There was no end, only a beginning and the persistent life he tried so hard to leave. But, much like being a serial killer, banking was in his genes.

"My old friend, My old, old friend. How kind of you to care. I promise I feel completely fine."

Phew. A good cover for the fact that he was in fact the one who laced his walls with arsenic.

[bartlebey]

Bartlebey looked around the place slowly, sighed, and said, “Perhaps you might leave these walls for a short time anyway? Come get a coffee or tea with me. It would do you good to get some fresh air. You know the old saying — or perhaps you don’t, maybe it’s a Butler thing. Death lingers on the musty walls of a too lived-in place. You must get out from time to time before life starts living you, and not the other way around.”

[thevtbanker]

The Banker swallowed hard. His friend perhaps had a point. "You'd.. really like to go get a tea with me?"

[bartlebey]

“There is nobody in this world who understands quite what the two of us have lived. Even if we’re from different factions. Forgive me for saying this, but you are the closest thing to blood that I have, in the sense that there are so few of Bankers and Butlers left in this world in particular.”

[thevtbanker]

"That yellow wallpaper is probably riddled with Arsenic." (to The Banker from The Bartlebey)

This panicked The Banker. How could he know? Was Bartlebey as all knowing as everyone said? Was The Banker even supposed to know Bartlebey's lore? He had to stop panicking. He could get past this.

"What makes you say that?" the Banker asked, as cool as a cucumber, or in this case, cool as an Asparagus.

[bartlebey]

Bartlebey was red as a tomato, if a tomato was also kind of Tim Curry as the Butler in Clue. "Oh, I don't mean to assume anything negative. I'm simply worried about you, my friend. That's a very old style of wallpaper, and that specific shade of yellow... well, let's just say I used to Butler, very briefly, for a couple, a long time ago. It didn't end well. They found that the wallpaper was to blame."

He didn't specify how long ago that was. It seemed better not to address the eternities he felt he had lived, but only sparsely remembered for convenient anecdotes.

"Have you felt well, lately?"

[thevtbanker]

He never felt well. His life was an endless sea of anxiety, panic, serial killer gene induced hysteria. There was no end, only a beginning and the persistent life he tried so hard to leave. But, much like being a serial killer, banking was in his genes.

"My old friend, My old, old friend. How kind of you to care. I promise I feel completely fine."

Phew. A good cover for the fact that he was in fact the one who laced his walls with arsenic.

[bartlebey]

Bartlebey looked around the place slowly, sighed, and said, “Perhaps you might leave these walls for a short time anyway? Come get a coffee or tea with me. It would do you good to get some fresh air. You know the old saying — or perhaps you don’t, maybe it’s a Butler thing. Death lingers on the musty walls of a too lived-in place. You must get out from time to time before life starts living you, and not the other way around.”

[thevtbanker]

"That yellow wallpaper is probably riddled with Arsenic." (to The Banker from The Bartlebey)

This panicked The Banker. How could he know? Was Bartlebey as all knowing as everyone said? Was The Banker even supposed to know Bartlebey's lore? He had to stop panicking. He could get past this.

"What makes you say that?" the Banker asked, as cool as a cucumber, or in this case, cool as an Asparagus.

[bartlebey]

Bartlebey was red as a tomato, if a tomato was also kind of Tim Curry as the Butler in Clue. "Oh, I don't mean to assume anything negative. I'm simply worried about you, my friend. That's a very old style of wallpaper, and that specific shade of yellow... well, let's just say I used to Butler, very briefly, for a couple, a long time ago. It didn't end well. They found that the wallpaper was to blame."

He didn't specify how long ago that was. It seemed better not to address the eternities he felt he had lived, but only sparsely remembered for convenient anecdotes.

"Have you felt well, lately?"

[bartlebey]

i was there, remember? (from Charles e pincher)

"I... I don't think... I don't think I do," Bartlebey admitted. "I've been in a bit of a Bartlefog lately. It's like all my memories with you are... like they're happening now, but also back then, but also haven't happened yet."

[thecharliepincher]

“Are you high? I can’t be with you if you’re high. They’ll put a scallion like me away for years if I’m even near a drug.”

[bartlebey]

“I’m high all right, Charlie. But not on drugs. I’m high on a search for answers. Meaning. Who am I? Who are you? Is any of this real?”

Perhaps he had a small Bartletoke, but he figured it would be best not to confess to cosmic Butler drugs at this time.

[thevtbanker]

we've known each other since we were children. (From... Bartlebey?)

“Yes. I fear you know my darkest secret. And yet I know so little about you. Other than of course, the fact that you just sort of spawned one day.”

[bartlebey]

Bartlebey smiled(?) nostalgically. "Yes, my spawning day. Feels like it was only yesterday. But I promise you, Banker, I know as much about you as you do about me. Or perhaps, as much about you as I know about myself. I know that the war between Butler and Banker is one fought by our ancestors, and not by us. Not here, in this realm. In fact, I haven't seen another Butler, or Banker, in this time and place except for us. That makes us more like brothers than enemies, to me."

[divorced-loveyasparagus]

"say it again. louder this time." from your husband xoxo

"You heard me just fine," Lizzie said in an almost purring voice. "We need a good story for the paper, Darling, and we haven't had a new body in so long."

[thearchibaldasparagus]

"Oh, Lizzie, I do love when you talk murder to me." Arthur swoons. "Now, where might we...find...this body?"

[bartlebey]

"Oh, just any dark alley. I don't care who it is. You know I just like it messy." She bit on her lower lip. "You do the planning."